Audrey Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 not to tell your siblings what you really think, because you know it would totally ruin the peace between you. That's all. I just needed to get that off my chest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneGabe Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 I have a family member (or three) like that and it is really, really difficult to always be the one to keep the peace. Sometimes I think my lip will bleed I'm biting it so hard ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddhabelly Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Audrey, I just wanted to commend you for not speaking your mind. Some things are more important than getting things off your chest. And BTW, that is what is so valuable about silent retreats -- watching where that really strong energy goes. (The strong energy of "I want to say this" or "I think what she is doing is a huge mistake" or the energy you feel rising in your chest when you see your nephew eating nothing but Cheetos all day.) It is fascinating to be on a silent retreat, see or hear or taste something so beautiful it makes me gasp, and watch that "need to tell someone" rise, swirl around in my chest, and gradually subside. It is strengthening somehow, in the long run. Helps me with my siblings, too. ;) Julie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepymommy Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 not to tell your siblings what you really think, because you know it would totally ruin the peace between you. That's all. I just needed to get that off my chest. :iagree: I wholeheartedly agree. I've had to bite my tongue around my sister practically my entire life, even when some things she would say or do would be hurtful to me. But it is what it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 13, 2009 Share Posted September 13, 2009 Right there with ya. :cheers2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 I would tell my sister what I thought and she would do the same. We have fought and got over it so many times I couldn't possibly count. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 I'm lucky with my siblings. We do say what we really think, then the other person tells us they disagree, don't care what we think, or maybe even that the idea has is worth thinking over; and remarkably, no one gets offended by it! Wish it worked the same way with my other relatives... Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2GirlsTX Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 I so can relate Audrey. I know it is hard, but unless you have these really terrific relationship with your siblings (which I don't) I would continue to keep my mouth shut. It is odd though that I can talk honestly to my best friend and her to me, but not to my brother or sister (they don't talk to each other either). I suppose that old saying about you can pick your friends but not your family. I think you are a wise lady to continue to bite your tongue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 I can't say what I think to my sister (although I would like to tell her what I think about the "man" she married ... I say "man" because he is more like a baby). I'm not going to do that though and ruin our friendship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 My sis is not the problem, but I do have one relative that makes keeping quiet difficult at times. I usually smile and nod and so far the peace has remained. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 I would tell my sister what I thought and she would do the same. We have fought and got over it so many times I couldn't possibly count. :lol: It's true. We all have been known to argue terribly in the past, but it's nothing that is the end of the world. We're not proud of it, but it happens and it ends up being OK. I don't know what I would do without my sibs. We are so different in many ways. But we share an intimate past that matters to us, and only we know. I hope it's ok for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle in MO Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 not to tell your siblings what you really think, because you know it would totally ruin the peace between you. That's all. I just needed to get that off my chest. I'm in that club, too, and I hate it. Chelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 It's really hard, too, when your siblings tell you openly and bluntly what they think of you and the mess you are making of your life, how you are ruining your dc, etc. yet if you voice the slightest bit of criticism or even ask a question in a positive way they shred you to bits. Sometimes I feel as though I will explode when my siblings or sil are around because there is so much I would love to say to them... But I won't. Not so much to keep the peace but because they are not worth my effort anymore. Thanks for this post. I will remember it when I am around family in the near future and they are sharing their "insights" into my life with me. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted September 14, 2009 Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 I so can relate Audrey. I know it is hard, but unless you have these really terrific relationship with your siblings (which I don't) I would continue to keep my mouth shut. It is odd though that I can talk honestly to my best friend and her to me, but not to my brother or sister (they don't talk to each other either). I suppose that old saying about you can pick your friends but not your family. I think you are a wise lady to continue to bite your tongue. I will continue to keep my mouth shut. Our parents are both deceased and he is my only sibling. What I want to say isn't really any of my business anymore, and it certainly isn't worth risking our relationship. I must remind myself that he has not been 5 years old for 30+ years and he doesn't need big sister's protection anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 It's true. We all have been known to argue terribly in the past, but it's nothing that is the end of the world. We're not proud of it, but it happens and it ends up being OK. I don't know what I would do without my sibs. We are so different in many ways. But we share an intimate past that matters to us, and only we know. I hope it's ok for you. I think you and sis are in much better situations because of the arguing and getting over it. It makes me want to fight that peace-lover in myself and let my kids hash it out more than they do rather than having fake peace. I grew up with a peace-loving mother who was terrified of conflict. She'd use whatever tactics she could (usually tears & guilt) to avoid conflict and avoid us having conflict. When we all get together, we have peace, but it is peace with clinched teeth, if you kwim. I adore my brother. He handles things so graciously and keeps his mouth shut at the right times, etc. I respect his values and the way he has raised his children. My sister and I, though, have chosen very different paths in life. She doesn't respect the path I've chosen (homeschooling rather than a career), and though I try, sometimes the way she relates to me makes it hard for me to respect her choices. So being more like my mom in the people-pleaser area, I grit my teeth and continue to have a distant relationship with my sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Audrey, I just wanted to commend you for not speaking your mind. Some things are more important than getting things off your chest. And BTW, that is what is so valuable about silent retreats -- watching where that really strong energy goes. (The strong energy of "I want to say this" or "I think what she is doing is a huge mistake" or the energy you feel rising in your chest when you see your nephew eating nothing but Cheetos all day.) It is fascinating to be on a silent retreat, see or hear or taste something so beautiful it makes me gasp, and watch that "need to tell someone" rise, swirl around in my chest, and gradually subside. It is strengthening somehow, in the long run. Helps me with my siblings, too. ;) Julie That was just beautifully written! Now I'm seriously considering the silent retreat myself. You make it sound so peaceful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 That was just beautifully written! Now I'm seriously considering the silent retreat myself. You make it sound so peaceful. :iagree: I suffer in this area. I feel challenged by that now!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claire up north Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Sometimes it's really hard not to tell your siblings what you really think, because you know it would totally ruin the peace between you. :iagree: Yup. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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