School/Homeschool

[momtoboys]

Due to life circumstances and also the fact that I get sick when pregnant (very sick) and want to have another baby next year, I really want to put our first grader into a local Christian school next year (we would qualify for financial aid). However, he is absolutely hating the idea. I know I couldn't be pregnant (I throw up 10-12 times a day when I'm pregnant) and continue to homeschool him properly.

 

Any ideas on how to get him to have a more positive outlook on "going" to regular school?

[kmacnchs]

How long are you typically sick during pg? I know every baby is different but if it is only for 3-5 mo, you could do school on some days (just reading and math) and pick up full speed when the sickness subsides...just a thought (I know I was not answering your Q, sorry).

[momtoboys]

Oh, goodness. . w/ both my kids I was horribly sick the *entire* pregnancy, unfortunately. Even on Zofran and Phenergan. I think this is going to be our last child, due to that. After the baby is born, i would re-evaluate depending on how school is going for him. If he really did hate it, I would consider homeschooling again.

[LinRTX]

If it hates it I would not put him in. I too get "very sick" during pregnancy--I'm talking in the hospital, on an IV and getting sick evry 30-60 minutes sick.

 

I schooled my oldest in first grade through pregnancy #3, and with suprise pregnancy #4 I had the older 3 in grades 8, 5, and 1. They were fine. The oldest that was schooled through both these pregnancies went to college on a full scholarship. It can be done.

 

Linda

[Brooketopia]

I'm dealing with this right now. I always said if I was pregnant that I would put the kids in school because of how sick I get. My eldest went into K this year after I found out I was pg in August. She was excited to go though...she wanted to be with her friends, have recess and ride the bus, so it was nothing to have her be happy about it. If that's what your worried about, talk up the experiences of riding the bus, eating in a cafeteria/having a lunch box, having recess, being around friends...I actually don't know what would make a boy excited, but those were big deals for my girl.

 

And then, miraculously, my sickness cleared up at 13 weeks. This has NEVER happened. And now I want her home and I realize that had she just stayed home and read books and colored that she wouldn't have missed out, really. I'm trying to get her to come home at Christmas and I'm making the conscious decision to not worry about how things go after baby gets here.

 

There is so much extra stuff to do with sending her to school and I HATE it. I feel like I'm actually working harder than if I was just homeschooling her. There's some stupid paper to sign almost every day, you have to read with them so many minutes every day and document it, there's homework, there's all the having to remember if they're supposed to wear red or their school shirt or bring an apple for math or wear a ribbon on their backpack to support some "National _______ Week"...ugh. My feeling is that if I knew how much I was going to have to work by "sending" her to school, I wouldn't have bothered. It has not made my job easier.

 

People used to say I was judging the non-homeschool experience without having entered my children into school and that I was being unrealistic, but now I know that my gut was right beforehand. I so badly want to just bring her home now, but...yeah, many factors. Blargh.

 

I totally understand the anxiety factor though...I put her in because I was so worried that she would be neglected/bored/fall behind because of me being sick. I did feel relieved at first, and perhaps I would if I was still as sick as I normally am.

 

Not trying to influence your decision, just sharing my experience.

[Joanne]

I can not imagine putting a child in school in order to have another child.

 

Especially for 1st grade, I would feel very confident reading aloud, math facts and short lessons in reading.

[Daisy]

I don't know but I see this as a nightmare in the making.

 

You decide to send him to a place he absolutely does not want to go and the reason is because of a "new baby"?

 

Sounds like a recipe for some major jealousy/hard feelings on the part of a little boy.

[momtoboys]

Thanks for the opinions/advice. He will finish homeschooling for first grade this year. Second grade (next year) is when I would think of putting him in Christian private school.

 

His reasons for not wanting to go to school are basically he doesn't want to "leave me", and he thinks he'd be wasting his day for 7 hours, when he can do his work at home in 3 hours and still have more time to play. (He's an analytical child.)

