Overwhelmed

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I'm not really sure there is a point to this thread, and nobody really needs to respond, but I think I just need a moment to vent.

 

I'm feeling so overwhelmed right now. I feel like I'm being pulled in 943 different directions. DH is a full time student and needs my assistance, whether it be with homework, or just keeping the kids out of his way so he can study, etc. I'm, obviously, HSing DD (10yr), and she has a slew of issues including newly diagnosed ADHD, depression, and anxiety. She really takes a lot of time and energy. I have a busy 3yr old who wants my attention and has VERY time consuming medical issues, and an almost one year old who is still nursing and needs his mama. Because DH is a full time student, I am primarily responsible for most household duties including bills/paperwork (consent forms, etc), cleaning, laundry, garbage, dr appts, etc. I run a photography business that I'm DESPERATELY trying to ramp up, so I can have some income. DH is unemployed and unemployment will be running out in 3 weeks. I'm getting VERY nervous. Oh...AND....I'm a full time student, taking medical transcription courses online. I'm soooooooo behind in my school work that they are threatening me with failure to progress.

 

I just can't keep up, and I don't even know where to start. Sigh. I turned in an assignment in an effort to at least show some progress and it turns out it was an assignment out of an older syllabus (they update it ALL the time) and now I have to re-do it. BUT....I can't find the CD I need to do it. I just can't win.

 

Okay....I think that's all I have to complain about. Thanks for "listening".

[Jen in PA]

:grouphug:

[Natalieclare]

Wow, that's a lot to wrap your head around. You need more :grouphug:, so: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:.

[BeckyFL]

I can't imagine how you can keep up with it all. No wonder you're overwhelmed. If it's ok, I'll pray for you!!:grouphug:

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I can't imagine how you can keep up with it all. No wonder you're overwhelmed. If it's ok, I'll pray for you!!:grouphug:

 

Absolutely okay :) And truth be told....I'm not keeping up with it all. I'm falling further and further behind everyday. I've only been hsing for 2 months and I'm already falling behind in planning, and structure. Poor DD hasn't done a full day's work in weeks, because I haven't had assignments laid out for her like I should.

[Starr]

There are only so many hours in a day. I would let dh take some things off of your plate. :grouphug: My dh did a full time PhD program and worked full time. The kids were little and it was awful. I'm with you!

[Caitilin]

:grouphug::grouphug:If I were you, I would quit HSing for the year RIGHT NOW, and take as much of a breather as possible. I don't think it's humanly possible to do all that you're doing (or trying to do!) and do much (or any??) of it well. :grouphug::grouphug: Is there anything on that list you can drop, anything at all? I will be thinking of you. Take care of yourself, because if you don't, you won't be able to take care of your dc either, and that isn't what you want. :grouphug:again.

[Dandelion]

Wow... You have a LOT going on!! No wonder you're feeling overwhelmed... I think it's wonderful that you're being so supportive of your DH, but honestly, it sounds like you have WAY more on your plate than he does at the moment. Seems a bit unbalanced to me (he's a full-time student - you're a full-time student, you're homeschooling, you're running the household AND you're trying to ramp up your business at the same time??!). Can DH take on more of the household responsibilities so that you can catch your breath and get (at least a little) caught up?

 

Hope you find a solution that will work for everyone and :grouphug:!!

[Michelle in AL]

:iagree:

 

I would encourage you to ask your dh for help. Let him choose perhaps from a list of options, but allow him to pick up something. It's not healthy for one person to shoulder the majority of the work so everyone else's life can be less stressful (ask me how I know ;)).

 

If you reread your post, your dh, is not working, not taking on as much of the family responsibilities, but is going to school full time. Your list is much longer. I think a family functions better working as a team.

 

I hope my post doesn't come across as harsh, I've just lived this life too and am just now seeing the consequences.

