Depression or Sadness in my 8 yo ds

[Scarlett]

Please talk me down here. In the last week my son has expressed sadness to me. He even used the word depression. Twice it was bedtime and he said he just felt depressed and didn't know why. I told him he probably just didn't feel well and chalked it up to that.

 

Today he wanted me to keep pushing him on the swing so that he could jump out. I made him stop to come do school--which we did on the patio btw. I had made him a sandwich and he ate about half of it and then just looked all weepy and started sobbing. He said he didn't want to grow up and he didn't want to leave me and a bunch of stuff along those lines. We came in and laid on the sofa together and he sobbed and cried for another 20 minutes about how he missed me carrying him and pushing him on the swing and doing 'little' school work....and how he didn't want to grow up. I just loved on him and said what I could to comfort him, but honestly a pit of fear is starting to develop in my gut. Is this normal? Is this just a normal manifestation of an overall dramatic kid or is it something to be concerned about?

 

He is fine now. We finished school and he is out doing yard work for extra money to go on a trip in 2 weeks. I just want someone to tell me it will be all right.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

I have several friends who are struggling with this right now. Their kids are older but depression can hit younger kids too. Please get professional help - at least to help you differentiate between normal sadness and depression.

[JFSinIL]

I second Heather - find a doctor who will listen to you, and not dismiss your concerns. One of my kids went through this at about 9 - 11 yrs old, and needed a mild anti-depressive (Celexa) to help him cope.

[Old Dominion Heather]

Hmmm

 

My ds8 had a virus earlier in the week but also had a major cry over some anxiety issues... football, new baby coming, growing up. It might be pretty normal for an emotional kid... my ds is very emotional. I would mention it to the doctor if it becomes a trend, otherwise, I don't think I would freak out too much. I had decided that I would take my ds in to the doc if he had another day like the one earlier in the week, but after a long talk with mommy he is feeling better.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

This is one of my worst nightmares because my family has a history of depression and I have had two bouts with it myself. I think I was depressed as a child but would never have been diagnosed with it in those days.

 

I have a niece who I believe suffers from depression but the parents seem to be oblivious to it. Another family member is a psychiatrist (specializing in geriatric depression which is also becoming more common). During our many discussions about this, she's told me that one of the reasons it's important to deal with it early is that each cycle of depression makes it more likely that it will reoccur.

 

Sorry, I know this isn't what you wanted to hear.

 

My heart just breaks for moms and kids going through this.

[sdWTMer]

I would ask my dh to get to the bottom of it. Men just have a different perspective sometimes.

[genie]

Please take him seriously if he says he feels depressed. Sure, it could just be dramatics, or from some pharmaceutical commercial on tv, but is that a chance worth taking? Let a professional decide. Maybe he just needs to find a good therapist to talk him through these things, but it sounds like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Some of our little ones feel things so intensely, so deeply, that it can simply be overwhelming for them.

[Scarlett]

Another thing he mentioned is that he didn't want to grow up because his dog would be dead by the time he gets grown. He is a very happy child and this sadness is just not him. Dramatics---yes---sadness---no.

 

I have a brother who was diagnosed with Bi-polar about 1 1/2 years ago. So I know that is why I am so sensitive to this situation. I'm afraid to even mention it to my mom. I don't know what she would say, but I'm afraid. She is VERY against drugs for kids and even most grown ups...and honestly it makes me sick to think he might need a med.

 

He is very very bright...I don't know if he is gifted. But I know bright kids often feel things more intensely, but is that reason enough to call it depression? Rambling out loud, thanks for your thoughts.

 

Oh and my brother claims he remembers feeling suicidal as a child. Wishing the earth would swallow him up. I have doubted that memory since he has been on so many drugs (legal and otherwise), but I guess it is possible.

 

Ds also expressed how his almost 11 year old friend was making fun of him for playing with his build a Bear....seems like a bunch of stuff was bothering him and maybe he just needed to get it out. Maybe he just wanted mom to push him on the swing.

[Alenee]

I felt keenly aware of everyone else's feelings and emotions. I was stricken with great amounts of anxiety. I'm super sensitive to it in that way as I watch the girls grow.

 

Having said that, I would wait before taking your son to the doc only because it sounds like this is the first time. If it continues on a regular basis, then definitely go. My 9yo dd does this sometimes. I think they go through spurts of realizing they're getting older and the weight of that it sometimes hard to bear. More responsibility is always one to get my dd crying. I think you mentioned that he cried about not doing "little" work anymore.

