Talk me down? Dh taking the 4 y/o for K-5 testing. PS question, sorry...

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

On the way out the door to library story time a few minutes ago, dh told me that he'll be speaking on Thurs to the woman who does placement testing for the city schools' K5 program. Dd misses the cutoff for kindergarten by 2 months (end of Oct birthday).

 

Dh is convinced the child should go to public K5 in the fall. I'm of the opinion that if she MUST go to public K (which I'm ambivalent about since it's a full-day program), then she should do so as one of the oldest in the class and not by far the youngest.

 

A couple more things: 1) He isn't willing to homeschool her. 2) I'm not ready to formally homeschool her. 3) She would be going to K for social reasons. (That's what our kids have done so far and it's been a good choice.) 3) The only objection I have is her age. 4) We're a small city/rural-ish district.

 

He did say that if I had objections to voice, I have til Thursday to voice them. (Not like it sounds. If I put my foot down and said, "Over my dead body," it wouldn't happen. But I'm more ambivalent than that, and the person who feels strongest about things in our house and evokes the aforementioned dead body in the conversation (usually) wins. I suspect it might be he, so I'm soliciting thoughts to make sure we think about this clearly.)

 

So... thoughts? Any and all are appreciated, but formal homeschooling at this point isn't an option. We do informal writing, reading, science/nature, art, and math with her, like any typical preschool parent.

[JudoMom]

On the way out the door to library story time a few minutes ago, dh told me that he'll be speaking on Thurs to the woman who does placement testing for the city schools' K5 program. Dd misses the cutoff for kindergarten by 2 months (end of Oct birthday).

 

Dh is convinced the child should go to public K5 in the fall. I'm of the opinion that if she MUST go to public K (which I'm ambivalent about since it's a full-day program), then she should do so as one of the oldest in the class and not by far the youngest.

 

A couple more things: 1) He isn't willing to homeschool her. 2) I'm not ready to formally homeschool her. 3) She would be going to K for social reasons. (That's what our kids have done so far and it's been a good choice.) 3) The only objection I have is her age. 4) We're a small city/rural-ish district.

 

He did say that if I had objections to voice, I have til Thursday to voice them. (Not like it sounds. If I put my foot down and said, "Over my dead body," it wouldn't happen. But I'm more ambivalent than that, and the person who feels strongest about things in our house and evokes the aforementioned dead body in the conversation (usually) wins. I suspect it might be he, so I'm soliciting thoughts to make sure we think about this clearly.)

 

So... thoughts? Any and all are appreciated, but formal homeschooling at this point isn't an option. We do informal writing, reading, science/nature, art, and math with her, like any typical preschool parent.

 

I've got a few questions:

 

-Why does he think she should go this year?

-What are the long term plans for her schooling?

-How is she, maturity-wise?

[Joanne]

We do informal writing, reading, science/nature, art, and math with her, like any typical preschool parent.

__________________

 

Please forgive me, but isn't this all that's needed at not even 5?

 

I have pretty strong feelings about what's really taught socially to a group of 5 year olds who are mostly undersupervised. But I don't really understand why she'd attend at all?

[StacyWithFourRugrats]

but I just love how your dh and yourself allow the one with the most conviction to rule over the dead body person ;)

 

As for me, I would probably prefer my child to go to school as the youngest rather than the oldest, depending on the strength of the child. Even if you send your dd to K for social reason, she will be getting a start on her education. If she is already ahead and waits a year so she is the youngest, the educational portion of K will be "boring" as she will already have mastered those skills. If she isn't, heck, she will be more challenged and even in K (IMHO), PS just does not do much in the way of challenging. Still teaching to the lowest common denominator in many instances.

 

I have two dd's, one is 4 and one is 5. They have 2 friends from different families. One is almost the same age as the 4 yo (by one day) and one is 6. My 4yo dd plays better with the 6yo and my 5 yo dd plays better with the 4 yo friend. Age really doesn't matter in social respects at this point (and rarely at other points IMHO). Her being the youngest in the class won't harm her socially I think. It is just a few months difference.

 

That is just me and I guess I did have something more to say ;)

[Melinda in VT]

Our small, rural school is absolutely inflexible about cut-off dates. Even a member of school board with a very bright child who missed the cut-off by less than a month was unable to get his child admitted early.

