Adoptive parents.....can I ask you a few things?

[ChristusG]

I would really love to adopt a child....I've wanted to since I was a teenager. But honestly, I have absolultely NO idea where to begin. I googled "Adoption Agencies" and about a million different things came up. If you do not mind, I have a few questions for those who have "been there, done that." I do not know anyone in real life who has adopted a child, so I do not really have anyone to ask these questions to. I hope you guys do not mind answering them for me.

 

Where do I begin? How do I know which agencies are legit? I know that I want to do a domestic adoption. I do not get on an airplane, under and circumstance LOL. And I know that if you do an adoption from out of our country, you must fly to the child's home country, right? So that's out of the question. We'd definitely like a young child, as our children are still very young themselves. Preferrably younger than our youngest, who is two. I'm not sure if those things make any difference about which agency we use. And when I find an agency, what do I do? Just call them and tell them we're looking to adopt? And what is the time frame for these sort of things? I dont know if you are kind of in a "line" and whomever is up next gets a child? Or is it something where the biological parents look up your "resume" and choose your family? I'm totally clueless.

 

My husband is not 100% on board with this yet. He is hesitant. I'm going to sit down and talk to him about why he is so hesitant, but was anyone else's DH hesitant about adopting? Did they come around? I know he would be very concerned about the cost. Is that a huge issue? Does it cost a lot?

 

Open or closed adoption? I'm paranoid of the stories I hear of adoptive parents coming and stealing the children back or something crazy like that. Also, what if the adoption is open and the bio parents live a lifestyle that I'm not comfortable with my child being around? What does an open adoption entail? Visits and stuff like that? I would want my future adopted child to have as normal of a childhood as possible with minimal interruptions in their daily lives.

 

How about things like co-sleeping? Homeschooling? Multiple children sharing a room? Do you think that potential adoptive parents or agencies would be put off by those things? Are those obstacles that will be in the way?

 

And lastly, even though I've wanted to adopt a child for a long time, I'm also afraid that I would not love them as deeply and unconditionally as I love my own children. Is that a common fear of adoptive parents or is that a red flag that I should not adopt a child? It was just be absolutely terrible for me to adopt a child and then not love them as my own. But then I think, how in the world could I not love a baby, ya know?

[MamaT]

I sent you a pm.

[Happy]

We went with a Christian agency within a two hour drive of our home. We'd known about this agency from some friends and felt comfortable with their assessments. We visited in person to get forms and start the ball rolling.

 

Both of our boys were closed adoptions. We got a few pages of height/weight info on her and birth father's family. Some medical info. Not much really. It is my understanding that the birthmom could contact the agency for updates and such. We were sent a form from time to time about height, weight, school grades, interests, etc. We often enclosed a photo. I was usually happy to do this, but kinda haphazd in later years. Teens and their parents are busy people!!!

 

Once the adoption is final, those boys and girls are YOURS. Raise them as you see fit. We did both public and homeschool. We lived overseas. Etc. We had no ties to anyone about how we raised our children. You do have to 'endure' a couple of homestudies and a mountain of paperwork pre-adoption, but you can do that. My response to the homestudy was to practically move out of our house and back in again. Never in my life has my house been so very clean. ;)

 

We could not have bio-children, but I also worried that I couldn't love a non-bio child. Then I realized how much I loved my dog. And how much I loved my friend's children. It was a no brainer after that. My mom confessed she worried, too, until my sons came along. Then she was as ga-ga over them as any grandparent on the planet.

 

My husband would have been content without children. I would not. After some discussion, he got on board and never looked back. For the record, our guys are 24 and 19.

 

There are differences, of course. My children are not our genetic heritage...they insist on being who they are and not who I day-dreamed they might be. ;) THat's okay, too.

 

My oldest was angry about being adopted his entire life and it shaped his behavior. He is a glass half empty kind of person. We did lots of counseling and talking, but eventually he had to come to terms with it. I find it oddly beautiful that he married a young lady who is a birthmom.

 

My youngest was never angry. He was just pleased that his first mom found him another mom. As you can imagine he is a glass half full kinda guy.

 

If you adopt, please do some reading. It is a wonderful way to build a family, but it does have it's challenges. Am I glad we adopted? Absolutely. I wanted to be a mom. We've had adventures, struggles, happy times, and built memories together. We are a family.

 

Yell if you have more questions.