 

Again, I'm not trying to make light of it but if this is the first time, then I'd wait. The doctor will need some kind of history before making a diagnosis if he/she is a good doc.

[Plucky]

Take him to the doctor. I just took my son to his first child psychologist visit today. Some people are just wired differently and tend towards depression and anxiety. He may just need to see someone and get some cognitive/behavioral therapy. They don't usually prescribe medication at this age.

[Plucky]

If it's the first time I'd wait, too. But I thought Scarlett has had some concerns for a while. Am I wrong, Scarlett?

[Scarlett]

If it's the first time I'd wait, too. But I thought Scarlett has had some concerns for a while. Am I wrong, Scarlett?

 

He just mentioned the 'depression' about a week ago....today was the first crying jag and all the drama about growing up. I do NOT want to put him on meds....but I might take him to the doctor for other kind of therapy.

 

I think I will just watch him for a while.

 

True Blue, what prompted you to take your dc?

[Mamaw]

When my children express feelings like that (I don't want to grow up, or ever move away) I explain to them that we don't want what we are not ready for.

 

Does an infant long to take a gymnastics course? Does a toddler dream of becoming a CPA? Just like right now, he doesn't want to eat baby food anymore, or drink bottles or nurse...., and at one time, that was perfect for him, and he actually liked it. Just the same, he can't possibly know what he will want down the road. We change as we grow....

 

What he can have control over is being content today. Try thinking of all the things we can be thankful for. And then get an ice cream cone, and move on. I think dwelling on worry or sadness breeds worry and sadness.

 

IF this is something that is reoccurring, or he is just generally a sad child overall, and it isn't something you think he can shake, then I would call a pediatrician.

 

Hope that helps!

[Scarlett]

When my children express feelings like that (I don't want to grow up, or ever move away) I explain to them that we don't want what we are not ready for.

 

What he can have control over is being content today. Try thinking of all the things we can be thankful for. And then get an ice cream cone, and move on. I think dwelling on worry or sadness breeds worry and sadness.

 

Hope that helps!

 

This does help. Thanks. And of course I will watch him and will take him in if I think this is a real problem...but after he calmed down he was doing his math and asked if he could use a calculator. I said yes...first time this year. He was soooo excited. I said, 'well, that looks like one thing that is good about growing up!' He beamed and said, 'yep!' So maybe he is just in a mood.

 

I think too much screen time makes this worse. And my brother was a major tv junkie. Still is. My mom took the tv out of the house from the time my brother was abot age 8 to 13.

[Stacy in NJ]

Yep. I would think about duration and frequency. I don't think a case of the afternoon blues qualifies as depression. If he's despondent frequently, for more than just an hour or so, I would seek help.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

When my children express feelings like that (I don't want to grow up, or ever move away) I explain to them that we don't want what we are not ready for.

 

Does an infant long to take a gymnastics course? Does a toddler dream of becoming a CPA? Just like right now, he doesn't want to eat baby food anymore, or drink bottles or nurse...., and at one time, that was perfect for him, and he actually liked it. Just the same, he can't possibly know what he will want down the road. We change as we grow....

 

Wow, what a wonderful post. Thank you very much for this.

[Carol in Cal.]

One or two or all of these often turn this around for kids. I do not want to belittle the possibility that he is really depressed, but low blood sugar or lack of rest can really do a number on children, and I would say that thinking about whether one of those deficiencies is in play should be your first line of defense. Just because they're not toddlers anymore doesn't mean that they can't get themselves all wound up like that.

[Christy B]

I do not want to belittle the possibility that he is really depressed, but low blood sugar or lack of rest can really do a number on children, and I would say that thinking about whether one of those deficiencies is in play should be your first line of defense. Just because they're not toddlers anymore doesn't mean that they can't get themselves all wound up like that.

 

Oh and my brother claims he remembers feeling suicidal as a child. Wishing the earth would swallow him up. I have doubted that memory since he has been on so many drugs (legal and otherwise), but I guess it is possible.

 

 

I agree with Carol, it is amazing what low blood sugar or exhaustion can do to a kid! Absolutely you should take that into consideration.

 

On the other hand, your family history raises a lot of red flags to me. You say that you doubt your brother's memory regarding his suicidal feelings, due to his later drug use. Bear in mind, if he was experiencing depression and/or suicidal thoughts, that would certainly be enough to have prompted drug use. The drug use would make me more inclined to assume there was a depressive, suicidal past -- not less.

 

Best wishes to you and your ds. He is blessed to have a mom who is so alert to his emotional needs.

[Plucky]

I sent you a pm.

[Danestress]

I agree with everyone who says that it wouldn't hurt to talk to a doctor about it, read up and what to watch for, and just to be generally educated about childhood depression.

 

At the same time, it IS sad to grow up. It's true his dog will die before he's grown. That's a sad thought. I am not depressed and never have been, but I often think about my parents dying and try to figure out how I will live without them. I wonder sometimes if non-depressed people are just choosing not to face reality. Reality is that everyone you love will die, if you don't die first. That sounds pretty depressing, but since it's true.....

 

Anyway, I think it's possible your son is very smart and very thoughtful, and he's sad because sometimes life is sad and depressing for reflective, thoughtful people.

 

Not that I wouldn't still worry about this. I would a bit.

[Scarlett]

One or two or all of these often turn this around for kids. I do not want to belittle the possibility that he is really depressed, but low blood sugar or lack of rest can really do a number on children, and I would say that thinking about whether one of those deficiencies is in play should be your first line of defense. Just because they're not toddlers anymore doesn't mean that they can't get themselves all wound up like that.

 

It was early in the day so he shouldn't have been tired....but his diet is something to consider. He eats all. of. the. time. I can't find enough food to fill him up it seems. And he loves sweets. I have really got to work on limiting those more, but it is hard when he stays hungry all of the time. He will eat a big supper and then 30 minutes later he wants ice cream!

[Scarlett]

At the same time, it IS sad to grow up. It's true his dog will die before he's grown. That's a sad thought. I am not depressed and never have been, but I often think about my parents dying and try to figure out how I will live without them. I wonder sometimes if non-depressed people are just choosing not to face reality. Reality is that everyone you love will die, if you don't die first. That sounds pretty depressing, but since it's true.....

 

Anyway, I think it's possible your son is very smart and very thoughtful, and he's sad because sometimes life is sad and depressing for reflective, thoughtful people.

 

Not that I wouldn't still worry about this. I would a bit.

 

Things bother him that is for sure. I want him to try to enjoy the present more and not worry about the future, but at the same time I won't lie to him. So when he asks how long dogs live I give him a best case number of years and well, he does the math! Once he heard me discussing the lyrics to a sad country song and couldn't stop talking about it for weeks! (I don't care if you're 80 you will always be my baby....and then the mom dies before the grown child can get to her)

 

A neighbor kid called him a baby for not going into a woodsy area behind our house that is covered in poison ivy. He didn't want poison ivy and I had actually asked him not to go there as well, after about oh, half dozen rounds of poison ivy. And then our friend from last week on vacation making fun of him for playing with his Build a Bear. Just that kind of thing.

 

AND THEN, last night dh was burning some brush and ds and I were standing by the fire pit. We watched in horror as a frog jumped up on the rocks and into the fire. It was horrible! We both turned away screaming. I bet that will stay with him for days.

 

And kids killing insects for no reason. That can tear him up.

 

Thanks for the all the responses. You ladies are the best!

[Scarlett]

bipolar in the family means I wouldn't wait. Get him into a good child psyc. It isn't worth messing with. I remember being depressed as a child and it was awful. No one really thought about it back then or maybe I could have gotten help sooner. They don't have to put him on meds. That is why I would go with a child psychologist (dr. of psychology, don't rx meds) instead of a psychiatrist (medical dr. with extra training and residency in psychology).

 

And don't tell you mother. She doesn't need to know and this needs to be a private thing for ds. No need to freak out Grandma.

 

I'm not going to tell her now for sure. There is no way I can keep it from her if I take him to the doctor for it. HE will tell her.

[Scarlett]

I'm wondering also if his habit of repeating himself at the end of his sentences has anything to do with this? I've noticed he is doing that more lately.

 

I think I am making him sound pretty weird. He really is a normal acting kid most of the time.

[Angela in TN]

I have to say that my 8yo ds has recently gone through a stage of not wanting to grow up. It seems to come up a few times a week and he does get weepy when talking about it. He worries about having to give up his stuffed animals and other kids thinking he's weird if he dosen't. It takes all I can not to cry because I don't want him to grow up either! :)

 

I reassured him as the previous poster had mentioned and I tell him that he dosen't have to give anything up until he's ready. There's no arbitrary age, you'll give things up when YOUR ready and when you grow up you'll be ready. He's a sensitive kid though for sure.

