what would you have done/cheerleading coach?

[dancer67]

My 10 yo was doing cheerleading for the Junior team.(They had pee wee gr 3/4, Juniors, gr 5/6, and Seniors Gr 7/8). They cheer for the local town football teams. Very cute.

 

Anyways, my daughter just joined about 3 weeks ago. I knew who the coach was from a previous time, when her two girls, and my daughter danced together. I never had a very good feeling about her.

 

Practices are T/Wed from 6:00 to 7:30. They also practice in the same area of the field as the pee-wees and Seniors. I always stay. I bring my beach chair and sit and watch. I do not like the field they practice on because the street is full of child pediphiles.

 

Yesterday, I was sitting on my chair and speaking to someone. I realized that my daughters coach was not there. I thought, okay well maybe she went to the bathroom, or went off to speak to someone. My daughter and the other girls were left on the field with the "asst coach", who is by the way, the coaches daughter, and she is 15 years old. Granted, the other two coaches were there for the other teams, but they are not responsible for that team. About 20 minute later, I see the coach pull up. In her van. She left altogether, and then came back about 20 min-half hour later.

I wasn't happy, as she left about 12-10/11 yo kids alone with her 15 year old daughter. I am glad I was there(And I always stay) so I could keep a close eye on my daughter. The lady I was talking to turns to me and says "Wow, she left altogether, and those kids are with her daughter? I would not be happy". And I wasn't. But I let it go.

 

Yesterday, the kids were going around the field handing out flyers for a car wash. A bunch of them walked past me, gave me a flyer, and I asked my daughter where they were going. She just said the coach told them to go around and hand out flyers. I saw the coach who was several feet behind them, but again, fine.

 

It wasn't until my oldest daughter, who came with me last night, was out walking with her friend. She came over to me and told me that my daughter was up on a busy street, alone with 2 other 10/11 year olds, putting flyers on cars, and then had to cross an extremely dangerous street alone with the two other girls(which BTW, are not nice girls). All the while the coach had already come back. My daughter, who is VERY overprotective of her little sister, was FURIOUS. She wanted to go and speak to that coach herself. And of course, I told her absolutely not. She is a child and she is to respect adults no matter what the issue is, and that she is to tell me.

 

So I walked over to her coach. All the girls had come back. I was very polite and asked her if she could please come over, so I could speak with her for a moment.

 

She comes to me, and I say to her "XXX, I understand that when you took the kids to hand out flyers, you were already back here on the field and my daughter and 2 others were left alone up on that busy street and left to cross alone, I am concerned because I do not allow my 10 year old to walk anywhere without an adult, and that street is very busy and someone could have gotten hit by a car".

 

She immediately SCREAMED at me. "Well they are ALL 10 years old, and I hllered to all of them LET'S GO, not MY fault she didn't here me,and in the form YOU signed, I am NOT liable or responsible for your child". As she is saying this, all the girls come over, and instead of the coach saying "Girls, we are having a private conversation" I had to say "Girls, could you please go back to your spot on the field, I am having an adult conversation with your coach"

 

I then turned back to her and said "Please do not scream at me, I am not screaming at you". She then starts in with me again as to how she is a volunteer, and again signed this form bla blah blah. Again I say to her"Could you keep your voice down, you are embarrassing yourself and your cheerleaders, we will discuss this later" and I walked away, and then she took a bunch of papers and threw them at me.

 

I immediately went and spoke to the Assistant President of the Football Assn/Cheer, and told her what happened, and also mentioned that she left the girls on the field alone the day before, and not one of the parents were told she was leaving. And left them with her 15 yo daughter.

 

The Asst Pres assured me she would speak to the president about this today. My daughter also proceeded to tell me that the coach put her hands on her. Grabbed her arm, and pulled her up to her because the coach told her she wasn't close enough to where she needed to be in line.

 

I ended up speaking to the President myself last night on the phone. And you hear the same old song and dance. She tells me this lady has coached for two years, and has never heard any problems. And of course I say that maybe many of the parents do not care that their kids run around alone, or there is no supervision. I also made it very clear, that this coach needs to learn the difference between "Liability, and Negligence". I also told her that because this coach has three of her own kids on the team, they are ganging up on some of the other kids, telling them they are going to get them kicked off the team. I told her there was no sportmanship being taught. And that this woman put her hands on MY child and had NO right to do so.

