That Me is Gone . . .

[eaglei]

I am going through the rest of my moms' papers and things since she passed away late last year. Twice today I opened something just to see --- ME --- staring back at me. Only it wasn't me anymore - it was me in my high school junior photo and my college senior photo. And my first thought, both times, was, "She's dead now. That person doesn't exist anymore." And my immediate second thought was, "Wow. Why didn't anyone ever tell that person she wasn't half bad looking? In fact, she's rather nice looking. Even pretty." Then I realized I was talking about myself and first I felt embarrassed, then guilty, then very sad. Then I wondered where the person in the photos went and why she took those acceptable looks with her. Life can be very hard at times. Today I came face-to-face with some heretofore unnoticed and seemingly unfelt effects of those hard times. It made me more grateful for the Lord's mercy and grace - but my overwhelming feeling was to feel very very sad for what cannot be regained. It's been a hard day. I'm expecting a better evening and a better day tomorrow.:001_smile: Thanks for listening . . .

[Heather in AL]

:grouphug:

[fhjmom]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[OnTheBrink]

:grouphug:

[coffeefreak]

:grouphug:

[KnitWit]

:grouphug:

[Granny_Weatherwax]

:grouphug:

[MariannNOVA]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[BlessedMom]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[LauraGB]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[AHASRADA]

I read your post, and total agreed with and "got" what you meant by saying that person in the photo doesn't exist anymore. What I wasn't expecting, was the negative feelings you attached to that fact.

 

When I see a photo of myself from Jr. high or high school, I realize how long ago that was, like a lifetime ago, and how far I have come from that point. I think about the innocence and the ignorance, the lack of experience and understanding of life, the bullying and insecurity. No way would I ever want to go back to that point.

 

I feel terribly that your life has been difficult, and it is normal to be nostagic for youth, but since there is no turning back time and regrets benefit no one, try to focus on what you have learned and gained in the years since. Then try to work toward a place where you can say, "That person doesn't exist anymore", and feel good about that.

[Cindyz]

I understand exactly how you feel. What bothers me the most is not my looks but realizing how faded my memory is from years past and realizing that one day that's how my memories will be of today and it devastates me to think that I won't remember all the happy moments I have with my son and husband. :(

[eaglei]

I read your post, and total agreed with and "got" what you meant by saying that person in the photo doesn't exist anymore. What I wasn't expecting, was the negative feelings you attached to that fact.

 

When I see a photo of myself from Jr. high or high school, I realize how long ago that was, like a lifetime ago, and how far I have come from that point. I think about the innocence and the ignorance, the lack of experience and understanding of life, the bullying and insecurity. No way would I ever want to go back to that point.

 

I feel terribly that your life has been difficult, and it is normal to be nostagic for youth, but since there is no turning back time and regrets benefit no one, try to focus on what you have learned and gained in the years since. Then try to work toward a place where you can say, "That person doesn't exist anymore", and feel good about that.

 

Yes, I totally agree with what you've said. Frankly, I was surprised to feel so sad about it. I would never want to go back to those high school years, or go though some things I went through growing up. I have always believed that the hard times I have endured have made me a better person. Today, I don't feel that way. I've lost something, and I'm not sure what it is, but something that should've remained part of me and continued to develop. Does that make any sense?

 

Maybe I am just in the molly-grubs with going through my mom's stuff - I don't know - but I hope with everything in me that this feeling passes - and passes quickly - and my more rational self returns. I do not like feeling like this.

[eaglei]

I understand exactly how you feel. What bothers me the most is not my looks but realizing how faded my memory is from years past and realizing that one day that's how my memories will be of today and it devastates me to think that I won't remember all the happy moments I have with my son and husband. :(

 

Yes, I understand that totally. There are so many things I wish I could remember. I am so glad that I have typed up some memories about my husband and I over the years (not nearly enough, but at least some), and that I have a file (a whole file!) of memories typed up about my son, and I typed them when they happened, when they were fresh.

 

I think one thing that is bothering me is that looking at those pictures makes me realize I've lost something and I can't quite put my finger on what it is . . .

[texasmama]

:grouphug: When my mother died (four years ago next month), I lost a piece of myself, who I was through her eyes...I don't expect to get that back this side of heaven. I am still extraordinarily sad about that. She was an incredible person, and my life is poorer for having lost her so soon.

 

Youth represents a time when all of our choices lie before us and maybe that is what you see in those pictures. I have come to realize that most of my life choices are made. My life task now is to finish what I started, to be faithful to it - my marriage and the rearing of my children. The rest of my life belongs, in many very real ways, to them. That is okay with me...but I envy my young niece who is getting married in two weeks and finishing college in a couple of years. Once that part of your life is over, it doesn't come back. I accept that with a maturity that I didn't have at the age of 20, but it does make me feel a bit wistful. Life has also been much harder than I would have anticipated, and I miss that girl/young lady who lived every day in blissful ignorance and naivete of what was to come.

 

Many:grouphug: to you.

[mammaruss]

Lots and lots of :grouphug:.

[eaglei]

:grouphug: When my mother died (four years ago next month), I lost a piece of myself, who I was through her eyes...I don't expect to get that back this side of heaven. I am still extraordinarily sad about that. She was an incredible person, and my life is poorer for having lost her so soon.

 

Youth represents a time when all of our choices lie before us and maybe that is what you see in those pictures. I have come to realize that most of my life choices are made. My life task now is to finish what I started, to be faithful to it - my marriage and the rearing of my children. The rest of my life belongs, in many very real ways, to them. That is okay with me...but I envy my young niece who is getting married in two weeks and finishing college in a couple of years. Once that part of your life is over, it doesn't come back. I accept that with a maturity that I didn't have at the age of 20, but it does make me feel a bit wistful. Life has also been much harder than I would have anticipated, and I miss that girl/young lady who lived every day in blissful ignorance and naivete of what was to come.

 

Many:grouphug: to you.

 

THANK YOU! This makes total sense and I agree with what you've written, from the "choices" to the "wistfulness". I do miss that young lady who, even though her time of youth was fraught with much less than desirable circumstances, still nonetheless remained optimistically hopeful for the future and retained that "blissful ignorance and naivete of what was to come".

 

Thank You especially for this: "When my mother died, I lost a piece of myself, who I was through her eyes..."

[fairfarmhand]

And my immediate second thought was, "Wow. Why didn't anyone ever tell that person she wasn't half bad looking? In fact, she's rather nice looking. Even pretty."

 

I have thought the same thing about myself in high school. I wasted so much time worrying about not being attractive....

[fairfarmhand]

:grouphug: When my mother died (four years ago next month), I lost a piece of myself, who I was through her eyes...I don't expect to get that back this side of heaven. I am still extraordinarily sad about that. She was an incredible person, and my life is poorer for having lost her so soon.

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

I am facing the loss of my mother. In many ways the mother I grew up with is gone already. And I feel exactly this same way. I don't expect to ever stop missing her. I miss her already.

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug:

[KnitWit]

:grouphug: When my mother died (four years ago next month), I lost a piece of myself, who I was through her eyes...

 

My husband went through this when he lost his mother.

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

Youth represents a time when all of our choices lie before us and maybe that is what you see in those pictures. I have come to realize that most of my life choices are made. My life task now is to finish what I started, to be faithful to it - my marriage and the rearing of my children. The rest of my life belongs, in many very real ways, to them. That is okay with me...but I envy my young niece who is getting married in two weeks and finishing college in a couple of years. Once that part of your life is over, it doesn't come back. I accept that with a maturity that I didn't have at the age of 20, but it does make me feel a bit wistful. Life has also been much harder than I would have anticipated, and I miss that girl/young lady who lived every day in blissful ignorance and naivete of what was to come.

 

 

I deal with this too. Still working on coming to peace with it though.

[texasmama]

THANK YOU! This makes total sense and I agree with what you've written, from the "choices" to the "wistfulness". I do miss that young lady who, even though her time of youth was fraught with much less than desirable circumstances, still nonetheless remained optimistically hopeful for the future and retained that "blissful ignorance and naivete of what was to come".

 

Thank You especially for this: "When my mother died, I lost a piece of myself, who I was through her eyes..."

 

More :grouphug: to you. This is such a hard and tender subject, the loss of a beloved mother.

 

BTW I was gorgeous in high school and never knew it. Thought I was overweight (I was NOT), etc. My mom used to say, "Youth is wasted on the young." :tongue_smilie:

[texasmama]

I am facing the loss of my mother. In many ways the mother I grew up with is gone already. And I feel exactly this same way. I don't expect to ever stop missing her. I miss her already.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[texasmama]

My husband went through this when he lost his mother.

 

It is something that most of us take for granted when our loved ones are earthside, the security of looking at the "stands" full of cheering people. I was so blessed with my mother and grandparents, who loved me so deeply and supported everything I did. I was important, and FELT that, while they were here. When they were gone, I felt invisible and unimportant. That feeling remains to some extent and I have just learned to tolerate it, knowing that we will see each other again and I just have to learn to live with the loss while I remain here on earth.

[texasmama]

I deal with this too. Still working on coming to peace with it though.

 

:grouphug: to you in your journey.

[kym]

I am going through the rest of my moms' papers and things since she passed away late last year. Twice today I opened something just to see --- ME --- staring back at me. Only it wasn't me anymore - it was me in my high school junior photo and my college senior photo. And my first thought, both times, was, "She's dead now. That person doesn't exist anymore." And my immediate second thought was, "Wow. Why didn't anyone ever tell that person she wasn't half bad looking? In fact, she's rather nice looking. Even pretty." Then I realized I was talking about myself and first I felt embarrassed, then guilty, then very sad. Then I wondered where the person in the photos went and why she took those acceptable looks with her. Life can be very hard at times. Today I came face-to-face with some heretofore unnoticed and seemingly unfelt effects of those hard times. It made me more grateful for the Lord's mercy and grace - but my overwhelming feeling was to feel very very sad for what cannot be regained. It's been a hard day. I'm expecting a better evening and a better day tomorrow.:001_smile: Thanks for listening . . .

 

:grouphug: I TOTALLY and COMPLETELY hear what you're saying. Take care, and know that you're not alone!!:grouphug:

[debinindy]

Thank you, ladies, for offering such personal wisdom. If we haven't faced such a loss yet, we will someday. Thank you for sharing your very personal grief and pain. May you find peace in this journey. :grouphug:

[eaglei]

I am facing the loss of my mother. In many ways the mother I grew up with is gone already. And I feel exactly this same way. I don't expect to ever stop missing her. I miss her already.

 

I know the feeling . . .

 

:grouphug: and more :grouphug:

[KnitWit]

It is something that most of us take for granted when our loved ones are earthside, the security of looking at the "stands" full of cheering people. I was so blessed with my mother and grandparents, who loved me so deeply and supported everything I did. I was important, and FELT that, while they were here. When they were gone, I felt invisible and unimportant. That feeling remains to some extent and I have just learned to tolerate it, knowing that we will see each other again and I just have to learn to live with the loss while I remain here on earth.

 

I think one of the biggest lessons for *me*, as his wife, was accepting that she had that place in his life (as his mother) and that *I* have my *own* place in his life and focus on filling my *own* place. At first, I think I felt threatened and didn't understand why who he is in *my* eyes couldn't make up for it. kwim? It seemed to add to his distress until I *got it*.

[texasmama]

I think one of the biggest lessons for *me*, as his wife, was accepting that she had that place in his life (as his mother) and that *I* have my *own* place in his life and focus on filling my *own* place. At first, I think I felt threatened and didn't understand why who he is in *my* eyes couldn't make up for it. kwim? It seemed to add to his distress until I *got it*.

 

:grouphug: Yes, that makes sense...and you are a loving wife for being understanding. I think it must be harder being a wife of a husband who has lost his mother than the husband of a wife who has lost her mother regarding this. It is very hard to walk with someone through such a hard loss. I know it took a toll on my husband and he felt that he lost me for a time in my grief.