 

You know your son best and it never hurts to get things checked out, so if you feel it's way out of the norm for him then just get an appointment. I wonder if it's something the sensitive ones go through at that in between age, not quite a "tween" and not really a little one anymore. And I don't think you've made him sound weird at all he sounds like my own! :)

[Scarlett]

I have to say that my 8yo ds has recently gone through a stage of not wanting to grow up. It seems to come up a few times a week and he does get weepy when talking about it. He worries about having to give up his stuffed animals and other kids thinking he's weird if he dosen't. It takes all I can not to cry because I don't want him to grow up either! :)

 

Thanks for sharing this. It is VERY reassuring.

 

I don't think I would be nearly as freaked out if not for my brother--who happened to be staying at my house a couple of days this week, so I guess he was on my mind. When I'm really honest, my ds is MUCH more like me than anyone else. Dramatic and feeling things intensely. I do worry about things even now....but I don't think I am sad or depressed and really never have been.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have a gifted, very intense, emotional son. He takes after his mother, sigh. I wish that my parents (or dorm-parents - I went to boarding school at 11) had spent some time helping me to deal with emotions. My mother's answer to emotional distress was to tell me to ignore it - she has suffered from depression and anxiety for years herself.

 

I don't know what to tell you about doctors and medication per se. But I do know that our thoughts have a big impact on our body - certain emotions (good or bad) release certain corresponding chemicals in our brain. If you have a habit of always having certain kinds of thoughts your body can become depleted in certain chemicals. Being deficient in certain chemicals can then influence your thoughts - vicious cycle created!

 

This is what we do in our house (esp. with ds10). Emotions are valid and there are valid ways to express these emotions. But in ds10's case (from babyhood) he has had a tendency to go out of control with his emotions. Examples are him getting upset to the point of throwing up because he was upset about something - one time it was because he realized that the Lego company retires some of it's pieces instead of making them forever. I have taught him to express his emotion verbally. Then he needs to get himself under control. Often that requires mentally forcing himself to think about something else. I've tried having him focus on verses, poems, songs, images - what works for my particular son is for him to read until he calms down. Often hours later, when I'm sure he won't revert into being out of control, I will then offer him warm-fuzzies (sympathy, a few words of perspective etc.) I used to feel so guilty that I couldn't offer my child standard words of comfort because it didn't help him - instead it would make him escalate into total melt-down! Now, at 10, he does a lot of this process on his own. I think it is a healthy way to deal with his emotions.

[Scarlett]

I have a gifted, very intense, emotional son. He takes after his mother, sigh.

 

This is what we do in our house (esp. with ds10). Emotions are valid and there are valid ways to express these emotions. But in ds10's case (from babyhood) he has had a tendency to go out of control with his emotions. Examples are him getting upset to the point of throwing up because he was upset about something - one time it was because he realized that the Lego company retires some of it's pieces instead of making them forever. I have taught him to express his emotion verbally. Then he needs to get himself under control. Often that requires mentally forcing himself to think about something else. I've tried having him focus on verses, poems, songs, images - what works for my particular son is for him to read until he calms down. Often hours later, when I'm sure he won't revert into being out of control, I will then offer him warm-fuzzies (sympathy, a few words of perspective etc.) I used to feel so guilty that I couldn't offer my child standard words of comfort because it didn't help him - instead it would make him escalate into total melt-down! Now, at 10, he does a lot of this process on his own. I think it is a healthy way to deal with his emotions.

 

This so describes my son. His Legos---oh my. He go nuts if kids tear apart his creations. And I have told him before that only he is in control of him. Also, I've found that the more I 'pet' him (seems natural to offer that comfort) the worse he gets....but I worry if I dismiss him I will further scar him. I'm going to save your post and refer to it as needed. :) Thanks.

[plansrme]

http://rosemond.com/index.php?action=website-view&WebSiteID=389&WebPageID=21175

 

Don't know if you know him or not, but he's a very popular author and speaker. This column was just in our paper today,though it appears from his website to be a couple of weeks old. It describes a situation very similar to what you're describing.

 

Terri

[Scarlett]

http://rosemond.com/index.php?action=website-view&WebSiteID=389&WebPageID=21175

 

Don't know if you know him or not, but he's a very popular author and speaker. This column was just in our paper today,though it appears from his website to be a couple of weeks old. It describes a situation very similar to what you're describing.

 

Terri

 

I do know him and read 'Strong willed Child' I like him. And the column you linked was very reassuring. Thanks so much.

[Kim in Appalachia]

Just a quick thought about him repeating himself. My son (8) has always done that. I think he is very introverted. Also I think he just needs to reassurs himself about what he just said.

 

As for the depression. My doc, when I was little, always told my mom that parents know their kids best. If you think something seems not right, then take him to the doctor.