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What would you do if your 6yo put a spear head


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Archeology Camp is this week and today, after lunch one of the students saw a little piece of pottery on the floor of the classroom by my son's feet and he was beet red. He pulled out the spear head, the camp director was called into the classroom and ds apologized and the camp director said "thank you." His teacher said the punishment is up to us and at school it will take a long time to earn back her trust, blah blah blah.

 

She suggested he not participate in the final day tomorrow where the kids put on a museum of their finds for the parents then they have a Mayan feast. I told her that he will be going tomorrow. I don't think that is a good idea because he can be punished in a different way that won't impact his learning. I just need an appropriate punishment. Does anyone think he really shouldn't participate in the last day tomorrow? (keep in mind I already paid for the week)

 

(BTW, ds goes to a Montessori school in the afternoons for "specials" like spanish, art, piano, architecture, cooking etc. but this week they have archeology camp all day for the whole week, that is why he is going to camp in October!)

 

Thanks for the advice so far.

 

One thing he will be doing is writing the camp director an apology.

Edited by Jumping In Puddles
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It seems a little harsh to make him miss the last day. He's returned it, he's remorseful, his parents will punish him, so I don't see why it's the school's business to punish him. And to tell a 6 year old that it will take a long, long time to earn back trust? That's over the top.

:iagree:

 

 

I think he's been punished pretty well already :( poor guy! A letter of apology would round it out. Anything more and, imo, it's over kill.

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It seems a little harsh to make him miss the last day. He's returned it, he's remorseful, his parents will punish him, so I don't see why it's the school's business to punish him. And to tell a 6 year old that it will take a long, long time to earn back trust? That's over the top.

 

Thank You.

 

:iagree:

 

 

I think he's been punished pretty well already :( poor guy! A letter of apology would round it out. Anything more and, imo, it's over kill.

 

Thank You.

 

I feel the same way but I thought I'd ask for some other opinions. :)

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It seems a little harsh to make him miss the last day. He's returned it, he's remorseful, his parents will punish him, so I don't see why it's the school's business to punish him. And to tell a 6 year old that it will take a long, long time to earn back trust? That's over the top.

 

Agreed.

 

However, in public schools, I have had some kids sit out on certain celebrations they were not entitled to due to misbehavior or rule breaking (like stealing fellow student items or $ from backpacks or my personal classroom items and being caught). Usually, we'd send the student to another classroom during our class party -- and ask for him to join us half way into the party. The child didn't miss the whole thing. But it did send a message that there were consequences (at school) for rules being broken. Out of 15 years teaching in public schools, I only had to do this 3-4 times in the 2-5 grades. Parents were warned about it in advance and all were supportive of the punishment. I only had one parent ask that their child miss the entire party to send a strong message. I did what they asked.

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Thank You.

 

 

 

Thank You.

 

I feel the same way but I thought I'd ask for some other opinions. :)

Ah! You were worried that you were going to be too lenient! All I could think about was, wow, at six, if that had happened to either of my big ones they'd have been a mess... I wouldn't have the heart to do much beyond an apology.

 

:grouphug:

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I am assuming it is either the 5 or 6 year old in your sig line. Kids at that age are impulsive and still learning right from wrong, I can completely see my 5 year old doing something like that even though she knows in her head it isn't right. He gave it back, you are going to have him write an apology letter and (I'm assuming) have explained to him why it isn't okay to take things that aren't yours.

 

I hope the teacher can act like an adult and not hold a grudge against him. He is a young child who has learned his lesson and deserves to be forgiven (I would feel differently if he regularly pocketed things but it doesn't sound like that is the case).

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Agreed.

 

However, in public schools, I have had some kids sit out on certain celebrations they were not entitled to due to misbehavior or rule breaking (like stealing fellow student items or $ from backpacks or my personal classroom items and being caught). Usually, we'd send the student to another classroom during our class party -- and ask for him to join us half way into the party. The child didn't miss the whole thing. But it did send a message that there were consequences (at school) for rules being broken. Out of 15 years teaching in public schools, I only had to do this 3-4 times in the 2-5 grades. Parents were warned about it in advance and all were supportive of the punishment. I only had one parent ask that their child miss the entire party to send a strong message. I did what they asked.

