How would you handle this? (kids and weight issues)

[melissel]

My DD8 has suddenly begun making comments about her weight. Last night she was contemplating her belly and saying that she needed to "take off these pounds" and that she was going to be the first kid on The Biggest Loser :(

 

I don't think anyone's making comments to her--I think she's just becoming more aware of her body and what's normal. She also knows that she has trouble finding shirts to fit comfortably. She's built exactly like her dad--any extra weight goes right to her belly, while the rest of her stays lean. She was just at the doctor, and according to them, she's in the right ranges, but nearer the high end. For some reason, we just can't shift the belly weight. Of course, I have never, ever mentioned anything to her.

 

I do think it's a problem and want to address it, but I'm not sure how at this point. For us, one of the curses of homeschooling has been the constant access to food and the lack of general activity. If they were in school, their time would be spent in class and they'd have limited access to snacks, plus they'd have gym time, recess activity, and any walking that being in school entails. At home, they want to pick pick pick all day long, and walking to and from our schoolroom just doesn't provide the same opportunities! I want them to trust their hunger, but it doesn't seem to be working out for either girl. DD5, who has always been my skinny-minnie grazer, has also chunked up rapidly in the last few months. By the way she's eating, I'm expecting a growth spurt any minute now--at least, I'm hoping!

 

So how would you handle this? Would you acknowledge that there's a problem and offer to work on it together? Would you tell her her body is perfect as it is and then go into stealth mode? They already eat relatively healthfully, but they want to eat all day long. Apples and all-natural peanut butter still add up in the end. I'm just at a loss here. I don't want to start restricting food, but the "follow your hunger and don't make food a forbidden fruit" approach is simply not working here.

 

TIA for any thoughts you have. I've been struggling with this for awhile and haven't really managed to make an impact in any way.

 

ETA: I'm trying to ramp up our activity as well, but the only real way they like to play outside is with other friends, and there are very few kids in our neighborhood. They'll play outside together, but it's not really active play, it's imaginative play. They take gymnastics once a week, do Girl Scouts or have park day once a week, get to the park once a week, and get outside when I force them out (which I've been trying to do). They get out and about when I run errands (constantly, it seems). I'd love to see them running and playing in general, but they don't really seem to do that on their own. DD8, in particular, would rather curl up and read in her spare time then bundle up and go outside.

Edited November 13, 2010 by melissel

[Pink Fairy]

Do you think she might be picking up the idea that her body is not good enough by watching "The Biggest Loser" or other weight loss type shows? That's what pops out to me from your post. I've never seen the show, but with a title like that I'm guessing they are pretty hard on the participants.

 

I wish I had some other advice. :-( We do the same thing as you--follow your hunger signals, etc.--but so far, probably due to their dad's good genes, it works. I don't know what I'd do if it didn't, and I'll be sending prayers and good wishes your way. :grouphug:

[Melinda in VT]

It's my understanding that processed carbs are especially likely to be stored as belly fat. Would it work to institute a family rule that bread, crackers, cookies, chips, are only to be eaten as part of meals? If you limit snacks to fruit and vegetables and protein, that might help reduce the belly fat without needing to say anything about it.

[Pretty in Pink]

I think it might help to cut off grazing (limit them to two in-between meals snacks per day), and cut out processed sugars and highly refined carbs. Of course increasing activity is important as well. Does your family have a YMCA membership?

[Mejane]

I think you have to acknowlege her concerns and then together work out a plan for healthy eating and exercise. I wouldn't call it a "problem," but I'd also not minimize it; that just causes kids to stuff their concerns. Talk to her about calorie input vs. output (as you said, even though your snacks are healthy, she may be eating too many calories), and the changes coming up as she transitions into puberty: growth spurts, etc. It may ease her mind a bit. It does sound as if she needs more exercise. Can you do something as a family like walking?

 

My daughter is a dancer, so weight has always been an issue around here. :tongue_smilie:

[melissel]

It's totally possible (and I have my DH to thank for that one :smash:), but it also comes from so many other places. It seems like we're constantly reading kids' books -- especially older books, when there wasn't so much sensitivity around the issue -- where people are referred to as fat, or fat people are referred to negatively. We've discussed repeatedly about not using the word fat, it can hurt people's feelings, we don't think of people in those terms, we want our bodies to be healthy, etc. And then whammo, there it is again! Even listening to our SOTW audiobook in the car yesterday, the word came up.

