The cat is out of the bag

[Xuzi]

I "confessed" my intention to homeschool to my veteran-public-school-teacher mother today over the phone. (we live in seperate states, and she's even visiting my sister right now, who lives even *further* away) Overall the conversation didn't go too badly.

 

Her first question was "What are you going to do to get your child out there?" (e.g. What about socialization?) I explained to her about co-ops and dance lessons and church activities and playdates, etc.

 

She asked if WA state had any laws where I could get my school books directly from the school district. I said we already had books that we picked out ourselves.

 

I explained to her a bit about Classical Education, particularly how it dealt with history and how excited I was for DD to start learning about ancient times in 1st grade, and she said "At this age she really should be learning about her community" (i.e. social studies) I said yes, she'd be learning that too, in addition to world history. She just said to make sure I don't try teaching her things that are "beyond her level". :tongue_smilie:

 

Overall I could tell she wasn't overly excited with the idea, but she kept any negative comments she might have had to herself. She only mentioned that homeschoolers who come back to her school often have a hard time adjusting socially and that she hoped I'd make sure my kids had plenty of social time, and how some parents she's seen only homeschool because they don't want to get up in the mornings to get their kids to school, and don't really teach them anything, but that she knows that's not me. :lol: (I'm up at 5am!)

 

So ya, we're visiting her and my dad (another veteral PS teacher) in CA at the end of the month and will be staying with them for the better part of a week. Should be interesting. :lol:

[lswatson111304]

Sounds like it went well. I have only confessed to a few people sadly! I need to post to my FB, but I'm afraid my Dr. Brother is going to have something to say. He always did growing up.

[Alice]

My parents aren't especially thrilled about our decision either. I'm thankful that they are supportive and dont' make negative comments but I can tell they are a bit skeptical. In their defense, they don't know a lot of homeschoolers and haven't researched it themselves so it's a bit foreign to them. And it's our decision, not theirs so I don't necessarily expect or need them to agree.

 

I have found that over the past two years they have seemed to be more excited. My Mom still occasionally makes comments about "when they go to real school" and then catches herself and mumbles something about how she knows it is real, etc. But I think as they've seen that the kids are happy and social and things are good that they are ok with it.

 

Once when they were visiting my Dad picked up WTM (which they gave me as a bday present by request) and skimmed through it. Afterwards his comment was "Well, if this is what you are going to do it should be ok." :)

 

We live in a school district with what are considered excellent public schools. I think that has been one of the reasons my Dad has had trouble understanding our decision. Interestingly, he was at a meeting with the guy who is the head of the schools for our state (my Dad works for the state govt.). I can't remember the exact context now but somehow they were talking about the huge emphasis on standardized testing in this state and my Dad mentioned to him that his daughter (me) had chosen to homeschool despite our county's "excellent" schools in part because of this issue. Apparently the guy was very interested in that and fairly sympathetic.

 

All that to say, I think it can be a shock to grandparents and sometimes I think they feel like we are judging the choices they made when we make different choices. But as long as they aren't hostile, often time will bring about a change in their opinions.

[King Alfred Academy]

So ya, we're visiting her and my dad (another veteral PS teacher) in CA at the end of the month and will be staying with them for the better part of a week. Should be interesting. :lol:

 

Good thing you are homeschooling or you may not have been able to visit them with PS starting and everything. ;)

 

Welcome to the adventure!

[Saille]

I explained to her a bit about Classical Education, particularly how it dealt with history and how excited I was for DD to start learning about ancient times in 1st grade, and she said "At this age she really should be learning about her community" (i.e. social studies) I said yes, she'd be learning that too, in addition to world history. She just said to make sure I don't try teaching her things that are "beyond her level". :tongue_smilie:

 

I wrote a big ranty blog post about the "community" thing once. As a public school teacher, a lot of the WTM looked over the top to me once, too. I can't believe how much more doable it seems now.

[SOCKSINFOX]

At least she didn't come out really negatively towards it. It seems like a lot of grandparents that feel uneasy about it at first end up gungho for it once they realize their grandchildren aren't going to be social outcasts.

[buttacol]

Most people tend to adjust to the idea over time. We still get the question after 4 years of doing this, when do you plan to put them in school. They also see what their other grandchildren are doing in public school, and then "test" our children. Drives me crazy, but I don't really care what they think.

 

Sounds like your first conversation wasn't too bad!!!

:)

[ScoutTN]

Sounds like a reasonable beginning.

We were in much the same place a year ago. My mom and sf are both retired teachers and school heads (private/public, respectively).

We have worked on eliminating and challenging their fact-less state of being and giving them real information about hsing, both anecdotal and official research.

I bet they come around as they see how good it is for your family!

