Should I pull him out now?

[knittingmomof3]

Hello,

 

I am completely new so please bear with me. Although I have been reading the boards for a week trying to get my bearings and learn the lingo.

 

I have three kids, ages 5, 3, and 16 months. DS is in public school kindergarten right now and we are planning to begin homeschooling him this summer. We had planned on writing a letter to the principal to remove him from public school in June when the school year is finished. However, we just had a wonderful winter break and today was his first day back to school. He just got on the bus for afternoon kindergarten and getting him ready for school today was awful. I didn't want him to go back and was feeling sad about sending him. He was his usual sweet self for most of the break and today his sassy, back-talking, disrespectful alter-ego reappeared. I don't know if this is just a coincidence or if it is related to his having to go back today. I'm feeling so bad right now because we argued and fought before he left for school.

 

I just don't know what to do. We are reluctant to pull him out mid-year as we would like to part ways with the public school on good terms. We have no desire to burn any bridges in case we are in need of their services in the future and I don't think they will take too kindly to our pulling him out in the beginning of January.

 

Does anyone have any insight? If you would personally pull him out now, how would you word the letter to the school? We are in NJ, which on paper appears to be very homeschooling-friendly, but we don't have any experience with how the local school board feels about the matter.

 

I am so distressed. I feel so badly about sending him today. I want him home with me. I don't know what to do and haven't been able to discuss the matter with DH yet.

 

Please help.

 

Knittingmomof3

[Perry]

I pulled mine out mid year and for the most part, it was not a problem. The principal was very pro-homeschool and a great guy.

 

The TAG teacher was not happy with me and was a little snotty, but it didn't cause any long term problems.

 

If you want to pull him, don't worry about the school. I wouldn't write a letter though, except whatever written notice your state requires. Just do the necessary paperwork and start hs. Good luck!

[hornblower]

Hi & welcome.

 

I hope some NJ folks speak up to help you with the specifics.

 

I cannot imagine why pulling him out midyear would be a concern to the public school or in any way affect things for you in the future. The principal will change, there'll be different teacher, you might move into another catchment area... a thousand things could change in the future. And bottom line is that a public school is obligated to provide you with services if you choose to use them in the future. I wouldn't worry about that part of it.

 

If you've decided (or think you might have decided LOL) that hs is right for you, then I don't see much reason to wait. I'd pull him out now & consider the next 8 mos a trial. He can always pop back into Gr. 1 in Sep. Kindy is optional here - is it mandatory in your area?

 

best wishes

[Dayle in Guatemala]

Well, first, I would check your compulsory ages. I'm from MN originally and we didn't have to inform the school we were homeschooling until the dc were 7 because that is the compulsory age to begin school.

 

Does your son usually have such an attitude adjustment during the school year or is it just because it's the first day back after a long break? If it was an ongoing thing, I would seriously consider pulling him and starting up with maybe a play group or something of other homeschoolers.

 

Do you have access to a homeschooling group in your area? I would connect with them to see if anyone else has pulled their child and also what are your minimum requirements for reporting in NJ? They would know and could really help you out and answer your questions.

 

I'm sure you'll get lots of responses on this, I hope mine helps you out a little!

[H.S. Burrow]

Hello,

 

I am completely new so please bear with me. Although I have been reading the boards for a week trying to get my bearings and learn the lingo.

 

I have three kids, ages 5, 3, and 16 months. DS is in public school kindergarten right now and we are planning to begin homeschooling him this summer. We had planned on writing a letter to the principal to remove him from public school in June when the school year is finished. However, we just had a wonderful winter break and today was his first day back to school. He just got on the bus for afternoon kindergarten and getting him ready for school today was awful. I didn't want him to go back and was feeling sad about sending him. He was his usual sweet self for most of the break and today his sassy, back-talking, disrespectful alter-ego reappeared. I don't know if this is just a coincidence or if it is related to his having to go back today. I'm feeling so bad right now because we argued and fought before he left for school.

 

I just don't know what to do. We are reluctant to pull him out mid-year as we would like to part ways with the public school on good terms. We have no desire to burn any bridges in case we are in need of their services in the future and I don't think they will take too kindly to our pulling him out in the beginning of January.

 

Does anyone have any insight? If you would personally pull him out now, how would you word the letter to the school? We are in NJ, which on paper appears to be very homeschooling-friendly, but we don't have any experience with how the local school board feels about the matter.

 

I am so distressed. I feel so badly about sending him today. I want him home with me. I don't know what to do and haven't been able to discuss the matter with DH yet.

 

Please help.

 

Knittingmomof3

 

Welcome! and :grouphug:

 

I don't really have any advice, but if it helps you any, I pulled my kids out nearly 4 years ago the Monday after Spring Break ended.

 

We weren't too concerned with what the school thought, however we did know that our location was a temporary one and that we would be moving soon.

 

I truly believe that if your DS is only attending half-day Kindergarten, then it would be just fine to go ahead and pull him out.

 

More :grouphug: because changes - even planned changes - are difficult.

[jenn-]

I pulled my DD out mid year. I did so with great encouragement from her teacher. She even gave me her number and told me to call if I needed anything.

[Aunty Social]

There's no problem pulling him. I live in NJ too, and we pulled my dd mid 5th grade when we first started homeschooling. We just sent in a letter stating that we felt homeschooling was a better fit for our daughter and that as of such and such a date, she would be home. We gave them enough notice so that "classroom goodbyes" could be said, but not enough for them to make her last little time there difficult.

[pqr]

Regarding your question; would your child be better off at home being taught by you or at school being taught by his teacher? I suspect you already know the answer as you plan to HS so it would seem to me that you also know the answer to your question. Do what is best for your son and, I would suggest, do it now.

[Aunty Social]

Where in NJ are you? If you have any specific questions, I'd be happy to try to answer them. send me a PM if you want.

[knittingmomof3]

I pulled mine out mid year and for the most part, it was not a problem. The principal was very pro-homeschool and a great guy.

 

The TAG teacher was not happy with me and was a little snotty, but it didn't cause any long term problems.

 

If you want to pull him, don't worry about the school. I wouldn't write a letter though, except whatever written notice your state requires. Just do the necessary paperwork and start hs. Good luck!

 

We are in NJ and according to the law we aren't even required to notify anyone of intent to homeschool although I would imagine that would apply to someone who isn't already in the system. I'll have to notify them that he will no longer be attending if we pull him out. When you pulled yours out, did you just call the school or were there forms you had to go in and sign?

 

Thanks for your help. I really appreciate it.

[Heather in AL]

Hi & welcome!

 

Like the others, I encourage you to begin hsing now. Don't wait. Because of my personal experience with my dc, I say yes, your ds' attitude is ps-related. My kids both were stressed in ps, even as far back as K. There are many rules to follow that seem arbitrary (you can ONLY color with the blue crayon and it doesn't matter if you want to use red---- what is the purpose of THAT?!), and having to deal with misbehaving kids. It can be scary for young kids to see other kids hit each other violently, steal from the others/destroy property, or watch other kids call the teacher names, and all she does is say "pull a bad mark card". :confused: It's no wonder our kids (the country's) are all stressed. It comes out at home, where they feel comfortable. Vacations like Christmas break and summer, they can 'be themselves', but when it's time to go back to the jungle, they have to 'put their game face on' and that often means being sassy so they can deal with the bullies & other garbage that kids shouldn't have to deal with. That, too, comes out at home. The more stressed they are at school, the longer it takes to destress at home. My son's 5th grade year was horrid, both for him at school, and us as a family here at home. I don't think he was ever able to relax, and because we didn't realize all that went on at school, we couldn't help. It was only after being home for several months that much of the nutso rules & stressors (all the TESTING prep, etc), and all the verbal abuse and bullying came to light. It still pains me to think of him there alone going through all that. The teachers 'hid' in their rooms, so they got to 'miss' all the crap that went on in the halls. It makes my blood boil!! I'm so glad we 'rescued' him when we did!!

 

That's my too long way of saying 'don't wait'. If you are already planning on doing this, go ahead and jump in. We're in our fourth year and I wish I had known about this option way back when. At least we are on the path now, and we haven't looked back!! Being home has allowed my son to be his normal self--- sweet, loving, and fun. And, his relationship with his sister has improved. People (non-homeschooling friends) can't believe how well they get along.

