Do you spank your children?

[Hedgehogs4]

 

To really scramble your brain, I am a non vaccinating, homebirthing, extended nursing, co-sleeping mom! YOu dont find many of those who spank.

 

me too, me too...i'm one of those...i thought i was really weird and mostly just keep quiet about this stuff.

[pqr]

Interesting tidbit that I found on the net.

 

"There are big regional differences in spanking. Among Southerners, 62 percent of parents spank their kids; that drops to 41 percent in the rest of the country. Similarly, 73 percent of Southerners approve of spanking children, compared to 60 percent elsewhere."

 

http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/DailyNews/spanking_poll021108.html

 

I suppose when gingersmom said "I live in the North and maybe we do things different around here" she may not have been too far off the mark.

 

 

Reading the poll I must say "God Bless the Southland"

[FlockOfSillies]

FYI, "the Southland" is southern California. Around here, anyway, lol.

[abbeyej]

Wow!!! No, you really do not! Consider me scrambled :tongue_smilie:

 

Well, consider yourself further scrambled. ;)

 

From another non-vaccinating (we will certainly vaccinate against a few things *eventually*, but I will not vaccinate my infants or toddlers), unassisted home-birthing, extended-nursing, baby-wearing, co-sleeping (at least with infants who need it -- one of mine did, and one wanted her own space most of the time), home-edjumacatin' mama.

 

As I said before, I don't go to spanking as a primary or even secondary line of defense, but it is a tool that I have occasionally found useful. Particularly for ongoing defiance and issues of safety (such as a pop on the back of the hand for a pre-schooler who reaches for the top of the stove after being told not to). I strongly disagree with your belief that all spanking is akin to "hitting" or "beating". Those things, to me, indicate an absolute lack of control or discipline on the part of the parent, and could certainly be abusive. But thoughtful, controlled corporal punishment, can occasionally be a useful tool, depending on the child and circumstance.

[gingersmom]

Interesting tidbit that I found on the net.

 

"There are big regional differences in spanking. Among Southerners, 62 percent of parents spank their kids; that drops to 41 percent in the rest of the country. Similarly, 73 percent of Southerners approve of spanking children, compared to 60 percent elsewhere."

 

http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/DailyNews/spanking_poll021108.html

 

I suppose when gingersmom said "I live in the North and maybe we do things different around here" she may not have been too far off the mark.

 

 

Reading the poll I must say "God Bless the Southland"

 

Thank you very much!

[Guest PDeverit]

Child buttock-battering for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.

 

Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.

 

I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.

 

There are several reasons why child buttock-battering isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:

 

Plain Talk About Spanking

by Jordan Riak,

 

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children

by Tom Johnson,

 

NO VITAL ORGANS THERE So They Say

by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.

 

Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research on "spanking".

 

Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:

 

American Academy of Pediatrics,

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,

Center For Effective Discipline,

PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals,

Churches' Network For Non-Violence,

Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,

Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,

The LDS Church (http://education.byu.edu/youcandothis/spanking.html click "quotes on spanking"),

Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,

United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

 

In 26 countries, child buttock-battering is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.

[SonshineLearner]

I think this must be the same person who posted about the vaccine:-)

[JennC]

I think this must be the same person who posted about the vaccine:-)

:iagree: and someone who's been around long enough to know about these old threads? Or just a bored googler? or ogler, maybe LOL

Really, if you just want to argue, wouldn't you at least make up a new thread? :glare:

[sunshine]

Nope.

 

 

never? in 18 years?

[kalanamak]

.

Edited September 25, 2009 by kalanamak
Too terrible a joke about Yankee Spankers....

[Julie in Monterey]

:iagree:

I was spanked as a child, as was my husband.

Spanking is not a part of our disciplinary toolbox.

I can't reconcile the hypocrisy of hitting my children as punishment with my responsibility to teach them not to hit others.

