Blueridge Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 After all...I'm 51. :D Is it wrong to expect just a tiny bit of encouragement? She called yesterday. We chatted about nothing for a few minutes, and I thought I would try to step just a bit closer to her and share our latest happy news. Our dd (an amazing kid in so many ways :)) was invited to compete last month for a college scholarship. It was a fabulous day, she really did well in her interviews and writing, and we will hear the results by December 13. The Vice President seemed to spend quite a bit of time with her that day, just chatting and things. good...very good! This past Sunday the college held a beautiful reception for new and prospective students. She wore her new college sweatshirt LOL. My dh took her since I was ill, and he said the Vice President made a bee-line for her from across the ballroom, remembered her name, and talked with her for 15 minutes until it started! good...very good! When it was over, she again came over to her and visited for 10 more minutes, and then offered to personally pack up a plate of cheesecake for dd to take home to me because she didn't want me to miss having some. :) good...very, very good! So it appears, at least to us silly parents, that she has been noticed. Now, what does my dear mother have to say? "Well, I imagine that they want to see how she interacts with people, since she's been homeschooled." Gee, thanks mom. How about that 3.9 GPA? Or that perfect 800 on the SAT writing? Or the fact that she can speak intelligently and gracefully on just about any topic you throw at her? Honestly, sometimes I could just scream. :glare: Thanks for letting me vent LOL. Now, back to a Merry Christmas attitude! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3littlekeets Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) Mom's criticism can cut the deepest, can't it? Congratulations for raising a daughter who was able to carry a 3.9 GPA. AMAZINGLY HUGE congrats on her perfect 800 on the SAT writing. She clearly had a great teacher. MOST IMPORTANTLY, congratulations for raising a beautiful and self-confident young woman who will have the love and support of a mother who will not criticize her for making wonderful (and sometimes not so wonderful) choices just because they are different from your own. Much love! You are doing an amazing job!!! I hope she is well-funded at her new U. Edited December 9, 2010 by 3littlekeets Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2read Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Your dd made quite an impression to get such notice!! You've obviously done a great job raising her, especially in this crazy mixed-up world. You and I...we have the same mom and we were born right around the same time. :grouphug: I see a lot of bitterness in much of what my mother says and does, but she has so much confidence and enough of a smile that I often doubt myself and think I'm the one with the problem. It's really not us, though, and hopefully what we are lacking we will make up for in parenting our own children. Merry Christmas to you too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 Oh, thank you both! How encouraging! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 I think your dd did an amazing job no matter how all this turns out. She certainly didn't need to keep coming back to check out her ability to carry on a conversation. Put mom's comments away and carry on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Mom's criticism can cut the deepest, can't it? Congratulations for raising a daughter who was able to carry a.3.9 GPA. AMAZINGLY HUGE congrats on her perfect 800 on the SAT writing. She clearly had a great teachers. MOST IMPORTANTLY, congratulations for raising a beautiful and self-confident young woman who will have the love and support of a mother who will not criticize her for making wonderful (and sometimes not so wonderful) choices just because they are different from your own. Much love! You are doing an amazing job!!! I hope she is well-funded at her new U. Ditto this entire post! Your dd sounds wonderful, Blueridge! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Sorry you are discouraged. I had a grandmother exactly like this. It stinks. I challenged her a few times, but it didn't do any good. Try to let it roll off your back. OTOH, congrats to your brilliant DD!! I would be doing backflips, I'd be so happy! :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 I'm sorry. I'll tell you your dd sounds fabulous and it looks like all the hard work you all have done is paying off! My mom is also very negative and after a lifetime, I've learned to expect ridiculous comments from her. For instance, when I was the first in my family to go to college, she "hoped I wouldn't mess up." When I got a job offer before graduating, she "hoped it would last" and on and on. She does this to all the people she loves, and cannot understand how unhelpful or unkind it is. Once I was able to understand that about her, it didn't matter so much. Oh, and I rarely tell her anything important, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JVA Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Mom's