kalanamak Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I am moving into a house that was owned by a young couple. He was killed in Iraq in 2006. If I thought it wasn't tacky or creepy, I would offer (through the agent who is a sensible guy who has worked with the seller quite a bit) to keep a photo of the poor fellow up in the front hall, if his widow or parents would like me to. He was only 22 or so, and when we toured the house, there were lots of pictures of him up. Should I think this a nice thing to do, or something tacky or creepy? I intend to live here for at least 15 years, and if I say I'll keep it up, I will keep it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Not at all creepy. We live in a home built in 1860 and found paintings done by the previous owner who died in action. We gave them to the VFW club and there they hang for the Veterans of Foreign Wars. I also found his boots in the attic . I polished them, stuffed with newspapers and keep them by the door. I welcome the opportunity to give honor to this old soldier. His name was Henry Barrett. http://iagenweb.org/pottawattamie/mil-WWII-honorlist.htm This is" my" Henry in the link. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 It's a very sweet sentiment, but I don't know. If it were my son, I might feel a bit odd having his picture up in a home full of strangers. It might be a nice gesture if you extended the offer to let them come and visit "his home" on days when they need to be physically close to a place that was special to him. But I honestly don't know about the picture. That's a hard question and you have a tender heart to be considering their feelings like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I think that's just a super sweet offer. They can say, "that is SSSoooo kind" and we'd love to leave him home. Or... that is so kind, but we'll take him with us. Either way, it's you honoring some young man... who died in the service of his country. What a sweet offer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Hmm, not sure how I would take it as the family, but maybe if you asked for a photo for the purpose of hanging it on your fridge (less permanent and possibly "creepy", I guess, than on the wall) so that your family would be reminded to pray for HIS family it would be more specific and better received. Just a suggestion! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Hmm, not sure how I would take it as the family, but maybe if you asked for a photo for the purpose of hanging it on your fridge (less permanent and possibly "creepy", I guess, than on the wall) so that your family would be reminded to pray for HIS family it would be more specific and better received. Just a suggestion! Really? Fridge seems more casual and more intimate, in a way. I think the idea is lovely. It would be very hard for me to leave the home that my beloved child or spouse had lived in. I would be honored and moved by the gesture, even if I chose not to accept. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Not at all creepy. We live in a home built in 1860 and found paintings done by the previous owner who died in action. We gave them to the VFW club and there they hang for the Veterans of Foreign Wars. I also found his boots in the attic . I polished them, stuffed with newspapers and keep them by the door. I welcome the opportunity to give honor to this old soldier. His name was Henry Barrett. http://iagenweb.org/pottawattamie/mil-WWII-honorlist.htm This is" my" Henry in the link. The boots, Elizabeth. That is very, very moving. Thank you for sharing that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I think it's less intimate than a framed photo on the wall which makes him seem like family...although people put photos of family on the fridge, too, but it's more casual in my mind. We keep our photos of children we sponsor on the fridge--not the best analogy, I know--and it's always a good reminder to pray for them. That's sort of what I was thinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I would find it strange, personally. But that's because I am not so sentimental about the house itself. I would want his memory kept alive by people who actually knew and loved him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyK Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Nice story Elizabeth. And a nice reminder to look at the Pottawattamie County site for info on my ancestors! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 If I were in the position of the family, I think I would be confused by the offer. But that is only because it would never occur to me to do this to begin with. Then again, you cannot know whether the family's thought patterns will be more similar to yours or more similar to mine. Are you asking whether they will be offended? I can't imagine they would be offended. As I mentioned, I would be confused and probably refuse, but still be touched by the offer and not offended in the least. Is this a picture that was left behind or is it currently hanging on the wall with the rest of the owner's furnishings? That would make a difference. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 7, 2010 Author Share Posted March 7, 2010 Is this a picture that was left behind or is it currently hanging on the wall with the rest of the owner's furnishings? That would make a difference. Barb The pictures were there last month. Not there today (the house is empty). I guess I won't offer. It seems like one of my "out there" ideas, yet again. Left to my own devices, I tend to assume everyone else is puddling along on a happy, even keel. Perhaps they are really happy to have this last tie cut. I suppose it is best to not rock the boat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 It seems like one of my "out there" ideas, yet again. Left to my own devices, I tend to assume everyone else is puddling along on a happy, even keel. LOL, your head seems like it's a lovely place to be. :grouphug: Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I think it is very sweet of you...BUT when I put myself in the place of that family, I just can't see it being something I would want. Now, if it had been his childhood home or something, maybe, I guess. However, if it was just a house that he and his wife had for a short time, the memories as they relate to the house are probably not significant. I think that if you present it to the family in the right way, they will take it in the sweet way you mean it. :) Can't hurt to offer and tell them you are touched by his service and sacrifice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 7, 2010 Author Share Posted March 7, 2010 I would want his memory kept alive by people who actually knew and loved him. Well, his photo is on many, many websites "honoring the fallen". I asked the agent, who seems like a seasoned people person (who not only sold the couple the house originally, but has now worked with her for the last year trying to sell it) to send on the offer if he thought it would be taken well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I'm voting for creepy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praisefor3 Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I like the idea of sending a message that if they ever want to come back to "visit" they are welcome...and don't say that it would specifically be because of their loved one...just make the offer in general as many people who have sold homes would like to be able to go back for one reason or another after a time. Then if it is because of him, they can keep their reason private if they want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate in Arabia Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I'm pretty sentimental, I can understand feeling a connection to this person. Rather than a picture, I might plant a tree in the yard in his honor, or maybe put up a flag (if I didn't have one already). I wouldn't talk to the family about it at all, it would be more something for me to remember the ultimate sacrifice someone made for me as an American, someone with whom I had a kind of connection (the house). When we were living in the States, at one place we lived one of our elderly neighbors had to be moved into a nursing home in another state. I didn't really know her at all, maybe talked to her a handful of times, but when they moved her, her family held a house sale and I bought a little wooden box (like a pill box). Not that I was really close to her at all, I barely knew her, but I'm sentimental and wanted something small to remind me of her now and then, kwim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I'm pretty sentimental, I can understand feeling a connection to this person. Rather than a picture, I might plant a tree in the yard in his honor, or maybe put up a flag (if I didn't have one already). I wouldn't talk to the family about it at all, it would be more something for me to remember the ultimate sacrifice someone made for me as an American, someone with whom I had a kind of connection (the house). This I understand and think is a wonderful idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 so it looks like I'll have this young man's pic up in my front hall. I am pleased. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 I polished them, stuffed with newspapers and keep them by the door. I welcome the opportunity to give honor to this old soldier. His name was Henry Barrett. http://iagenweb.org/pottawattamie/mil-WWII-honorlist.htm This is" my" Henry in the link. so it looks like I'll have this young man's pic up in my front hall. I am pleased. I think these are two of the sweetest stories I have read on here. You women are amazing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 It sounds fine to be but I really am certifiable so I might be the best person to ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*LC Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 "If it was just a house that he and his wife had for a short time, the memories as they relate to the house are probably not significant." I'm sorry but I strongly disagree with this statement. This was probably the only house this couple ever owned together. They will never get a chance to have another home together, because the husband died in service to his country. That is the house where they planned their life together. Unfortunately, their life didn't work out as they had planned. Even though it wasn't a lot of time, the time spent in that house was special and precious to that couple. It could be very hard for that widow to leave that house and memories, so I thank you for what you are doing. I'm preparing to put the only house my husband and I will ever own together on the market. We bought it a few months after we got married. We planned our life there. That is the only home our kids had. Even though he died a few years ago, I feel I am somehow abandoning him by leaving the house he worked so hard on. Fixing the things that he never got around to fixing means I have to accept he isn't coming back to fix them. Not having the house any more will mean my memories of our time together (which thankfully was longer than the soldier and his wife had) will all have to come from my mind, my kids memories, and photos. Until now, I have had the house to remind me of him and our time, our life. I don't even let myself think about what I will think if the new owners choose to remove my husband's building projects from the yard. So, I think your offer was extremely sweet and I'm glad the family took you up on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.