Putting down a family pet - advice appreciated

[Jenn in Mo]

If you have had to do this, what seemed to work best for your children? Saying goodbye to the pet before dad drives him away? Being there while a vet administers a shot? What was healthiest for your kiddos?

 

Thanks!

[Jen500]

I think it depends on the age of your kids, and their own preferences. I think at least 'saying goodbye' is a good idea.

I held my own dog while she was put to sleep and it was very traumatic for me at the time, but I really needed to be there with her. I don't think my kids could have handled that part at all.

:grouphug:

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

If you have had to do this, what seemed to work best for your children? Saying goodbye to the pet before dad drives him away? Being there while a vet administers a shot? What was healthiest for your kiddos?

 

Thanks!

 

:grouphug:

 

How old are your kids? My kids are young so when we had to let our Yellow Lab go last year due to osteosarcoma, I knew I didn't want them present for the shot and those last moments. I think it's conceptually hard to explain that decision and process to young kids. I took our dog to the vet and then took the kids to visit, hug, and say goodbye. I did tell them that she was going to die but they assumed that it was the illness that would take her and knew nothing about her being euthanized.

 

I don't know what age I would make another choice but that one worked well for us.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so very, very hard.

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

double post

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

I held my own dog while she was put to sleep and it was very traumatic for me at the time, but I really needed to be there with her. I don't think my kids could have handled that part at all.

:grouphug:

 

Same here. Frankly, even my very sweet DH would have had an incredibly hard time with the final moments and letting go. (He was deployed in Iraq.)

[elegantlion]

It depends on your child, how they handle sensitive things but it is always hard. I've worked for a vet and had my own animals put down. Our last dog we had put to sleep ds was in the room, he was probably 7 or 8. He wanted to be in there, we talked about beforehand, before I was bawling my eyes out.

 

I think at least saying goodbye before they leave the house is minimum.

[Jenn in Mo]

Thanks, all. My kids are 12, 9, 5, and 3. I'm not overly worried about the younger two girls. Their memories are short and they aren't nearly as attached to our dog as the older two boys. Sunni joined the family the same month my 9 year old was born and they grew up together. This will be hardest on him. He's also my most sensitive child. I'm just not sure how to prepare him.

[Paula in PA]

My dd has been there for 3 euthanasias, over the past 2 months. She was given the choice and insisted on being there for each one. The first, my sister's cat, was actually the easiest on her, since she liked her, but was mostly there for her aunt, whom she adores and knew would be very sad. The second was our dog and she was very upset, but handled the procedure and afterwards better than I did. The last was our oldest cat, just this past week. Again, she was upset, but handled it way better than I did. She is very mature for her age, though. She is also quite determined to be a vet and watched the procedure intently, so I think she had some clinical detachment going on as well.

 

We did not, however, allow her to attend the euthanasia of my sister's other cat when dd was 6. At that time, we felt she was just too young and still very sensitive about the topic of death.

[Stacia]

No advice, but I'm so sorry for all of you.

 

:grouphug:

[bnbacademy]

We had to put our 2 dogs down within a few days of each other... it is true that sometimes one dog cannot live without the other...

 

What helped us was having a graveside funeral. It was hard on all, but we voiced our memories... it was interesting how much we remembered from the puppy days 13 years later... the boys were 8 and 5 and it helped to say goodbye and voice our thoughts as a family on sadness and death and even to cry together.

 

A year later, they are asking for another dog...

[i.love.lucy]

:grouphug:

 

I think saying goodbye before dad leaves with the pet. I just think the scene at the vet's office and the decision process is so very hard for kids to understand.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[OHGrandma]

We were never shielded from death and never shielded our kids. However(!), we have a 9 year old grandson living with us and if his dog needed to be put down I would not take him. I would let him know the dog had to go to the vet and likely would not live much longer and he better say his goodbyes any time he left the house. I would not tell him we had to put the dog down. I'd bring the dog back to our farm and we'd have a burial with grandson in attendance. Each child has different life experiences that affect them differently than anyone else. Seeing his dog put down would be too much for our grandson.

[Melinda in VT]

I vote for saying goodbye before the pet leaves for the vet. I took our dog in and I bawled during the whole thing.

 

I'd be especially wary of taking younger kids (like the 3 yo) in case it causes anxiety the next time they have to have a shot. Our dog was dying of lymphoma when we had him euthanized, and our 3yo was quite anxious when he developed a sore throat the next day. We had to really work to get him to understand that the problem with the dog's throat was completely different.

[katemary63]

We say goodbye at the house and a parent takes the pet to the vet. We do not lie, though. The kids know what is going to happen. We just see no reason for them to see it. After age 10 or so, I would let them decide.

[Mekanamom]

If you have had to do this, what seemed to work best for your children? Saying goodbye to the pet before dad drives him away? Being there while a vet administers a shot? What was healthiest for your kiddos?

 

Thanks!

 

When it was time for our family dog to be put down, I had a mobile vet come to our house. It was more comfortable for the dog, and it was more comfortable for us. I left it up to my children to decide if they wanted to be with her or not. Two decided they didn't want to be there, and one decided she did. It worked out well. (Any of them could have changed their minds at any time.)

 

The vet was super, and was very discrete about taking the body away.

[JudoMom]

Thanks, all. My kids are 12, 9, 5, and 3. I'm not overly worried about the younger two girls. Their memories are short and they aren't nearly as attached to our dog as the older two boys. Sunni joined the family the same month my 9 year old was born and they grew up together. This will be hardest on him. He's also my most sensitive child. I'm just not sure how to prepare him.

 

:grouphug:

[elegantlion]

Thanks, all. My kids are 12, 9, 5, and 3. I'm not overly worried about the younger two girls. Their memories are short and they aren't nearly as attached to our dog as the older two boys. Sunni joined the family the same month my 9 year old was born and they grew up together. This will be hardest on him. He's also my most sensitive child. I'm just not sure how to prepare him.

 

I was distracted when I posted earlier. :grouphug: I am sorry you're dealing with this, it's so hard.

[MomLovesClassics]

What we did was this. Everyone knew our 18 year old cat was frail with a tumor in her nose and we wer lucky she was with us. We did not tell the kids. We just told them she passed away at the vet. We brought her home and burried her. I had my husband take her, I was not strong enough to do it, and didn't want to change my mind. I am so sorry you are going through this.

[battlemaiden]

We did this last year. We let all the kids feed our dog a hunk of steak (he was still eating, but his back had completely given out). Then we took photos of each child with him. They said good-bye at home and I drove him to the vet. They cried rivers, but when I got back from the vet I told them how they gave him the medicine and his heart stopped and he was peaceful and without pain of any sort- our dog was in a lot of pain.

 

We looked at puppy photos, and some photos of him in his younger years. Compared to his last day, they could tell he wasn't well.

 

That night we went out to their favorite eatery (The Spaghetti Factory) and they seemed fairly quick to recover. Of course they remembered him with sadness for weeks, but the pain of loss went away, and I encouraged them talk about him freely.

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this. :grouphug:

 

Jo

[battlemaiden]

I vote for saying goodbye before the pet leaves for the vet. I took our dog in and I bawled during the whole thing.

 

I'd be especially wary of taking younger kids (like the 3 yo) in case it causes anxiety the next time they have to have a shot. Our dog was dying of lymphoma when we had him euthanized, and our 3yo was quite anxious when he developed a sore throat the next day. We had to really work to get him to understand that the problem with the dog's throat was completely different.

 

I agree. I was very strong when I left the house with the dog. But I cried like a baby after he died. The kids would not have wanted to see me break like that.

 

Jo

[Impish]

I think that saying goodbye at the house might be best, but honestly its a call that only you can make, knowing your children best.

 

Unfortunately in our case, it wasn't a choice we got to make. Our pug, Harley dashed out of the house on Hallowe'en. The mom with the trick or treaters punted him like a football when he got close to her, and he took off yelping. Diva ran after him...and was right there when he was hit by a speeding car :crying:

 

I'm so sorry that your family is losing Sunni :grouphug:

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I was going to suggest something like this. I was there when a close family friend had their dog picked up to be euthenized. Animal control sent a lady officer to pick the dog up. The kids were all there, and chose to say good bye. The officer was very compassionate, and gave them all the time they needed. It was sad when she drove away, but it went as well as could be expected.

[unsinkable]

My 9 year old insisted (chasing the car out of the driveway) on going to the vet to say goodbye to Ginger (our 13 yo boxer.) He told me he wanted to hold her when she died. And so he did.

 

When she died, my son called out, "It was so fast!" And that haunts me.

 

He cried nightly for months about her death.

 

One imp. thing: Make sure your kids know what put to sleep means. My vet told me to use the words die and death b/c some kids think the dog will wake up. When Ginger was still sick, my son thought put to sleep meant to be put into a coma until the dog got better.

 

I am sorry about this.