The president of course, always says "I understand your concerns and will address them with the coach, of course she called me earlier and I recieved a different version of the story". Well DUH. I ended the conversation with "And by the way, I do NOT want the subject of my daughter being homeschooled as a reason why this happened. It has nothing to do with it" she says "OH no no no, of course not" Uh huh.

(All the kids on this team are public schooled and they all know it. Practically everyone in town knows I am a homeschooler, it is a small town).

 

So I yanked my daughter off the squad. My 10 yo is so upset that I took her off the squad. She is devastated because she loved cheer.

 

But I felt I could not have a coach who was continually irresponsible, not to mention grabbing my kids arm.

 

I feel terrible today. My daughter is down in the dumps. There is not much to do around here, and she really loved this. I told her we start dance in a few weeks, but she really loved this.

 

I hope I did the right thing.:confused:

Edited August 27, 2009 by dancer67

[Jean in Newcastle]

You did the right thing. :grouphug: I think she'll feel better once dance starts.

[dancer67]

I hope so. I feel awful And I hate confrontations. Maybe I should have waited until I cooled off. :confused:

 

And to make matters worse, she was supposed to start chorus today at the local school and I overslept. Not a good day:crying:

[Night Elf]

Well, I agree with what you did. I would have done the same thing. My dd11 cheered for the local parks/recreation dept. and all the coaches and staff were volunteer. The staff bent over backwards to keep the coaches happy because without the coaches, there would be no teams. We did not return. They don't care really.

[dancer67]

I noticed that. Which is why she will not get the boot, because they cannot get coaches. Sad really.

[gingersmom]

You absolutely did the right thing!

 

I would threaten to sue. There is no reason that women should be allowed to volunteer and be in charge of children.

[SkateLeft]

I think you absolutely did the right thing. I would have done the same in your position.

[Perry]

She sounds unstable. You did the right thing.

[Remudamom]

I think your only other alternative would have been to tell them you were going to take legal action against them. That could work, or it could backfire.

[Home'scool]

This coach sounds like your typical pain-in-the-butt volunteer parent. A little too much power and BANG they are a tyrant.

 

However, I am not sure I would have pulled my daughter from the squad. That just punishes her.

 

My daughter had a real doosey of a softball coach. Bad sportsmanship, horrible favoritism, no morals (he was arrested for trying to solicit a woman on Craigslist and STILL was allowed to coach) Bad all the way around.

 

We just ...... worked around him. I stayed for every single practice, the whole time. I went to every single game. Just being there meant he couldn't bench her too much or say anything too rude. I was always within earshot. We talked about what to do if he did such an such or so and so. She knew when to just say "yes coach" and then do the opposite.

 

When she was up at bat, though, she was doing what she loved. And when she was on the field she was doing what she loved. To have her quit would have meant that she was ultimately not doing what she loved.

 

We have worked this way for 3 years now, and though it makes for some stress I cannot imagine missing out on those 3 years of softball.

 

Just some food for thought.

Edited August 28, 2009 by Home'scool

[FourOaks]

You did the right thing. PERIOD! Don't worry yourself one more moment over it!

[dancer67]

Well, I do feel bad about pulling her. But she just cannot be trusted. And she just wasn't reasonable.{{{sigh}}}. Sometimes doing the right thing really stinks.

[iluvmy4blessings]

A million times yes!! This is another example of why homeschooling is a great option since it allows you to be in control. These same things happen at schools every day (from the bullying, to the unattended children, to the coach/teacher that does not feel responsible b/c it is not her child) Thank goodness you were there! I am pretty sure there are other cheerleading organizations you could go through. We have one through a local church but there are others. I would run, not walk, and never look back. I would also not be involved with anything in that organziation again. Horrible

[fivetails]

Yep, I'd have yanked her out of it too. When I first started reading it, I thought maybe it wasn't that 'bad' in terms of having the 15 yr old assistant 'supervising' the group for 20 min, given that there *were* two other adult coaches nearby as well, and a 15 year *should* be mature enough to handle that (although not all, granted) ~ but allowing 10/11's to run around town handing out fliers without anyone, on very busy streets... not good. (walk around a block while an adult is there waiting in a car, like the Girl Guides do on a cookie blitz? That's diff.) Grabbing your daughter to get her to move, VERY inappropriate! Screaming at you & throwing papers?? Okay, we all have bad days & lose our tempers from time to time, but a grown woman in a coaching position MUST have better control over her reactions than that!!! Yeesh. :001_huh:

[PiCO]

If you don't want to hear an apposing viewpoint, don't read this.