[RanchGirl]

Unless you have some superhuman capabilities, it sounds like way too much for one mama to be doing! You didn't ask for advice but if I may offer some, I think I would have a meeting with my dh and figure out how to make some major changes, for your own sanity and for the good of the family. You can do it all, but you can't do it all *at the same time*.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I don't disagree at all. I've tried getting him to pickup some of the slack with some of the paperwork stuff that really eats up my mind and time, but he just never gets it done. I've been on him for over a month to contact the mortgage company about our denied modification, all the while we've been paying our reduced payments and incurring late fees since they no longer recognize us as being in our "trial period". If I relied on him to get all this done, it will never happen. I'd love for him to take over some of that stuff (mailing in documentation for this or that, filling out paperwork for something else, etc...), but it jsut doesn't work.

 

As for housework....he does pitch in some (dishes, laundry, and general cleanup mostly), but that's it. He does struggle with bigger housework, because he has a spinal cord injury that leaves him "disabled" (which is why I am responsible for cleaning out gutters, mowing the lawn, etc). He was a quadrapalegic after the injury and has recovered to a functional state, but can't be climbing on ladders, etc.

[Peela]

You are a fulltime student, trying to run a business, and a full time mum with all the incredible amount of work that entails with littlies.You are doing all the housework. And you are HOMESCHOOLING. Another full time job- and your dd has learning issues which means she needs extra attention. On top of that you are trying to keep your 3 kids, who are at home, out of your dh's way.

 

Your dh is a fulltime student.

 

What is wrong with this picture?

 

Tell your dh to go to the library to study or at least buy earphones and be patient.

Organise a roster for him to help you run your home together. Are you partners, or are you the family servant?

 

OK, should have read the other posts first. Still, you need to stand up for yourself.

[katemary63]

List your responsibilities in the order of most important to least. Then eliminate the bottom two. For me, that would be my own school and the business because homeschooling and running the household simply have to be done. You have to decide what it is for you. You might decide that your schooling is more important then homeschooling your kids right now. But come on. SOMETHING has to go.

 

You do realize that you can't do all these things and be successfull at any of them, don't you? It would be nice if your DH did more to even things out, but it sounds like from what you are saying, that is not going to happen. So you are going to have to do what you have to do to make your life reasonable. It doesn't make any sense to keep trying to do the impossible.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

:grouphug:

[LisaKinVA]

I'm sorry -- praying things will lighten for you. I know how difficult the situation must feel.:grouphug:

[Liz CA]

By the way, unemployment can be extended. Check into it. Some EDD agencies do it automatically.

 

Can you put your Medical Transcription courses on hold and focus on your photography - or if you'd rather be a transcriptionist, put the photography business on hold?

 

Do you have some family/friends/good neighbors around that can support you, babysit now and then etc.?

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug: I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed and frustrated right now. It must be very difficult to manage all those things on your own. I hope you can find some way that your dh can help lighten your load.

[NanceXToo]

Wow, that IS a lot to deal with. You need help- and you should not be afraid to ask for it! It sounds like your husband needs to be giving you HIS assistance, not the other way around. Look how many single moms go to school and work AND take care of kids- your husband is "only" going to school and when he comes home, he should be helping you with everything else, not expecting you to keep "the kids out of his way."

 

Do the kids have any grandparents nearby who might be able to help out a bit more with the kids? Watching them and maybe helping them with some of their work while you do school, or playing with your three year old while you work with your 10 year old, etc?

 

If your daughter is going to end up (or has just recently ended up) on medication for her issues, she may start to become a bit easier to deal with. Three is a tough age in general (I always joke that the "terrible twos" were just practice for parenting a three year old), and if your almost one year old is anything like my now four year old was when he was that age, nursing was a part-time job in and of itself- although perhaps you could nurse him from within a sling or something that will keep your hands free for doing other things? I know it doesn't help right now but they will likely become easier as time goes on, the three year old won't stay three forever, the one year old won't nurse forever....

 

With all that said, I also think you have no choice but to pick and choose your priorities right now. I don't think you should put very much energy into a photography business (or any at all, in fact) if you are a full time student with everything else going on- focus on school and the kids and on getting your husband or other relatives to help you out with those two things. If you are desperate for money and you are a full time student and your husband is a full time student on Unemployment, there must be some sort of government aid you guys can qualify for if you need help- whether it is food stamps, medicaid, help with your electric bill, or whatever the case may be.