 

My concern is that I may not do a proper job for second grade if I can barely get off the couch from being so sick (which is what happened with my last pregnancy). . .I would probably have to put my 3 year old in preschool for at least three mornings a week as well if I get pregnant. I mean, i'm not talking normal morning sickness, i'm talking HORRIBLY ill.

 

But, I have always wanted a little girl (although I love my boys dearly), and I have such a dream of trying one more time for one.

[Joy at Home]

:001_smile:

Thanks for the opinions/advice. He will finish homeschooling for first grade this year. Second grade (next year) is when I would think of putting him in Christian private school.

 

His reasons for not wanting to go to school are basically he doesn't want to "leave me", and he thinks he'd be wasting his day for 7 hours, when he can do his work at home in 3 hours and still have more time to play. (He's an analytical child.)

 

My concern is that I may not do a proper job for second grade if I can barely get off the couch from being so sick (which is what happened with my last pregnancy). . .I would probably have to put my 3 year old in preschool for at least three mornings a week as well if I get pregnant. I mean, i'm not talking normal morning sickness, i'm talking HORRIBLY ill.

 

But, I have always wanted a little girl (although I love my boys dearly), and I have such a dream of trying one more time for one.

 

Your seven year old sounds like one smart cookie!

 

Honestly, transporting them to school, with the three year old going to preschool three days a week, seems more problematic with severe morning sickness than just staying home. If I were that sick, I wouldn't want to have to drive to preschool three mornings a week.

 

It's hard to answer because only you know in your heart your reasons for homeschooling and your level of commitment. It sounds like you've made up your mind already, but I will just echo that for second grade one could really minimalize a great deal.

 

Whatever you choose, good luck to you :).

 

Blessings,

Lisa

[Quiver0f10]

Thanks for the opinions/advice. He will finish homeschooling for first grade this year. Second grade (next year) is when I would think of putting him in Christian private school.

 

His reasons for not wanting to go to school are basically he doesn't want to "leave me", and he thinks he'd be wasting his day for 7 hours, when he can do his work at home in 3 hours and still have more time to play. (He's an analytical child.)

 

My concern is that I may not do a proper job for second grade if I can barely get off the couch from being so sick (which is what happened with my last pregnancy). . .I would probably have to put my 3 year old in preschool for at least three mornings a week as well if I get pregnant. I mean, i'm not talking normal morning sickness, i'm talking HORRIBLY ill.

 

But, I have always wanted a little girl (although I love my boys dearly), and I have such a dream of trying one more time for one.

 

 

It wont hurt your 2nd grader to do the bare basics while you are sick. A math worksheet, a lesson in R&S grammar ( or something else not very teacher intensive) a penmanship worksheet and alternating days reading/narrating(oral, keep it simple) science and history ( sotw-get it on CD) You are talking an hour to an hour and a half. Split it up as needed.

 

Your preschooler will be fine. I don't do anything formal for preschool. Read aloud/books on tape. Educational toys, play doh, toys etc.

 

Get some good books on tape and they can listen while you lay on the couch.

Edited October 29, 2009 by Quiver0f10

[Quad Shot Academy]

I was on 50%-complete bed rest with my first three pregnancies and only light duty with my fourth, so don't give up hope that the fourth might be best. I agree with pps that you can do second grade easier at home than at school. Keep schooling through the summer, make sure he can read and fill in workbook pages independently. Buy a timer and have him read for 10 minutes per book or subject. When I was on bed rest, I would reserve tons of books at the library and hubby would pick them up. I would lie on the couch and my son would sit on the floor, leaning against the couch, right where I could see over his shoulder what he was reading. He would read aloud "to me" and I could help with words, but I almost always fell asleep and woke up right as he was finishing. I would tell him what a great job he did and he never caught onto the fact that I was sleeping! ;) I felt my children greatly benefitted when I was on bed rest because there was nothing to do but read to them, have them read to me and other quiet educational things. You could probably start a whole thread on homeschooling while on bed rest or puking! :lol:

[Harriet Vane]

Not much to add to what the others are advising, but I do have a funny story for you.

 

I too get horribly, horribly sick when pregnant. I too throw up multiple times a day. I lost weight in my first trimester with dd. When pregnant with ds we had to stay with my mil for a couple weeks because the combination of my nausea and my asthma/allergies was just too much for me. So I know what you mean about getting terribly ill.

 

When I was pregnant with ds, I was reading to dd and suddenly felt I was going to throw up. I compressed my lips and breathed deeply and just sat there fighting the nausea. Dd got a little impatient: "Mom, keep reading. C'mon Mom, read the words."

 

When I could manage it, I said, "Dd, Mommy is feeling like she's going to spit up. Just wait a minute."

 

Dd rolled her eyes at me and said, "Mom, just go spit it in the garbage and then we can read the book."

 

:lol:

 

She was quite matter-of-fact about my nausea. We read together when I was able, and when I was not, she was content to play on the bed next to me with her toys. Also, we are usually militant about not watching much TV, but when I am sick like that I consider educational videos to be a Godsend.

[smrtmama]

I can not imagine putting a child in school in order to have another child.

 

Especially for 1st grade, I would feel very confident reading aloud, math facts and short lessons in reading.

 

Agreed. I feel that the primary parental obligation is to the kids that are already here. If you can't adequately meet your current child's needs (which seem, at this age, to include homeschooling) if you get pregnant, perhaps you should delay the pregnancy until you and your child are at a place where you can meet his needs.

[patchfire]

I don't know but I see this as a nightmare in the making.

 

You decide to send him to a place he absolutely does not want to go and the reason is because of a "new baby"?

 

Sounds like a recipe for some major jealousy/hard feelings on the part of a little boy.

 

:iagree:

 

I have to say this scenario seems the most likely to me, as well.

[Barb_]

Agreed. I feel that the primary parental obligation is to the kids that are already here. If you can't adequately meet your current child's needs (which seem, at this age, to include homeschooling) if you get pregnant, perhaps you should delay the pregnancy until you and your child are at a place where you can meet his needs.

 

Um, well...wait a sec. She's thinking about sending him to school, not a foster home, right?

 

Barb

[Lovedtodeath]

How are you going to get him ready for school in the morning? I put DD in K and it ended up being just as much trouble as having her home. (yes really)

[amydavis]

How are you going to get him ready for school in the morning? I put DD in K and it ended up being just as much trouble as having her home. (yes really)

 

:iagree: This is what I am thinking also. I mean, if I was feeling that nauseous, that drained, that exhausted, etc - then I would definitely not want to deal with the transporting, the homework, the responsibilities, etc. that come with public school. Second grade is still young enough, that I feel I could manage to get the bare basics covered. Someone had mentioned working on through the summer to knock out some of the school year prior to the pregnancy - which I think is a great idea. Then I would follow much of the advice given here about choosing the right curriculum to make it easier on myself, and using educational dvds, etc.

 

Each pregnancy is different, and I would hate to make such a huge decision, especially when the child is so opposed, based on what might happen. I would make a worst-case scenario plan based on the advice given here, but also know that perhaps this time around won't be quite as bad. Either way, by starting the year early, allowing dad to teach in his off hours, and squeezing in small teachable moments around my nausea...I think it would all work out fine.

 

Good luck!

[Lovedtodeath]

Due to life circumstances and also the fact that I get sick when pregnant (very sick) and want to have another baby next year...

 

You did say due to life circumstances, which we are all just ignoring... ;)

 

But seriously, if life circumstances are making you want to stop homeschooling then why on earth would you want to deal with a horrible pregnancy and a newborn? Believe me... take it from someone who knows, BIG MISTAKE! I ruined my life for 3 years and it is still pretty messed up.