 

(Looking for a way to avoid the confrontation altogether . . . )

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I've got a few questions:

 

-Why does he think she should go this year?

-What are the long term plans for her schooling?

-How is she, maturity-wise?

 

He thinks she is lonely, and we cannot afford preschool. He thinks it will be great fun for her. And I fully agree that it will be -- unless it's not.

 

We don't usually plan that far ahead at this point. It's year by year, with fluid goals starting in middle school (theoretically). We don't consider the first years of primary education to be particularly critical. Our only goal is that the love of learning stay alive.

 

Maturity-wise? Eh. She acts like a 4 y/o. Not particularly more or less than that. She can sit still for extended periods, has a good attention span, and loves to try new things. Spunky. Not a doormat, socially. Won't have any problems academically, so the fact that it's an academic situation isn't an issue. She's "mastered" K academics and is reading easily, so it's basically a social time for her, like it was for ds.

[Colleen]

...other than the fact that I would absolutely, strongly oppose the whole plan. (Placement testing, formally schooling a 4/5 year old day in and day out, etc.) As far as I'm concerned, there is simply no reason ~ partiularly not "social reasons". So. My pair of pennies.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Please forgive me, but isn't this all that's needed at not even 5?

 

I have pretty strong feelings about what's really taught socially to a group of 5 year olds who are mostly undersupervised. But I don't really understand why she'd attend at all?

 

Because dh wants her to.

 

And yes, that's all that's needed even at 5. IMO, but not in dh's opinion.

 

I'd hope that they're not mostly unsupervised, though. That wasn't the case with our first two when they attended K.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Our small, rural school is absolutely inflexible about cut-off dates. Even a member of school board with a very bright child who missed the cut-off by less than a month was unable to get his child admitted early.

 

(Looking for a way to avoid the confrontation altogether . . . )

 

Honestly, I was hoping that was the case here. However, it appears it is not.

 

So now, I punt. :)

 

On the other hand, with the flexibility, it's possible she won't be the only older 4 y/o in the class.

[my2kidsmom]

I have pretty strong feelings about what's really taught socially to a group of 5 year olds who are mostly undersupervised. But I don't really understand why she'd attend at all?

 

I agree. I was in the same situation. My dd missed the cut off. She's a November baby. She was already reading and fairly advanced at that age, except for coloring which I was sure she would learn in PS. If your child is already ahead most Kindergarten kids, she will most likely be bored in school.

 

A couple more things: 1) He isn't willing to homeschool her. 2) I'm not ready to formally homeschool her. 3) She would be going to K for social reasons. (That's what our kids have done so far and it's been a good choice.) 3) The only objection I have is her age. 4) We're a small city/rural-ish district.

 

Does a Kindergarten student really need a "formal" homeschool. Also, like the other poster, what she would learn socially in a group setting without enough direct supervision may not be the best thing.

[JudoMom]

He thinks she is lonely, and we cannot afford preschool. He thinks it will be great fun for her. And I fully agree that it will be -- unless it's not.

 

We don't usually plan that far ahead at this point. It's year by year, with fluid goals starting in middle school (theoretically). We don't consider the first years of primary education to be particularly critical. Our only goal is that the love of learning stay alive.

 

Maturity-wise? Eh. She acts like a 4 y/o. Not particularly more or less than that. She can sit still for extended periods, has a good attention span, and loves to try new things. Spunky. Not a doormat, socially. Won't have any problems academically, so the fact that it's an academic situation isn't an issue. She's "mastered" K academics and is reading easily, so it's basically a social time for her, like it was for ds.

 

I don't see the problem with her going this year for the social time. I'd fight it, though, if I thought she would be in ps long term, because I do think always being the youngest may not be the best thing (although this is just remembering back to my school days, so I don't really know for sure since I missed the cutoff by a few weeks so I was always the oldest). If she doesn't love it, would there be the option of pulling her out? A full day is a long time for a little person.

[Tess in the Burbs]

my kids get lonely but I sure wouldn't put them in the PS around here.

 

my 4 y/o has loved doing school this year. She had just turned 4, so we did things casually, however much she wanted, and it's been fantastic. Short in time but fun for all. We go to the park with a local home school group, she has dance every week and she always found a playmate with her brother's sports this year. The rainy days are her lonely days, but I can't imaging putting her in school just to be 'social'.

 

just my not so humble opinion.

 

Obviously you have some objection, why not share it with your dh and see what happens?

