To K or not to K, that is the question. :)

[MOHeather]

Hi all,

 

I have such a hard decision to make regarding my youngest son and I sure could use some advice. My youngest son, Joshua, turns 6 this summer. His birthday is July 20th which is 10 days short of the cut-off date for our local schools. My decision is not what program to place him in. I am already set on using Little Hearts for His Glory for him this upcoming school year. (We did MFW Kindergarten this previous year) My dilemma is whether to place him as a kindergartner or 1st grader for the upcoming year. If I was putting him in school I definitely would have given him that extra year and started K as a 6 year old.

 

If I have him as a 1st grader next year he will always be the youngest and smallest in his class. This doesn't seem like a big deal since we are homeschooling but there are other factors for me to consider. For instance, sports teams, competitions, camps, etc. One of the biggest is his Sunday School class at church (which I taught this past year). He loves his little friends who all were in Kindergarten this year. He pretty much thought he was in Kindergarten this year and I am worried about how he will react if we "hold him back" for Sunday School and he totally has to switch to a new group of kids (although we love those kids, too). I figure if I continue to teach the upcoming Kindergarten class that would help him with the change of friends. Also, he already completed year one of Sparks in our Awana club so it would mean him repeating that year all over again. That's not a real biggie to me, though.

 

When I look at Joshua as an individual I feel like I would be giving him a better set up for success by letting him start Kindergarten as a 6 year old. Also, it would mean having an extra year at home before college. I know that's a long way off, but it's something I have been thinking about. As our youngest son, we've also sort of babied him and he's not as mature as our other boys were at almost 6. That's hard to admit, but it's true.

 

There are two things that are keeping me from having peace about giving him another year for kindergarten:

1. Holding him behind as his church friends move on to first grade. :001_huh:

2. My middle son's birthday is July 14th and we did send him to Kindergarten as a brand new five year old. We were not homeschooling yet, and though I wanted to hold him back we ended up sending him. He has done great academically, but I feel he still struggles at times emotionally. There's part of me that is conveying to Joshua we don't think as highly of him for giving him an extra year. I never want Joshua to think we ever thought less of him because we did Kindergarten a year later than Sam. Oh this is soooo hard.

 

Okay, I layed out my heart to you all. I would really love to hear your advice. Thanks for sharing with me your ideas.

 

Heather

[Ellie]

First grade.

 

I have a July birthday. I've tried to imagine what my school life would have been like to have been that far behind, age-wise, everyone else if I'd been held back a year, and I just can't imagine it as a positive thing, especially not being almost 19 when I graduated.:blink:

 

Your ds turns 6 before the cut-off date. Do first grade.

[Guest Katia]

I know a lot of boys that are 19 when they graduate. It's not really a big deal either way. If you think it's best to have him in K, then put him there. I did that with my youngest dd, and it worked well for her until jr. high, when she was ready to move on, so she did 7th and 8th the same year, and when she started 9th, she was back on track with others her age and she graduated at 18.

 

My older dd did just the opposite. We started her in K when she was 5yo, and when she was supposed to start 9th grade, she just wasn't ready. So, she did a year we called Advanced 8th, before she started 9th, and then she didn't graduate until she was 19.

 

Both are doing just fine in college.

 

Remember, it's homeschool, so you can advance or slow down whenever you need to. What you decided right now, doesn't have to be stuck to like glue. You can be flexible.

[roxanne23]

.

Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23

[Farrar]

We had this as well (my boys have their bday 3 days before the cutoff). If you're intending to homeschool though, I feel like it's pretty academic. File him as 1st grade, let him stick with his age mates for activities unless it's inappropriate for some reason and if he ever ends up in school, you can always re-evaluate the grade level if its really necessary. This was our "first grade" year - but we're actually in two small co-ops - one that's all K'ers and one that's all first graders. The homeschooling world is flexible.

[Mrs Twain]

I know a kid who was held back, and he feels very bad about being a 2nd grader when all the other kids are third graders. Yes, he is at the top of his class in reading and maybe other subjects, but his mom feels bad that she held him back. He is also taller than a lot of the 2nd graders which makes it more obvious that he is older.

 

I think it is important that I try to treat all of my kids the same so that none of them will feel that I like the others better or that I think the others are smarter. Of course that is difficult to do perfectly, but if you put your other son into K at early 5, perhaps you should do the same for the younger. My little brother (the youngest in my family) was always treated as if he was not as smart as his two older sisters, and that had devastating effects on his life, even now though he is 35.

[musicianmom]

I agree with Ellie. Especially since your son already considers himself to be a kindergartner, there really isn't any way to hold him back without him knowing he's being held back. And every other kid in Sunday School and Awanas is going to know he's being held back, too.