[Barb_]

Just wanted to encourage you that you can do this. We always see our oldest as older than they are, KWIM? When my 19yo was in 2nd grade she seemed so grown up...everything I did with her took on so much future importance. I didn't feel I could make any mistakes or let a year slide sideways a little because the mistakes would just compound. But really, that isn't the case. I have a second grader now and she seems not much more than a baby. I'm sure reality is somewhere in between the two perspectives. The point is, 6-9 months of snuggling, reading, exercise, and math won't hurt his education in the least. He'll retain his love of learning, enjoy the last months of closeness with you, and learn to nurture you and his new sibling. Besides, do you really want to drive back and forth to school feeling like you may vomit? Maybe you'll send him for the first trimester so you can get regular naps, then pull him out once you come up for air a bit? This board is full of women who have homeschooled through multiple pregnancies and it can be done. Just ask for advice!

 

Barb

[Rosy]

If you think school is best for him and you're trying to get him on board, I would consider visiting the school with him, maybe doing a one-on-one with the teacher, and also make a plan for how he's going to get time with you and free time for himself--maybe a schedule would put his mind at ease!

 

I agree with the others that missing part of 2nd grade at home isn't a big deal--you'll have plenty of time to make it up later on. If you're going by WTM, anything you miss this year will be covered in 6th and 10th in the content-based subjects, and his skills would probably progress naturally more than you think, just by making sure he has stacks of library books and books on tape, and even some educational videos and computer games. If he's as independent as he sounds, he can probably do a lot on his own.

 

When I started 1st grade with my oldest, I had a 4, 3, and 1 year old as well. I'm not saying that's as bad as extreme pregnancy sickness....but it's still fairly impossible. Just know that his education wouldn't be ruined by a year at half-speed.

[Lovedtodeath]

When I put DD in K, I visited the school with her and we really played up the fun aspects (recess, art class). She was excited. Before that she was in tears when someone in the pediatricians office told her she would be going to Kindergarten next year.

 

It really didn't work out very well though. Putting her in school definitely affected her detrimentally in academics more than keeping her at home and doing nothing would have. We are still not back to what she is capable of.

[momtoboys]

Wow, i almost feel like a horrible parent after reading some of these responses. I wanted to possibly put him in a small Christian school, where i know both the teachers and the students (because we go to church at the church there).

 

I would wait until he were older to have another baby, but the truth is, the doctor said the sickness may get worse the older I get, and so we basically feel we can't wait too much longer.

 

This is not a desire to hurt my son. DH and I want what is best for him and our entire family.

 

I'm not saying that homeschooling him next year is completely off the table. I just was considering ideas on how to help him make the transition to school if that were necessary.

 

Also, there are other considerations. In my other post, you can see my sister has advanced cancer. Even if I did not get pregnant, I had considered putting DS in school next year so I could get up to visit her more by myself. . .at times the situation is not appropriate for bringing children along.

[Joy at Home]

How are you going to get him ready for school in the morning? I put DD in K and it ended up being just as much trouble as having her home. (yes really)

 

 

Exactly. Besides, if you are still thinking about pre-k for your three year old, I think that between the two of them you'll be running ragged!

 

I sincerely don't want to discourage you, as I know the longing to have another child. But sometimes we overplan and find out later it would have been just fine. Homeschooling has many bends in the road, but if your concern is the children not keeping up academically, I think the ladies here have done a great job of addressing that. In second grade we barely did any formal school because of life circumstances, and things were just fine. Seven year olds can be very resourceful when given a little academic freedom.

 

Now, I completely get that, being sick, you want the time to just throw yourself on the couch and not feel pressured to do school. But, again, I see the intrusion of preschool and public school more demanding than gently schooling at home around your illness.

 

I truly wish you the best. Bringing another baby into the home is such a joyous event and I know you want to try to meet everyone's needs through your illness. You're a good mommy! But, as with any big decision, look at it from all directions before deciding. And if guilt is motivating your decision, remember that ds WANTS to be at home, and there is a lot to learn for the kiddos in navigating through difficult life circumstances.

 

All the best to you:grouphug:

 

Blessings,

Lisa

[Joy at Home]

Wow, i almost feel like a horrible parent after reading some of these responses. I wanted to possibly put him in a small Christian school, where i know both the teachers and the students (because we go to church at the church there).

 

I would wait until he were older to have another baby, but the truth is, the doctor said the sickness may get worse the older I get, and so we basically feel we can't wait too much longer.