 

I don't necessarily think that tomorrow is a celebration despite the fact that there is a feast (consisting of things that I know ds won't eat anyway) but they are displaying their artifacts and then eating foods that the Mayans would have eaten. It seems like a good, fun way to conclude the class but not really a "party", KWIM? If it was just a party for fun with no educational value then I would agree in this case.

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I hope the teacher can act like an adult and not hold a grudge against him. He is a young child who has learned his lesson and deserves to be forgiven (I would feel differently if he regularly pocketed things but it doesn't sound like that is the case).

 

Yup, obviously a young teacher lacking in wisdom or discretion. All I can suggest to the OP is to try to forgive her and not let her actions get under your skin. It is only a one week camp? You won't have to deal with her again?

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I don't necessarily think that tomorrow is a celebration despite the fact that there is a feast (consisting of things that I know ds won't eat anyway) but they are displaying their artifacts and then eating foods that the Mayans would have eaten. It seems like a good, fun way to conclude the class but not really a "party", KWIM? If it was just a party for fun with no educational value then I would agree in this case.

 

Oh yeah, it's not like real school... you are paying for a service. My example shows for students in an everyday "group" environment of school. And for me, the logical consequence would be to deprive them of the anticipated class party -- which is pure fun and games for the "group" they worked hard for. Not educational -- LOL. :D

 

Try not to let the teacher's actions get to you. There will be good teachers and bad teachers. Sounds like this one needs some discretion with her words. A 6 year old is still a little one. OMG I miss teaching those years -- soooo much fun!!

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Ah! You were worried that you were going to be too lenient! All I could think about was, wow, at six, if that had happened to either of my big ones they'd have been a mess... I wouldn't have the heart to do much beyond an apology.

 

:grouphug:

 

Yes! I really was wondering if I was being to lenient because I was thinking the teacher was being too overboard LOL.

 

I am assuming it is either the 5 or 6 year old in your sig line. Kids at that age are impulsive and still learning right from wrong, I can completely see my 5 year old doing something like that even though she knows in her head it isn't right. He gave it back, you are going to have him write an apology letter and (I'm assuming) have explained to him why it isn't okay to take things that aren't yours.

 

I hope the teacher can act like an adult and not hold a grudge against him. He is a young child who has learned his lesson and deserves to be forgiven (I would feel differently if he regularly pocketed things but it doesn't sound like that is the case).

 

It is my 6 yo son and no, he doesn't regularly pocket things! You are right, he is going to write an apology letter when he gets up tomorrow, he has already apologized, and we did explain to him what he did was wrong.

 

I hope the teacher can get over this too. BTW, dh thinks the teacher was over the top on the phone today and he thinks we shouldn't send ds back at all. :crying: So now I am sitting here crying because I think dh and the teacher are over reacting. :crying:

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Yup, obviously a young teacher lacking in wisdom or discretion. All I can suggest to the OP is to try to forgive her and not let her actions get under your skin. It is only a one week camp? You won't have to deal with her again?

 

The camp is only one week, but the teacher in question only has my ds for one class a week (art) and he has different teachers for all the other classes.

 

The part I bolded above, thank you, I think that is what I needed to hear. You are right! Absolutely right. Thank you.

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Oh yeah, it's not like real school... you are paying for a service. My example shows for students in an everyday "group" environment of school. And for me, the logical consequence would be to deprive them of the anticipated class party -- which is pure fun and games for the "group" they worked hard for. Not educational -- LOL. :D

 

Try not to let the teacher's actions get to you. There will be good teachers and bad teachers. Sounds like this one needs some discretion with her words. A 6 year old is still a little one. OMG I miss teaching those years -- soooo much fun!!

 

More words of wisdom... thank you! I need to let this whole thing go.

 

DS apologized, will write a letter, and has been talked to. The teacher, pffft, I'm going to let it go.