[LisaKinVA]

When my oldest was in K... I didn't hold him back. He is now having a "transition year" (as in, repeating 6th grade), because he is just *not ready* for 7th grade. In many ways, he's fine (academically ahead). In other ways, he's just not ready (emotionally/maturity).

 

When he is "alone" with me, I notice it. When he is in groups with all of the kids who are a year older in this grade... it is *extremely* noticeable.

 

When he was "K age" -- he would NOT have been taken into the K program in the local school because of emotional/maturity issues... he would have been the kid suspended for crying. Or talking... or not sitting still... or refusing to write.

 

My "gut" kept telling me he should be "held back." But, I went with what I was told... he'd be in "1st," he's ready for "school." So, I ignored that voice screaming in my head that he should really be in "K," and listed him as 1st grade.

 

If you have doubts, hold him back. It's much easier to do when they are 6 than when they are 11. It is an individual decision. What worked (or didn't work) for someone else is not necessarilly true for your son.

 

My mom (who is 65) to this day wishes her parents HAD held her back a year (she was born 11/24 with a 12/2 cut off. And I (to this day) wish my parents had let me skip a grade (born 12/30 with a 12/2 cut off). But, my mom and I are totally and completely different people, with different personalities and needs. My oldest son is a LOT like my mother. He just needs a little more time to mature.

 

My younger son was born 7/19. I haven't had the same "gut" feelings with him that I had with my 8/27 boy. However, I do have some of those misgivings with my 7/4 daughter.

[wapiti]

First grade.

 

I have a July birthday. I've tried to imagine what my school life would have been like to have been that far behind, age-wise, everyone else if I'd been held back a year, and I just can't imagine it as a positive thing, especially not being almost 19 when I graduated.:blink:

 

Your ds turns 6 before the cut-off date. Do first grade.

:iagree:

[mrs.m]

We did PS for K for my DS who is now 8. He was 2 days before the cut-off. I kept him home and he went when he was 6. But the problem is that most sports put him in with the upper grade because it is by age using the PS cutoff. In K tee-ball he didn't play with his grade level, he was in with the 1st graders. I didn't know that. We are all mixed up too with participation. He is in 3rd grade scouts this year but 2nd grade at church.

 

So I wouldn't bother to hold DS back academically if he is ready to move on.

[mrs.m]

We did PS for K for my DS who is now 8. He was 2 days before the cut-off. I kept him home and he went when he was 6. But the problem is that most sports put him in with the upper grade because it is by age using the PS cutoff. In K tee-ball he didn't play with his grade level, he was in with the 1st graders. I didn't know that. We are all mixed up too with participation. He is in 3rd grade scouts this year but 2nd grade at church.

 

So I wouldn't bother to hold DS back academically if he is ready to move on.

[mrs.m]

triple post. wonky board. :p

Edited April 23, 2011 by jannylynn

[EthiopianFood]

We did PS for K for my DS who is now 8. He was 2 days before the cut-off. I kept him home and he went when he was 6. But the problem is that most sports put him in with the upper grade because it is by age using the PS cutoff. In K tee-ball he didn't play with his grade level, he was in with the 1st graders. I didn't know that. We are all mixed up too with participation. He is in 3rd grade scouts this year but 2nd grade at church.

 

So I wouldn't bother to hold DS back academically if he is ready to move on.

 

:iagree:

 

Also, if he gets along okay with his peers so far, I wouldn't at all assume he is too immature to be ready for 1st.

[Crimson Wife]

With a boy, I'd go with the younger grade for official paperwork and just use whatever level material for which he's academically ready.

 

My two oldest have fall birthdays and the cutoff here is 12/2. My girl was totally ready for K at not-quite-5 and 1st at not-quite-6. My boy I started in K at not-quite-5 because he was reading but he's going to need a "transition" year this coming fall rather than moving on to 1st. Mostly because of fine motor skills and general immaturity. He is bright but doesn't have a lot of patience for formal academics just yet. So while he can handle the material in AAS 2, FLL 1, MEP Yr. 1, etc. I'm having to break the lessons down into very short segments and only a few days per week alternated with more "hands-on" activities and "living books".

[MelanieM]

Because you are considering what might happen if you ever send him to school, you might also consider if you're going to live where you are now for his entire school career. Where I am, the cutoff is Dec 31, so your son would be in the middle of the pack age-wise and being held back a year from his age-mates would be pretty noticible as he gets older, I'd think. (Sorry to add one more thing for you to think about!)

[Joyofsixreboot]

We decided to wait. I don't think more maturity in social situations is a bad thing. That said, you can work on any academic level you want at home. A friend of mine had a son whose birthday was the cut off. She said it didn't matter much in elementary school but by middle school the maturity levels really showed. Just my $.02.

[mom2att]

My boys have mid-August birthdays in a state with a September 1 cut-off. One was ready for K at 5, one was not. It was obvious with the one who needed more time--if he had gone to school they would have definitely had him do K twice, and I know that I will never regret my decision delay his start. With my younger one the jury is still out--he's just finishing up 2nd grade starting "on time" and is doing fine. I'm hopeful that will still be the case when he starts middle school, which is such a big change.

[NanceXToo]

I vote Kindergarten. Definitely. For one, Kindergarten is FUN so why not experience it? For another, I agree that you may be glad for it when they get to later years...

 

My daughter started out in public school with a b-day right ON the cutoff date and I started her instead of waiting that extra year. But I do think now it would have been better if I'd waited. She would have enjoyed that extra year of young childhood more if I'd waited, when we got to where we are now (4th, 5th, 6th grade) I think she'd have gotten a bit more out of our reading and writing assignments if she'd had that extra year to mature, and I still have to face the fact that down the road I might regret her "graduating early" if it's going to mean she wants to leave home and go away to college or something as the youngest kid there.

 

She's starting 6th grade next year and I haven't made a final decision yet, but I have been toying with the idea of spreading 6th grade out over a two year period with her.

 

My son will be starting Kindergarten this September and will then turn 6 in November.

[Doodle]

Doodle's birthday is mid July. I started first grade with him last summer the week he turned 6 years old. We'll officially start 2nd this July the week he turns 7. He had no problems academically with the work. I think that if I'd have tried to do K work with him this past year, it would have been pointless as it would have offered no challenge or new information for him.

[NanceXToo]

Doodle's birthday is mid July. I started first grade with him last summer the week he turned 6 years old. We'll officially start 2nd this July the week he turns 7. He had no problems academically with the work. I think that if I'd have tried to do K work with him this past year, it would have been pointless as it would have offered no challenge or new information for him.

 

See, from my perspective, even if K doesn't offer a lot of new information, it can be just kind of for fun before moving on to more formal or challenging stuff.

 

And while I do think that there wouldn't be academic problems necessarily in second or third grade, I think it is POSSIBLE that when you get to later elementary and middle school that you might find that the types of assignments they have to do, particularly reading and writing, might be easier grasped, and have more gotten out of them in regard to understanding and so on, if they were that extra year older.

 

Just some food for thought, you'll of course do whatever you think will work out best for your child and will make it work out in the end either way. :)

[Dmmetler]

I've found that most activities place by age unless I explicitly tell them DD is a 1st grader, so while she's a 1st grader on paper, she's with the kindergartners for sports. The only exception was when I let her play on her former school's soccer team last year, as a 1st grader-and that was a bad enough experience to tell me that I was better off simply stating that she was homeschooled and giving her birthdate, and letting them place her with the kinders-which makes her at the older end of the age group instead of the youngest.

 

For academic classes...well, the whole reason for homeschooling is that she's very asynchronous, so they're not going to be a good fit at her grade level, her age, and depending on the class, maybe not at her cognitive level, either.

[LisaKinVA]

I just want to re-emphasize something... academic acheivement should not determine "grade level." If I did that, my 3rd grader would be in the 6th grade!! And, she is in no way a 6th grader...

 

You should meet the child where they are academically, ahead-behind-average ... regardless of a grade level based upon cut-off dates. It is *very* easy to justify putting a child who is "ahead" academically into a higher grade level when they are young (or, like my oldest, going ahead and placing him into 1st, even though I had STRONG doubts about other non-academic issues).

 

When your new 6yo is reading 3 grade levels ahead, doing math 2 levels ahead, they seem so much further ahead than their peers academically, that it's easy to say, "they are ready."

 

But, there is a *huge* difference between the type of expected work for a 6yo capable of 3rd grade work vs. that same child a few years later.

 

The non-academic issues start rearing their ugly head in late 5th grade... when the expected work ability/thought output begins to really change. Throw in puberty and pre-puberty issues on top of their already lower-maturity level, highly sensitive, emotional nature... and your formerly academically advanced child is struggling to understand the depth of thought for higher literature, comparing/contrasting historical events, and math is now taking twice as long to slog through. He breaks down in tears of frustration, and you spend your days pulling him through his assignments. By the time you finally admit there is a real problem, and your son needs more time, you're half-way through the 6th grade, your son is much more aware of the social implications, and you feel like kicking yourself for ignoring the "signs" for so long.

 

Going along "because everyone else" or "his friends will be in 1st" or whatever other social pressure you are feeling will not erase any of the issues/problems YOU may be keenly aware of.

 

So, put aside any academic "readiness" -- and look at your son in totality. Reading and math skills that are "at grade level, or ahead" will not make up for emotional/social/maturity issues that are a bit "behind." Children mature at rates that may be substantially different than academic readiness.

[kitten18]

When my oldest was in K... I didn't hold him back. He is now having a "transition year" (as in, repeating 6th grade), because he is just *not ready* for 7th grade. In many ways, he's fine (academically ahead). In other ways, he's just not ready (emotionally/maturity).

 

When he is "alone" with me, I notice it. When he is in groups with all of the kids who are a year older in this grade... it is *extremely* noticeable.

 

When he was "K age" -- he would NOT have been taken into the K program in the local school because of emotional/maturity issues... he would have been the kid suspended for crying. Or talking... or not sitting still... or refusing to write.

 

My "gut" kept telling me he should be "held back." But, I went with what I was told... he'd be in "1st," he's ready for "school." So, I ignored that voice screaming in my head that he should really be in "K," and listed him as 1st grade.

 

If you have doubts, hold him back. It's much easier to do when they are 6 than when they are 11. It is an individual decision. What worked (or didn't work) for someone else is not necessarilly true for your son.

 

My mom (who is 65) to this day wishes her parents HAD held her back a year (she was born 11/24 with a 12/2 cut off. And I (to this day) wish my parents had let me skip a grade (born 12/30 with a 12/2 cut off). But, my mom and I are totally and completely different people, with different personalities and needs. My oldest son is a LOT like my mother. He just needs a little more time to mature.

 

My younger son was born 7/19. I haven't had the same "gut" feelings with him that I had with my 8/27 boy. However, I do have some of those misgivings with my 7/4 daughter.

 

I just want to re-emphasize something... academic acheivement should not determine "grade level." If I did that, my 3rd grader would be in the 6th grade!! And, she is in no way a 6th grader...

 

You should meet the child where they are academically, ahead-behind-average ... regardless of a grade level based upon cut-off dates. It is *very* easy to justify putting a child who is "ahead" academically into a higher grade level when they are young (or, like my oldest, going ahead and placing him into 1st, even though I had STRONG doubts about other non-academic issues).

 

When your new 6yo is reading 3 grade levels ahead, doing math 2 levels ahead, they seem so much further ahead than their peers academically, that it's easy to say, "they are ready."

 

But, there is a *huge* difference between the type of expected work for a 6yo capable of 3rd grade work vs. that same child a few years later.

 

The non-academic issues start rearing their ugly head in late 5th grade... when the expected work ability/thought output begins to really change. Throw in puberty and pre-puberty issues on top of their already lower-maturity level, highly sensitive, emotional nature... and your formerly academically advanced child is struggling to understand the depth of thought for higher literature, comparing/contrasting historical events, and math is now taking twice as long to slog through. He breaks down in tears of frustration, and you spend your days pulling him through his assignments. By the time you finally admit there is a real problem, and your son needs more time, you're half-way through the 6th grade, your son is much more aware of the social implications, and you feel like kicking yourself for ignoring the "signs" for so long.

 

Going along "because everyone else" or "his friends will be in 1st" or whatever other social pressure you are feeling will not erase any of the issues/problems YOU may be keenly aware of.

 

So, put aside any academic "readiness" -- and look at your son in totality. Reading and math skills that are "at grade level, or ahead" will not make up for emotional/social/maturity issues that are a bit "behind." Children mature at rates that may be substantially different than academic readiness.

:iagree: Very wise posts.

 

I taught middle school. By the end of the first class, I could tell you who were the youngest boys in the class. The difference in maturity becomes very obvious by that age. That applies to other things as well, church activities, sports, and the ability to handle peer pressure.

[SonshineLearner]

Quite honestly, I was in your same position :) My son's bd is July, and I put him as a "registered 1st grader" but kept him with his peer group. As time goes on, we'll decide how we move academically. Of course, he schools at whatever level he's at... but he'll test a year behind what his "grade" based on age will be...

;)

[RoundAbout]

With a boy, I'd go with the younger grade for official paperwork and just use whatever level material for which he's academically ready.

 

 

 

My son was born a few days after the cut-off so if we were doing public school he would start in 2012 as an older K'er. I think this is to his advantage, though I'm sure there will be plenty of kids older than him who will have been held back an extra year.

 

I plan to use state guidelines for determining "official" grade level to make things easier for us if we ever have to transition to PS but we will of course work at his level at home.