criticism can cut the deepest, can't it? Congratulations for raising a daughter who was able to carry a.3.9 GPA. AMAZINGLY HUGE congrats on her perfect 800 on the SAT writing. She clearly had a great teachers. MOST IMPORTANTLY, congratulations for raising a beautiful and self-confident young woman who will have the love and support of a mother who will not criticize her for making wonderful (and sometimes not so wonderful) choices just because they are different from your own. Much love! You are doing an amazing job!!! I hope she is well-funded at her new U. I totally:iagree: with this. You are to be commended for such success. My mother thinks things like this but has learned to not say them anymore. When she has, she gets the silent treatment for month from us. Some people just never get it. I'm sorry she said that to you. I live in Northern VA- can I ask which school it is? Mine went to JMU and GMU. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Because she's your mom. I had a mom like this, too. I finally realized she was envious that dh and I were doing better than she and my dad. Sad, isn't it? I want my kids to do better than we. Congrats to your daughter and you for doing such a great job. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paintedlady Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 I always think that no matter how old we are, we still want mom's approval and love. Sorry your mom didn't live up to your hopes for her. I know how it is. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookfiend Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) Because some people will see every decision and achievement you make as a reflection/commentary on their decisions and achievements - leading them to make stupid comments. It's actually a very egocentric way to live, and not about you at all but still hurtful. Sorry. Edited December 9, 2010 by bookfiend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 "Well, I imagine that they want to see how she interacts with people, since she's been homeschooled." I would just reword this slightly in my head to say, "Well, of course! They enjoy interacting with her because she was homeschooled!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medieval Mom Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) After all...I'm 51. :D Is it wrong to expect just a tiny bit of encouragement? :grouphug: I didn't realize we were sisters! Wow! How's Mom, anyway? ;) kidding... I talked about this tendency of hers with my mom. She actually said that she considers such conversations to be bragging, and, well, puts us in our humble place. Nice. :glare: If we can't brag to our families about our children, to whom can we? :confused: Ah! The TWTM board! Hooray for this board!!! :) BTW, it sounds like terrific news for your dd! :) Be proud! :) Edited December 9, 2010 by Medieval Mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
holdoll Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 After all...I'm 51. :D Is it wrong to expect just a tiny bit of encouragement? She called yesterday. We chatted about nothing for a few minutes, and I thought I would try to step just a bit closer to her and share our latest happy news. Our dd (an amazing kid in so many ways :)) was invited to compete last month for a college scholarship. It was a fabulous day, she really did well in her interviews and writing, and we will hear the results by December 13. The Vice President seemed to spend quite a bit of time with her that day, just chatting and things. good...very good! This past Sunday the college held a beautiful reception for new and prospective students. She wore her new college sweatshirt LOL. My dh took her since I was ill, and he said the Vice President made a bee-line for her from across the ballroom, remembered her name, and talked with her for 15 minutes until it started! good...very good! When it was over, she again came over to her and visited for 10 more minutes, and then offered to personally pack up a plate of cheesecake for dd to take home to me because she didn't want me to miss having some. :) good...very, very good! So it appears, at least to us silly parents, that she has been noticed. Now, what does my dear mother have to say? "Well, I imagine that they want to see how she interacts with people, since she's been homeschooled." Gee, thanks mom. How about that 3.9 GPA? Or that perfect 800 on the SAT writing? Or the fact that she can speak intelligently and gracefully on just about any topic you throw at her? Honestly, sometimes I could just scream. :glare: Thanks for letting me vent LOL. Now, back to a Merry Christmas attitude! Well, I'm in awe of your daughter. What a smart, lovely young lady who OBVIOUSLY made an impression on the faculty! Kudos to you too mom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted December 9, 2010 Author Share Posted December 9, 2010 Y'all are so great! Many thanks for helping me readjust my attitude and expectations. I'm sure I will eventually learn my lesson, and just talk about the weather with her! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 ehh...Mom's say some pretty weird things. I think it is generational too. That older generation really had no couth. I knew my Mom was really sick the moment she said my hair looked good that day. She passed on a few hours later...just sayin' My dh's Grandma was the same way. When I was pregnant with my first dd she talked miscarriage for the 1st 3 months, preemies for the 2nd 3 months, still birth for the last 3 months and then moved onto crib death. Oh, she did say my baby had "Very nice ears." :001_huh: Anyway, I learned really quickly not to talk to her too mcuh...LOL Congrats to you and your wonderful dd. You obviously did a wonderful job raising her and teaching her...so...How'd you teach her to write??:bigear: Enquiring minds want to know! ~~Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Mom's criticism can cut the deepest, can't it? Congratulations for raising a daughter who was able to carry a 3.9 GPA. AMAZINGLY HUGE congrats on her perfect 800 on the SAT writing. She clearly had a great teacher. MOST IMPORTANTLY, congratulations for raising a beautiful and self-confident young woman who will have the love and support of a mother who will not criticize her for making wonderful (and sometimes not so wonderful) choices just because they are different from your own. Much love! You are doing an amazing job!!! I hope she is well-funded at her new U. :iagree: You did an amazing job! Ignore mom -- hopefully at granddd's graduation from college -- she'll change her tune. Wowzers. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Your dd sounds wonderful. Hugs on the mom front.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 I always think that no matter how old we are, we still want mom's approval and love. Sorry your mom didn't live up to your hopes for her. I know how it is. :grouphug: :iagree: Totally. After 9 years, I now I no longer allow my dad to bring up any conversation about hsing, I don't discuss aspects of hsing, and I try to avoid any making any comments about schooling at all, or college searches, or outside classes, or, or, or. He doesn't think this is the right choice; I've never asked his opinion and don't want it now. It'd be nice to have his approval, but he's not that kind of dad, he's not that kind of person, who encourages others. Never has been, never will be, and I'm just amazed that he continues to call me every week. I know some of your struggles with your mom over this, Ginger. She doesn't sound like she gets hsing, and she doesn't sound like she really wants to. Maybe she's just not that kind of mom. Or maybe, because of her generation, she still views public education as a privilege and just doesn't get why you aren't conforming and letting the professionals really teach your girls.:tongue_smilie: Your girls are wonderful, well-educated, personable, individual, happy, terrific people. Their successes are a huge encouragement to me in how God will bless your hsing when you follow His lead. (I know Ginger IRL, and while of course she thinks her girls are so delightful, I don't think she realizes that everyone who meets them thinks that also. Without even trying, they are terrific ambassadors for home education, and I've seen strangers recognize how special they are within minutes of conversing with them.) I know that you will always been an encouraging, admiring, uplifting mom to your girls, Ginger. What a blessing to change that mother/daughter dynamic in your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southcarolinamom Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 Mom's criticism can cut the deepest, can't it? Congratulations for raising a daughter who was able to carry a 3.9 GPA. AMAZINGLY HUGE congrats on her perfect 800 on the SAT writing. She clearly had a great teacher. MOST IMPORTANTLY, congratulations for raising a beautiful and self-confident young woman who will have the love and support of a mother who will not criticize her for making wonderful (and sometimes not so wonderful) choices just because they are different from your own. Much love! You are doing an amazing job!!! I hope she is well-funded at her new U. :iagree: Keep up the good work! We are PROUD of you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 I hate to say it, Ginger, but maybe you shouldn't look for encouraging words from her because there appears to be an issue here. Honestly, the best thing I ever did was accept my relationship with my mother right where it was and I learned to have NO EXPECTATIONS at all. None. I remember being crushed too many times. Come HERE for your encouraging words! I just want to say, JOB WELL DONE, mom and dd! You've obviously done a very good job. Sorry your mom can't realize that!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 9, 2010 Share Posted December 9, 2010 That certainly sounds encouraging! She obviously made quite a positive impression. Your DD sounds well prepared and like she'll do well no matter where she goes next--but I know where I'd put my money if I had to bet on it! (Your mom's comment isn't worth another thought. Phooey.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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