 

It's been a long time since she's seen The Biggest Loser (and even then it was only a few minutes at a time--usually the end, where they're weeping over their weight loss), but we always discussed it in the context of, "These are people who ate SO MUCH that they had become incredibly unhealthy, and this show is helping to teach them how to be healthier and make healthier choices for their bodies." But still, the concept is there. So she already knows that extra weight = bad. I just really think she's made some kind of leap in awareness lately. IMO, it's related closely to the clothing sensitivity issue :(

[melissel]

It's my understanding that processed carbs are especially likely to be stored as belly fat. Would it work to institute a family rule that bread, crackers, cookies, chips, are only to be eaten as part of meals? If you limit snacks to fruit and vegetables and protein, that might help reduce the belly fat without needing to say anything about it.

 

That's the thing. We do that already! I'm gluten-sensitive, so the amount of baked goods in the house is greatly reduced. I'm concerned about their wheat intake, so I try to limit bread products to one meal per day. I usually don't buy crackers, and when I do, they eat them once a week, at most (and that's rare). I haven't baked much since the gluten issue cropped up, so we don't typically have muffins etc. in the house. We have small candy, but they're limited to one, maybe two pieces a day, and that's not every day. DD8 very carefully restricts herself. I would love to get more veggies into them, though, but they're picky about them, so we end up with a lot of fruit, peanut butter, cheese.

 

I think it might help to cut off grazing (limit them to two in-between meals snacks per day), and cut out processed sugars and highly refined carbs. Of course increasing activity is important as well. Does your family have a YMCA membership?

 

No, the Ys here are insanely priced, and then classes/stuff for kids cost even more. And for DD5 at least, I found out that when I try to insist that she stopped grazing, she had meltdowns that I think are related to low blood sugar. She's always been a grazer and it worked perfectly for her until lately. I could still restrict DD8, but that makes it harder.

 

I think you have to acknowlege her concerns and then together work out a plan for healthy eating and exercise. I wouldn't call it a "problem," but I'd also not minimize it; that just causes kids to stuff their concerns. Talk to her about calorie input vs. output (as you said, even though your snacks are healthy, she may be eating too many calories), and the changes coming up as she transitions into puberty: growth spurts, etc. It may ease her mind a bit. It does sound as if she needs more exercise. Can you do something as a family like walking?

 

My daughter is a dancer, so weight has always been an issue around here. :tongue_smilie:

 

Hmmm, thanks, those are good points. We haven't talked about puberty much at all (she just turned 8), but now is a good time to start. And I can't even imagine the weight pressures and issues in a dancing household!

 

Thanks for the discussion so far, everyone. It's really helping me think this through. Please keep the thoughts coming if you can.

[Pink Fairy]

You're right--it is in a lot of unexpected places. :( I hate when the Wii Fit tells my kids that they are underweight, and need to input a weight gaining goal. When this happens I always say that the Wii is an idiot and doesn't know what it's talking about. :lol: But I thought I'd suggest to you a Wii game like Outdoor Adventure (if you have a Wii). It's really fun but gets your heart racing at the same time. My kids have Wii Fit on their daily assignment sheet, so they can get some sort of PE in, even if it's raining and cold outside. Other than the annoying weigh in (which you can probably figure out how to skip), it's great. And if you don't have a Wii or a Wii Fit, we got ours as a family Christmas gift two years ago, so you could go that route without making it a "we are now going to exercise and lose weight" moment. :tongue_smilie:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Instead of grazing, I would install actual snack times. At our house that means eating breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, supper, evening snack. In another family that got up earlier it might be breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, supper. Snack time is a time that my kids can choose but I try to put out healthy choices with protein included.

 

Instead of just play time, I try to give my kids 1 hour of actual hard exercise. That could be an organized activity like gymnastics or tae kwando but it can be going to the park and playing tag or kickball. We might also do family exercise of walking (at a mall in the fall/winter or the track during spring/summer). It doesn't include reading under the tree, taking their doll for a little walk around the yard etc. The exercise has been more important than diet in our family.

[DaffodilDreams]

Could you build in a couple of active breaks (i.e. neighborhood walks) into your school day? This could be beneficial not only from an activity standpoint, but it could also stimulate higher level thinking, as well, improving school work when you sit back down to work. Perhaps start school with a walk and then take another about mid-way (or when you notice brain fatigue). You could combine this activity with the availability of only healthy snacks.

[gardenmom5]

is she hearing those types of comments from other girls? from adult women around her? from the entertainment she views?

 

Many clothes for teen's and tween's are downright skimpy,and designed to be. (saves the manufacturer money, as well as having little girls dress like something the cat dragged in.) If her shirt is tight becasue that's how it is made, it does nothing for her self-image.

 

It is possible to still find modest girl clothing that has a reasonable fit. Even when my girls were young, we really had to look for it. they almost never, ever shopped in the teenybopper dept.

 

If you feel it would help, put snacks on a schedule. My husband started using a plain trail mix for snackng. it's made a noticable difference in weight. also, between meal snacking benefits from protein being included. Plain popcorn if the hands just need to be kept busy.

 

gymnastics also has lots of standing around. (little girls standing around in leotards tend to notice bodies. she may hear comments there that you aren't aware of.) It's good for muscles, but not cardio. biking, swimming, running, etc. are more likely to develop lean muscle, while increasing metabolism.

Edited November 13, 2010 by gardenmom5

[Embassy]

I would incorporate Dr. Sears Lean Kids program. It is appropriate for all kids (age 6-12) to help them maintain or achieve a healthy weight and attitude. I'm using it with my boys this year and it has been wonderful.

[goldberry]

Address the issue in terms of health rather than weight.

 

I have a bad sweet tooth, and when I start to put on some weight, I never say "mom needs to lose some weight". I do say, "mom needs to eat more healthy foods". Or "mom needs to lay off the junk food and take better care of herself." :)

 

Just recently DD11 noticed her tummy is pooching. (She hates fruits and vegis and hates to exercise.) When she commented on it, I mentioned that sometimes your body is telling you that you need to take better care of it. Then we talked more about calories, exercise, etc.

 

Yes, I totally agree our girls especially get poor body messages from the media and alot of other areas. But I don't feel like the answer to that is to just say "your body is fine no matter what", which is the route some parents take. Parents are afraid to address the issue so they don't give their girls bad messages.

 

But you can address it in a way that is healthy, which is better than ignoring it. The truth is that in many cases (not all) your body tells you something about the state of your eating and health.

[Guest Katia]

I'm trying to decide what exactly it is you have to address with her. Let's see if I have this right:

 

She is 8yo

She has some extra tummy rolls

Her doctor says she is in the normal weight range for her height

She eats healthy foods/is a grazer

She gets minimal to moderate exercise

 

First of all, on a pre-adolescent girl, it is completely normal to have a larger tummy. Really. It is a hereditary issue (I know some girls are totally flat so they and their moms won't 'get it'). But many, many young girls develop tummy rolls before the on-set of puberty. When my dd was 8yo, many people though she was fat (she wasn't). She just had tummy rolls. One nice lady told me not to worry about it, that when she developed, she would be fine; and she is. Totally flat tummy. It seemed to disappear when she developed hips and breasts. I forgot that I was 'fat' as a child and then very slim as a teen and young adult. I didn't 'diet', I went through puberty.

 

I guess what I would try to address with her would be the fact that many people have different body types and that as long as she is eating healthy and getting moderate exercise (riding bikes, roller skating, climbing tress, whatever kids do to play) she is healthy and that is what matters. According to all the 'diet' things I read, grazing is purported to be the most healthy way to eat. It will keep her feeling full, she won't over-eat and her glucose levels will remain constant.

 

You might want to start explaining about puberty and body changes. Her body will change. It won't always look like it does now. So, help her love who she is right now and look forward to when her body changes and love that, too.

 

I know in my house we have had to discuss our nation's unhealthy obsession with weight, especially in regards to tv and the media.

[regentrude]

I would increase activity. Familiy activities work great. We go on a long hike every weekend, have been doing so since the kids were babies. At 8 years, they would walk 5-7 miles without a problem.

Other fun ways to exercise are swimming, rock climbing, biking. For us, it is part of our lifestyle and non-negotiable.

If a person has enough physical activity, she does not have to count calories.

 

If eating all day long is a problem, I would try to instill that eating is to happen at specific meal and snack times, only because of hunger, never because of boredom etc.

[duckens]

When is the next time that she goes to the doctor for a well-child checkup?

 

One of the moms I nannied for started to make comments and reduce food for her youngest daughter.

 

She wasn't the skinniest kid on the planet, but she most certainly wasn't overweight in any way either. She was just "average, strong, healthy."