 

I never had a very good feeling about her...

 

... I do not like the field they practice on because the street is full of child pediphiles.

 

Sounds like you didn't want to sign your daughter up for this to begin with. Often when I am in this situation, I am just looking for an excuse to pull my child out of the activity.

 

It wasn't until my oldest daughter, who came with me last night, was out walking with her friend. She came over to me and told me that my daughter was up on a busy street, alone with 2 other 10/11 year olds, putting flyers on cars, and then had to cross an extremely dangerous street alone with the two other girls(which BTW, are not nice girls). All the while the coach had already come back.

 

I think this was not appropriate for the coach to leave girls in this situation, especially without telling any parents the girls were leaving the practice area. I'm sure if you had known where the girls were walking around you would have sent your other daughter with them.

 

 

So I walked over to her coach. All the girls had come back. I was very polite and asked her if she could please come over, so I could speak with her for a moment.

 

She immediately SCREAMED at me. "Well they are ALL 10 years old, and I hllered to all of them LET'S GO, not MY fault she didn't hear me,and in the form YOU signed, I am NOT liable or responsible for your child".

 

Any coach who feels no responsibility for their students should not be working with children. Really? She wouldn't care if the kids got run over by a car?

 

My daughter also proceeded to tell me that the coach put her hands on her. Grabbed her arm, and pulled her up to her because the coach told her she wasn't close enough to where she needed to be in line.

 

I think you need to let this go. Coaches have to touch the kids. It's easier to physically move them than say, "one foot to the left... no, the other way is left... now a little forward... more... more... now stop! Right there!" It would take forever to talk each child into the proper formation.

 

No, the coach should not have yanked her around in a painful manner-- but grabbing a child's arm and moving her to the correct position is part of the job.

 

I also made it very clear, that this coach needs to learn the difference between "Liability, and Negligence". I also told her that because this coach has three of her own kids on the team, they are ganging up on some of the other kids, telling them they are going to get them kicked off the team. I told her there was no sportmanship being taught. And that this woman put her hands on MY child and had NO right to do so.

 

Throwing legal terms around will not make you any friends. If I were on the receiving end of the above situation, I would be happy to see you leave. Obviously you are unhappy there, but you are also making a personal attack on the children of the coach.

 

"And by the way, I do NOT want the subject of my daughter being homeschooled as a reason why this happened. It has nothing to do with it" she says "OH no no no, of course not" Uh huh.

(All the kids on this team are public schooled and they all know it. Practically everyone in town knows I am a homeschooler, it is a small town).

 

If you didn't want homeschooling to be brought into it, perhaps you shouldn't have brought it up.

 

But I felt I could not have a coach who was continually irresponsible...

 

I agree that you did the right thing by pulling your daughter from the team. But I also think people should avoid threatening lawsuits that are unfounded.

 

It might have been more constructive to schedule a meeting with the coach and the person in charge of the organization to discuss the issues. The coach would not start yelling in the presence of her boss, and you could have figured out what the policies of the league were regarding coaches leaving the practice and children walking around the neighborhood unattended.

 

In my experience, you can get a lot more accomplished by asking what the club policies are than by accusing coaches of misconduct. That way, you know what is allowed and then you can make a decision whether or not you want to be involved.

[Denise in Florida]

Well, I agree with what you did. I would have done the same thing. My dd11 cheered for the local parks/recreation dept. and all the coaches and staff were volunteer. The staff bent over backwards to keep the coaches happy because without the coaches, there would be no teams. We did not return. They don't care really.

 

First, let me say the OP did many things right, including staying at the practices to see first hand how the coaches handle the teams.

 

However, I have volunteered often as a leader/coach/parent helper for organizations that my children enjoy. It is hard-hard-hard to get parents to help. I try to extend mercy to the non-helpers because I don't now their situations (I try to picture tiny siblings at home, aging parents, two jobs, whatever). It is exhausting and frustrating deal with parents who will not help, won't stay to watch, and still expect perfection for their children. Again, this probably doesn't apply to the OP.