[Melinda in VT]

Honestly, I was hoping that was the case here. However, it appears it is not.

 

So now, I punt. :)

 

On the other hand, with the flexibility, it's possible she won't be the only older 4 y/o in the class.

 

How familiar are you with the kindergarten program? Any chance you could observe a classroom (maybe with DH)?

 

It might be that there wouldn't be much time for socializing anyway. Certainly, if there were desks lined up rows, I would get much more adamant.

 

On the other hand, our kindergarten program here is wonderful, with lots of hands-on activities (the kids made their own maple syrup from tapping the trees through to boiling the sap) and lots of time for free play. If it is a program like that, and DH were insisting, I probably wouldn't put up a fight.

 

I'd also try to get a sense of whether there are lots of kids who enter early, and what their transition to the older grades is like.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I agree. I was in the same situation. My dd missed the cut off. She's a November baby. She was already reading and fairly advanced at that age, except for coloring which I was sure she would learn in PS. If your child is already ahead most Kindergarten kids, she will most likely be bored in school.

 

Does a Kindergarten student really need a "formal" homeschool. Also, like the other poster, what she would learn socially in a group setting without enough direct supervision may not be the best thing.

 

Well, ds went to K5 while doing Calvert 2nd grade with the teacher service (so he had to do the full program, graded). And we sent him knowing it wasn't for academics, just for fun. He loved learning about "G" with his age-mates, and simply had a blast.

 

Dd (now15) had mastered K already, but still talks about her K experience. Neither of them remember any boredom whatsoever.

 

Both the kids pulled me aside at Christmas and asked if I was going to allow little dd to go to K5. They begged me not to even consider not sending her, told me I'd be completely cheating her if I didn't let her go, etc.

 

I'm not opposed to K5 even with mastery of material having happened already. My concern is about her age. The only reason mastery works into the mix is that having already mastered the "work," I know she won't be frustrated being set to a task that is beyond her capabilities, KWIM? The age concern isn't for the academics. Just socially. (I hope that makes sense. :) )

 

I'm curious about the lack of supervision people speak of, though. Do those of you who have commented on this feel kids need constant direct supervision at this age? I've always been a fan of a bit of "wandering around" supervision on the part of adults. As a preschool teacher, ss teacher, parent, and activities director, I've always practiced this. Watchful, but with some autonomy to play freely.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

How familiar are you with the kindergarten program? Any chance you could observe a classroom (maybe with DH)?

 

It might be that there wouldn't be much time for socializing anyway. Certainly, if there were desks lined up rows, I would get much more adamant.

 

On the other hand, our kindergarten program here is wonderful, with lots of hands-on activities (the kids made their own maple syrup from tapping the trees through to boiling the sap) and lots of time for free play. If it is a program like that, and DH were insisting, I probably wouldn't put up a fight.

 

I'd also try to get a sense of whether there are lots of kids who enter early, and what their transition to the older grades is like.

 

That's a great idea. I'll check on that. I can't see why it would be a problem.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

I saw no reason for a 5 year old (much less a 4 year old) to be separated from a parent for 6-7 hours/5 days a week. I didn't even go to K as it was not available in my county in '72.

 

BTW, I LOVED BEING WITH MY MOMMY! We went on walks in the woods and I helped her around the house and shopping (I still have fond memories of getting a Hershey bar when I was a good girl at the store and I do the same for my dc). My older siblings were in school, so I had her all to myself. Also, I learned to enjoy my own company while she was busy. It's was the most idyllic time of my childhood.

 

FWIW, I had no trouble transitioning into school at 6. I loved elementary school and was a good student. I don't buy into the idea that K is required.

 

K

(I still love my mommy! - I see her every other weekend and she's the greatest gma ever).

[Sharon in SC]

...other than the fact that I would absolutely, strongly oppose the whole plan. (Placement testing, formally schooling a 4/5 year old day in and day out, etc.) As far as I'm concerned, there is simply no reason ~ partiularly not "social reasons". So. My pair of pennies.

 

:iagree:

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I don't see the problem with her going this year for the social time. I'd fight it, though, if I thought she would be in ps long term, because I do think always being the youngest may not be the best thing (although this is just remembering back to my school days, so I don't really know for sure since I missed the cutoff by a few weeks so I was always the oldest). If she doesn't love it, would there be the option of pulling her out? A full day is a long time for a little person.

