Just feel like releasing, venting, sharing, etc.

[Nestof3]

Okay, so I've read The Explosive Child and Raising Your Spirited Child. I am giving my all to trying not to react negatively to Ben. I am trying to support him, calm him, understand him, etc. It's just so hard and draining.

 

This is really hard when I am an explosive, spirited person. I, of course, have more self-control than he does, but it drains me.

 

My husband commented last night that I sure have a way of calming him, but it is so draining. I feel like I am pioneering this new way of parenting, and it's of course taking a while for John to come aboard. I have finally realized that Ben is different, and I am finding ways of helping him handle things and have a successful day.

 

School has been difficult since we resumed from our break. It takes everything I have to keep him focused, and he forgets things so quickly. I am already half-way into explaining the next grammar topic or whatever, and he'll just blurt out something from the last one. It takes him a while to process info and even longer to communicate it to others. It takes us twice as long to do lang. arts and math as it does Nathan.

 

Almost everything is difficult with him. Making choices, following instructions, etc. He hurts himself several times a day. He's the kind of kid who elbows you in the face on accident when he's pulling up his blanket. Even when he was really little, he would slam his head back right into my lip -- on accident of course.

 

Thanks for listening.

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug: Wanted to pass on something I use with ds12 when he really loses control. Even in the middle of the day, I will give him "Calms Forte" (a homeopathic sleep aid). It mellows him out and he can regain control. Only one time did he get really sleepy. I just had him take a little nap and I think that helped him too.

[Chris in VA]

Oh Honey, it is so hard. But take heart.

 

This child will teach you. He will teach you every day how to rely on God for every need. He will teach you to put your Armor on before your feet hit the floor, to commit your day to Him, and to surrender control to the One who knows your child the best.

 

You will learn to love. You will learn to act in the Power of the Spirit of the Lord when you want to react from your human spirit. You will learn to place faith over feeling. When you least feel like it, when you feel spent or irritated, drained or even angry, you will learn to be gentle, kind, self-controlled, filled with peace.

 

I believe our challenging children bring with them the great gift of being tools of refinement--God will use the experience of parenting this child to bring Himself Glory, as you grow more Christ-like. You will be able to stand and see yourself act in ways you know don't come from your own ability, because no one in their natural state has enough grace to act as you will need to act.

 

This child will send you to your knees.

 

That's a good place to be. That's where we see God.

 

I look at my challenging children, and I know I never, ever could have parented them without God's help. I look at myself and know I have changed, stretched, become more of who God designed me to be, because I have been their mom. God's Grace is sufficient, His ways are higher than mine, and He is Good.

 

Hold on to that. Wrap it around you when you can't go on, when you feel like you are going to lose it, when you want to run away. Lift up your hands and let God lift your head--He will help.

[newlifemom]

I'm sorry Dawn. I have probably half that in my ds and it just drains me. I will pray for you. :grouphug:

[1bassoon]

Wow, Chris.

 

A big amen to that.

 

I don't know if Dawn needed to hear that tonight, but I sure did.

 

Thank you!

[Chris in VA]

Feeling wordy tonight! lol

[presley]

Yes, Chris, that was beautiful! It puts it all in perspective. Thank you.

[WTMCassandra]

Wow. That is such a keeper, Chris. *wishing for lots of rep to give*

[LittleIzumi]

Wow, Chris.

 

A big amen to that.

 

I don't know if Dawn needed to hear that tonight, but I sure did.

 

Thank you!

 

:iagree:I wrote the part about being sent to your knees in our family journal. Dd has SPD and some days are like that. Thanks :001_smile:

[Peela]

I empathise. My challenging child however has taught me that the concepts of unconditional love and endless patience are not lovely idealistic airy fairy concepts but absolute survival methods for not throttling a difficult child to death. He has strestched me to the limit. He is 14 now and pretty obnoxious as his body transforms into a man's, but I was just telling my dh, who was also a difficult child, that even though ds can barely be civil at the moment and considers us to be the worst parents in the world....I just love him to bits. What else to do?

[Beth in OH]

Chris--

What a beautiful post. And so true. Thanks for bringing these thoughts to the forefront for me.

 

Beth

[Mommyfaithe]

Oh Honey, it is so hard. But take heart.

 

This child will teach you. He will teach you every day how to rely on God for every need. He will teach you to put your Armor on before your feet hit the floor, to commit your day to Him, and to surrender control to the One who knows your child the best.

 

You will learn to love. You will learn to act in the Power of the Spirit of the Lord when you want to react from your human spirit. You will learn to place faith over feeling. When you least feel like it, when you feel spent or irritated, drained or even angry, you will learn to be gentle, kind, self-controlled, filled with peace.

 

I believe our challenging children bring with them the great gift of being tools of refinement--God will use the experience of parenting this child to bring Himself Glory, as you grow more Christ-like. You will be able to stand and see yourself act in ways you know don't come from your own ability, because no one in their natural state has enough grace to act as you will need to act.

 

This child will send you to your knees.

 

That's a good place to be. That's where we see God.

 

I look at my challenging children, and I know I never, ever could have parented them without God's help. I look at myself and know I have changed, stretched, become more of who God designed me to be, because I have been their mom. God's Grace is sufficient, His ways are higher than mine, and He is Good.

 

Hold on to that. Wrap it around you when you can't go on, when you feel like you are going to lose it, when you want to run away. Lift up your hands and let God lift your head--He will help.

 

:iagree: You said this much more eloquently than I ever could.

 

I know when it feels the stakes are high and you HAVE to succed and get through to them, it feels so hard to rely on the Lord. YOU have to DO SOMETHING before the dopey kid hurts himself or you end up throwing dishes! Just put one foot in front of the other...one step at a time...in prayer always...supplicating...begging! For the wisdom to do and say the right thing.

 

Right now...you are still dealing with a little boy. It gets tricky when that little boy has a beard and a deep voice and looks down at you from WAAAAYYY up there.....

 

~~Faithe

[Nestof3]

Thank you so much, Chris. That was beautiful and much-needed.

 

Oh Honey, it is so hard. But take heart.

 

This child will teach you. He will teach you every day how to rely on God for every need. He will teach you to put your Armor on before your feet hit the floor, to commit your day to Him, and to surrender control to the One who knows your child the best.

 

You will learn to love. You will learn to act in the Power of the Spirit of the Lord when you want to react from your human spirit. You will learn to place faith over feeling. When you least feel like it, when you feel spent or irritated, drained or even angry, you will learn to be gentle, kind, self-controlled, filled with peace.

 

I believe our challenging children bring with them the great gift of being tools of refinement--God will use the experience of parenting this child to bring Himself Glory, as you grow more Christ-like. You will be able to stand and see yourself act in ways you know don't come from your own ability, because no one in their natural state has enough grace to act as you will need to act.

 

This child will send you to your knees.

 

That's a good place to be. That's where we see God.

 

I look at my challenging children, and I know I never, ever could have parented them without God's help. I look at myself and know I have changed, stretched, become more of who God designed me to be, because I have been their mom. God's Grace is sufficient, His ways are higher than mine, and He is Good.

 

Hold on to that. Wrap it around you when you can't go on, when you feel like you are going to lose it, when you want to run away. Lift up your hands and let God lift your head--He will help.

[Melissa in St Louis]

Dawn, you are a great mom and you're "fighting the good fight." :grouphug: So many parents would have never even been tuned in enough to realize what was going on with thier child. Way to go!:)

[Jennefer@SSA]

Oh Honey, it is so hard. But take heart.

 

This child will teach you. He will teach you every day how to rely on God for every need. He will teach you to put your Armor on before your feet hit the floor, to commit your day to Him, and to surrender control to the One who knows your child the best.

 

You will learn to love. You will learn to act in the Power of the Spirit of the Lord when you want to react from your human spirit. You will learn to place faith over feeling. When you least feel like it, when you feel spent or irritated, drained or even angry, you will learn to be gentle, kind, self-controlled, filled with peace.

 

I believe our challenging children bring with them the great gift of being tools of refinement--God will use the experience of parenting this child to bring Himself Glory, as you grow more Christ-like. You will be able to stand and see yourself act in ways you know don't come from your own ability, because no one in their natural state has enough grace to act as you will need to act.

 

This child will send you to your knees.

 

That's a good place to be. That's where we see God.

 

I look at my challenging children, and I know I never, ever could have parented them without God's help. I look at myself and know I have changed, stretched, become more of who God designed me to be, because I have been their mom. God's Grace is sufficient, His ways are higher than mine, and He is Good.

 

Hold on to that. Wrap it around you when you can't go on, when you feel like you are going to lose it, when you want to run away. Lift up your hands and let God lift your head--He will help.

 

Chris, thank you for this. I am printing it out and placing it in my teacher binder to read in the mornings before we start school.

 

Dawn, hugs to you. It is exhausting. And it can be lonely if you are not surrounded by understanding and grace-giving people. Place people like that all around you as much as possible! At least that's one of the things that has helped me along with depending completely on God like Chris said.

[Kathleen in VA]

Oh Honey, it is so hard. But take heart.

 

This child will teach you. He will teach you every day how to rely on God for every need. He will teach you to put your Armor on before your feet hit the floor, to commit your day to Him, and to surrender control to the One who knows your child the best.

 

You will learn to love. You will learn to act in the Power of the Spirit of the Lord when you want to react from your human spirit. You will learn to place faith over feeling. When you least feel like it, when you feel spent or irritated, drained or even angry, you will learn to be gentle, kind, self-controlled, filled with peace.

 

I believe our challenging children bring with them the great gift of being tools of refinement--God will use the experience of parenting this child to bring Himself Glory, as you grow more Christ-like. You will be able to stand and see yourself act in ways you know don't come from your own ability, because no one in their natural state has enough grace to act as you will need to act.

 

This child will send you to your knees.

 

That's a good place to be. That's where we see God.

 

I look at my challenging children, and I know I never, ever could have parented them without God's help. I look at myself and know I have changed, stretched, become more of who God designed me to be, because I have been their mom. God's Grace is sufficient, His ways are higher than mine, and He is Good.

 

Hold on to that. Wrap it around you when you can't go on, when you feel like you are going to lose it, when you want to run away. Lift up your hands and let God lift your head--He will help.

 

Wow, Chris, your words have moved me to tears. This was one of the most beautiful and truthful things I've read in years. Your trials have fit you for walking alongside and encouraging others. I've printed your post and tucked it in my plan book - I need to read that every day. Thanks.:)

[Kathleen in VA]

Dawn, you are a great mom and you're "fighting the good fight." :grouphug: So many parents would have never even been tuned in enough to realize what was going on with thier child. Way to go!:)

 

:iagree::grouphug:Dawn:grouphug:

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

My challenging child just left with her husband and my grandson. I wish I had had some of the resources that you have. All I knew was traditional parenting. While she was here, my very non-traditional child let me know that her childhood was spent thinking that I was deliberately mean to her by providing rules and boundaries which she felt were arbitrary and unreasonable, rules that I saw as necessary to provide her with safety and stability. She never saw the love, patience, and care, only the restrictions. Even now she doesn't fully understand.

 

But I do. I spent the morning crying for myself and for my mother, who I treated abominably as a teen, when she was only doing what she thought was best for me because she loved me. I have lived with chaos for the last 3 days because I love my daughter. Chaos drains me and leaves me feeling battlescarred, she thrives on it. Now she is gone and I feel guilty that I am glad she no longer lives in this house.

 

My mother is now one of my best friends. Even though I could never live with her again either, I believe she loves me more than just about anyone in the world but dh. I didn't realize that until last year and I am 45. Why must some of us be so stubbornly individualistic that we risk the dearest relationships in the world just to prove it? I wish I knew.

 

I also wish I knew why parenting seems to come so easily to some people, but is often a nightmare for some of the most dedicated and loving of parents.

 

I know I've rambled on about myself. These things have been at the top of my mind recently and they were pushing to get out. I truly pray that your efforts will see fruit. Never give up.

[LibraryLover]

My challenging child is often difficult to love easily. But their intesity means they love deeply, too. Everything is magnified for them. Knowing this helps me react less strongly in the difficult times. If it helps, it does get much *much* better as they get older and have more control and devlop greater empathy.