Do you think this is weird for a 20 year old guy?

[Danestress]

My son called today quite ..... emotional ..... because his girlfriend put a little distance between them. I'm not sure I got the whole story. If fact, I'm sure I didn't get the whole story, but anyway, he called and cried and was just very upset about it and angry and sad and confused. We talked awhile. I'm sure I said all the wrong things, but I did my best.

 

My husband thinks it's really weird that a 20 would call his Mom when he breaks up with a girl or she breaks up with him. He would *never* have called his mother crying about a woman. Whatever.

 

I think it's strange because my husband is, in fact, a very caring person. I can't tell you how often someone in town tells me that they sent their friend/co-worker/sister to him (he's a family law attorney) and that she said he was so kind, gracious, competent, caring. People often tell me that my husband is compassionate, a shepherd, etc. And he's very sweet to me - probably desires real emotional intimacy more than most men seem to.

 

So it sort of concerns me that my DH thinks my son is weird. Was it the tears? Placing a call in itself? I mean, if the Marlboro man said that, you'd get where he's coming from. And while my husband is a manly guy - athletic, competitive, etc., I can't decide whether I should be worried about DS or annoyed with DH.

 

As I have been typing this, DH went to call DS to see if he wants to talk to his Dad, so maybe he was just talking and not really reflecting his true attitudes, but I still want to know. Do you think it's weird? Would your husband think it's weird? Would you think it's weird if a daughter did that? I honestly wouldn't have called my parents about a break up with a boy, but then, phone calls used to actually cost money! And if your husband strutted around acting like it's weird, would you challenge him or laugh?

 

Anyway, just for the sake of discussion .....

[Plaid Dad]

I remember sitting on my mom's den floor in tears when a woman I was dating in grad school dumped me. So, no, I don't think it's weird that he called you. It means that he trusts you. That's a very precious thing, and it tells me that you're a great mom.

[Crissy]

My husband would not think this is odd, but he understands that I have a very good relationship with my sons.

Come to think of it, my husband would have been the type to have the same sort of conversation with *his* mother even at that age.

 

That said, I do know plenty of fathers who would be uncomfortable with their sons showing that much emotion to anyone. Maybe your husband falls somewhere in-between.

[Claire]

Well, I wouldn't think it is weird. Guys have emotions (I hope!) and something can hit them the wrong way at the wrong time just as with anyone else. Everyone is vulnerable at times. Men in our culture are schooled not to show it, but IMO showing it doesn't render a guy weird. :) Sounds like your dh is torn between two forces: cultural expectations, and love for his son. I think that's pretty normal too, given today's society. (And I'd say your dh is better than most since he appears able to overcome cultural expectations when he thinks it might be in his son's best interests to do so.....)

[Kelli in TN]

My son used to confide in me like that. He would not confide in his dad, he came to me. So obviously I don't find it odd at all.

 

I also don't find the crying over a break up unusual. My son never went through that as he married his first real girlfriend, but when my daughter broke off her engagement the young man was crushed. And yes, my husband and I both talked to him and saw him cry.

 

Guys hurt, guys cry and guys go running to someone they trust.

[Diane]

I dont' think that's odd at all. I feel so sad for your son, heartbreaks HURT!

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Not weird at all. Congratulations on fostering such a relationship and such a tenderhearted son.

[Daisy]

My Dh's response. He doesn't think it is weird that your 20 year old called you to cry on your virtual shoulder but he also doesn't think it is weird that it makes your DH feel kinda "weirded out". He just thinks "crying guys" weird other males out.

[abbeyej]

My dh would never have had such a conversation with *his* mother. My brother would have with *our* mother.

 

I think it depends on *both* individuals and the relationship that they have. It could certainly be weird for some people, but I don't think it's remotely strange that your son called on you for support in such an emotional time.

[mcconnellboys]

I don't think it's weird. I think hs'd kids tend to talk to their parents about just about everything - at least mine do.

 

My husband is so nosey he can't stand it if he thinks my teenage son is talking to me about his personal life and not including him, too, LOL (He's *such* a good Daddy.) He'll come 'round as soon as my son's gone to question me and find out the scoop......

 

Maybe it was just a "why didn't he call me" kind of moment for your hubby. Mine has done that, too. He tends to tease my son and so son won't always confide in him first if he wants to be serious about something..... Then hubby will question ds coming to me about something, when what he really means is "why didn't he come to Dad first"......

 

Regena

[WTMindy]

definitely called his mom, and I sure hope my son will call me someday!

[OnTheBrink]

My son talked at length with me about whether he should break it off with his girlfriend. He never once discussed it with his dad. He did eventually break up with the girlfriend, but I gave him some female perspective on how to go about it and what NOT to do. I was glad he spoke to me of it. He revealed a lot about the girlfriend I didn't know. Ending the relationship was the best decision.

 

So, from where I sit, talking to Mom isn't weird. Maybe your dh was a little hurt, feeling like perhaps he missed out on some good bonding time with your son by having a man-to-man over the issue.

[JennifersLost]

I think our entire generation of boys is probably growing up slightly more in touch with their feelings than previous generations were. I think it's a good thing.

 

We've really made progress. Think about how men these days think nothing of attending deliveries of babies, changing their diapers, pushing the strollers and even wearing babies in frontpacks or backpacks. My father would have never been caught dead doing any of those things. My husband thought nothing of it.

 

I hope my boys feel they can talk about things with me like that.

[Lisawa]

I agree with the others... its not strange...... my son is 18 and talks to me about his troubles/girl situation..... Its great he called you! :)

[KidsHappen]

I have had the same kinds of conversations with my ds. One of my dds on the other hand would rather be tortured than talk about her feelings. It all depends on the individual. Some people are simply more sensitive than others and if you have a good relationship with your son then he is probably closer to you then anyone else that he could talk to. Consider yourself lucky.

[Amy in Orlando]

I think it depends on the kids and the mom and all of that. My dh would NEVER have called his mom about anything like this - I don't blame him, she's not very nice. I KNOW my brother has had conversations like this with my mom and I think he's a wonderful man and a great role model for my kids. (dh is too - don't get me wrong - just of a different mold)

 

I can see having these kinds of conversations in the not too distant future with my sons. I think it's great that your son feels comfortable enough to call you and ask for help, hugs or whatever. I hope talking to your dh helps him as well. Moms and Dads have such different things to offer. I love that your dh called him.

[RoughCollie]

I don't think it is weird. I would feel blessed that my son and I had the kind of relationship where he would call me about his problems, whatever they were.