 

I can't help with the wording of the letter to the school. Just do the minimum to meet your state's requirements. It doesn't matter how the school board or teachers 'feel' about it---- it's legal, and it's your right. I see several NJ people have offered their assistance, so you have all the help you need. :001_smile:

 

Good luck!!

[happyhomemaker25]

But I pulled my kids out a month before school let out. We adopted them and went from the courthouse to the school board. I was so done. I had no problems.

[kpupg]

Whenever you decide to pull your son, I would advise not advertising your decision in advance. In other words, don't give them advance notice -- it may or may not precipitate nastiness if they are the type to engage in that. If you tell your son your advance plan, only do so if you're confident he can keep it to himself. Otherwise, a Friday afternoon conversation about what won't be happening on Monday ought to be enough for a kindergartener.

 

And whatever paperwork you do, make sure you only do what is legally required. Don't let them bamboozle you into extra hoops for their convenience or nosiness.

 

JMO,

 

:grouphug:

 

Karen

[Impish]

I pulled Diva on Valentine's day of her 3rd grade year. Other than some threats of truancy, it wasn't an issue. The truancy threats were a bunch of bull doody, as she was being registered the next day for hsing.

 

I had originally planned to wait out the year, but she was so miserable, and I was so fed up that neither of us could take another day.

[Jumping In Puddles]

By pulling him out now, you will not be burning any bridges. If you change your mind in 6 days, 6 weeks, or years from now, it will not matter. They will take him back.

 

They probably want to keep him but I doubt they will take it personally. There are no hoops to jump through in NJ. Just give notice that you will be pulling him out to homeschool. You can do this as a simple letter to the

Principal.

 

What county of NJ are you in? You may have a homeschool group nearby for support.

[Gretchen in NJ]

Hello,

 

I am completely new so please bear with me. Although I have been reading the boards for a week trying to get my bearings and learn the lingo.

 

I have three kids, ages 5, 3, and 16 months. DS is in public school kindergarten right now and we are planning to begin homeschooling him this summer. We had planned on writing a letter to the principal to remove him from public school in June when the school year is finished. However, we just had a wonderful winter break and today was his first day back to school. He just got on the bus for afternoon kindergarten and getting him ready for school today was awful. I didn't want him to go back and was feeling sad about sending him. He was his usual sweet self for most of the break and today his sassy, back-talking, disrespectful alter-ego reappeared. I don't know if this is just a coincidence or if it is related to his having to go back today. I'm feeling so bad right now because we argued and fought before he left for school.

 

I just don't know what to do. We are reluctant to pull him out mid-year as we would like to part ways with the public school on good terms. We have no desire to burn any bridges in case we are in need of their services in the future and I don't think they will take too kindly to our pulling him out in the beginning of January.

 

Does anyone have any insight? If you would personally pull him out now, how would you word the letter to the school? We are in NJ, which on paper appears to be very homeschooling-friendly, but we don't have any experience with how the local school board feels about the matter.

 

I am so distressed. I feel so badly about sending him today. I want him home with me. I don't know what to do and haven't been able to discuss the matter with DH yet.

 

Please help.

 

Knittingmomof3

I am from NJ. This is a nice way to think about it, but I would put my child first. They are not going to be happy today, tomorrow or the last day of school in June.

I pulled mine out at the end of the year, and they still placed them in classes for the following year.:lol: I joined HSLDA the day I pulled them out. New Jersey is homeschool friendly, but you always can run into someone who doesn't know the law. Mosts PS schools don't know the HS laws.

[....]

:iagree:Don't tell anyone until "the fat lady sings". I had a couple of nasty comments from faculty at our school (and several neighbors).

 

Also, I pulled our 1st grader and Kindergartener out of school and 99% of their sassiness and hysteria disappeared overnight. The Kindergartener/Lawyer would stand in the kitchen and present all of his reasons as to why he doesn't need to go to school today and how taking a "sick day" would be fine. My 1st grader would come home from school and just scream in her room, kick the wall and cry herself to sleep. I agree that public school is becoming a huge amount of stress for some reason (can't quite put my finger on it).

 

I also second a homeschool group (one with Park Day and field trips). :auto:

[Perry]

We are in NJ and according to the law we aren't even required to notify anyone of intent to homeschool although I would imagine that would apply to someone who isn't already in the system. I'll have to notify them that he will no longer be attending if we pull him out. When you pulled yours out, did you just call the school or were there forms you had to go in and sign?