 

A full day is a full-time job for a little person. Yes. But she might NEED a full-time job. I'm just simply not sure. Some kids really thrive with that kind of structure. Some kids don't. Most kids don't. But we've got some weird kids and have followed some weird educational paths with them. So I have to remember that, as well.

 

Oh, I've pulled kids out of grades with one month left to go. So I'm totally down with "If it's truly not working, we're outta here."

 

And you're right. This is just one year out of many. If she needs a gap year down the road, we can provide it. And if she needs (or we find we want) a second year of kindergarten, we could do that, too. Maybe... hmmm. Wheels are turning. :001_smile:

[Joanne]

I'd hope that they're not mostly unsupervised, though. That wasn't the case with our first two when they attended K.

 

I used the term "under"supervised. It's been my observation in schools and other institutional settings that kids are under coached, under guided and a lot of stuff flies under the radar of the few adults who are there.

 

A room full of 5 year olds teach each other more 5 year old behavior.

 

I speak from some experience. It was the case in my daycare (operated according to state guidelines in terms of ratio) and when I was employed at a local elementary school.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Here, they have a class called a transition class. Basically, it is like a 2-year kindergarten. The kids in that class look so tiny compared to the other classes.

I don't know what to tell you. Personally, I would not with my children. But I don't like the all day thing anyway. I would wait a year if the choices were only to go this year or the next. But I don't know your dd. I just think that the little ones need to be home more than the long hours at a school. But many others think differently, and that's okay. You have to make a choice that is the best for your dd and your family.

 

What a tough call for you to have to make. I agree with the advice of trying to visit and see what the rooms are like and how their days usually go.

 

Good luck.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Here, they have a class called a transition class. Basically, it is like a 2-year kindergarten. The kids in that class look so tiny compared to the other classes.

I don't know what to tell you. Personally, I would not with my children. But I don't like the all day thing anyway. I would wait a year if the choices were only to go this year or the next. But I don't know your dd. I just think that the little ones need to be home more than the long hours at a school. But many others think differently, and that's okay. You have to make a choice that is the best for your dd and your family.

 

What a tough call for you to have to make. I agree with the advice of trying to visit and see what the rooms are like and how their days usually go.

 

Good luck.

 

The problem with the transition programs and K4 programs here are that they cater to at-risk kids. Great programs, but not a fit for us.

 

Yeah, it's a tough call. And with dh doing the lion's share of parenting right now, he has a strong say in how it's accomplished.

[Joanne]

I re-read the OP. I can't imagine taking a 4 year old for "testing" for any other reason other than evaluating special needs that would require intervention.

 

If you did PS, waiting until she is of age would be completely "normal", average, mainstream.

 

Is your DH in general hostile towards a homeschooling mindset? I find his seemingly autocratic approach at odds with many homeschooling family's approach. In fact, it would bother me tremendously to have my DH (or the kids Dad when we were married) make the appointment and take her without having had discussions first.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I used the term "under"supervised.

 

Ah, sorry I missed that. Yeah, I would agree that this is a possibility.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

The problem with the transition programs and K4 programs here are that they cater to at-risk kids. Great programs, but not a fit for us.

 

Yeah, it's a tough call. And with dh doing the lion's share of parenting right now, he has a strong say in how it's accomplished.

 

I am not sure how they work around here, but I some kids who were younger that were in the class and they were not at-risk kids. But I also saw some that appeared to be in that category as well.

 

 

You're right that some kids truly do thrive on that longer day with peers. Mine would not, so my opinions lean towards that but only because that is my experience. I do know others that do really well with that.

 

Ugh, tough decision!

[readwithem]

i would definitely want to know the "consequences" of her occasionally attending half days. When my dd was in 2nd grade she attended a girls school (we lived in Australia at the time) and many times I would get her at lunch time (she ate late in the day anyway, 1-ish as I recall), take her home for lunch, and spend the afternoon reading great books :) We both needed that time.

 

Also I would be more deliberate (in discussion between you and your dh) about what your long term educational goals are for her. I wouldn't want to take a "wait and see" approach because it's so much easier to maintain the status quo.

 

ETA agreeing that the informal things you mentioned are more than enough at this age.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I re-read the OP. I can't imagine taking a 4 year old for "testing" for any other reason other than evaluating special needs that would require intervention.

