do you introverts think it gets worse with age?

[Jodi-FL]

being around people bothering you, i mean? i've always enjoyed being alone, even as a young girl, but now that i'm in my mid 40s.... i just can hardly stand to be around people other than my own family, and even them lately after around 9pm.... i just literally can hardly stand it. it makes me not want to go out, to church, answer the phone, crawl out of bed (well, that's a bit extreme. i like to crawl out of bed to work out alone. in the basement.)

 

or is it because my 7 kids are all social types like their dad and so our house is always a carousel of people (i'd rather know where they are, rather than having them all scattered elsewhere though).

 

or is it because i live across the street from my in-laws and they always watch everything that goes on in our house. if we don't answer the phone, they come in the house...unless its locked.

 

all i'm asking...is to go to the bathroom or take a bath without someone knocking on the door to talk to me... for once. in 19 years.

[KristenS]

I think in some ways it can get worse, because once you're an adult, you actually get a SAY in your social life, rather than being made to go to school, church, etc. Being around a lot of really social people can be draining, too, and that probably doesn't help you. I know I always need a lot of time to recharge after having visitors, even folks whose company I love.

 

But I've only got two kids, so I occasionally get to be in the bathroom without interruptions. :)

[Rhonda in TX]

I'm 42 and I recently told some friends that I think I'm borderline agoraphobic. :tongue_smilie: Not really, because I'm not actually afraid of going out. I've just become an extreme homebody. I don't even want to go to church most Sundays, and that's very strange for me.

 

Some nights I'm almost crawling out of my skin because I want someplace to go to be by myself. Everyone in our family lives in our den. There's really no place else to go other than your bedroom. We have a gameroom (that's actually more of a junk room). I really, really want it turned into a separate living space so that maybe everyone will start hanging out in there!

 

Sometimes I worry about myself.

[newbie]

I think it does get worse. I used to be out all the time. But, like I told my friends, i have paid my dues.

 

Now its my time. I would be very content living as a hermit in a cave, of course w/all the modern luxuries.

[Sasharowan]

I actually like going out more now because my kids have other stuff to distract them and talk to each other about and ignore me whereas at home they are constantly Mom, Mom, Mom. Other people move to the other side of the store when they see 4 kids and only one mom, so they don't bother me either. If we go to Grandma's house, I can actually read a book without getting interrupted every sentence. I love my Mom :).

[patchfire]

I think it's gotten worse as I get older... but then I have another kid every time it seems like it's a little better. ;)

 

I think it's just plain HARD to be an introvert and a homeschooling mom.

[Renee in NC]

Yes. In my case it is because I have 7 dc that are extroverted like their Dad.:glare: By 9pm I am D-O-N-E with people! I wasn't the "drained by people type" until I had multiple children.

 

My mother matches that borderline agoraphobic type that someone mentioned. The older she gets the worse she gets. Interaction with people also means she needs a nap.;)

[JWSJ]

Yes, but it's not that I dislike people anymore than I used to. It's that I have lost my patience with trying to control my dislike. So, it shows more.

[Nestof3]

I notice I am more nervous around people than I used to be. I still love getting together with good friends -- meeting for coffee, playing games like Catch Phrase with another coupple, etc., but I wish I were not a nervous person.

 

Even just talking to the library staff makes me blush and sweat. It's very frustrating. I love the library staff. I am actually quite friendly with everyone and try to have a little personal conversation with cashiers, the mail carrier, etc., but I still feel nervous.

 

I'm probably a borderline introver/extrovert in that I can be very animated around people, but they tire me out after a while. I have to have time alone each day. I have always loved being alone and have never understood the concept of being bored.

[PiCO]

I get worse if I don't (or can't) take some time alone to recharge. When my kids were younger, it was really difficult to find alone time, but now I can. Keeps me sane!

 

I would have loved to have a large family, but I think I would have been mentally unstable until the youngest was 8.

[Nestof3]

I get worse if I don't (or can't) take some time alone to recharge. When my kids were younger, it was really difficult to find alone time, but now I can. Keeps me sane!

 

I would have loved to have a large family, but I think I would have been mentally unstable until the youngest was 8.

 

I know what you mean. I really do know I have limits here. I can only take so much noise, so much stimuli, so much chaos before I get a headache and feel everything in me clenching. I am also mildly OCD, so that makes it even worse.

[Rhonda in TX]

I think it's just plain HARD to be an introvert and a homeschooling mom.

 

but it is very true! I love homeschooling, but boy does it drain me. I fantasize about DH taking the kids somewhere for a week and leaving me at home all by myself. What bliss that would be!

[TravelingChris]

Shyness goes away but the need to be in smaller groups does not. I know I will be more inclined to go out when my kids are grown. But I like small groups of quiet people- like my book clubs usually are.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

In a way. I do find myself wishing I didn't have to go to church functions that are designed to pull in lots of people. Mostly because you are expected to make eye contact, smile, shake hands, and even hug people. Ahhhhhh!

 

On the other hand I like to get my alone time by getting lost in a crowd of people that do not know me, and do not care that I am there. Going shopping is perfect therapy. Even if I don't buy anything, I can wander around with a cart and look like I'm doing something, but spend all my time thinking instead.

 

I find myself alternately dreading and anticipating visits from my parents and grown daughter. Not because they are any real problem, but because the noise level increases and it is much harder to get away, even for a few minutes.

 

I don't think it is worse than when I was younger, life is just different so I have to use different methods to cope.

[Kim in Appalachia]

I've always not enjoyed large crowds or lots of noise and commotion, but it does seem worse.

 

I don't know if that's because my life is so busy with 5 kids and lots of activities going on. It could be that if my life was not so hectic I could handle crowds/noise/lots of people better.

 

I always seem to be looking for quiet, or just for blocks of time at home away from others.

[Hedgehogs4]

i can see why you would think it gets "worse"--but i don't know if it's a "worse."

 

i'm an extrovert with introvert tendencies...does that even make sense? anyway, i find that the older i get, the more time i desire alone. i think it comes from being a mom and serving constantly combined with a clearer understanding of who i am as a person and no longer needing validation from people to make me know i'm okay. (i'm not projecting this on to you--just saying it's what i've noticed lately--i'm more comfortable in my own skin).

 

i think it's a maturity thing. and it's also a feeling of being tapped out. combined. jmho.

[prairiegirl]

Yes, it has definitely become worse as I have become older. I have always wondered if it is related to menopause. My mom became borderline agoraphobic after menopause and I have heard of this happening to others. I push myself to do things outside of the home because I do not want to be like my mom but it is really hard for me.

[Jodi-FL]

i'm not shy. most people are surprised to learn i'm an introvert (refuel by being alone, vs. extroverts-like my dh-refuel my being with others). i also love to be outdoors. i just don't like crowds. and i find myself getting to that breaking point earlier than i used to.

 

but i agree, kelly, that it's a combo of things. i am very comfortable in my own skin and generally don't care what others think. maturity and being tapped out. now if only my dh understood. he can't wait for the weekends so we can all run errands (like grocery shop) together. all 9 of us. :001_smile:

[Rhonda in TX]

now if only my dh understood. he can't wait for the weekends so we can all run errands (like grocery shop) together. all 9 of us. :001_smile:

 

I go to the grocery store and do other shopping by myself as much as possible. DH is home and it's "Hey, we need to go to Home Depot today. Everybody get your shoes on and let's go!" No, I don't need to go to Home Depot. YOU need to go to Home Depot. ARGH! :blink:

[kewb]

At 43 some of my introvertness is different. I still love being alone and hate crowds. But I actually want to hang out with my friends. I no longer break into a sweat over the idea of getting together with people. Perhaps some of dh's extrovertness has worn off on me.

 

As a pp stated I also have more control over my social life. I can choose to be social or not. One of my favotie social events is my book club. We have a pajama book club. We meet once a month in our pj's. I can be social and comfortable. Nothing says fun like hanging out in my big, fluffy robe and slippers.

[elegantlion]

I'm an introvert and can go days without leaving the house before I get antsy. I'm not sure it's age with me, 42, or location. We moved a few years ago and haven't found any families we truly click with.

 

I get nervous around people I don't know and I don't think I put myself out there like I would have ten years ago. I also seem to be very sensitive to noise lately, I crave silence.

 

One group I hang out with is a local group of writers who are all young(er) and single. We click really well and I feel like I can be myself with them more than with we are with other homeschooling families. I enjoy my time with them.