 

This is not a desire to hurt my son. DH and I want what is best for him and our entire family.

 

I'm not saying that homeschooling him next year is completely off the table. I just was considering ideas on how to help him make the transition to school if that were necessary.

 

Also, there are other considerations. In my other post, you can see my sister has advanced cancer. Even if I did not get pregnant, I had considered putting DS in school next year so I could get up to visit her more by myself. . .at times the situation is not appropriate for bringing children along.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I typed my response before reading yours.

 

Please, don't take some of the opinions here too personally. We can only see little tidbits of your life and can never appreciate the bigger picture.

 

Soo many people on this board use public and private school to some degree at some time. Many afterschool. Each family has their own circumstances and flavor of homeschooling.

 

Only you can decide. And re-reading your OP, you were not asking for opinions on sending him, you were asking for suggestions on making the transition easier. We should all respect that.

 

I think visiting during school hours and maybe allowing him to spend a day in class if he's allowed would help. There's a lot of time between then and now, so you all have plenty of time getting used to the idea.

 

I'm very sorry for your sister. I know that must be very difficult for you. I don't think you have anything to be sorry for. But sometimes, when going through devestating life events, we all just want to feel that everybody is putting their life on hold and is there for us. Irrational, yes, but who are we to judge when she is facing life-changing illness?

 

I think being humble and full of grace will do a lot to wipe away ill-feelings. Yes, you should not HAVE to apologize, but, as Christians, (since you're sending ds to a Christian school, I'm assuming it's okay to address this), Grace has the power for healing all wounds. Your sister is in a very hard place in her life. She was wrong to badmouth you behind your back. She was wrong to say you weren't there for her when you were there to the best of your ability. Yes, you have a family and your own responsibilities. But our defensiveness that takes over is part of our own sinful nature. When we respond with Grace, love, and understanding, it does miraculous things. And if she doesn't respond in kind, well, forgive her. You've chosen the loving way to respond and it will bear fruit down the road.

 

Blessings,

Lisa

[Quiver0f10]

Wow, i almost feel like a horrible parent after reading some of these responses. I wanted to possibly put him in a small Christian school, where i know both the teachers and the students (because we go to church at the church there).

 

I would wait until he were older to have another baby, but the truth is, the doctor said the sickness may get worse the older I get, and so we basically feel we can't wait too much longer.

 

This is not a desire to hurt my son. DH and I want what is best for him and our entire family.

 

I'm not saying that homeschooling him next year is completely off the table. I just was considering ideas on how to help him make the transition to school if that were necessary.

 

Also, there are other considerations. In my other post, you can see my sister has advanced cancer. Even if I did not get pregnant, I had considered putting DS in school next year so I could get up to visit her more by myself. . .at times the situation is not appropriate for bringing children along.

 

I don't think anyone was attacking you, but offering hope and encouragement that you can do this. That your son will do fine with minimal school for a bit. However, it sounds like you really want to put him in the private school and if that's what you want, then you need to do what you feel is best for your family at this time, no matter what anyone on here thinks. :grouphug:

[Pajama Mama]

Wow, i almost feel like a horrible parent after reading some of these responses. I wanted to possibly put him in a small Christian school, where i know both the teachers and the students (because we go to church at the church there).

 

I would wait until he were older to have another baby, but the truth is, the doctor said the sickness may get worse the older I get, and so we basically feel we can't wait too much longer.

 

This is not a desire to hurt my son. DH and I want what is best for him and our entire family.

 

I'm not saying that homeschooling him next year is completely off the table. I just was considering ideas on how to help him make the transition to school if that were necessary.

 

Also, there are other considerations. In my other post, you can see my sister has advanced cancer. Even if I did not get pregnant, I had considered putting DS in school next year so I could get up to visit her more by myself. . .at times the situation is not appropriate for bringing children along.

 

Please don't feel badly. You are not a horrible parent. You must do what is best for your family. I think what the folks here were trying to say is that you can still hs if you wanted to. Getting 2 kids ready each morning would be a pain if you are ill. You would have to get up early and do the breakfast, get dressed thing instead of sleeping in. If your dh is driving your preschooler then that's different. But if you have to drive each morning then you may not want to do that.

 

You could always plan ahead and have lots of educational videos, arts and crafts and boxed curriculum to use. I use a cyberschool with ds12 and dd8. Ds10 is a special needs child. When he is ill during wintertime, I am not reliable for schoolwork. The cyberschool provides structure for us. My 7th grader is fairly independent(most days :glare:). My 3rd grader is fairly independent. I make up file folders for Mon-Fri that Friday before. It takes only 15-20 minutes but makes life so much easier.

 

If putting them in school is the best option, then do it. As long as you have some help getting them ready it should be fine. But keeping them home is fine,too. They are young and don't need hours of instruction each day. You must do what is easiest for you. good luck.

[momtoboys]

I think it makes it harder, because my sister specifically said she basically resents me homeschooling, because she thinks I use it as an "excuse" to not visit her as often as she would like. Which I tried to explain is not the case at all. But she doesn't understand. :confused:

[Pajama Mama]

I missed the part about your sister. Sorry. I haven't had enough coffee yet. That must be tough with your sister being ill. I hope your sis doesn't actually tell you she resents you homeschooling. I realize that she is suffering but the fact that you homeschool has nothing to do with that. If you were pregnant, you probably couldn't visit as much anyway if you were that sick.

 

If you will regret not spending more time with your sister, then you should put the kids in school. But the pregnancy issue would make it difficult, too. If you are very ill, you can't risk your pregnancy driving all the time to see your sister. You may need to think about holding off a pregnancy until your sister is better. Boy, that's a tough place to be. I hope all works out for your family.

[Ferdie]

I haven't had a chance to read this thread so sorry if this is a dup.

 

Do you know why he doesn't want to go?

 

If he is uncertain about the environment then take him on a tour of the school or see if he can shadow a class for a day. Once he gets there and sees what it is all about he might feel better about going. Also, does he know anyone else that goes to that school. If so could set up a playdate and have them spend time together so he had a buddy when he starts.

 

If he has already spent some time at the school and is still not okay then I would figure out a way to continue to hs.

[secular_mom]

Thanks for the opinions/advice. He will finish homeschooling for first grade this year. Second grade (next year) is when I would think of putting him in Christian private school.

 

His reasons for not wanting to go to school are basically he doesn't want to "leave me", and he thinks he'd be wasting his day for 7 hours, when he can do his work at home in 3 hours and still have more time to play. (He's an analytical child.)

 

My concern is that I may not do a proper job for second grade if I can barely get off the couch from being so sick (which is what happened with my last pregnancy). . .I would probably have to put my 3 year old in preschool for at least three mornings a week as well if I get pregnant. I mean, i'm not talking normal morning sickness, i'm talking HORRIBLY ill.

 

But, I have always wanted a little girl (although I love my boys dearly), and I have such a dream of trying one more time for one.

 

Gently speaking here, those were my sons reasons for not enjoying school. He WANTED to go at first, but after one week he saw it as a boring waste of time, he missed being home with his family GREATLY,

and he went downhill fast. He's now back home, while his younger sisters still attend school.

 

Also, starting school as a second grade student is quite a bit more rough for kids than starting as a K or 1st grader. The other 2nd graders already know each other, already have their 'cliques' and honestly some feel a bit threatened by a 'new student'.

School is MORE work than homeschooling. It really really is. It's not an 'easy button'. All one does by putting their dc in school is exchange one set of 'issues' for another completely different set of 'issues'.

 

Seeing as your son already feels that way about school, and he hasn't even attended yet, I'd say it will most likely be a very negative experience for him. Sounds like you are setting him up for some emotional problems.

I'd seriously reconsider this aspect of such a decision before continuing with the plan to have another child.

 

Also, if you really do have such horrible sickness who will be taking your other dc to preschool? Who will take your son to private school?

[secular_mom]

I think it makes it harder, because my sister specifically said she basically resents me homeschooling, because she thinks I use it as an "excuse" to not visit her as often as she would like. Which I tried to explain is not the case at all. But she doesn't understand. :confused:

 

I am truly sorry that your sister is ill, that's a really horrible situation. She clearly has her own 'issues' right now though, and there is NO reason you should let her opinion or her needs outweigh the needs of your children.

She is an adult, you have done what you were able to do to support her.

If she needs more than that then she needs to find another source of support. It's irrational to expect people to give more than they are able to.

You DO have children, they ARE your priority, you DO homeschool and that IS a choice you have made (why did you choose to homeschool in the first place?). If you feel that homeschooling is a horrible choice for you or your children, that's one thing. But to stop homeschooling because your sister feels it's not a good choice for HER? Ridiculous. If she is going to resent your children coming before her, then she will- regardless of what choices you make as a parent. I don't think it is wise or reasonable to 'throw your children to the wolves' (force a child to go to school when he's not interested, leave children with a person who obviously does NOT want to care for them, etc.) in order to appease another adult.

 

I'm really truly saying this with care, and speaking 'gently'.

If YOU want your kids in school, then by all means put them in school. I've BTDT. But dont' do it for some one else.

 

Also, if you Do get pregnant will you be able to drive to see your sister? What would you be able to do for her during visits if you are constantly ill?

Just trying to help you 'think this through'- but not implying that you haven't already. I know this is a very emotional time for you all. Lots of :grouphug:

[Rosy]

I think it makes it harder, because my sister specifically said she basically resents me homeschooling, because she thinks I use it as an "excuse" to not visit her as often as she would like. Which I tried to explain is not the case at all. But she doesn't understand. :confused:

That is cruel of your sister to say that. I'm sure she's emotional right now, and I can't imagine what she's going through, especially if she doesn't have as much support as she'd like. But it's not fair for her to play on your sense of guilt and responsibility to get you to visit more.

 

The bottom line is, you have to do what's best for your family--your immediate family. They are your primary ministry. If school is it, fine. But don't let emotion sway you from what God is telling you to do, whatever it is.

[Harriet Vane]

I think it makes it harder, because my sister specifically said she basically resents me homeschooling, because she thinks I use it as an "excuse" to not visit her as often as she would like. Which I tried to explain is not the case at all. But she doesn't understand. :confused:

 

Speaking gently . . .

 

Your sister is stepping over boundaries big-time, and her words are both self-focused and inappropriate, though understandable because of her terrible struggles at this time. Understanding why she is saying this, though, does not make it right for her to say it or to expect it.

 

Each of has to live our own life--that may include a full or part-time job, it may include child-rearing, it may include pregnancy, etc. As your sister she has a right to expect your love and support to whatever degree you are able to give it. She does not have a right to expect more than you have to give. She does not get to choose or judge what you give--you are the one who must choose.

 

Even though your sister has cancer, your children must come first. That does not mean not supporting her and loving her and giving sacrificially to her. It does mean, though, that you not compromise what is best for your children.

 

I know how hard it is--believe me, I really do know. I wrote in another post to you about my aunt who is dying of a brain tumor, and of her five children. I have had to struggle mightily through issues of supporting her and her children. I made compromises with my own children that I now regret. I have spent many, many hours in the hospital with my aunt, and I have spent many, many hours caring for her children. The needs there are overwhelming, and if I devoted every minute of every day to helping them it still would not be enough.

 

Whether or not you homeschool your children should not be based upon your sister. It was wrong for her to question your child-rearing choices. It is okay for her to ask for help, but not to dictate that her needs come before the needs of your children.

 

It sounds like you are under terrible pressure and heartache. I would not make any quick decisions if I were you. You have plenty of time before the next school year anyway.

 

Do what you are able to do for her, and do not feel guilty for what you cannot give.

[momtoboys]

"It sounds like you are under terrible pressure and heartache."

 

Yeah, that. . .exactly. . .Thanks for the advice and I'll try not to make any "hasty" decisions!