 

I know the mom had a history of an eating disorder in college (decades before). The daughter was already super active, in several sports, and made healthy choices for snacks (carrots, yogurt, fruit, string cheese, etc). The daughter was only 6 or 7 years old.

 

One day, the mom had me run the kids into the doctor for a cold/virus/minor illness that was present. The two kids were weighed, etc. When the doctor came in, I asked the doctor if he thought the youngest was overweight or unhealthy in that way.

 

"No"....and the doctor seemed a little confused why I had asked. This confirmed to me (and the daughter) that her body type was just fine.

 

I wish you wisdom to find what works for your daughter at this time.

[Laura Corin]

Can you take up some exercise that you all do together? When mine were smaller I used to speed walk around the local park while they ran alongside. As they got bigger they used to run wide circles around me. They did an hour of red-in-the-face exercise at least five days a week. It was as regular a part of our home education as English and maths.

 

It sounds as if you might need to go with scheduled snack times, rather than grazing. In between times they can always have glasses of water - many people just need something in their mouths for comfort.

 

Laura

Edited November 14, 2010 by Laura Corin

[Mom0012]

I try to keep my kids in activities like swim team and ballet. When they get a little older, we will probably drop the swimming and all join a gym together. We also don't do snacks. We have 3 solid meals and then a treat after dinner. I dropped the snacks after they moved out of the preschool stage mostly because my son has tons of allergies and finding healthy snacks the kids would eat became very expensive and cumbersome. The other thing is that my son can eat a lot more than my daughter, so I prefer to give him larger portions at meals rather than having him snacking all day when my daughter really wouldn't need to, but would probably want to.

 

I think a girl's body image is very important and that if your daughter's weight is in the normal range but on the high side, I'd try to help her move it to the lower range (without making comments on her weight but by making subtle changes in how our family does things). I know for myself that if I weighed on the high side of the acceptable weight range for my height, I would look quite chubby because I carry all my extra weight in one place. I think how a person looks and feels is more important than the weight charts.

 

Lisa

[Farmgirl70]

At her age, I would not talk too much about calories, etc. She may be going through a type of growth phase that doesn't necessarily predict what her body will be like in a few years. With my dd (now 16, a healthy weight, a great body image) we talked lots about healthy bodies and how many different shapes they come in. I worked to just stock healthy snacks, limit junk, etc. You can also just take them out for walks, games at the park, bicycle rides, playing in and under the trees, walk to run errands, etc. Make it a family activity and a break. But as someone who has struggled with my weight, I would not make the weight an issue. I would instead speak of making healthy, strong bodies together. My parents talked with me about my weight and I had the impression that I had gotten huge! (Looking back, I was maybe 10 lbs overweight at that point) It made me feel like it was hopeless and that I might as well just enjoy eating whatever I wanted.

[melissel]

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts. I think I know what direction I want to go in. I like what someone said about our bodies telling us what they need, so we should listen to them and eat more healthfully and get more exercise (because really, we all need it, especially with the holidays rapidly approaching!). We've had a few other instances (mainly bathroom-related) where I've made just that kind of point, so she's familiar with the concept of listening to our bodies.

 

I'm trying to decide what exactly it is you have to address with her. Let's see if I have this right:

 

Katia, the only reason it worries me is because she hasn't just developed tummy rolls. She's always been a bit on the chunky side. I always thought of it as baby fat, until she didn't really grow out of it. And because DH and I are overweight (working on it), and because she has a tendency to want to snack all day combined with the lack of exercise, I'm really worried about creating good habits now rather than trying to change bad habits later. Plus, it's such a problem that it pulls her back out of alignment, and that concerns me too. I meant to ask her doctor about it, but forgot when we were actually there. All in all, it's nothing I'd sign her up for a gym membership and start force-feeding cottage cheese and celery for, but I'd rather start making some subtle changes now, especially since she's in a place where she can recognize the tangible results of those changes.

 

Thank you, everyone, you've given me tons to think about! My library has a copy of the Lean Kids book, and Laura, I love the idea of speed walking in the park while the kids run alongside or nearby. I've really struggled with that too, because walking at a good pace for them is meandering for me, and I couldn't figure out how to get some exercise for myself when they usually have to be with me. I think they'll like that too!

[Gratia271]

I think how a person looks and feels is more important than the weight charts. Lisa

:iagree:

 

Perception is reality for many girls in this area of life. Focus on instilling positive behaviors, and protect her from negative messages. If she already has a negative self perception, her focus needs redirection to protect her overall well being.