Bulimic daughter won't go to rehab

[Margaret in GA]

Same sister? If so I might tell older dd not to help anymore.

 

Have you looked into support groups in your area? ANAD http://www.anad.org/ might be of some help. It takes a while I think to get into some places so while you are waiting it would be nice to have support for her. A therapist would be good too even though I know you said she tried it but really sometimes it takes a while before someone clicks. I would also try to get her blood work done to make sure her electrolytes and potassium adn whatever else is all normal. This is a really good site for information http://www.something-fishy.org/dangers/dangers.php They have lists of support groups and therapists and a forum for loved ones I think.

 

:grouphug:

 

I agree. I'm no expert, but I do think older sis needs to stay out of it.

 

Hugs to you!!! You'll get through this, just remember she is a child and needs your love and guidance.

 

Margaret

[Dooley]

Yes, it is the same sister. I know its hard to understand unless you are in our shoes, but older dd has been affected with all this too. One of her gripes was that bulimic dd was restricted from the computer a few weeks ago (I thought at the time things were better and I felt more willing to treat her "normal" - she has been REALLY slacking off in schoolwork and I finally said no computer, no phone until you catch up) - even though restricted and normally compliant, she has been on the computer everyday. She is upset that her lines of communication are cut and she really needs to talk to people. Normally, I would be unmoved, but with all that is going on, I have been more lenient about punishing her for disobeying me. Older dd sees this and feels its unfair. It is. This is part of my confusion with how to handle things - where is the line that is crossed into enabling a person? Where is the line I cross when I have ceased to help and have begun to be part of the pain?

 

Its not as easy as one might think. I do have 3 other kids and this whole family is affected with this disorder. I can't shut them and their feelings off (though lots of times I have). It is a real juggling act.

[vettechmomof2]

bulmia is a mental disorder though not just a eating disorder and yes it does affect the whole family.

Finding a group counselor would be recommended because your other children do need to relaize that it will affect them as well as your daughter who has the problem.

Your daughter with the ed needs to be treated as someone with a severe illness, the likelehood of it getting better on her own in a short time is very, very unlikely. And unfortunately her telling lies is a part of the disease. She needs help now. As a family you need to have her see and doctor who hopefully has an understanding of ed's and can help guide you in the process of recovery but your other children will go through a grieving like reaction to this. Most people go through a full process when family members are sick and they will need to understand what is happening to them as well as to their ill sister.

The ministry sounds great and no she should not be able to attend California right now. She is an ill person who does not understand enough yet to change.She is suffering severely and you can aid her in recovery. Both ed's and cutting are hard things for many people to understand but both of those things are making her feel better so she probaly sees no reason to stop (even if she says she will). They both release endorphins into the body physically making her feel better.

Hang in there but you all need help!

[mamamace]

I have also struggled in the area of bulimia both with vomiting and exercise. Long story short, these disorders are a manifestation of anxiety and depression. Everyone in my family is either on anxiety or depression medication.

 

I highly recommend having her brain chemicals checked through a company called Neuroscience. www.neurorelief.com This was the best money I've ever spent. You give a urine sample, and they test everything from serotonin to dopamine to GABA and beyond. Brain chemicals have a delicate balance, and many times one anti-depressant or anti-anxiety does not treat the whole system but focuses only on one. They are all interconnected and dependent on one another so they give you a plan to treat the system as a whole using natural products like amino acids and vitamins. There is a great info section on their website. I couldn't believe the difference once I was on the program for a few weeks. I stayed on them for awhile but am now off b/c the imbalance was corrected. I do take some amino acids regularly that help with "calmness" b/c I know my tendency is to be anxious.

 

Once you can get a healthy balance, then you can really focus on the thinking patterns behind some of her problems and pain. But when your chemical levels are out very of whack, it's difficult to nearly impossible to just "change" your thinking.

 

Praying for recovery and restoration!

[Blessedfamily]

I have also struggled in the area of bulimia both with vomiting and exercise. Long story short, these disorders are a manifestation of anxiety and depression. Everyone in my family is either on anxiety or depression medication.

 

I highly recommend having her brain chemicals checked through a company called Neuroscience. www.neurorelief.com This was the best money I've ever spent. You give a urine sample, and they test everything from serotonin to dopamine to GABA and beyond. Brain chemicals have a delicate balance, and many times one anti-depressant or anti-anxiety does not treat the whole system but focuses only on one. They are all interconnected and dependent on one another so they give you a plan to treat the system as a whole using natural products like amino acids and vitamins. There is a great info section on their website. I couldn't believe the difference once I was on the program for a few weeks. I stayed on them for awhile but am now off b/c the imbalance was corrected. I do take some amino acids regularly that help with "calmness" b/c I know my tendency is to be anxious.

 

Once you can get a healthy balance, then you can really focus on the thinking patterns behind some of her problems and pain. But when your chemical levels are out very of whack, it's difficult to nearly impossible to just "change" your thinking.

 

Praying for recovery and restoration!

 

Oh wow. What great info. I didn't know this could be tested so conveniently.

[lovemykids]

I haven’t read all the replies (sorry if this is just repeated info), but your dd does need more help than she’s getting, as you are aware. If she’s not feeling comfortable at the eating disorder meetings she attends, she needs another source of help. Make sure that they specialize in eating disorders. I would get her a therapist that she can relate to. Someone who’s been there done that. It looks like there are a few eating disorder clinics in NC, if you can’t afford anything else I would try to place her into one of those.

I do know a family who lost a child to this disease. Best wishes, mom, this is very hard to deal with.

:grouphug:

[TravelingChris]

Do you have health insurance? If not, can you get her on a state health insurance plan for children? This is an emergency especially if she is about to turn 18. You need to get her into a program now before she turns 18. You have all the power while they are under 18 and only the power of discontinuing supporting them when they are over 18. I will pray for you.

[Joanne]

I'm praying.

 

I don't pretend to have experience, personal or professional, in this area.

 

One thing that might help you "understand" and "respond" is that both the ed and the cutting are coping mechanisms. Not good or healthy ones, obviously. But they are coping mechanisms and "skills" to deal with her life. She won't heal if they are taken away from her. She needs to build healthy coping skills, with support and information, and the ED and cutting will diminish as health skills are practiced and sustained.

[lovemykids]

I'm praying.

 

I don't pretend to have experience, personal or professional, in this area.

 

One thing that might help you "understand" and "respond" is that both the ed and the cutting are coping mechanisms. Not good or healthy ones, obviously. But they are coping mechanisms and "skills" to deal with her life. She won't heal if they are taken away from her. She needs to build healthy coping skills, with support and information, and the ED and cutting will diminish as health skills are practiced and sustained.

 

True. She needs therapy. If she will not go to a center, try to find her a therapist who has recovered from an eating disorder herself.

 

She needs to work through a lot of things. It might take awhile, much longer than six months. It could take years...but it's possible. Just be prepared for a long ride with this one. Hopefully she'll hop on the road to recovery. :)

[Dooley]

yeah, Blue Cross Blue Shield does not cover eating disorders! We are on our own. Mercy Ministries did send us a list of places to check out until we can get accepted by them. I just pray she will COMMIT and be accepted. She will call them tomorrow!

[Starr]

I'm praying for her and that she will accept the strength to make the call.

[kwg]

Is there a reason she has to go to rehab as opposed to outpatient treatment?

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

My niece was treated for anorexia at the local Children's Hospital (Seattle area). From what I understand, she had a 4 to 6-week in patient stay as well as follow-up visits over the last 3 to 4 years (yes, it's a long battle). I believe she was referred to them by a local pediatrician after being treated for heart problems brought on by low potassium and excessive weight loss. I think this was an ER visit, but not sure.

 

I think Children's is a non-profit and they only charged by brother according to his ability to pay. He did not go bankrupt treating her.

 

Her treatment was semi-successful. She still reverts to her anorexic/bulimic behaviors when stressed/angry, but much less frequently. She hangs around a bad crowd and is a party girl, so there are other issues beyond the ed that complicate her life.

 

You might want to call your local Children's Hospital to see what services they can provide.

 

:grouphug:

[Dooley]

In patient as opposed to outpatient. She is having problems with what is going on in our home, as she percieves it. Of course the obvious problems between her and our oldest...but also with me, now that I have been on her about not doing schoolwork. She started out the year great - so much so that I let her "do her own thing", as she wanted to prove she could finish this year in half the time. I took my hands off her and...she crashed. I got upset, I dropped a class, I had to pull her out of her co-op classes because she was failing, I showed her that her choices are putting graduation and GPA scores in jeopardy. Our relationship became strained. Our ds doesnt interact with her because he is afraid to do something wrong. Our youngest shares a room with her and they clash.....she needs to get away from the stressors, be able to look at them with new eyes, and find a better way to deal with .... life...

[Dmmetler]

Have you looked into what your local ps can offer? I hesitate to suggest it, because heaven knows ps pressures have contributed to a lot of eating disorders, but many school systems will have some form of in-house support program and therapy, and maybe it would take the school pressure out of the family dynamic until she can get into a program.

[KristenS]

You said Blue Cross doesn't cover eating disorders ... but can you get a doc to label her with something else that it might cover? If there's an eating disorder, there's gotta be some depression or anxiety or something else, which I would think they DO cover (they cover my psych and meds, at least the plan we're on). And the eating disorder has got to be wreaking havoc with her innards, so there may be something else you can work on too. (I worry about this myself ... my panic originally manifested itself as several years of throwing up ... I am afraid to think what damage that did ... sigh. Not bulimic ... but I sure do limit what I eat now for fear of going through all that again.)

 

ETA: Yes, it's a long battle. I had a college friend who I met after she'd been through anorexia treatment, and was still seeing a nutritionist. I also happened to work with her mom (small world), and she kind of asked me to befriend her daughter and keep an eye on her. (I would've anyway, as I liked her.) It was interesting to watch her struggle with choices ... and of course I didn't always know what to say. But just being friends was good. Wish that friendship had lasted longer though.

[TechWife]

I wanted to come back here to see if you know about House of Hope in Clayton, NC. They do a sliding scale. They work exclusively with teen girls and on a variety of issues. You may want to check them out.

[Dooley]

I called House of Hope and they dont really do Eating Disorders. I was supposed to talk to one of the ladies more, but have not done it....my daughter has since made several more calls to Mercy Ministries and while balking at the time commitment and the fact she cant have contact with us during the week, seems to be interested more as time goes by.

 

Its almost as if all the other doors have closed and this is the only one that remains open. I pray that she keeps calling MM and goes for it! Thank you so much for thinking to post here, friend!

[Blessedfamily]

I've been digging and digging trying to find this thread. I couldn't remember who's daughter was having the issues. Now I remember.

 

I think of you all often, so please keep updating.