 

If you did PS, waiting until she is of age would be completely "normal", average, mainstream.

 

Is your DH in general hostile towards a homeschooling mindset? I find his seemingly autocratic approach at odds with many homeschooling family's approach. In fact, it would bother me tremendously to have my DH (or the kids Dad when we were married) make the appointment and take her without having had discussions first.

 

Hostile? LOL, no. We homeschooled for 8 years, and I can't fathom doing something like that kind of an undertaking without his full support.

 

He's the full-time parent right now. I'm in school full time. He does an awful lot without me, just as I did when I was the full-time parent. I informed him about IQ testing, auditions, placement evals, school "scouting" recon missions (LOL), and developmental appointments well after the fact.

 

I do trust the man, my mate of 23 years and co-parent for 18+. He didn't spring this on me after he'd enrolled her, after all. He just let me know there was an appointment coming up and if I had big objections, I'd better voice them.

 

It's all good. And I don't imagine the "testing" will be anything other than fun for dd.

 

My tendency is to want to wait, as well.

[Pamela H in Texas]

On the other hand, with the flexibility, it's possible she won't be the only older 4 y/o in the class.

 

Probably not if they are that flexible.

 

Honestly, if y'all would send her to school for Kindy anyways and she's mastered everything Kindy, then I would go ahead and send her. I can't imagine holding her back further, really. Adapting the academics will be much easier if she's only a year or two past them than if she were 4 or 5 years past them. No amount of socialization could make up for that sort of stagnation, imo.

 

Honestly, I wouldn't even send her and I agree with the others that 1) she doesn't need formal homeschooling at 4 or 5 yrs old, 2) you are already doing PLENTY and 3) school really doesn't have anything important to offer though it may not be negative either.

 

But if you're gonna send her, I kinda agree with dh--just go ahead and do so.

 

Was that any help?

[readwithem]

The problem with the transition programs and K4 programs here are that they cater to at-risk kids. Great programs, but not a fit for us.

 

Yeah, it's a tough call. And with dh doing the lion's share of parenting right now, he has a strong say in how it's accomplished.

 

 

I think you and I were posting at the same time :) I guess he's parenting while you are at school yourself? That may change things - does he not feel confident in doing her schooling himself? Unsure of what to do with a 4 yo all day long? (I hear that all the time and now that we're in the high school stage I want to scream that I'll gladly buy the time :) but I do understand the sentiment.

[PariSarah]

Isn't kindergarten half-day? Or have they moved to all-day kindergarten now?

 

Honestly, I'd have a hard time choking down all-day kindie for my 4yo. I don't agree with Colleen (*gasp* How did THAT happen?!) that there are no reasons/benefits to kindergarten. We had a lot of reasons to do kindie with ds10 when we were in France, and we reaped lots of benefits. There were drawbacks, though, and I was completely uncomfortable with having him stay all day because of the drawbacks. There was just a smidgeon of "detox"/retraining that needed to happen, and with all-day school, I was pretty sure it would be more than a smidgeon.

 

3hrs a day, though, was perfectly perfect.

 

Is that not an option where you are?

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

i would definitely want to know the "consequences" of her occasionally attending half days. When my dd was in 2nd grade she attended a girls school (we lived in Australia at the time) and many times I would get her at lunch time (she ate late in the day anyway, 1-ish as I recall), take her home for lunch, and spend the afternoon reading great books :) We both needed that time.

 

Also I would be more deliberate (in discussion between you and your dh) about what your long term educational goals are for her. I wouldn't want to take a "wait and see" approach because it's so much easier to maintain the status quo.

 

ETA agreeing that the informal things you mentioned are more than enough at this age.

 

We re-evaluate really carefully every year -- so far, eighteen years worth of it, ack! We've gone down some pretty crazy educational paths in our family. I'm not sure why I'm even surprised dh is considering this one, actually. :)

 

And I believe, but I could be mistaken, that there is no problem removing a child after 11:30. At that point, she is considered to have attended for the full day. I will check, though. Good point to consider.

[Joanne]

Mrs. Pam,

 

Thanks for the clarification on tone and approach. I get it and understand now where he is coming from.

 

I hope that the ultimate decision works for everyone involved. :-)

 

I missed it; what are you taking in school?

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Mrs. Pam,

 

Thanks for the clarification on tone and approach. I get it and understand now where he is coming from.

