fairfarmhand Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 My oldest dd makes me crazy. She'll do or say something hateful or smart alecy and then go, "I didn't know that was smart alec..." For instance....today I was trying to help her with her math. It was not going well because she'd already decided it was dumb and mom was stupid too. I said, "Ok, what is the next problem?" dd: "the next one." me: "Which would be..." dd: "17." I handed her the marker board and said "Ok. Write number 17 on the marker board." I handed her the markerboard, pen and the math book. She wrote this on the marker board. "17" and that was all. At this point I stood up, said. "Ok. I'm done. When dad get's home, get his help because I am through with this." She has been in a fizz for the last 45 minutes ranting that " I did what you told me." "I didn't know it was smart alec to do that." "Your being unfair. All I want is help with my math." Finally I sent her to her room for 2 hours. Now I am punishing her for no reason. I just ate a hershey's bar. I think I need to go for a jog or something. :banghead::banghead::banghead: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 OOHHH, my ds10, soon to be 11, does similar. Yesterday I was ready to move out! When my dh came home, he got an earful because nothing I was doing was working. To make it worse when I point out that I don't like the way ds is talking or acting his response is something similar to, "But mom, didn't you know I was just kidding?" or "Mom, I was just messin' with you!" Um, when you answer every thing I say in that manner you are being rude, not messing with me. I was so mad in the grocery store that I actually made him give me 10 push-ups in the dairy aisle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danybug Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 My ds does not technically do anything deliberate like that, but when he says rude or disrespectful things he will immediately say "oh I was just joking" when he sees I am going to be upset about it. Drives me crazy! :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danybug Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 OOHHH, my ds10, soon to be 11, does similar. Yesterday I was ready to move out! When my dh came home, he got an earful because nothing I was doing was working. To make it worse when I point out that I don't like the way ds is talking or acting his response is something similar to, "But mom, didn't you know I was just kidding?" or "Mom, I was just messin' with you!" Um, when you answer every thing I say in that manner you are being rude, not messing with me. I was so mad in the grocery store that I actually made him give me 10 push-ups in the dairy aisle. Totally my situation! I was posting the same time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 OOHHH, my ds10, soon to be 11, does similar. Yesterday I was ready to move out! When my dh came home, he got an earful because nothing I was doing was working. To make it worse when I point out that I don't like the way ds is talking or acting his response is something similar to, "But mom, didn't you know I was just kidding?" or "Mom, I was just messin' with you!" Um, when you answer every thing I say in that manner you are being rude, not messing with me. I was so mad in the grocery store that I actually made him give me 10 push-ups in the dairy aisle. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2_girls_mommy Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I don't even want to think about the teenage years and hormones. My 8 yr old has been doing this stuff since about birth. Top it off with when I call her on it, or send her to her room she is still young enough to scream and cry and throw a tantrum. The teen years will be awesome here I am sure :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" those are the questions dh asks the kids when they are getting sassy :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 I do have to know though.... Do you all consider what my dd did as smart alec? She is so convincing sometimes that I doubt myself... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Yes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 My oldest dd makes me crazy. She'll do or say something hateful or smart alecy and then go, "I didn't know that was smart alec..." For instance....today I was trying to help her with her math. It was not going well because she'd already decided it was dumb and mom was stupid too. I said, "Ok, what is the next problem?" dd: "the next one." me: "Which would be..." dd: "17." I handed her the marker board and said "Ok. Write number 17 on the marker board." I handed her the markerboard, pen and the math book. She wrote this on the marker board. "17" and that was all. At this point I stood up, said. "Ok. I'm done. When dad get's home, get his help because I am through with this." She has been in a fizz for the last 45 minutes ranting that " I did what you told me." "I didn't know it was smart alec to do that." "Your being unfair. All I want is help with my math." Finally I sent her to her room for 2 hours. Now I am punishing her for no reason. I just ate a hershey's bar. I think I need to go for a jog or something. :banghead::banghead::banghead: Oh, yeah, all of the time. It sounds to me that she was having a genuine brain fog moment though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary in VA Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I would always ask if them if they would try the same thing with one of their teachers at their co-op classes. Of course they wouldn't, so of course it is smart alec! :grouphug: Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I give it right back to them a couple hours later. When they look hurt or say Mom that wasn't nice, I say Oh really? It is exactly what you said/did to me earlier. Not so nice to be on the receiving end is it? :D You can see the light bulb go on when I do this. Doesn't always stop it all but it helps mine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 The tricky thing is, a kid that age is just as prone to brain farts as she is to smart-aleck remarks. She really might have thought you meant "write #17," but that is hard for you to believe in the moment because it was just so obvious what you wanted and she has been a smart-aleck lately. Or is that just how it goes at my house :001_huh: So she has to work on respect and you have to work on grace. (As I often tell myself.