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I would make him take it back to the camp director and apologize. If he can't take it back (you are far from camp or it is closed) I would make him write a letter of apology and mail it back (paying for the postage).

 

:iagree: That's exactly what I would do too.

 

Edited to add: I just read the other posts, and I do think that the camp director is being overly-harsh. I would not have him miss the last day. He admitted what he did and apologized for it. I think having him write an apology note would be more than sufficient for that age.

Edited by jujsky
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Our son took an arrowhead from pastor's house when he was about that age. Pastor gave him one, and he took another. When we got home he showed us, dh loaded him right back into the car to return it and apologize. He did, pastor forgave, we talked, moved on. No further punishment. Sounds like that lady/teacher/whoever is a jackass.

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Our son took an arrowhead from pastor's house when he was about that age. Pastor gave him one, and he took another. When we got home he showed us, dh loaded him right back into the car to return it and apologize. He did, pastor forgave, we talked, moved on. No further punishment. Sounds like that lady/teacher/whoever is a jackass.

:lol: Thank you for making me laugh!

 

I appreciate you telling that story too, that is the way this needs to go. Thank you.

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Our son took an arrowhead from pastor's house when he was about that age. Pastor gave him one, and he took another. When we got home he showed us, dh loaded him right back into the car to return it and apologize. He did, pastor forgave, we talked, moved on. No further punishment. Sounds like that lady/teacher/whoever is a jackass.

I love your word usage.:lol:

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I agree about sending the note and she should go to the last day of class! The only thing I would add, if you haven't already, is to have your child tell you in her own words what happened and why. We have done this with each of our kids in the last year. One is 19 and other 7, the situations were very different, but both times we got some valuable information. I'm not suggesting that what the teacher told you is incorrect, but the teacher may not have all the info either. For example, Did someone dare her to take it or did someone else take something and she followed the lead? Don't let her blame obviously, but the lesson could quickly go from don't take what doesn't belong to you to much bigger lesson about personal responsibility and not following when you know it's wrong. It will be hard for a 6-year old to tell you what happened, calmly lead if need be, but try not to suggest what happen. We must have sat in silence for 10 minutes while we waited for our 19-year old to tell us the whole story. *sigh* It's never fun, but it turned out not to be as bad my imagination had lead me to believe either! ;)

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I would not want my child to miss the last day.

I think an apology and returning the item is enough.

At home, I wouldn't "punish" but we'd discuss what happened. Let him talk it out. It can be so hard when you really want something to follow the rules and not take it. I imagine many archologists have felt that way after spending countless hours, sweating their bottoms off and finally make a valuable or interesting discovery....but it must stay in the country it is found in.

 

I also feel like there is a lesson in forgiveness. He should go on the last day and be welcomed and forgiven, imo.

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Archeology Camp is this week and today, after lunch one of the students saw a little piece of pottery on the floor of the classroom by my son's feet and he was beet red. He pulled out the spear head, the camp director was called into the classroom and ds apologized and the camp director said "thank you." His teacher said the punishment is up to us and at school it will take a long time to earn back her trust, blah blah blah.

 

She suggested he not participate in the final day tomorrow where the kids put on a museum of their finds for the parents then they have a Mayan feast. I told her that he will be going tomorrow. I don't think that is a good idea because he can be punished in a different way that won't impact his learning. I just need an appropriate punishment. Does anyone think he really shouldn't participate in the last day tomorrow? (keep in mind I already paid for the week)

 

(BTW, ds goes to a Montessori school in the afternoons for "specials" like spanish, art, piano, architecture, cooking etc. but this week they have archeology camp all day for the whole week, that is why he is going to camp in October!)

 

Thanks for the advice so far.

 

One thing he will be doing is writing the camp director an apology.

 

Is "Big Dog" running the camp? Because if he is, I think returning the object and apologizing to Geof is a pretty tough thing for a little kid in and of itself! ;)

 

As far as the school teacher goes, I don't really see it as something for her to be in the middle of. The offense was toward the dig, not the teacher. The child apologized and was forgiven. You, the parents, intend to discipline. End of story.

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He's planning on it. Tomorrow. I hope level heads prevail. :crying:

 

Hang in there... personally, if I were hubby, I'd tell school personnel the teacher should not be teaching that grade level based on your experience. She may need to be transferred to upper grades? :confused:

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Is "Big Dog" running the camp? Because if he is, I think returning the object and apologizing to Geof is a pretty tough thing for a little kid in and of itself! ;)

 

As far as the school teacher goes, I don't really see it as something for her to be in the middle of. The offense was toward the dig, not the teacher. The child apologized and was forgiven. You, the parents, intend to discipline. End of story.

 

Yes, it's Big Dog. He really, really likes him and I'm sure it was tough LOL.

 

Thanks for your input. :)

 

Your kids went to Archeology Camp with Geof? :cool: How did they like it?

Edited by Jumping In Puddles
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First :grouphug: I think you have come to the correct conclusions and I think the advice other posters have given is good. Anything beyond the initial apology (which takes a lot for a 6 year old to do....I still remember when I had to apologize to a family for an insult I made to their daughter at that age and I felt like I was going to throw up) and anything you decide as a family (the written apology) is enough. That teacher might not have children...I've always noted I was FULL of advice and ideas on how others should raise their children until I had my own.

I also like the below post. I need to remember to do this with my kids more often. Adults always leap to conclusions...more than often we are right, but occassionally not. I think it helps a child to realize what they are really in trouble for too. Several times after scolding my middle son I will ask do you know why you got in trouble and he will say something that is totally not relevent. It makes me realize I need to cool my jets and let him know beforehand what he has done before punishment. Sorry this last part of my post has veered off....:tongue_smilie:

 

I agree about sending the note and she should go to the last day of class! The only thing I would add, if you haven't already, is to have your child tell you in her own words what happened and why. We have done this with each of our kids in the last year. One is 19 and other 7, the situations were very different, but both times we got some valuable information. I'm not suggesting that what the teacher told you is incorrect, but the teacher may not have all the info either. For example, Did someone dare her to take it or did someone else take something and she followed the lead? Don't let her blame obviously, but the lesson could quickly go from don't take what doesn't belong to you to much bigger lesson about personal responsibility and not following when you know it's wrong. It will be hard for a 6-year old to tell you what happened, calmly lead if need be, but try not to suggest what happen. We must have sat in silence for 10 minutes while we waited for our 19-year old to tell us the whole story. *sigh* It's never fun, but it turned out not to be as bad my imagination had lead me to believe either! ;)
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Yes, it's Big Dog. He really, really likes him and I'm sure it was tough LOL.

 

Thanks for your input. :)

 

Your kids went to Archeology Camp with Geof? :cool: How did they like it?

 

One of the mothers from our old homeschool group has been hosting it at her house for a couple of years. We did West Africa last year, and the kids still talk about it all the time! The group did Greece (at least, I think they chose Greece) this year, but we just couldn't make room in the budget. I think it came down to math books or dig :lol:.

 

For the cost of the program, I sure wouldn't let him miss out on the museum and feast!

Besides, putting the museum together is one of the most educational aspects of the whole week.

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Oh...little kid motivation in wanting something so cool is not the same as an adult setting out to steal ( & sell) something valuable. Poor little guy.

 

Unless he has shown himself to be a thief, I would say "This is something really amazing. A lot of people wish they could find something as awesome as this. I know you know this is not ours, and we need to return it. I know you wish this was ours, but we both know it's not, which is the reason you have a mommy (parents) to help you understand what is ok and what is not. You know we need to give this back now. Let's go do that".

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I think it helps a child to realize what they are really in trouble for too. Several times after scolding my middle son I will ask do you know why you got in trouble and he will say something that is totally not relevent. It makes me realize I need to cool my jets and let him know beforehand what he has done before punishment. Sorry this last part of my post has veered off....:tongue_smilie:

 

That is so funny and true! Thanks :)

 

One of the mothers from our old homeschool group has been hosting it at her house for a couple of years. We did West Africa last year, and the kids still talk about it all the time! The group did Greece (at least, I think they chose Greece) this year, but we just couldn't make room in the budget. I think it came down to math books or dig :lol:.

 

For the cost of the program, I sure wouldn't let him miss out on the museum and feast!

Besides, putting the museum together is one of the most educational aspects of the whole week.

 

I'm glad your children have math books, :lol: They offered Vikings and Egypt over the summer but I couldn't fit it in the budget at that time.

 

He is definitely going tomorrow. It doesn't make sense not too. If a kid cheats on a math test, should he skip math class as part of his punishment? It doesn't make any sense to me.

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Oh...little kid motivation in wanting something so cool is not the same as an adult setting out to steal ( & sell) something valuable. Poor little guy.

 

Unless he has shown himself to be a thief, I would say "This is something really amazing. A lot of people wish they could find something as awesome as this. I know you know this is not ours, and we need to return it. I know you wish this was ours, but we both know it's not, which is the reason you have a mommy (parents) to help you understand what is ok and what is not. You know we need to give this back now. Let's go do that".

 

Thank you. :) He has not shown himself to be a thief and I appreciate the input!

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Thank you. :) He has not shown himself to be a thief and I appreciate the input!

 

 

:) Little children are not born thinking, reasoning adults-- they so need us to help them figure out the world. I love that your child will know he's a lovely person who had to rethink an episode. No harm, no foul. That's why (ideally) they have loving parents helping them maneuver this confusing world. Little children are not 'bad'. They are learning! :grouphug:

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Oh...little kid motivation in wanting something so cool is not the same as an adult setting out to steal ( & sell) something valuable. Poor little guy.

 

Unless he has shown himself to be a thief, I would say "This is something really amazing. A lot of people wish they could find something as awesome as this. I know you know this is not ours, and we need to return it. I know you wish this was ours, but we both know it's not, which is the reason you have a mommy (parents) to help you understand what is ok and what is not. You know we need to give this back now. Let's go do that".

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I think the teacher was terribly mean, but I am assuming that Geof (sorry, but I refuse to call a grown man "Big Dog,") was gracious about it. If the teacher is anything but kind to your son tomorrow, I think you should definitely put her in her place!

 

I feel so sorry for your little guy. He'll probably be nervous all night and worry about going in the morning. :(

 

Cat

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Our son took an arrowhead from pastor's house when he was about that age. Pastor gave him one, and he took another. When we got home he showed us, dh loaded him right back into the car to return it and apologize. He did, pastor forgave, we talked, moved on. No further punishment. Sounds like that lady/teacher/whoever is a jackass.

:lol:

I love your word usage.:lol:

:iagree:

 

 

 

 

Bruce's Buns... I'm so glad this didn't turn into a 'your son is a monster' thread. :grouphug: it's always nice to know you aren't the only one that wants to defend your littles :)

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I think the teacher was terribly mean, but I am assuming that Geof (sorry, but I refuse to call a grown man "Big Dog,") was gracious about it. If the teacher is anything but kind to your son tomorrow, I think you should definitely put her in her place!

 

I feel so sorry for your little guy. He'll probably be nervous all night and worry about going in the morning. :(

 

LOL about "Big Dog" Thanks for your concern.

 

Cat

 

My ds seemed fine, he wrote his letters and when we got to school, I opened the van door and he burst into tears saying "my neck hurts, my neck hurts mommy" :crying: I gave him a hug and told him it will be ok, he did the right thing and its over, go have a good time and I'll see him later. He said "it's not that, my neck really hurts" Then he got out of the van, wiped his tears and ran to the playground.

 

 

Bruce's Buns... I'm so glad this didn't turn into a 'your son is a monster' thread. :grouphug: it's always nice to know you aren't the only one that wants to defend your littles :)

 

Thanks, me too! The teacher told me I'm defensive of my kids. That's one of the things dh will be talking to her about later. :boxing_smiley:

 

ETA: Bruce's Buns::lol: :lol: :D

Edited by Jumping In Puddles
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