 

I hope that the ultimate decision works for everyone involved. :-)

 

I missed it; what are you taking in school?

 

I'll graduate -- assuming I pass my mid-curricular HESI exam in Friday :001_huh: -- with my bachelors in nursing in December.

 

Fingers crossed!!

 

:001_smile:

[Pamela H in Texas]

Pam,

 

Assuming you will choose to follow a similar path at first with this child, do you plan on homeschooling AFTER the kindie year? I mean, I know you are taking it a year at a time, but surely you have SOME idea for the next year or two?

 

Just thinking that if you graduate in December, that Kindy this year may be perfect for you to take over schooling her 9 months later. That also gives you 9 months to get used to your new job, come up with a schedule, etc also.

 

Y'all will figure it out :)

Pamela

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I think you and I were posting at the same time :) I guess he's parenting while you are at school yourself? That may change things - does he not feel confident in doing her schooling himself? Unsure of what to do with a 4 yo all day long? (I hear that all the time and now that we're in the high school stage I want to scream that I'll gladly buy the time :) but I do understand the sentiment.

 

Now that we're in the college and boarding high school stage, I just want to BOTTLE the time. But for dh, this is all new.

 

He's perfectly confident in schooling her, but he feels limited with social opportunities. I'm less worried about social opportunities (ya think? lol), but he has a different perspective. I just have to honor that, KWIM? But I just have to give him both sides of the picture, which is why I posted here to make sure that I don't forget some of the info he (and I) should be considering. I don't consider this a completely inconsequential choice.

[Brigitte]

So instead of getting a shower before going to the dining hall for lunch, I am going to respond to this.....

 

Knowing your dd as I do, I would guess that she would be fine going to K as the youngest. She appears to be a tough cookie and definitely not a door mat. However, knowing me as you do, it would be over my dead body that my 4 year old would go to school much less an all day kindergarten. What they learn from the other kids is generally not positive.

 

I suspect that you dh really needs a break, which I completely understand. How much longer do you have in school? Is there light at the end of that tunnel?

 

Have you all looked to see if the university offers something in the way of preschool that would be cheap? If they have an Ed. school, they probably have a program of some sort. I know UVA has (or had) a couple of options for students' children. What about a private school with a half-day kinder.? You know all about financial aid...

 

Gotta run to lunch. I will give this more thought.

 

B

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Pam,

 

Assuming you will choose to follow a similar path at first with this child, do you plan on homeschooling AFTER the kindie year? I mean, I know you are taking it a year at a time, but surely you have SOME idea for the next year or two?

 

Just thinking that if you graduate in December, that Kindy this year may be perfect for you to take over schooling her 9 months later. That also gives you 9 months to get used to your new job, come up with a schedule, etc also.

 

Y'all will figure it out :)

Pamela

 

Hmmm. True. I hadn't thought about that.

 

Nope, no clue after this year. LOL, I'm pathetic, I know. Depends what doors open up. Or what windows we're able to sneak through. Thanks for the encouragement.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

 

 

Obviously you have some objection, why not share it with your dh and see what happens?

 

 

I will. I just have to flesh out my objection, KWIM? I'm not sure if it's a short-term objection or a long-term one.

 

Thanks for the encouragement!

[Old Dominion Heather]

My only observation is that east Tennessee is not exactly known for their stellar school programs, though there are excellent teachers in every school system, I am sure.

 

I would not even consider it unless I could go in and observe and then request a teacher.

 

Other factors would include:

 

Is she small for her age?

Is she socially outgoing?

How academic is the program? For instance, schools in VA are so obsessed with the SOL's the kindergartener's have homework.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

 

3hrs a day, though, was perfectly perfect.

 

Is that not an option where you are?

 

It is if we go private. But we're not ready to commit to both parents having full-time obligations yet. We'd rather have one of us have full-time flexibility. So, therefore, hence... no private K.

[Brigitte]

I'll graduate -- assuming I pass my mid-curricular HESI exam in Friday :001_huh: -- with my bachelors in nursing in December.

 

Fingers crossed!!