 

Talk to counselors at school and ask if there is any help or leeway they can give you so you don't have the stress of the whole "failure to progress" thing on your shoulders on top of everything else.

 

And don't stress too much about whether your oldest is completing full days of school or whatever right now, pick the very basics you want her to keep up with and do it barebones for now, without a lot of busywork, and if she's got educational hobbies or things she's into, let her focus on those.

 

How much schooling do you and/or your husband have left? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel anytime soon?

 

Good luck, I really do hope everything starts looking up for you.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Grandparents? Yes and no. My mom is in town, but works full time, and has a 16yr old boy who is involved in sports and is a handful on his own. My IL's live an hour away, but also both work full time, so are really only available to help out on the weekends.

 

DD started medication yesterday, so I'm hopeful that getting the ADHD stuff under control will help with the anxiety and depression. I really think (as does her psychologist) that a lot of her emotional turmoil comes from feeling like a failure and "being in trouble" all the time.

 

As far as my schooling. I would drop it in a heartbeat and focus solely on photography (a business I've been running for over 2yrs), but my mom cosigned on the loan ($4,000+) and has been on me to finish. It's kind of supposed to be "something to fall back on" since I can do it from home and bring in an income when photography is slow. I'm not making enough from photography to cover what I need to cover. I was given 18 months to finish my school, and that 18 months will be up in June. My daughter's (the 3yr old) health issues began in July of last year and school got pushed back at that point. That's why they're on me about my failure to progress. I can qualify for the extension due to my circumstances, but only after I've shown x amount of progress, and at $75/month. Otherwise I lose all the tuition money I paid and would have to totally re-enroll and pay tuition all over again in order to finish.

 

As far as unemployment....DH does get an extension for going to school, but that only takes you as far as your acct can support it and unfortunately, his unemployment acct will be empty at the end of this month. He's been applying for 5-10 jobs a day for months upon months and nothing has panned out yet. We are already on food stamps and state medical for the kids (we, as adults, don't qualify and are living without medical insurance). I have applied for a modification for our mortgage and was approved 2x for it, but then got a denial letter in the end, which I'm still working on fighting (adding to that paperwork load). I've also applied for Income Based Repayment on my student loans from 10yrs ago (again, more paperwork to gather and fax). We had energy assistance to help with our gas bill this winter. I'm not sure there's a whole lot more out there.

 

DH was/is an auto mechanic (so all he had was an auto mechanic's certificate), but after his spinal cord injury he isn't able to work as fast as a shop would require of him, so he's been working desk jobs for the last 10+yrs and he's just found recently that being up against people with college degrees is hurting him. He is just a few days away from completing his first year at the local community college, so he's got a number of years left. He needed quite a few pre-requisites, so I'm not even sure he can complete his 4yr in 4yrs. It may end up being more like 5yrs, and that's assuming that once he gets a job he can still go full time.

 

I already talked to DH last night and I've already decided that I will pull DD back to just basics for now. I don't want to mess with her routine too much, and would definitely like to try to keep some structure for her. If nothing else so we can see if the medication is working, but I also really think it helps her.

 

Now....if I could just find that CD so I could complete my assignment.

[May]

Sounds like you have alot going on. Can something be put on hold for the time being?

[jenL]

You've already received some great suggestions, and I have nothing further to add. However, I will pray for you and give you some :grouphug:.

 

Remember, everything is TEMPORARY. It may be awful while in it, but it will not last forever.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Oooh...oooh....oooh!!! I FOUND THE CD!!!! I found it, I found it, I found it!! I could dance right now :)

 

That said, it's giving me error messages and isn't helping me finish my assignment, but I found it! LOL

[Renee in NC]

If your student loans are federally backed, you can get a forbearance based on receipt of food stamps alone. It's an Economic Hardship deferment.

[Lovedtodeath]

Wow Kristin I am only dealing with about half that.:grouphug:

 

I am impressed that you are merely surviving. really.