[HSMom2One]

I know it's hard to go against family traditions and ways of doing things, but you have the right to raise your children however you see fit -- no matter what. I understand a lot of how you feel because my own best friend of 35 years is a ps teacher with a Master's in Education. Her response was not very positive at all when I broke the news to her, but I stuck to my guns and did what I knew was best for my child. Now, four years later, the proof is in the pudding. My bff is amazed at how well my dd is doing and she hasn't made a negative comment in ages. I think that time is the answer to this dilemma whenever it comes up.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[alpidarkomama]

Good job! :) For me, not having to get all the kids to school early is a MAJOR (side) perk of homeschooling. Our mornings are very relaxed. They've been going to camp at our synagogue for the last 3 weeks, and I'm so glad we get to go back to our relaxed mornings now that it's over. Getting all 4 out to camp at 9:00 was just, well, a bit more than I'm used to. I'm just an unrepentant night owl. :)

[johnandtinagilbert]

I agree, the proof is in the pudding. In the early years, we got lots of passive aggressive disapproval and plenty of "huh? what's home school?" when we started. Lots of ignorance (not meant negatively), but in time, when the dc grew into articulate, well-educated, and able to not only hold conversations with adults, but speak on topic and about things most adults in the room knew nothing, the doubt flew out the window. Like everything else in life, your hard work will produce sweet fruit and all who witness the harvest will have no doubt that they have been well tended to.

 

Welcome to this wonderful world. May you and yours grow nicely and knock the socks of the family!

[bbrandonsmom]

Good for you. We are half there. Half the family is ok w/ it, and the others...They were or are teachers, or have very, very strong ideas about what school should be. I think the family is wondering who the person my dh is married to is, and where did the quiet mouse go? I think he wonders that himself :)

[Spellbound]

We recently announced our intentions as well and received a similar response. At our next visit, I was respectfully grilled. :lol: My mother has VERY high standards. I was so exhausted by the end of the weekend! They went home feeling that I knew what I was doing and that "he will never get that level of an education anywhere else". :D Good luck to you!

[kwickimom]

I posted about my homeschooling on Facebook. I figured I'd get it over with. 99% of the comments were positive. One was from an old high school friend who is a ps teacher...she asked how long I "studied" to be able to HS my kids. I just said I studied their curriculum over the summer so I was familiar with it :) Amother friend of mine was super positive and said that HS'ing was a great experience her for her....she is an R.N., so I told her it was awesome to hear from a success story!

 

The inlaws still dont know because they cannot operate a computer :D

[Rosy]

My PS-teacher-mom hated the idea of homeschooling for a long time...she's thawed a little over the years, I think she still would prefer that I put them in school but she knows my kids are making progress. However, I showed her SOTW once and she LOVED it!

 

In general, though, I try not to tell her (or show her) anything I have a strong opinion on unless I'm sure she'll agree with me. I just have no interest in fighting with her about something she has no control over and am not willing to open myself up for criticism unnecessarily.

[DawnL]

I'm in nearly the same boat here, too. We homeschooled our oldest ds for kindergarten last year. We met some resistance, but not a lot. After all, it's only kindergarten. We got a lot of "when he goes to regular school in a few years..."

 

This year, we are bringing our daughter home from public school. She just finished 3rd grade there, and does very well. We've "hinted" at keeping her home, but haven't flat out said it. I think it's going to hit the fan when school starts and we don't send her.

 

We are in WA state, too. You wouldn't be near the Puyallup area, would you? I haven't found a lot here in the way of co-ops and such. The most active seem to be up north. I'm trying to get a good support base, field trip, play time group lined up.

[La Condessa]

Good for you! My in-laws don't know about our plans yet, but we've got a few years yet before it becomes an issue. I figure I'd better use the time to solidify the idea with my husband, because he holds his parents' opinions in very high esteem, and it took him almost a year to hesitantly agree that I could homeschool them through elementary school.

 

My in-laws are fine people, but they are of the opinion that their way worked, so therefore it is the right way. Therefore 1) they are doing you a favor when they inform you of the right way and 2) you are an idiot if you don't do what they say. I'm not looking forward to that conversation when it comes.

[NanceXToo]

Isn't it funny that no matter how old you get, and no matter how long you've been raising your own children, you can still get nervous telling your parents about decisions you are making? lol.

 

I'm glad it went pretty well!

 

I remember being pretty nervous to tell my family, and very relieved when I got mostly good responses.

 

I told my mother in an email haha. I laid out the plan, all my reasons and so on, so she could see it all and take it all in BEFORE giving some kneejerk verbal response. When we did talk, she said she wasn't against it, she didn't really know much about it, and mostly she asked about socialization, too.

 

I made my husband tell his mother. I thought she'd be more negative, but she wasn't. She was actually pretty cool about it, too, and just wanted to know basically how we would know how/what to teach her. The rest of his family was totally understanding of our reasons and didn't think it was a bad idea.

 

My older sister simply said she knows people who have homeschooled and turned out just fine and doesn't have any feelings on it one way or the other and good luck, let me know what I can do to help (she's a librarian). My two brothers were both "oh cool," like they couldn't care less either way and never would have said anything against it to begin with.

 

That left my schoolteacher aunt. She told me she's not for homeschooling in general (and, ironically, gave me some reasons that were the same reasons I'd list for WANTING to homeschool). But she also said she'd respect and support our decision either way and that I should let her know if she could help and that she did think I'd make a good teacher.

 

So, it went well! I did find that having already joined a homeschool meetup group where I knew I'd get support, even if I hadn't gotten much of it from my family, did help. But my family was pretty cool overall!

[Georgiana Daniels]

I "confessed" my intention to homeschool to my veteran-public-school-teacher mother today over the phone. (we live in seperate states, and she's even visiting my sister right now, who lives even *further* away) Overall the conversation didn't go too badly.

 

Her first question was "What are you going to do to get your child out there?" (e.g. What about socialization?) I explained to her about co-ops and dance lessons and church activities and playdates, etc.

 

She asked if WA state had any laws where I could get my school books directly from the school district. I said we already had books that we picked out ourselves.

 

I explained to her a bit about Classical Education, particularly how it dealt with history and how excited I was for DD to start learning about ancient times in 1st grade, and she said "At this age she really should be learning about her community" (i.e. social studies) I said yes, she'd be learning that too, in addition to world history. She just said to make sure I don't try teaching her things that are "beyond her level". :tongue_smilie:

 

Overall I could tell she wasn't overly excited with the idea, but she kept any negative comments she might have had to herself. She only mentioned that homeschoolers who come back to her school often have a hard time adjusting socially and that she hoped I'd make sure my kids had plenty of social time, and how some parents she's seen only homeschool because they don't want to get up in the mornings to get their kids to school, and don't really teach them anything, but that she knows that's not me. :lol: (I'm up at 5am!)

 

So ya, we're visiting her and my dad (another veteral PS teacher) in CA at the end of the month and will be staying with them for the better part of a week. Should be interesting. :lol:

 

Congratulations on getting it out there! Both of my parents are educators so I had the same worries about letting them know when we first started.

 

How long as it been since they've been in a public school? I've noticed that people who taught a while ago have a harder time accepting homeschooling than people who've taught recently. Since I started hs'ing while my father was still in the system, he was all for it because he'd seen the decline in public education. My mom had a harder time and I think it was because she knew the way it used to be.

[tearose]

.

[Xuzi]

Congratulations on getting it out there! Both of my parents are educators so I had the same worries about letting them know when we first started.

 

How long as it been since they've been in a public school? I've noticed that people who taught a while ago have a harder time accepting homeschooling than people who've taught recently. Since I started hs'ing while my father was still in the system, he was all for it because he'd seen the decline in public education. My mom had a harder time and I think it was because she knew the way it used to be.

They both still teach. My mom teaches Kindergarten, and my dad teaches 2nd. (although this is only his second year teaching this grade, he taught 1st grade - DD's current grade - for 15 years before that, and my mom also spent over a decade teaching 1st grade).

 

DawnL: Sorry, I'm quiet a ways south of you. :( I'm closer to Oregon.

[Sahamamama]

My mother was a school teacher, too. :grouphug: We began to "ease" her into the idea after our oldest was born, five and a half years ago. LOL, I knew it would take that long to turn the ship, KWIM?

 

At first, my mother was resistant. She talked to my daughter about "going to school" and "riding on the school bus" and "being with friends." She must have felt defensive, because I heard her say, "Well, there wasn't even such a thing as home schooling when we had you in school." She said a lot of mumbled, "Well, we'll see what you end up doing when you get there" types of comments. Very annoying. I bit my lip and said nothing. I only thought, "Yes, time will tell." ;)

 

Then my firstborn, God bless her, started reading at the age of three. I honestly didn't pressure her, and I don't think this is necessary for relatives to come around, but it sure helped! :lol: My sister would say, "You taught Sa____ to read, and she's like a little genius, so obviously this is working. You must be doing something with her!" Obviously. Something. :D

 

Last month we had our "official" Kindergarten & Preschool 100th day celebration. We invited the grandparents to come and see our work displayed on the walls and in our notebooks. A pleasant time was had by all. They are even more enthusiastic about what we, the mere parents, are doing with "their" marvelously intelligent grandchildren. :lol:

 

It amazes me now when I realize how my mother has done a 180 degree turn in her attitude toward HS. In fact, the other day my mother was lamenting my 13 year old nephew's struggles in school and said about my sister, "I don't know why she doesn't just home school that boy. [because she can remember where she put her car keys?] It would be so good for him. [Yes, it would]. One or two years of homeschooling would set him back on track. [Yes, it would]. He could have direct, one-on-one instruction, which he obviously needs. [Obviously]. It would change his life and ..... and .... and...." Can you tell I enjoyed that conversation?

 

It gets easier. Live your choices, don't feel you have to defend them.

[Sahamamama]

Good for you. We are half there. Half the family is ok w/ it, and the others...They were or are teachers, or have very, very strong ideas about what school should be. I think the family is wondering who the person my dh is married to is, and where did the quiet mouse go? I think he wonders that himself :)

 

:grouphug: Hang in there! Go! Go! Go! Yeah!

 

Quiet people can have their own ideas, right? Just because you are or have been quiet doesn't mean you don't know how to think!

[Guest gtaunton]

Congrats!!

 

My parents (retired teacher and executive) were AGAINST HS for K (I have their only grandchild and they have no positive HS examples). On visits and over the phone Mom would 'quiz' DD. This was tough for me. I just kept telling DD that the proof is in the pudding and they would be OK with HS.

 

This year they haven't even asked about HS or been negative about it. On our recent visit DD (6.75) was reading everything in front of her and spelling for Nani..also doing math in her head and writing well.

 

It's nice this year to be able to talk more freely with Mom about out curriculum choices. Their huge concern now is that we don't spend 8:30am - 3:00pm doing 'school'. They (and DH) don't 'get it' that learning happens everywhere. We have a lot of wonderful resources locally for outside learning and try to take advantage of them.

 

Keep it up Xuzi!!!

[MerryAtHope]

Hang in there! My mom was also a PS teacher (now retired), and she too had concerns. I listened, said, "that's something to look into" when I didn't have an answer, and just kept on. After a few years, she started to see the benefits of it & is now a big supporter! Although I think she has some qualms about high school, LOL!

 

A lot of the kids who end up going from HS to PS are kids for whom HS didn't really work for either academic or social reasons--some of them severely so, and those examples will stick out in a teacher's mind. They might not even remember the HS kids that went to PS just because they wanted to--the ones who didn't struggle with hsing won't stick out in their minds. So I do think that skews a PS teacher's viewpoint. When she sees it working for your kids, she'll come around.

 

Merry :-)

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I wrote a big ranty blog post about the "community" thing once. As a public school teacher, a lot of the WTM looked over the top to me once, too. I can't believe how much more doable it seems now.

 

I like your point that personal doesn't have to mean local. I think my kids' geography comes not only from our historical studies but also from all the fictional places they love reading about. I can probably still draw a good map of Pern from memory. :D

[Xuzi]

I like your point that personal doesn't have to mean local. I think my kids' geography comes not only from our historical studies but also from all the fictional places they love reading about. I can probably still draw a good map of Pern from memory. :D

:lol:You don't know how many times I've wished Pern were a place I could actually visit!

[Teresa in MO]

Twenty-three years ago, when I started homeschooling my then 5yo (she is now 28) my parents were visiting and my mom asked my dd if she was looking forward to going to school and riding the school bus. I had not yet told my parents that I was going to homeschool. She told my mom that mommy was going to teach her. My mom misunderstood and thought she said mommy was going to take her, meaning she would not get to ride the school bus and I would take her back and forth each day. She looked at me and said I couldn't take her back and forth each day with my other little ones, just let her ride the bus. I said, "No, Mom, you misunderstood, she said I was going to teach her. We're going to homeschool." My mom said, "You can't do that, that's illegal." My parents never did come around. My mom passed away two years later, and my dad never did really support the idea, though he did get used to it.

[HLDoll]

Both my in-laws were public school teachers and my FIL was a principal. I was nervous about sharing our decision with them a few years ago, but they were incredibly supportive. They started sending me homeschool curriculum catalogs and are happy to buy books from our wishlist for birthdays and holidays. I think my own mother took it as a judgment of her choices in raising me at first, but she and my dad are both supportive and enthusiastic about it now, even defending us when the "socialization" question comes up with their friends and acquaintances. My brother, who is a public school teacher, jokes that when he has kids he'll send them to school at my house. My bro-in-law (also a teacher) and his wife think we're crazy, but fortunately don't say too much around us. I feel especially blessed that our families support our decision, especially with so many teachers in the mix who could easily view our choice as a personal indictment.

[Jyniffrec]

All that to say, I think it can be a shock to grandparents and sometimes I think they feel like we are judging the choices they made when we make different choices. But as long as they aren't hostile, often time will bring about a change in their opinions.

 

My parents talk a lot about how schools were different when I was growing up and how they are glad we homeschool now, given the present state of public education in our area. I think part of that is an effort to avoid hurt feelings but I also think they really support what I am doing and wish my sister would as well.