 

I've discussed it with my father, and he protests, "But we didn't spank that often!" Perhaps not, but I remember it vividly. It has a prominent place in my childhood memories. That isn't how I want my children to remember their parents. For my family, I'm confident that there are always non-violent alternatives.

[sarahli]

I try not to. I have used a swat over a diaper occasionally but I find that it makes me more angry than using other forms of discipline.

DS does not respond to a swat, and he doesn't respond strongly to any sort of pain when he is active (he has fallen off playground equipment without crying), so I know that I would have to really hurt him and that's not acceptable to me.

 

I'm kind of traumatized over the whole spanking experience as a child. For everyone joking about therapy, I don't find it that funny. It is mostly from my brother's experience that was so painful for me. Just because a parent thinks they are spanking lovingly doesn't mean it won't be emotionally damaging. I also know well-adjusted people who were spanked though.

 

And.... Yes, I have heard much more open conversation in Texas about spanking than when I lived in Michigan. It doesn't mean that it doesn't happen there, just that people I associated with don't talk about it the way they do here. I think that it is fair for the OP to wonder about this. As far as child abuse, I have unfortunately seen plenty in both regions.

[Pamela H in Texas]

what is with resurrecting such old posts?

 

BTW, Sarah, it was my brother's experience that is more painful for me also. I was a pretty easy kid and easily scare-able to be the rest of the way good for the most part (at least before puberty). But my brother really needed better discipline, not being hit more, harder, in prescribed ways and everything else that was tried.

 

Mostly, a handful of spankings won't hurt most people, but it's not necessary. Any parent can learn to discipline (teach/guide/correct) better if they want to. For tougher kids, better discipline, not more/harsher punishment, is what is needed.

[Remudamom]

I do.

 

Perhaps it's because I'm from the south and backwards.

 

Yep, I'm a Southerner too, I spanked mine when needed.

[Harriet Vane]

Yes I spank, though not much any more. It's been many years since dd has been spanked, and I do not consider it appropriate to spank teens/young adults. Yes, I am from the North, and most of my Northern friends also spank. It's never ever been excessive or uncontrolled. I don't see how a carefully-explained-to-the-child swat on the hand in certain circumstances is going to inflict lasting emotional harm.

[Elizabeth Conley]

what is with resurrecting such old posts?

 

 

 

Good question. Sometimes it's resurrected because there's renewed interest. Sometimes, we get trolled.

 

This time we were trolled.

 

Please, don't feed the trolls.

[Desert Rat]

I have spanked. It was not something I really wanted to use a disciplinary tool but at the time I was end of my rope and was willing to try anything. It didn't work for us. As a general rule, I don't think it's an effective tool. However, I don't have to live with other people's children. I don't know what works and doesn't work for their family. I wouldn't dare tell someone else that they could only use X method or Y punishment. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes, I guess.

[Jenny in Atl]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090925/sc_livescience/childrenwhogetspankedhaveloweriqs

[CLHCO]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090925/sc_livescience/childrenwhogetspankedhaveloweriqs

 

I saw that and found it interesting, but there was this link below it: http://www.livescience.com/health/070124_spanking_study.html

 

When you have such dramatic differences at times in who spanks, and 90% of parents admit to having done so, one can question what was actually causing the results here. Homes with books and educational games are less likely to spank and there is not necessarily a difference in socioeconomic changes that say if a child is spanked or not, ("Economic status of a family makes no difference in the odds of spanking"), so the first article ruling that out does little. Even a child's way of handling things (external vs. internal) changes the likelihood of spanking and could also effect results.

 

Too many ifs, ands, or buts, but it will be used as though there are not.

[Jenny in Atl]

I'm not sure I buy the 90% nor the economics status. The article does not list these "other" studies. I would like to see them.

 

If anything this second article points us toward the notion that parents with lower IQ's use physical punishment more than those an intellectually stimulating home. $ does not always = intelligence. So the lower IQ may be genetic vs. environment. It could also be a combination of the two.

 

What I find interesting is how so many dismiss results that show how corporal punishment rarely works, if anything it does the opposite. But it's easier to slap, spank or whip than it is to reason, divert, and persuade.

[CLHCO]

I'm not sure I buy the 90% nor the economics status. The article does not list these "other" studies. I would like to see them.

 

If anything this second article points us toward the notion that parents with lower IQ's use physical punishment more than those an intellectually stimulating home. $ does not always = intelligence. So the lower IQ may be genetic vs. environment. It could also be a combination of the two.

 

What I find interesting is how so many dismiss results that show how corporal punishment rarely works, if anything it does the opposite. But it's easier to slap, spank or whip than it is to reason, divert, and persuade.

 

I think my point, to avoid beating the same dead horse that is probably about decomposed by now through this thread, is that this study doesn't necessarily say spanking causes lower intelligence, though they will push it as though it does. Did they study the types of disciplines that use spanking vs. the angry parent that just hits randomly? Did they check into the intelligence of the parent? What about the stimulus in the home? Too many variables. If you do it right, you can make any study say anything you want it to.

 

We can strongly disagree on the role of spanking in the disciplining of children, but just as we can be honest about the holes in the "homeschool students score higher" studies, we need to critically look at this study and ask the tough questions.

[kmacnchs]

i'm glad this came up again...i was just thinking of posting it again. i have not been a "spanker" until recently. My dh and I decided to make first time obedience with a good attitude the rule in our house. We found ourselves to be constantly struggling to define where the boundaries lie and decide what consequences were appropriate for various offenses, without spanking. We sat the kids down and informed them that there would be no more yelling or raising voices--if I reach that point they are clearly in violation of disobeying. The kids like that part--BUT--they have to obey the first time without complaining. If they want an explanation they may have one after they have obeyed, and they may answer with a reasonalble request such as, "just a second mom, I'm just finishing washing my hands..." so we know that they're not dilly-dallying. The consequence for disobeying is 2-3 swats on the bottom (underwear permitted) with a 5-gallon paint stick. It stings...doesn't injure. We RARELY use it. We are not angry when we discipline and the kids clearly understand where they have gone wrong. It makes me horribly sad (and I have even cried with the kids when I spanked them) to do it, but that helps them understand even more--that because I love them I want to train them to obey me and dad, so they will be trained to obey God when they are mature.

 

Honestly, our house has been SO peaceful since enforcing these boundaries and rules. I am not crabby with the kids, and they aren't constantly pushing me, not that they were bad kids before--in fact they're really nice, well-behaved kids that people seem to enjoy having around. But at home, we had the normal stuff--attitudes, disobeying, dilly-dallying when doing chores or not coming right away when called...the kind of stuff that drives me crazy. In all sincerity, though, everyone seems happier.

 

:iagree:

People tend to equate spanking with anger...that is precisely when it should NOT be done. We are the same with obeying "right away, all the way, and with a happy heart" because this is how God wants us to obey Him. We spank how old they are (with some leway) - 3 yo gets 3 swats, etc. It is VERY evident to me when I slack off and instead of demanding obedience right away and with a happy heart I warn, threaten, and eventually when I am really frustrated, yell...that is what I grew up with and I do not want my children to grow up with parents that fly off the handle. I want my children to learn consistence and loving obedience.

[Guest PDeverit]

Child buttock-battering vs. DISCIPLINE:

 

Child buttock-battering for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.

 

Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.

 

I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.

 

There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:

 

Plain Talk About Spanking

by Jordan Riak,

 

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children

by Tom Johnson,

 

NO VITAL ORGANS THERE So They Say

by Lesli Taylor M.D and Adah Maurer Ph.D.

 

Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads.

 

Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:

 

American Academy of Pediatrics,

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,

Center For Effective Discipline,

PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals,

Churches' Network For Non-Violence,

Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,

Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,

Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,

United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

 

In 26 countries, child buttock-battering is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.