 

Thanks for your help. I really appreciate it.

 

I just sent a note to the teacher saying that today would be their last day of school and they should bring all their stuff home with them. I sent a couple bags with the kids so they could bring their things home. In Iowa, we file the paperwork with the school district, so I turned that in their last day of school, although I think by law I had 2 weeks ( don't remember the details, sorry).

 

It turned out that one of the girls had told some of her friends and the teachers already knew, but I didn't know that until later. It wasn't a big deal though.

[....]

Good luck to you!

[Gretchen in NJ]

There's no problem pulling him. I live in NJ too, and we pulled my dd mid 5th grade when we first started homeschooling. We just sent in a letter stating that we felt homeschooling was a better fit for our daughter and that as of such and such a date, she would be home. We gave them enough notice so that "classroom goodbyes" could be said, but not enough for them to make her last little time there difficult.

:iagree:with the letter. It is very important to write a letter that you will be homeschooling your child as of today. The will give you some legal protection in NJ. In NJ, it is up to the school system to prove you are not homeschooling. I let mine finish out the year. It was their choice, but if I had to do it all over again, I would pull them out right away.

 

Your child is unhappy for a reason. Something is going on at school that he is not telling you.

[astrid]

I pulled mine out mid year and for the most part, it was not a problem. The principal was very pro-homeschool and a great guy.

 

The TAG teacher was not happy with me and was a little snotty, but it didn't cause any long term problems.

 

If you want to pull him, don't worry about the school. I wouldn't write a letter though, except whatever written notice your state requires. Just do the necessary paperwork and start hs. Good luck!

 

:iagree:

 

Pulling out mid-year doesn't necessarily mean it can't be done on good terms. We pulled our dd out in April of her 2nd grade year. I'm a firm believer in noticing signs, and it sounds like the universe sent you one at the bus stop today. Do what you know in your heart is best for your child, whether that be pulling him now, waiting until June, or staying the course in PS.

 

Peace,

Astrid (a knittingmomof1)

 

P.S. Love your name, "Knittingmomof3" We have big knitting discussions here....and are you on Ravelry? :-)

[alpidarkomama]

If I was in that position, I would definitely just bring him home. Let the teacher know with a big smile how much you appreciate all that she's done, and your letter too can be very positive and full of thanks for x, y, and z. You don't need to even explain why you're pulling him out. Saying no with a big smile works wonders for a lot of sticky situations. :)

[knittingmomof3]

:iagree:

 

Pulling out mid-year doesn't necessarily mean it can't be done on good terms. We pulled our dd out in April of her 2nd grade year. I'm a firm believer in noticing signs, and it sounds like the universe sent you one at the bus stop today. Do what you know in your heart is best for your child, whether that be pulling him now, waiting until June, or staying the course in PS.

 

Peace,

Astrid (a knittingmomof1)

 

P.S. Love your name, "Knittingmomof3" We have big knitting discussions here....and are you on Ravelry? :-)

 

Thank you for your reply. And yes, I'm on Ravelry! I love that website although between the time I spend on there and here, I could be doing a whole lot more knitting and definitely homeschooling 3 kiddos :blush:.

[Stacy in NJ]

If you leave him in school, a school that has been okay up until this point I'm assuming, he'll be fine. If you decide to make a mid-year plan change - he'll be fine as well. If you decide to pull him, be nice about it. Send his teacher a very nicely worded e-mail, thanking her and letting her know of your decision. Instead of just sending a letter to the school, call them first and let them know when your ds' last day will be. Give them a heads up and then send the letter.

 

Do what's best for your family. It'll be okay.:001_smile:

[Gretchen in NJ]

We are in NJ and according to the law we aren't even required to notify anyone of intent to homeschool although I would imagine that would apply to someone who isn't already in the system. I'll have to notify them that he will no longer be attending if we pull him out. When you pulled yours out, did you just call the school or were there forms you had to go in and sign?

 

Thanks for your help. I really appreciate it.

 

I would not fill out anything that the school suplies you. You just need a letter stating that you plan to school your child else where then at school. If you contact HSLDA, they are able to help you with the correct wording.