 

:001_smile:

 

You could be moving then, say, in January? So, she would have one semester at one school, then moving on to another in January? I would try to come up with other options for social stuff rather than dealing with all that. You can tell him I said so. :D

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

but I just love how your dh and yourself allow the one with the most conviction to rule over the dead body person ;)

 

As for me, I would probably prefer my child to go to school as the youngest rather than the oldest, depending on the strength of the child. Even if you send your dd to K for social reason, she will be getting a start on her education. If she is already ahead and waits a year so she is the youngest, the educational portion of K will be "boring" as she will already have mastered those skills. If she isn't, heck, she will be more challenged and even in K (IMHO), PS just does not do much in the way of challenging. Still teaching to the lowest common denominator in many instances.

 

I have two dd's, one is 4 and one is 5. They have 2 friends from different families. One is almost the same age as the 4 yo (by one day) and one is 6. My 4yo dd plays better with the 6yo and my 5 yo dd plays better with the 4 yo friend. Age really doesn't matter in social respects at this point (and rarely at other points IMHO). Her being the youngest in the class won't harm her socially I think. It is just a few months difference.

 

That is just me and I guess I did have something more to say ;)

 

Thanks. This reflects how dh feels, but it's clearer coming from someone (you, I mean) who can actually articulate it. :D

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

You could be moving then, say, in January? So, she would have one semester at one school, then moving on to another in January? I would try to come up with other options for social stuff rather than dealing with all that. You can tell him I said so. :D

 

No, I have indentured servitude at the local hospital for three years. So we'd be here for awhile.

 

I'll tell him. LOL

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

...other than the fact that I would absolutely, strongly oppose the whole plan. (Placement testing, formally schooling a 4/5 year old day in and day out, etc.) As far as I'm concerned, there is simply no reason ~ partiularly not "social reasons". So. My pair of pennies.

 

 

Yeah, I know. I'm just not as strongly opposed, hence my problem convincing him to feel the same way.

[Mandamom]

is to maybe talk to some parents who have attended the class and see what they have to say about the teachers and the class. If you talk to one or two who have been through it before you'll probably get a good feeling as to whether or not you should send her this year or next year. I'm not sure whether your daughter should go this year or next year but if she gets another year at home academically she'll still be way ahead of the rest of her class so that won't change. Socially, my now 12 year old has a November birthday and didn't have any problems in full-day K nor did my September now 15 year old. They were both the youngest in the classroom and it didn't seem to make a huge difference. Although for my 12 year old I'm now seeing that in 7th grade he's having some social issue and part of it is that some of the kids are now almost 2 years older than he is.

 

I have to start this by saying that my local elementary school is fantastic and if it weren't my kids wouldn't be there. The K curriculum is significantly harder than it was a few years ago and as such is more academic than it was even 7 years ago (all four of my school age kids attended full-day K) although it doesn't appear that way since everything is so hands-on. Due to a lot of parents holding their kids back there are a lot of 7 years olds in my daughter's class (she's not 6 yet) particularly boys. Our classrooms tend to have a lot of parent volunteers so usually there are 2-3 adults in a class of 19 or 20. They do a good bit of handwriting and learning to read exercises -- my daughter was the only one who could read until March when several others picked up the ability -- and a variety of K science and social studies.

 

I have been extraordinarily lucky in getting a teacher who is almost individually putting together my daughter's school work herself just to meet her needs. Her teacher works with my daughter daily, she adjusts the homework (not much writing letters once/week) for my dd and has otherwise allowed my dd to progress in her learning when I figured it would be a year of stagnation academically, other than what I was doing at home.

 

Our school has the "testing" option for those kids who miss the K cut off by a certain point (usually 2-3 months and although my dd didn't take it, it is more of an evaluation to see if they are ready for the classroom.

 

Oh and BTW, I tend toward your parenting style with the "wandering around parent supervision style" and find it works well in this household.

 

So, I just wanted to share our K experience although I realize that not everyone has one like it or will even ever agree that it is best.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I saw no reason for a 5 year old (much less a 4 year old) to be separated from a parent for 6-7 hours/5 days a week. I didn't even go to K as it was not available in my county in '72.

 

BTW' date=' I LOVED BEING WITH MY MOMMY! We went on walks in the woods and I helped her around the house and shopping (I still have fond memories of getting a Hershey bar when I was a good girl at the store and I do the same for my dc). My older siblings were in school, so I had her all to myself. Also, I learned to enjoy my own company while she was busy. It's was the most idyllic time of my childhood.

 

FWIW, I had no trouble transitioning into school at 6. I loved elementary school and was a good student. I don't buy into the idea that K is required.