 

I have had parents complain about a variety of issues. I try to work it out but sometimes they don't want to hear about what really happened, or they refuse to stay for a practice and see for themselves (too busy).

 

It is easy to get frustrated although I never screamed or threw things. :lol:

 

It sounds like the OP did a lot of things right (I wasn't there) but there might have been more options than just pulling the daughter out.

 

I don't know if it would work but she could:

1. Offer to help

2. Ask to meet the coach at a different time and place (not in the heat of battle with the team waiting) to discuss issues.

3. Express concerns with the location to the leadership not the coach.

4. Offer to help (can't be said enough) organize parents to watch kids, organize fund raisers, etc.

 

There is usually more than one side to an issue, good-will and mercy are seldom regretted.

[Mom-ninja.]

You did the right thing. It may be hard for your dd now, but really in the long run it won't be as big a deal.

[AmeliaJade]

Throughout the years I have coached sports, including cheerleading. The girls I coached were 10-12 yr. olds. It is very, very difficult job. The parents are what make it difficult. Trying to get any parents to help out is impossible. I can remember telling parents "we need the girls at the game 20 minutes before it starts" and then stressing it over and over again and then having a handful of girls still show up five minutes late--meaning 5 minutes after the game started--so really 25 minutes late.

 

We had one mother show up to a photo day with her daughter almost an hour late. Why? Because she had taken her daughter to get her hair professionally styled. We had to wait around and almost missed our time with the photographer because of that one mother. Yet, she started telling other parents that we were mean and unreasonable and just didn't like her daughter. :glare:

 

In our situation, we practiced indoors. We never, ever left the girls alone or even with other adults. It was either myself or the other coach there with the girls. I can remember sitting with some of those girls up to an hour after practice (with my husband and sons waiting at home) because their parents couldn't be bothered to show up on time to get them.

 

I eventually left coaching. I miss working with the kids but I do not miss dealing with their parents.

 

I say all of this because there are two sides to every story and it all depends on perception. Maybe that coach needs more help than just her 15 yr. old daughter. Maybe rather than confronting her, you could have offered to help. "Next time you need to hand out flyers, let me take a group of the girls around--to help keep an eye on them." Or "If you need to leave the field, please let me know and I'll be happy to keep an eye on the girls."

 

As for touching your daughter--was she really rough with her? I'm just asking because again--I've been on the other side and have seen how things get blown out of proportion. What is simply a coach guiding a girl into her place ends up being a story of how the coach grabbed her and dragged her. I'm not saying it didn't happen but that stories do get totally blown out of proportion. Although, I have to admit I cannot recall ever moving our girls into place. We simply demonstrated and the only time we had to touch them is when we were spotting them.

 

If that coach really was acting out as you said, screaming, throwing papers, etc then it sounds like she needs help because she is seriously overwhelmed, or she was defensive because she is doing her best and didn't like being confronted (and didn't handle it well) or she seriously has an attitude problem and probably shouldn't be coaching.

 

I understand why you felt the need to pull your daughter from the squad but it does seem like you are punishing her rather than dealing with the situation. I realize it isn't an easy situation but I'd let your daughter cheer and just continue to be there, watching how things unfold. If the situation arises--offer to help out. If the coach continues to be unreasonable then document what is going on and continue to speak to whoever is in charge.

[TwinMominTX]

:iagree:

 

It sounds like it was an emotionally charged iffy thing to begin with. Pulling your daughter from the activity was probably the best for all concerned.

[jujsky]

a

Edited August 31, 2009 by jujsky

[abbeyej]

I have to agree with everything PiCo said.

[Heather in Neverland]

I coached competitive travel cheerleading for 10 years and you did the RIGHT thing.

 

Cheerleading is a very dangerous sport...considered to be one of the most dangerous when it comes to injuries. You HAVE to have a coach who knows what they are doing and whose NUMBER ONE priority is the safety of the team in ANY situtation she is in charge of...whether it is working on stunts or on a fund-raiser. I treated my team like they were my own children when it came to their safety.

 

Find a different cheer team for her to be on...research all-star teams. There are good coaches out there. :grouphug: