Follow Up: Last night was my niece's Graduation Recital..........

[MariannNOVA]

drove to nyc. The kids looked fabulous -- they were SO excited, and they looked so nice.

 

We DID join everyone for the dinner that my sister was hosting -- there were folks there that I haven't seen in years and it's so nice to see people for a happy occasion that DH and I decided we would go to dinner and then dessert after dn's recital.

 

A little history: my niece invited me. I accepted not knowing that my sister had actually planned a dinner and dessert event and had sent invites, BUT not to me as clearly I was not invited. Which is kind of mean because, well, it just is. There's never been any blow up or argument between us -- we 'appear' to get along just fine -- she just 'shuns' me and my family. Her dh doesn't, her daughters don't -- she does.

 

I ordered an appetizer for my entree b/c I had received an email asking me to please instruct my children and my husbands that the restaurant was $$$$$$$ and if we could share and/or order off the appetizer menu, that would be helpful. My kids shared a plane entree of pasta with butter, dh and I shared an appetizer. Apparently we were the only ones told to do that because everyone else ordered appetizers AND and entree AND dessert. The total tab (b/c I was eavesdropping) was over $4k. I don't feel too badly though, I ordered an $18. drink fron the bar. :cheers2:

I LOVED seeing my niece and she was so thrilled that we were all there. Her recital was phenomenol. She performed in French, Italian, German and English. I can see how her voice has developed over the years.

 

My niece and her friends and my three dc had the most fabulous time at the restaurant and at the recital. It was great for my ds to meet and spend time with young adults who have a dream and are working towards it.

 

Right now we are at my sister's house (we spent the night - my sister and her family stayed in the city at a hotel and my mom wanted to come to her own house to sleep so we stayed here). We will be leaving shortly for home -- tomorrow is DD12's Odyssey of the Mind State Competition.

 

I am thrilled that attended -- it meant so much to my niece. It was such fun to see how the kids were so excited to see Lincoln Center and so many landmarks.

 

On our way home now -- I am glad that we went. The kids and my niece had such a great visit. It was very generous of my sister and her dh to host such a lovely dinner and dessert. I visited with so many people that I enjoyed seeing.

 

Wishing everyone a great weekend.:)

 

PS -- and to anyone who is wondering, my brother in law was wonderful as usual and we had a great visit. My sister didn't say but 6 words to me - smiley, friendly, but at one point in the evening, the only empty seat was next to me, and she went and sat in a totally different part of the recital hall. :sad: But anything more would have shocked me.

Edited April 16, 2011 by MariannNOVA

[Ottakee]

Glad you could go for your niece and your kids.

[Veritaserum]

I'm sorry your sister avoided you, but the rest sounds wonderful. :) Most of my siblings have music degrees. End-of-year/end-of-program recitals are exciting. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm so glad that you had such a lovely time and were able to add to your niece's enjoyment of such a wonderful day. Sure, the dynamics between you and your sister didn't magically go away, but at least it didn't blow up into something ugly to ruin your time or that of the rest of the family's. :party:

[unsinkable]

That's awesome...except for your sister.

 

I am glad everything else eclipsed her though.

[Impish]

:grouphug:

[Hedgehog]

I'm glad you had a nice time, Mariann - sounds like a great evening!

 

Your sister - meh. At least there's only one of her! :grouphug:

[susancollins]

Mariann,

I am sorry about your sister! I am glad you got to see your niece and have a good time.

[MariannNOVA]

I'm glad you had a nice time, Mariann - sounds like a great evening!

 

Your sister - meh. At least there's only one of her! :grouphug:

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[Impish]

*ahem*

 

I do believe that Mariann adopted two sisters recently.

 

*ahem*

:D

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I am glad it went well. Good luck at OM!

[Alicia64]

I missed you on here and wondered where you were!

 

Alley

[MariannNOVA]

*ahem*

 

I do believe that Mariann adopted two sisters recently.

 

*ahem*

:D

 

You and Denise missed a fabulous dinner at an amazing restaurant in Lincoln Center. I'm sure you two weren't invited either -- so you should have shown up -- with dh and kids! :lol::lol::lol:

 

I ordered an appetizer for my entree b/c I had received an email asking me to please instruct my children and my husband that the restaurant was $$$$$$$ and if we could share and/or order off the appetizer menu, that would be helpful. My kids shared a plain entree of pasta with butter, dh and I shared an appetizer. Apparently we were the only ones told to do that because everyone else ordered appetizers AND and entree AND dessert. The total tab (b/c I was eavesdropping) was over $4k. I don't feel too badly though, I ordered an $18. drink fron the bar. :cheers2:

 

Tell Denise that WE had a great time.;)

 

ETA: WHAT TYPOS!!!!!

Edited April 16, 2011 by MariannNOVA

[MariannNOVA]

I am glad it went well. Good luck at OM!

 

 

Thank you - :grouphug:

 

DH just left with dd12 who has to be there at 7:30am. I will be leaving with the twins shortly.

[Denisemomof4]

Mariann, your sister IS the problem, NOT you. You have risen above her and acted so gracious even while she was mean and tacky towards you. She clearly has an issue with you. Is she jealous of you? It sounds like perhaps she is. You left your career behind to raise your kids. Could this be it? There most definitely is something going on with her. I think it's ridiculous that everyone feasted while your kids shared buttered pasta and you had an appetizer. How tacky for her to even suggest it.

 

I was my sister's doormat until I turned 35. I finally put up boundaries with her. I have a peaceful life now, but unfortunately it's a life that doesn't include her. I'm not saying this is the right choice for you, but I am saying that you shouldn't allow her to sway or bully you in any way at all. She's ridiculous with you and I really don't think you should allow it.

 

That all aside, the thing that REALLY matters is that your family and your NIECE all had a lovely time.

[Impish]

:iagree:with Denise.

 

Oh, and check your answering machine sometime :tongue_smilie:

[MariannNOVA]

Mariann, your sister IS the problem, NOT you. You have risen above her and acted so gracious even while she was mean and tacky towards you. She clearly has an issue with you. Is she jealous of you? It sounds like perhaps she is. You left your career behind to raise your kids. Could this be it? There most definitely is something going on with her. I think it's ridiculous that everyone feasted while your kids shared buttered pasta and you had an appetizer. How tacky for her to even suggest it.

 

I was my sister's doormat until I turned 35. I finally put up boundaries with her. I have a peaceful life now, but unfortunately it's a life that doesn't include her. I'm not saying this is the right choice for you, but I am saying that you shouldn't allow her to sway or bully you in any way at all. She's ridiculous with you and I really don't think you should allow it.

 

That all aside, the thing that REALLY matters is that your family and your NIECE all had a lovely time.

 

YOU are so nice! And you are right. When she emailed me about ordering off the appetizer menu and sharing, I offered to pay for our meals and she said no, absolutely not. And she made a joke about it. So, I told DH that we needed to order off the appetizer OR share something and the kids too.

 

When everyone was ordering, our family was the last to order and I was paying attention to what everyone was ordering and I realized that EVERYONE was ordering an appy and an entree. I figured that I was the only who had received the email, and I wasn't really surprised. We ordered appropriately, and then I decided screw it - and I ordered the $$$ drink off the bar menu.;)

 

Afterwards, when we went back for dessert (my mom wanted to go and we were driving her home so we went) dh and I had coffee and everyone had after-dinner liquers and dessert. The desserts were as $$$ as the appetizers.

 

I'm glad that she can not ever say that my family ordered meals that were more expensive than anyone elses. In fact, I am so tired of making sure that she cannot say anything about me, I basically avoid her.

 

Yes, she has an issue with the fact that I gave up going to law school b/c I wanted to stay home with my kids. I also was nanny to her oldest (the niece who graduated) for three years -- and nanny to her 2nd oldest.

 

It's not okay (usually my response is: it's okay) - but my dealing with it has become my avoiding her. When we do go to NJ to visit, it is to visit my daughter Stacey and we drive right past her street and go thirty minutes longer to Stacey's house. When she invites us, and that is only if everyone else in heaven and hell has turned down her invite, I say no.

 

It's too bad, but she has made it this way.

 

You are sweet.

[Merry]

I bet your children are proud of their mama.

[Hedgehog]

You're my role model in rising above pettiness and injustice...

I bet your children are proud of their mama.

 

:iagree: Mariann: I wish you were MY sister. No mompetition with you!

[MariannNOVA]

I bet your children are proud of their mama.

 

:iagree: Mariann: I wish you were MY sister. No mompetition with you!

 

:crying: OMH -- you are so nice. I sat there on Thursday night watching my niece and the thought crossed my mind that neither of my older girls had ever achieved anything near to what my niece has. Then I chased the thought away -- but it WAS there.

 

Thank you both so much!:grouphug:

[MariannNOVA]

:iagree:with Denise.

 

Oh, and check your answering machine sometime :tongue_smilie:

 

:blush5: OOPS! I will - I am a 'serial voice mail ignorer.' I'm sorry. I will check.:grouphug:

[LibraryLover]

It's always best to take the high road. :001_smile:

[MariannNOVA]

It's always best to take the high road. :001_smile:

 

:iagree: And I meet the nicest people on that road!;)

[JVA]

Mariann, your sister IS the problem, NOT you. You have risen above her and acted so gracious even while she was mean and tacky towards you. She clearly has an issue with you. Is she jealous of you? It sounds like perhaps she is. You left your career behind to raise your kids. Could this be it? There most definitely is something going on with her. I think it's ridiculous that everyone feasted while your kids shared buttered pasta and you had an appetizer. How tacky for her to even suggest it.

 

I was my sister's doormat until I turned 35. I finally put up boundaries with her. I have a peaceful life now, but unfortunately it's a life that doesn't include her. I'm not saying this is the right choice for you, but I am saying that you shouldn't allow her to sway or bully you in any way at all. She's ridiculous with you and I really don't think you should allow it.

 

That all aside, the thing that REALLY matters is that your family and your NIECE all had a lovely time.

 

 

We've had to put up boundaries with some family, too. Unfortunately, there's a person on EACH side...but, things more peaceful and now they know that they can't walk on us. You showed that you took the high road, Marianne, and are a lovely example for me. :grouphug:

[MariannNOVA]

We've had to put up boundaries with some family, too. Unfortunately, there's a person on EACH side...but, things more peaceful and now they know that they can't walk on us. You showed that you took the high road, Marianne, and are a lovely example for me. :grouphug:

 

 

What a kind, kind, thing to say. Thank you. The kind words and wonderful thoughts I have received from folks here have truly made my heart not hurt quite so much.

 

When I sat in the recital hall thursday night before my niece began her recital, and my sister saw that the seat that her 9 year old dd and my 10 year old dd had saved for her was next to me, and she told them she preferred to find another seat, I had to hold back the tears. If you offered me a million $$$ I would still be unable to come up with any reason why she would treat me that way. And, my mom was sitting right there and didn't say a word (which is fine - I wouldn't expect her to).

 

So, to all of you here, thank you.:grouphug:

 

Now, back to cleaning, tossing, packing, and getting ready for Passover and ready to move -- house goes on the market in 10 days.

[AuntieM]

Mariann, I want to send you a dozen huggy icons but I'm typing on my phone and will goof up this message some other way if I try that, so just know they are flying on their way to you.

 

I believe that every time your sister sees you and your beautiful children, it's a wordless, painful reminder of the life she gave up in exchange for the life she chose. While you feel her judgement of you, she probably fears the judgement of others regarding her choice. So she puts on a big show and commands the controlling interest in your mother's life. In this event, she is likely painfully aware of the hours of quality time she gave over to you as nanny to her daughter. Perhaps deep down she fears that her dd has a more significant bond to you than to her biological mother. It is very sad. In no way am I attempting to excuse her heinous behavior, just trying to make some sense of it.

 

BRAVA! to your niece. BRAVA! to your sweet daughters for saving their prickly aunt a seat. BRAVA! to you, you are a class act.

 

PS I think our houses are going on the market the same day - Aprip 27? I'll pray yours sells fast, you pray mine sells fast. That way we can cheer each other on!

 

h

What a kind, kind, thing to say. Thank you. The kind words and wonderful thoughts I have received from folks here have truly made my heart not hurt quite so much.

 

When I sat in the recital hall thursday night before my niece began her recital, and my sister saw that the seat that her 9 year old dd and my 10 year old dd had saved for her was next to me, and she told them she preferred to find another seat, I had to hold back the tears. If you offered me a million $$$ I would still be unable to come up with any reason why she would treat me that way. And, my mom was sitting right there and didn't say a word (which is fine - I wouldn't expect her to).

 

So, to all of you here, thank you.:grouphug:

 

Now, back to cleaning, tossing, packing, and getting ready for Passover and ready to move -- house goes on the market in 10 days.

[MariannNOVA]

Mariann, I want to send you a dozen huggy icons but I'm typing on my phone and will goof up this message some other way if I try that, so just know they are flying on their way to you.

 

I believe that every time your sister sees you and your beautiful children, it's a wordless, painful reminder of the life she gave up in exchange for the life she chose. While you feel her judgement of you, she probably fears the judgement of others regarding her choice. So she puts on a big show and commands the controlling interest in your mother's life. In this event, she is likely painfully aware of the hours of quality time she gave over to you as nanny to her daughter. Perhaps deep down she fears that her dd has a more significant bond to you than to her biological mother. It is very sad. In no way am I attempting to excuse her heinous behavior, just trying to make some sense of it.

 

BRAVA! to your niece. BRAVA! to your sweet daughters for saving their prickly aunt a seat. BRAVA! to you, you are a class act.

 

PS I think our houses are going on the market the same day - Aprip 27? I'll pray yours sells fast, you pray mine sells fast. That way we can cheer each other on!

 

h

 

Taking a break from cleaning and packing -- :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

OMH -- we are going on the 29th -- two days later. That's why I am at it like a fiend. There are still some major projects that people have to show up and do (countertops, lower level berber, landscaping) -- and I am going nuts trying to pack and clean as if we were moving out tomorrow.

 

We can encourage each other, ok? And pray that we sell the first weekend!:grouphug: