Do you randomly get asked about your ethnicity?

[Hedgehogs4]

I don't, but then I don't look at all ethnic or exotic. :sad: I used to be your basic heinz variety blond/blue girl. Now I am well, I don't what color my hair is. :tongue_smilie:

 

My children do though, as they are half Asian. [Dh and I joke that the only thing we are good at is making beautiful children.] :D

 

I could have posted this...except to add that people have asked me if my children were "mine" as opposed to adopted from someplace else, like asia.

[duckens]

I can only think of how my old boss would answer this question. He had grown up in China, but came to U.Mich for college. He spoke English, but had a Chinese accent.

 

"I'm American. I was born in Michigan."

 

...which was true. His parents had been students at U.Mich when he was born in 1935.

 

I LOVED that he didn't bend to others' rude questions. He was a famous scientist. If someone wanted his ethnicity, they could find it on WIKI. :lol::lol::lol:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Is it rude to ask others? I wouldn't ask someone based on skin color... but a strong accent or head covering would have me curious. We are around a lot of international students... I've become more accustomed to asking where they are from because none of them are from these parts.

 

I probably wouldn't ask someone passing in a store. But, someone who I have opportunity to talk with, I would ask. Should I not ask?

 

Gosh!! I hope not or else I am being unintentionally rude all the time. I live in a big tourist area have always enjoyed talking to the tourists and welcoming them to my state. I pretty much always ask them where they are visiting from and if they are enjoying their time here. I've always thought of it as trying to be friendly and welcoming. I hope that I am not being taken as rude. :(

 

Asking someone who has said they are out of town because they are visiting or are a student where they are from is not rude, it is kind small talk. Not believing them and arguing with them when they answer you is rude. (And yes I've had this happen to me. "Where are you from?" "__________". "No you're not." "Yes, I am.". . .:glare:)

 

I don't think it is rude to say "What a beautiful accent" or "What beautiful children" which is kind. But if someone doesn't jump on the bandwagon and tell you where they are from, don't push. Remember that there is a line between what is appropriate small talk which is designed to find commonalities between people and satisfying every curiosity you might have ever had regarding someone from another country or another ethnicity.

 

As has come up in adoption threads, don't ask re. a child who looks different from their parents, "Are they really yours?"

 

Don't use an ethnic slur when asking someone if they qualify for the honor. (Dh has been asked, "Are you a Chink?")

[Ibbygirl]

Asking someone who has said they are out of town because they are visiting or are a student where they are from is not rude, it is kind small talk. Not believing them and arguing with them when they answer you is rude. (And yes I've had this happen to me. "Where are you from?" "__________". "No you're not." "Yes, I am.". . .:glare:)

 

I don't think it is rude to say "What a beautiful accent" or "What beautiful children" which is kind. But if someone doesn't jump on the bandwagon and tell you where they are from, don't push. Remember that there is a line between what is appropriate small talk which is designed to find commonalities between people and satisfying every curiosity you might have ever had regarding someone from another country or another ethnicity.

 

As has come up in adoption threads, don't ask re. a child who looks different from their parents, "Are they really yours?"

 

Don't use an ethnic slur when asking someone if they qualify for the honor. (Dh has been asked, "Are you a Chink?")

 

 

Lord have mercy I would never use and ethnic slur against anyone!! I'm hoping your entire post wasn't directed at me. I certainly pay attention to people's body language when I'm speaking to them and usually only welcome them anyway and ask them where they're from. I wouldn't push anyone to talk if it's obvious they don't want to. They're here to have a good time after all. It's just after reading some of the comments here on this thread I began to wonder if my chattiness could be misconstrued as rudeness. I certainly would never ask a person if their children were their own. That's just awful.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Lord have mercy I would never use and ethnic slur against anyone!! I'm hoping your entire post wasn't directed at me. I certainly pay attention to people's body language when I'm speaking to them and usually only welcome them anyway and ask them where they're from. I wouldn't push anyone to talk if it's obvious they don't want to. They're here to have a good time after all. It's just after reading some of the comments here on this thread I began to wonder if my chattiness could be misconstrued as rudeness. I certainly would never ask a person if their children were their own. That's just awful.

 

The only reason I quoted you and Stacy was because you were asking if what I would consider kind small talk was rude. And I don't think it is. Then I was giving the counterpoint of what I did consider rude.

[Ibbygirl]

The only reason I quoted you and Stacy was because you were asking if what I would consider kind small talk was rude. And I don't think it is. Then I was giving the counterpoint of what I did consider rude.

 

Phew!! Thanks for the clarification. I wasn't sure if all of it were directed to us or just the first part. :) Internet dynamics can be so tricky sometimes. ;)

[Ester Maria]

Does it bother you that your daughters are growing up without understanding Italian subtleties?

 

I'm curious because I just moved out of the country with my son, and I wonder about these things.

I can't tell you how much. :)

It took me a LOT of time and conscious effort and even some self-censorship to overcome it and to realize that, a, the longer we're here, the more American they'll be and there's nothing we can OR SHOULD do about it (I mean yes, maybe I can ghettoize them in "little Italy" or go religious and ghettoize them within their Jewish identity, but - do I want an ethnically and culturally ghettoized child?), and b, that once we go back, they'll probably always retain a slight note of an "American flavor" to themselves which cannot be erased because they've lived here for way too long for nothing to remain in their ways, manners, speech, set of cultural associations they'll make, etc. Even if we left for Italy tomorrow (I wish :D), they would never be able to have the kind of relationship with the America a "true" foreigner has, because they've been insiders once, and being insider to another culture inevitably shapes your relationship with your own, especially if you were an insider as a young person, in your formative years.

 

It used to bother me immensely if I heard them speaking English among each other, for example, or if I heard them presenting themselves to people by "americanized" versions of their names, but with time I just understood it was okay to allow them to be a bit Americans, to shape our education the way it includes our current reality, and to, in the end , take advantage of the fact I have a chance of raising children who are going to feel at home in two languages and two cultures (if we don't get into the complex topic of "Jewish identity" in addition to all that).

 

Other days, I wonder whether "being both" means "not being fully either" (despite all the lofty ideas written by Maalouf and the rest on mixed cultural identity... and Maalouf is more of my case, he adopted another culture as an adult already formed in one). Honestly, I DO notice they don't notice some Italian subtleties which I *think* they should notice; yet, I know they're still too young for us to speak definitely about not getting common cultural hints and it also takes adults years and years to get the set of cultural associations down, and we always discover new things. So as much I sometimes sink down, if I pull myself together, I realize it's about things most Italian tweens wouldn't recognize either - I think high school period is going to be crucial for that.

 

What keeps me calm is the fact that they spend solid two months every summer in Italy so they make up for lots of things there, and we also travel once or twice a year aside that for about a week to Italy, they keep in touch with their friends via emails, watch some Italian films, use educational materials in Italian and of course we speak it at home and do school mostly in Italian. So it's not that I'm afraid for the language, they're very good with that actually, but more like... I'm afraid I'm raising them outside of a specific cultural context that language is used in, giving them the medium of the culture but not the full culture, but what more can I do? For now, they're culturally al pari with any Italian kid their age, but I'm well aware of the fact the differences are going to be more and more stark as they age, since the crucial years are nearing.

 

In the other hand, I also know I just overanalyze these things as a kind of professional deformation (I mean, I specialized in my language and literature, in my own culture, so I tend to be overly aware of some things) :D, and make a big fuss out of something which is neither that important, neither critical for kids' well being. My husband often tells me to relax, kids are "Italian enough" for everyone's standards.

I went sooo off-topic but I'll post it anyway. We can continue via PM though if you feel like talking about this, I feel like exchanging experiences about it.

[Capt_Uhura]

I get asked about my kids ethnicity all the time. One woman even if asked if they all had the same father. :lol: Usually, they just think I'm the nanny.

[Truscifi]

I have been asked many times if I am mixed. I usually respond by saying "With what?" and looking puzzled. :D For the record, I am part native american, so I suppose that is what people who ask are noticing. And my non white friends all tell me I don't count as white, which I have never been quite sure how to take.

[Holly IN]

I get asked if I am from Spain a lot. Even my mother in law took pride in her son marrying a Spanish woman. :glare: I am not Spanish. I do have a lot of Indian ancestory as well as Scottish ancestory. I also have Irish and Dutch as well. This is all on my dad's side and they all look Spanish. My dad said I look more Spanish than all of his brothers and sister. Not sure why but there you go. People even argue with me on this subject. They actually believe I have an accent. lol!!

 

They even go far as to saying that maybe my parent's adopted me and didn't want me to know I am adopted. I get very uncomfortable with these types of questions from people.

 

There you go...

 

Holly

[LibraryLover]

Oh yes, people ask. We don't match so well. lol But it's more cuiosity, ime , and mostly asked by folks of 'ethinic' heritages. Folks seem to like connection and perhaps a bit of common ground. :)

[zaichiki]

I've had a perfect stranger walk up to me at the mall and ask me if I was "the Swedish nanny." I was with my ds who, admittedly, doesn't look much like me. But "the Swedish nanny?!" Huh?!

 

When we were visiting dh's hometown in Russia, people on the street always assumed I was a local. In the city several people even asked me for directions. (I'm not Russian and I don't even really speak the language.)

 

Dd is always assumed to be Irish. She actually is about 1/8 Irish, but the red hair and freckles come from dh's Ashkenazi/Polish ancestry.

 

Someone once asked me if my two oldest children were "the same race." :confused: What an odd question, out of the blue, from a stranger.

We have the same punnett square thing going on that Mrs Mungo mentioned: the kids inherited different coloring. One really tans in the summer and the other's the red-head.

[Mabelen]

I have a friend from Mexico but he actually looks like he could possibly be Mexican, Italian, Indian etc. He was even targeted in an airport once b/c they thought he might be Iraqui. His daughter who is also Mexican has the same features and many think she is Indian. I would personally think she was Indian if I did not know. Interestingly enough, his wife is also Mexican but looks completely white. Most people think she is white. I did until I found out otherwise. So I guess it depends on the person. No one ever asks me!! I think it's pretty clear that I"m just white! lol...

 

I am sorry but I have to comment on your classification of that Mexican lady you mention. She may well be Mexican but that fact does not prevent her from being white as well. You can be Mexican and white, don't forget many Mexicans are of Spanish (from Spain) descent, and unless they are mixed with any other non white ethnic group then they will most likely be white.

[Mabelen]

In don't get asked so much about my ethnicity as about my accent. I am from Spain but I lived in the UK for 12 years, then for 10 years in the Mid Atlantic region and now we are in Southern California. My accent is a bit of a mix of all those places, although I never had a typical Spanish accent in English to start with (which would be a different accent from what is considered a typical Spanish accent in the States anyway).

 

My dh is Sri Lankan. When we lived in the Mid Atlantic region people would asume my oldest was East Indian, here in Southern California they tend to asume she is Mexican. My youngest has a lot more of the European looks and coloring but so far nobody has asked me what ethnicity she is.

[Ibbygirl]

I am sorry but I have to comment on your classification of that Mexican lady you mention. She may well be Mexican but that fact does not prevent her from being white as well. You can be Mexican and white, don't forget many Mexicans are of Spanish (from Spain) descent, and unless they are mixed with any other non white ethnic group then they will most likely be white.

 

If I can throw my two cents in as well and just expand it to not just Mexico but all of Latin America. For example, most people wouldn't think that Cristina Saralegui (see photo below) could be Cuban because of the way she looks, but if you hear her talk she's as Cuban as Cuban can be. ;)

[mrsrevmeg]

No, but I used to get asked all the time if I was adopted when I was younger. My whole family has dark hair, skin and eyes. (well, my mother has blue eyes, but she has the dark skin and hair) I was pale, blue eyed and blond. In high school I had a teacher tell me that I could NOT have any Native American blood because I was too pale. I responded, "Have you seen my family???" I was told I should have figured it out by now (as in they are not my real family). Grrrrr....!!!!

[Tap]

Dh, my bio-kids and myself are all blond/light complected with green/blue eyes. We all look very related. I'm Norwegian/Native American and dh is German/mix. Our last name is Dutch so we get asked if we are Dutch sometimes but it is an adoptive name.

 

DD3 is my great niece and looks very Native American (she can be registered tribal). She has long dark hair and dark almond shaped eyes. She gets a lot of attention and people do ask about her heritage/ethnicity often. People assume she was adopted from out of the country. Most often, we get asked if she is of Asian decent. I find this interesting because she looks so NA to me and not the least amount Asian. Even other Asians ask if she is Asian so there must be something I am missing. :lol:

[KidsHappen]

Or have their hair or skin touched or commented on.

 

When we lived in Japan, my towhead would draw crowds of people everywhere we went, who wanted to touch his hair. They also always wanted to take his picture (he was very cute) and give his small toys, drinks and snacks. The farther we got from places where they might see a lot of blonds the worse it would be, almost to the point of being surreal. You would have thought he was a famous person at the very least. :001_huh:

[stripe]

When we lived in Japan, my towhead would draw crowds of people everywhere we went, who wanted to touch his hair.

A friend of my sister's was an exchange student in Sweden in the late 80s or so, and had her hair touched all the time when she walked down the street. I get the impression that Sweden is much more mixed nowadays, so I hope people are spared the groping.

 

My husband told me he's also had people ask to touch his hair! I thought adult men would be immune from this (especially from other men), but I guess not. I was walking down the street with my daughter (I won't even say where!) and this lady reached over and grabbed a hunk of her hair, and then tried to act like she'd just bumped into her. NOT!

 

This has nothing, by the way, to do with being "boring old white people." I know plenty of white people who get this treatment in the US. The hair thing, judging from plenty of posts in various hair threads, seems to be common with girls/ladies with long hair, and I got the impression they are white with straight hair.

[stripe]

I just received an email that I thought might interest some of you... the latest issue of YES! magazine is about American diversity.

 

There are some interesting articles, including

Generation Mixed

How the under-35 set is breaking the race barrier.

 

Race: Are We So Different?

Line up a dozen skin types against your own: Can you tell where black ends and white begins?

 

Blended Nation: Photos That Teach About the Complexities of Race

Mark Tauber's Blended Nation is a book that chronicles the struggle for identity faced by mixed-race individuals.

 

Artist Explores the "Hapa" Experience

Kip Fulbeck created the book he always wanted as a kid: The Hapa Project, a series of photos and essays documenting the part-Asian experience.

 

Comedian Teja Arboleda Uses Humor to Break Down Racial Barriers

Teja Arboleda is part of a new generation of mixed-race comedians who are using humor to break down racial barriers.