[Mom2GirlsTX]

Happy gave you great advice.

 

We adopted Internationally, as we had one bio child (it took us 12 years to have her) and so when she was born we started the paperwork for #2.

 

Finding a good agency will require you to check the references, BBB, adoption boards etc. Major agencies like Gladney, Dillon, Buckner are good places to start for reliable information. You can branch out from there ...

Try and find a local adoption support group, it can help you to learn what agencies are good and bad. (and even more complicated is that certain agencies are great in some countries and bad in other countries). Obviously this is where you need to do your research. Domestic or international, both can be emotionally taxing on the ride to finalize the adoption, but it is really worth it.

 

Adoption is really worth it:D

 

I do not know if you are considering International, but I learned so much from this board http://www.frua.org/chat_main.html

Edited September 13, 2009 by Mom2GirlsTX

[Tap]

We adopted my great-niece who would have gone into the foster system. She has been with us since she was 5mo. First as a foster child, then finally ours right before her 2nd birthday. If you think you can deal with the uncertainty of adoption while the child is in foster care, foster/adopt is a great way to go. There are minimal expenses and those are mostly reimbursed by the state in most cases/states.

 

There are options in the foster system, for families that only want to foster/adopt and the only children that are placed with them are ones that are expected to be 'adoptable' by the state. There are always surprises in these cases, so it isn't necessarily a sure thing.

 

 

It is just one option for you to look at.

 

I have friends who have adopted through the LDS adoption services and those who used a Catholic adoption service. If you participate in a particular faith, you may want to start there, and see if there are any resources within your church. You may also want to put a word into your pastors ear. I have a couple of friends who did private adoptions without an agency, that were arranged through connections within their church.

[sparrow]

And lastly, even though I've wanted to adopt a child for a long time, I'm also afraid that I would not love them as deeply and unconditionally as I love my own children. Is that a common fear of adoptive parents or is that a red flag that I should not adopt a child? It was just be absolutely terrible for me to adopt a child and then not love them as my own. But then I think, how in the world could I not love a baby, ya know?

 

 

I'm an adult adoptee AND an adoptive mom. I am not biologically related to anyone that I love so much that I would lay down my life for them. That includes my kids, my husband, and my parents. I think your fear is very common and not something to worry too much about :). My own adoption experience was positive enough that dh and I chose adoption over having a biological family.

 

Best wishes as you explore this option for your family!

[haysmommy]

Some other questions you may want to ask yourself: are you open to any special needs?, are you open to any race? would you be willing to participate in a foster to adopt program?

 

I can only think of 2 ways to adopt a child of the age you are talking about here in the US. 1)foster to adopt program-this would be coordinated through your local department of children's services. The risk in this is that the child could be re-united with their birth family at some point 2) a birth family that chooses you-which is done through an agency and/or lawyer-this can be done either as an open or closed adoption. I think each state has their own laws regarding how long birth family can change their mind. The wait could be very short or years. The questions I asked at the beginning would probably change your expected wait time on a young child.

 

We knew when we started the adoption process with our youngest that we were past the infant stage and wanted a child 2-3 years old. We did go international and used the agency WACAP. We looked through a Waiting Child Photolisting and found our son in Thailand. He does have minor medical needs and from our first homestudy visit until we traveled was 10 months. He came home in 2007 at the age of 2 years and 3 months.

 

You could also look at Korea, where your child could be escorted home, or China-where only one parent has to make the trip.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

My MIL has adopted 3 children and my sister has adopted 2 and is the process of getting a third. I think there are different agencies in different states that handle adoptions. If you are in Ohio or Minnesota, PM me and I can give you my sister or MIL's info, because they are very knowledgable and can help you get started, and both of them love talking about adoption.

 

BTW, I don't think you would have to fear about loving an adopted child any less than a biological child. Once you hold that child in your arms, you will realize that this IS your child, too, and you will love it every bit as much. I babysat for this little boy who was adopted from India, and I loved him so much, I wanted him to be mine! :tongue_smilie: I realized then that I could love a kid who wasn't born from my body just as much as one who was.

[Ferdie]

We adopted 3 children domestically through the foster system. We had several people warn us about fost adopt, and there are some very real, serious risks. However, it worked out great for our family and I have three amazing children.

 

For fost-adopt you need to call your local department of children's services and ask for adoption information. Make sure you ask about straight adoption and fost-adopt program because they are run by two separate departments. Even though they may not have a formal fost adopt program it is worth looking into foster care because many counties have informal programs where they try to place children who will most likely not go through reunification with potential adoptive families.

 

The entire process takes a long time so it is okay that your dh in not 100%. My wasn't either, but it took us 6 months to become certified and 1 year on the waiting list. During that time we attended foster parenting classes, training and support groups so by the time we got our phone call my dh viewed it as a ministry and was eagar to help a child.

 

Fost-adoption is free. We paid a few fees, (physical and attorney), but the state reimbursed us for everything. Once we got our son we were paid through the foster system and we got a huge tax credit when the adoption was final, (even though we didn't pay out anything).

 

Bless your heart for thinking about adoption. It was one of the hardest things we have ever done, (paperwork, delays, adjustment), but only one of the best decisions we every made. I love my kids and they are amazing people. So thankful that we get the priviledge of parenting them.

[jujsky]

Just because you want to do a domestic adoption doesn't mean you won't have to fly. There are some placement agencies that work with many states, and if a child is born in another state you will have to go there for the adoption hearing -- at least that's my understanding from my friends who adopted domestically. If you don't want to travel, you will need to look at agencies within your state. You may have better/quicker luck with adoption lawyers in your state as opposed to adoption agencies. If you want to reconsider a foreign adoption, Korea does not require you to travel. To my knowledge, that's the only international country that doesn't require a trip. A friend of a friend adopted from there about 6 months ago, and that was still the case.

 

As for "lines" it depends. Some form of open-adoption situation (exchanging pictures and such) is fairly typical now. Birth parents often choose to make the decision where their child will end up. Most agencies will have you put together a profile for the birth parents with pictures and information about your family. A birth parent can turn you down for any reason. My friends (who were told they were the "ideal couple that birth parents seek" because they were in their 20s, were unable to have children, had a house, she would be a sahm, and they had extended family nearby) were turned down MULTIPLE times. Once they were turned down because they had dogs instead of cats. I am totally serious -- it can be for a reason as crazy as that. They were turned down because of their religion. They were turned down because they DIDN'T have kids, and the mom wanted her baby to have siblings. They were turned down for tons of reasons, and they were the "ideal" couple.

 

The way their agency worked, there was sort of a line. When you were at the front of the line, your profile was shown first if it fit the criteria of the birth-mother. If a mom came in who did not want any input into where the child was placed, the first people in line would get first dibs. That was how my dear friends ended up with their son. They waited a LONG time considering they were the "ideal couple," but they lucked out and ended up with the first closed adoption their agency had seen in 5 years. Agencies work differently, so you would want to find out how your agency works. It also isn't a bad idea to have your profile on file at any adoption lawyers in your state as well as with an agency. You can't have your eggs in too many baskets with a domestic adoption.

 

"Open adoption" can mean many different things. In most cases it is just letters and pictures, but in some cases it is visitation. The openess of an adoption is an area where you and your DH need to be in complete agreement. It can be a wonderful thing, but it can also be a very difficult thing. My DH did not want any sort of open adoption under any circumstances -- one of the many reasons we adopted internationally. While I would have been fine with letters and pictures and possibly the occasional visit, he wasn't, so I felt that I needed to respect his comfort-level. If you and your DH are not in agreement on what you are and are not willing to accept in an adoption situation, you are bound to have problems.

 

The lifestyle issues you mentioned (co-sleeping, homeschooling) are issues that could work for you or against you depending on what type of lifestyle the birth parents envision for their child. Those are choices you may or may not wish to include in your profile. Your social worker will at least know about the homeschooling because I'm sure that will come up during your homestudy. Before you are eligible to adopt, you need to complete a homestudy. An adoption agency or an adoption lawyer can set that up for you with a licensed social worker.

 

The cost for a domestic adoption can vary widely. They can be very low cost (through the foster care system -- you may want to check and see if your state has a foster-adopt program) or it can cost $40,000-$50,000. You can agree to pay all of the medical and living expenses of a birth mother just to have her back out of the adoption at the last minute. You will not be able to recover that money, and that's the type of situation that significantly raises the cost of an adoption. This situation happened twice to a former co-worker of mine before he successfully adopted twins.

 

My friends lucked out. Their birth mother had a job, did not need any living expenses, and didn't want anything from them. They paid under $10,000 for their adoption which they ended up getting back with the adoption tax credit. The credit was $10,000 when I adopted 5 1/2 years ago, but it may be higher now. I thought they raised it to $15,000, but I'm not sure. Some employers will also match some adoption costs, particularly if it's a large company. Have your DH check into his benefits to see if that's an option.

 

As for love, some parents don't bond with their adopted children. Adopted children often have medical issues due to parental drug or alcohol abuse, learning problems, behavior problems, etc. Everyone I personally know (I'd say at least 10 families including mine, and that's a conservative estimate) have all bonded with their children. Some have bio kids as well. Sometimes the needs of the adopted child can disrupt the family to the point where the family has regrets. It's something you need to be aware of. Early intervention for the child is key in keeping these issues at bay. Family counseling is another step you can take if you start to become overwhelmed, or you feel like you're not bonding with the child.

 

I can tell you as the mom to an adopted son (6) and bio daughter (5 next week) that there is NO difference in the way I feel about my kids. My son has some special needs which have required a lot of time and attention, but it hasn't altered the way I feel about him at all. Out of my kids, he's definitely the more difficult of the two, but he's still my kid. In day-to-day life, I don't differentiate my children as "adopted" and "bio." They're both my kids, they are both unique, amazing individuals, and I love both of them with a mother's love. You need to be aware that that's not always the case, but in most cases, a parent will bond with their child and love them just as much.

 

I wish you luck on your decision. There are a lot of things to consider, and having as much information as possible will lead you to the right decision for your family.

 

Edited to add: I also have a flying phobia. It was to the point where if I saw a plane in the air and even imagined myself on it, I would hyperventilate. I went to a hypnotherapist. My fear isn't 100% gone, but it's greatly reduced.

Edited September 13, 2009 by jujsky

[plansrme]

I just want to add two things:

1. Korea, at least, used allow children to be escorted to the U.S. China only required one parent to travel. I do not know about other countries, but please do not discount international adoption because of the plane phobia.

 

2. If you want to adopt a healthy infant other than through foster-to-adopt, and you are able to have biological children without too much trouble, keep in mind that you may be keeping a family who cannot have biological children from having a child, and ask yourself if that is fair. Healthy adoptable infants are terribly scarce in the U.S., and the vast majority of parents clamoring to adopt them are unable to have biological children. We adopted internationally just for this reason--I was able to assure myself that I was not taking a child from a family who could not have bio. children, and that there were more children than families for these children.

 

Oh, and I will add one more thing--your thoughts about loving an adopted child are perfectional rational concerns to have, but you will be shocked at how baseless they are once you have her. You will look back and laugh at yourself for asking this question! I have two bio. and one adopted child, and there is zero difference in the amount of love I have for any of them.

 

Terri

[Marylou]

www.bethany.org

[Happy]

I'm popping back into say if you have flying issues, please pm me. I, too, used to have a hard time flying and I'm married to a professional pilot. It took some work, but I can get on a plane and go these days. Maybe I can offer some advice or tips to get you back in the air.

[Heather in Neverland]

We adopted from Korea and you do NOT have to fly over there. They will escort the child to the U.S. That's how we did it. We had a welcome party of about 20 people waiting at the airport when our son arrived. I held him for the first time there and it was all captured on video and in still pictures. It was AWESOME!

 

Also, I had similar fears as you do. I have one bio child and one adopted and I love my adopted son with the same fierce mother love as I do my bio son.

[ChristusG]

Thank you so much for all of your replies! Definitely a lot to think about.

 

Heather, do they escort a child from Korea to any airport in the US or are there certain ones? How do you go about a Korean adoption? Is it difficult? Is it more of less costly than a domestic adoption?

[Jamie Z]

We have three birth children and then adopted an older child from Ukraine. Bonding takes place between you and a child by that child being dependent on you to care for them and meet their needs. If you adopt an older child, you must be more intentional about doing this in order to bond with them in a similar way to children that you have raised as infants. I think it would be difficult to do this in a foster care setting, unless you have a younger child that is completely dependent on you. Our son was 7 when we adopted him. There were many issues to be worked though. I love my son very much but I will say that I didn't just "naturally" feel the same way about him that I did my birth children. I had to work hard at it--and if children are at school all day long, it's hard to do this. Other children would tend to want to help meet some of his needs and this interfered with my bonding process with him. So, all that to say, it's not always as easy as some folks make it sound and bonding with an older child takes intentional work which would be hard to do with several foster children that you aren't sure will actually be able to be long term in your family.

[Heather in Neverland]

Thank you so much for all of your replies! Definitely a lot to think about.

 

Heather, do they escort a child from Korea to any airport in the US or are there certain ones? How do you go about a Korean adoption? Is it difficult? Is it more of less costly than a domestic adoption?

 

They escort the baby to the major airport closest to you. We used Americans for International Aid and Adoption (http://www.aiaaadopt.org). They were wonderful! You just contact them and they send you a "preapplication" where they get some basic info and the process goes forward from there. There is quite a bit of paperwork with adoption but I thought the whole process was pretty painless. It is about middle of the road as far as cost (we paid $23k when all was said and done but you get to claim $10k on your taxes so we got a lot of it back). Some countries are a lot more expensive and some are less.

 

We chose Korea because:

1. we didn't have to travel

2. the babies are in foster care not orphanages

3. it is a well-established program with no "shady" things going on (like Guatemala and other programs that keep getting shut down)

4. We wanted foreign adoption and not domestic because we wanted a closed adoption without any future complications (my friend went through two failed domestic adoptions and ot was heartbreaking to watch).

[ChristusG]

Thanks Heather! I never even considered foreign adoption because I just figured that we would have to fly over there to get the child. My husband really wants a closed adoption if/when we decide to adopt. So this might would be the way to go. I'll have to talk to him about it.

 

How old was your son when he met you at the airport? Was there any bonding issues? I mean, was he upset a lot after being moved from his foster family?

[Jeannie in NJ]

jumping in ihere Christy

 

my 2 dc are adopted from Korea. My dd was 4 months old when she arrived at Newark NJ airport and my son was 8 months and arrived at Philadelphia.

Both times customs was handled in San Francisco so we didn't have to deal with that. The escorts airfare and fee is included in the adoption fees.

 

We went thru Holt International (it is a Christian agency and I highly recommend them, but they only deal with certain states), you could goggle and see if they deal with your state. Their main office is in Oregon and they have branch offices in other states.

 

Regarding the bonding, for myself I honestly believe that both of my children were selected for me by God (I also believe that bio. children are also selected by God) and I can not imagine loving them anymore than I do. They are the very best thing that ever happened in my life.

 

p.s. even if Holt does not deal with your state, maybe they could recommend another agency for you.

[Denisemomof4]

please do your research. I wish our adoption agency had explained attachment disorder or reactive attachment disorder to me. Adopting our child has significantly changed our family, and not for the better. Had I been informed of what to look for and started our work at 14 months of age when we got her, I honestly feel our daughter would not be in the predicament she is now. Instead she was 3.5, almost 4, when I realized something was seriously wrong. And I think I caused some of the problem by having all my kids and dh help out with her. I didn't know about attachment issues and I now know that I should have been the ONLY person to meet her needs, and spend TONS of time holding/rocking/cuddling her. She HATED touch and I didn't want to "force" myself on her because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. She rejected me the day she met me and it's been a battle ever since. Moms are almost always the source of rejection by kids with attachment issues.

 

Now I can say that there is a night and day difference in her, but we do have a long way to go. I've done thousands of hours of research and have done tons of work with her. But if I let my guard down for a second, there will be damage in the house or a hurt animal. She has to be in my eyesight and ear shot at ALL waking moments.

 

I can honestly say I loved her so much that I honestly forgot she was Chinese/adopted. I know it sounds silly, but for the first couple of years I loved her just as my own and never looked at her as adopted. That was a GOOD thing. I poured everything I had into her and my other kids got very little. Her needs were far more than anything I had ever been prepared for. After a few years I had to balance things out and now, over 5 years later, I had to learn not to allow her to disrupt our family. It's been a very difficult journey for us, and one I wish I had gone into with more knowledge. I would have handled things differently from the start.

 

I do love her, but because she's such a difficult child, I do love her differently. And the love doesn't come as easily. I surprise myself, however, when she's sick or in danger of being hurt (recently I thought she would be sucked into a revolving door) I have intense mommy love and protection come out. But some days she beats all that love out of me and I simply have not much left to give her. She's very, very difficult.

 

I'd recommend getting as young a child as possible to avoid these issues, unless you're REALLY CALLED to deal with a child with mental issues. You also need to realize that any issues the child has will severely impact your family. We have to be very, very vigilant and remain several steps ahead of our daughter to prevent a quick downward spiral.

 

If you do adopt, I'd regress the child back to infancy days, EVEN if the child is two years old. Rock the baby, hold him/her, give it a bottle. This is so healthy for damaged kids who did not get that. If you adopt through DCYS there will likely be trauma and neglect involved, and likely abuse. Same with overseas orphanages and many overseas foster adoptions. I had NO idea a 14 month old child could be so broken and damaged.

 

If you adopt from Korea you can pay to have someone escort the child to the states.

 

I don't mean to scare you off, but I do want to urge you to do your research. That way you can go into the situation more informed, and you'll likely be able to pick up on issues sooner than later, which will only HELP you tremendously.

Edited September 14, 2009 by Denisemomof4

[Jeannie in NJ]

oh Christy, I forgot that I wanted to tell her about my dc's foster families in Korea. They were placed in foster families right after birth, the families are required to bring the babies in often for medical visits (they are reguired by the US to have several vacs. prior to entering the US). Both foster families had bio children in their homes and both families sent lots of photos of my dc and special clothing , we could tell that they were loved by their foster families. Our agency encouraged us to write one letter to each foster family after our dc arrived thanking them for taking care of our babies and letting them know how much our dc would be loved.

[Denisemomof4]

I also want to say that I adopted from an orphanage, and there's a higher chance of issues with an orphanage child than there is with children raised in foster families. My child's issues are due to severe neglect, no human touch, among others. She was so damaged when we got her, and so I'm glad that she's in a safe home now that nurtures her and does the best we can.

 

We had about 8 - 9 awesome months where things felt SO normal, and then my father died, which kept me very busy and distracted for a year, which set my daughter off. My mother lived with us and passed away 2 months ago and I'm still tired but am looking forward to my daughter getting back to "normal" but it will take time. She's FAR more sensitive to change and it will take her longer to bounce back.

 

She keeps me accountable, which is good. I just need to get beyond my grief and exhaustion so I can be all that I was to her before these events took place.

[KrissiK]

We have three adopted children all from the foster care system. My boys are bio brothers. It was a very good experience for us. However, the System is the System. You have to be pro-active and just deal with what comes. The social workers are overworked and there are some bleeding heart judges out there so, it's risky. And you have to be flexible. One afternoon my baby girl was 6 months old and we'd just gotten home from a bd party, we were tired, hot and sticky and all were in need of a nap. The doorbell rings and this man is there who flashes a badge at me, says he's from the DA's office and needs me to answer some questions. I about wet my pants, after having a "Law & Order" flashback. It was all fine. He was there in behalf of my daughter's lawyer (don't ask why, I really have no idea why she had a lawyer and my boys didn't) and he was doing some investigative work on her placement (she's a Safe Surrender Baby). I think we made a decent impression since we still have our daughter.:D Anyhow, all I have to say it, adoption is awesome, but it's scary, risky and every single case is different. I've known tons of people who've adopted and not one situation/case/ etc. is the same. There is no "normal". But, I would suggest join a Support Group of some type. We still hang with the people who we took our classes with. It's purely social, but we all know about adoption and what we're dealing with and our kids all have friends who are adopted, so that's important.

[sixglides]

In the last two weeks, we pulled our domestic portfolio. Our file had been 'active' & waiting since last October. This summer, we had been chosen & after 6 weeks of waiting, the birthmom changed her mind. Each state does have different 'rules' on how long birthparents have to change their minds. That process of 'losing' a baby we never held, was much harder than I would have thought. It was very hard on our children as well.

We put our application in for an Ethiopian child the same day we pulled our domestic file. We adopted our youngest daughter (now 8) at 3 months. She's African American in our white family & longs for a sibling that looks like her, or at least doesn't look like us. To chose an agency, we went to some web boards that agencies are not allowed to go onto for honest feedback. We checked references, and also compared fees. They vary dramatically!

We, too, have had attachment issues. We didn't know what they were & truly didn't expect them adopting her at such a young age. We're making progress.

She doesn't look anything like me & I love her the same as the other children in my family.

We're at the massive paperwork phase & all family members are so excited. There is definately labor involved in adopting...just a different type of labor & so very worth it.