 

K

(I still love my mommy! - I see her every other weekend and she's the greatest gma ever).[/quote']

 

I know, and dd does love being with her daddy. Daddy's just trying to cover all the bases, I think.

 

Good points, all. I don't think K is required. For us, it's just dessert, not a meal.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

My only observation is that east Tennessee is not exactly known for their stellar school programs, though there are excellent teachers in every school system, I am sure.

 

I would not even consider it unless I could go in and observe and then request a teacher.

 

Other factors would include:

 

Is she small for her age?

Is she socially outgoing?

How academic is the program? For instance, schools in VA are so obsessed with the SOL's the kindergartener's have homework.

 

 

She's a tall-ish 4 y/o. Well co-ordinated, no motor delays, nothing outstanding about her (in a good way, I mean -- not a bully magnet). She's very VERY outgoing. Academics are already mastered, so it's a non-issue, even if they have homework.

 

East TN can be hot and cold. In a university town, there's a propensity toward support of strong programs. But since we really don't send her for academics...

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Our classrooms tend to have a lot of parent volunteers so usually there are 2-3 adults in a class of 19 or 20. They do a good bit of handwriting and learning to read exercises -- my daughter was the only one who could read until March when several others picked up the ability -- and a variety of K science and social studies.

 

 

So, I just wanted to share our K experience although I realize that not everyone has one like it or will even ever agree that it is best.

 

You know, dh would be doing a significant amount of volunteer time at the school. At least, I assume so. I shall ask him.

 

Even though ds did meet the cutoff for his K class, my biggest regret is that I didn't recognize the need to hold him back a year or take a gap year between 8th and 9th. But I have to remember that dd is NOT ds. Not even close. So I've got to evaluate, like I say I always do, realistically each year for each child.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

So instead of getting a shower before going to the dining hall for lunch, I am going to respond to this.....

 

Knowing your dd as I do, I would guess that she would be fine going to K as the youngest. She appears to be a tough cookie and definitely not a door mat. However, knowing me as you do, it would be over my dead body that my 4 year old would go to school much less an all day kindergarten. What they learn from the other kids is generally not positive.

 

I suspect that you dh really needs a break, which I completely understand. How much longer do you have in school? Is there light at the end of that tunnel?

 

Have you all looked to see if the university offers something in the way of preschool that would be cheap? If they have an Ed. school, they probably have a program of some sort. I know UVA has (or had) a couple of options for students' children. What about a private school with a half-day kinder.? You know all about financial aid...

 

Gotta run to lunch. I will give this more thought.

 

B

 

Lottery for university school (K-12) ended in Feb, and I expected to have the conversation about it next November. Grrr. That would have been free, paid by the district.

 

University preschool is NOT cheap. Holy cow. University drop-in care is cheap, but I don't like the lack of continuity. It's WONderful for an hour at the gym; less so for more regular care.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I've probably missed answering someone, but I gotta run. I'll check back later on.

[Doran]

Lottery for university school (K-12) ended in Feb, and I expected to have the conversation about it next November. Grrr. That would have been free, paid by the district.

 

University preschool is NOT cheap. Holy cow. University drop-in care is cheap, but I don't like the lack of continuity. It's WONderful for an hour at the gym; less so for more regular care.

 

 

Both of ours attended a local, church-run, preschool and K. The preschool was half day, three days per week. K was half day three days a week and 5 hours the other two days. It was not "cheap", but still affordable for a couple who have a fairly small income. The time the kids were away afforded me, the full time parent, a few needed hours alone to work and think. The time in class afforded our children exposure to a small group of children whose families may or may not have had different ideals than ours. It was a good fit. It didn't change their overall character. And, it didn't last forever.

 

Could it be that there is a program you've (dh has) overlooked that would be a compromise between the University School which is bygone until next year, the drop-in program which sounds like less of a choice than ps, and an expensive private situation?

 

Really, though, if you're not strongly opposed (and I find it very interesting that both of your children are in favor), maybe there's a good reason. It doesn't sound as if you have any real concerns about her "youngness". Our baby was the same (more so) with a birthday at the very end of December. I had no doubt that she could carry off being with the other children. She just could.

 

The Pam I know is either pretty intuitive and/or intellectual about these kinds of decisions. If nothing has kicked in to change the ambivalence, perhaps you should listen to that. Maybe it's your answer. :)

 

Doran