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 The tricky thing is, a kid that age is just as prone to brain farts as she is to smart-aleck remarks. She really might have thought you meant "write #17," but that is hard for you to believe in the moment because it was just so obvious what you wanted and she has been a smart-aleck lately. Or is that just how it goes at my house :001_huh: So she has to work on respect and you have to work on grace. (As I often tell myself.) I might be willing to give some grace if this type of thing had not happened several times during that work session. At the time she was lying on her back, didn't want to get up to even look at the book. I finally figured that I cared way more than she did. So she can take it up with "the principal" which happens seldom enough that I think she's a bit worried about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Not like that, but ds will say something smart-alecky, then say "Just kidding!" He thinks because he's so cute he can get away with anything with me. Sometimes, because he is cute and because I just don't have the energy, he does. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narrow4life Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 thankfully this sort of thing has come up during discussions at our house before it became an issue. So, we have some grounding in case it ever starts to happen. If it does happen, I'll start with questions and try to get an understanding from their point of view and then work to change it. For example: (of course, words and tones have a lot of meaning that can be hard to capture with just text.) q: 'Did you write the number 17 because you thought that is what I wanted or because you were just trying to be funny?'. a1: 'uh, you said write 17 so that is what I did' - to me, if they were trying to be smart alec or not at this point, their words/expression would be enough to tell me they are being rude/disrespectful so time for discipline. a2: 'I thought it was what you wanted. That is what you told me to do' q: 'ok, I believe you and appreciate your obedience. Can you think of what else I could have meant?' a1: 'no' - then it would be time to add some critical thinking / reasoning books and assignments to their coursework. a2: 'I guess you could have wanted me to write out the problem given for number 17' 'yes, good thinking. Just like when I ask you to clear the table, I do not mean to just swipe everything off onto the floor, but to put things away where they belong and wash the table. So, it would help me to help you if you put more effort and thought into this as we go on'. ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Well by all means, don't feel alone. Ds11 is a master at this. I could have written your post word for word. It takes sooo much energy to deal with him most days. I get the idea it is his way of seeking control, but I sure don't know what to do about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawana Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I do have to know though.... Do you all consider what my dd did as smart alec? She is so convincing sometimes that I doubt myself... Absolutely smart alec. Did it because she thought she could get away with it. But to be sure, does she ever do that to others, or is this "special for Mom" behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 Absolutely smart alec. Did it because she thought she could get away with it. But to be sure, does she ever do that to others, or is this "special for Mom" behavior. she does this to my dh and I. Aren't we special.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 When my kids act like that, I say, "If you are not going to help me help you, you're on your own." Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I finally figured that I cared way more than she did. I had to figure that out with my dd16. I had to stop caring more than she did. :D Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 OOOhhh!! My 10yr DD does EXACTLY what you described. It infuriates me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I might be willing to give some grace if this type of thing had not happened several times during that work session. At the time she was lying on her back, didn't want to get up to even look at the book.It is sooooo hard to know if your kid is genuinely disrespectful in a situation like this. There are times when Emily will act this way and she will end up sick... or she is acting that way (with the lying down and such) due to a headache or genuinely tired and so as a result makes stupid mistakes. But... if they are in school with a teacher that is not their mom it is not acceptable... ever. you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I think it's disrespectful and smarty. My dd would (she doesn't do it much anymore) pout, and then act like she wasn't. I told her I knew what she was doing and wouldn't put up with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Classical Country Mama Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" those are the questions dh asks the kids when they are getting sassy :D This is beautiful, and I am going to begin putting these questions to my own dear, sweet, smart-mouthed 6 y.o. princess immediately. I'm also thinking a large banner. Would a sky-writing plane be too much? Tattoo? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 110% absolutely smart-alecky. My DS(8) does this CONSTANTLY. I swear, that child's not going to make it to 9. I recommend wine. Lots and lots of wine. And chocolate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I do have to know though.... Do you all consider what my dd did as smart alec? She is so convincing sometimes that I doubt myself... No. I am very literal, and it took me a minute to figure out what the problem was. :confused: I would have written 17 too, because that's what I thought you wanted. I know people think I'm sometimes being obstinate or obnoxious, but the truth is I often don't "get" hints or nuances. It certainly isn't deliberate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 My ds12 gets mouthy like that from time to time. I warn him once, and only once. Beyond that, I figure that if he wants to pretend that he doesn't know what I am referring to when I tell him to quit being sassy, then being grounded for the remainder of the day will give him time to figure it out! Works like a charm. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessieC Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I do have to know though.... Do you all consider what my dd did as smart alec? She is so convincing sometimes that I doubt myself... I really can't tell from the description. She may have just been not thinking, I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 No. I am very literal, and it took me a minute to figure out what the problem was. :confused: I would have written 17 too, because that's what I thought you wanted. Me too. That was why I said it could be a brain fog moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyofthree Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 What was her tone of voice and body language? These two things normally gives a smart alec away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 17, 2011 Author Share Posted February 17, 2011 What was her tone of voice and body language? These two things normally gives a smart alec away. yep. this was what tipped me off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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