Teens/driving/texting

[Guest gailambert62]

My son will be 16 in July, so naturally he will be driving! Anyway, my big concern is the importance with teenagers in texting all the time. He doesnst do it alot, but prefers that over answering his phone. Do any of you have ideas or things you do to discourage this when you're not around? Of course he says he wont do it while driving.....but, you know.:driving:

 

Thanks!

 

Gail Lambert

 

www/heartsease-calls.com

[Perry]

My son will be 16 in July, so naturally he will be driving! Anyway, my big concern is the importance with teenagers in texting all the time. He doesnst do it alot, but prefers that over answering his phone. Do any of you have ideas or things you do to discourage this when you're not around? Of course he says he wont do it while driving.....but, you know.:driving:

 

Thanks!

 

Gail Lambert

 

www/heartsease-calls.com

 

My dd is only 14 so we're in the first stages of driving. However, she knows that talking and texting while driving is ABSOLUTELY forbidden, as long as she's driving my car and on our insurance. We WILL be checking up on her, and if she's caught, she loses the car keys, or the phone. Or both.

[Guest gailambert62]

Thank you for the reply. My son has never given me any kind of trouble, he's truly a good kid. But I'm not dumb, kids will be kids. I guess its one of those things like you said, I just need to keep pounding in his head not to do it. How are you going to "check on her"....calling from other numbers?

[Pamela H in Texas]

I'd check up on him. And honestly? If I had any doubt, I'd not let him have that responsibility. 16yos don't need to be driving. It's a BIG responsibility in and of itself. Though I'm big on giving kids responsibility and opportunities, even before they've proven themselves worthy of them, driving is NOT one of them I'd do so with.

 

When my daughter drives, she doesn't even know it rang until she checks later. The phone RINGING is a distraction. Checking to see who is on the line is distracting. It should go straight to voicemail if he's driving.

 

New drivers don't need ANY additional distractions.

[Guest gailambert62]

I fully intend on checking up on him. This is just an issue I didnt have to deal with when my daughter started driving. I appreciate your feedback.

 

There have been a few teens run off the expressway here, one died a year or so ago. I also lost a friend because he was passing a younger man on a back road who was texting! The texter got out without a scratch, that's so unreal. I guess I hate as any parent to believe he may learn something the hard way no matter how much I talk to him. That's one hard lesson you cant take back.

 

Thanks again!

[Starr]

We lost 5 young ladies in a car because of texting a couple of years ago in our area.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Have you looked into the teen driving contracts put out by AAA? Here is a link to an older one. I can't find the one that has the line items about phones and texting.

 

I strongly believe that driving is a privilege, not a right.

[Aggie]

Driving at 16 here isn't "natural." :001_smile: I doubt we'll give any of our dc that privilege until they are older.

 

They do have nanny cams you can install in vehicles. I don't know what they cost, though.

 

I don't know how else a dc would be caught, either, unless the police and an ambulance were involved. :(

[Heather in Neverland]

Our children will not get their license or their own cell phone until they are 18yo. Problem solved! :D

[Pamela H in Texas]

Heather, generally I think that is best...at least the driving part. There is a huge difference in the brain of a 16yo and an 18yo. I mean, brain science wise there is, not just maturity mom can notice. But sometimes circumstances change and so I've learned to never say never. My daughter will have limited driving opportunities before 18 when I didn't think I'd go that route. But due to the situation here.....

 

As for a phone? I'm glad we got the kids phones. I'm glad we didn't do it at 12, but I'm glad they have them now. I like having that contact as my kids are running around like teens should be (classes, friends, volunteering, etc).

[Heather in Neverland]

Heather, generally I think that is best...at least the driving part. There is a huge difference in the brain of a 16yo and an 18yo. I mean, brain science wise there is, not just maturity mom can notice. But sometimes circumstances change and so I've learned to never say never. My daughter will have limited driving opportunities before 18 when I didn't think I'd go that route. But due to the situation here.....

 

As for a phone? I'm glad we got the kids phones. I'm glad we didn't do it at 12, but I'm glad they have them now. I like having that contact as my kids are running around like teens should be (classes, friends, volunteering, etc).

 

You are so right about the brain at 16yo and 18yo! Our decisions have really been based on that (and our own experiences and 12 years spent teaching high school :ack2:). I didn't drive until I was 18yo and I didn't get a cell phone until I was 26yo.

 

If there was a cell phone/package that had NO texting and allowed me to control incoming and outgoing calls (so that my teen could only make and receive calls to family) then I would change my mind. Hey! Maybe it does exist and I just don't know. Or maybe it will in the next two years before my ds becomes a teen? That would be great.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Heather, it DID exist. That is what my friend had for her son when he was 11 (he's 15 now). I'm not sure if it still exists.

 

Anyway, we had ideas about cells but have dropped them ALL since getting our teens cells. I guess it could become problematic for some people, but we've found cells to be only a good thing for our family. Weird that I was so negative about them!

 

BTW, I had a pay as you go phone for about 5 years. Just got service for the four of us a couple months ago. We're very happy with it.

[Heather in Neverland]

Heather, it DID exist. That is what my friend had for her son when he was 11 (he's 15 now). I'm not sure if it still exists.

 

 

 

I knew it. I couldn't be the first parent to wish for something like that...I am not THAT brilliant. :D

 

And since my oldest ds will "come of age" most likely in Malaysia...and since I hear that laws of the road are seen as "merely a suggestion" there...I definitely won't be letting him drive at 16yo. Heck, I may not even drive. :D

[Pamela H in Texas]

yeah, I can't even drive in Houston anymore...I can't imagine a place that laws aren't really laws.

 

My daughter will usually not be driving. There are a few places we figure she'll go by herself (mostly the Kingdom Hall) but mostly she'll be driving me around for the next year or so. We're in no hurry for her to drive unaccompanied, just because, etc.

[skaterbabs]

You are so right about the brain at 16yo and 18yo! Our decisions have really been based on that (and our own experiences and 12 years spent teaching high school :ack2:). I didn't drive until I was 18yo and I didn't get a cell phone until I was 26yo.

 

If there was a cell phone/package that had NO texting and allowed me to control incoming and outgoing calls (so that my teen could only make and receive calls to family) then I would change my mind. Hey! Maybe it does exist and I just don't know. Or maybe it will in the next two years before my ds becomes a teen? That would be great.

 

 

 

I use VirginMobile and I had texts turned completely off on my phone for nearly three years. It's also 100% prepaid, so you can put X amoount of money on it and that's all the talking the kid can do. I think you can also set it so that only certain numbers can be called/recieved.

 

As for the 18 yo vs 16 yo driving thing? Well, the reality is that delaying that is not helpful in preventing crashes. Instead of a 16 yo who has to report to mom & dad, you have the 18 yo reporting to no one. The death rate of teens in crashes does go down when the driving age is raised, but it goes up in the age range to which the driving age is raised.

 

 

I second the recommendation for AAA's new driver info - they are an AMAZING resource.

[Jeannie in NJ]

Heather, I just got my son a cell phone. He has no texting and he can only receive calls from his contact list which I have set up to just be family.

[Peek a Boo]

Driving at 16 here isn't "natural." :001_smile: I doubt we'll give any of our dc that privilege until they are older.

 

 

 

ayup.

My ds will be getting a learner's permit and practicing for a couple years, but not turned loose w/ his own license for quite some time.

[Peek a Boo]

The death rate of teens in crashes does go down when the driving age is raised, but it goes up in the age range to which the driving age is raised.

 

yes, but is it a comparable increase, or a reduced one?

[Trivium Academy]

No experience, just my opinion but I can see where having a 'family' phone that is used for when the child goes out could be useful but with texting disabled. Eliminate the opportunity and stress no more. As for my kids, I plan on having a single phone for just them to use when they leave the house, one with a camera but without texting capabilities.

 

A nanny cam in the car? That's a little out there...if you don't trust your child to drive then don't let them. As far as texting, it's not a necessity, it doesn't add any thing to his life other than how to be trite with others and there's enough of that already.

[MamaT]

My son will be 16 in June. He will get his license in August. We will limit his driving, just like we did his older brothers for a year or two. I personally (call me naive) trust my son not to text and drive. He has been taught to follow the rules, knows the dangers of texting and driving, and comments on how dangerous it is when he sees someone doing it.

 

At some point, depending on the 16yo, we have to trust that we have taught them to do the right thing.

[PiCO]

My son will be 16 in July, so naturally he will be driving! Anyway, my big concern is the importance with teenagers in texting all the time. He doesnst do it alot, but prefers that over answering his phone. Do any of you have ideas or things you do to discourage this when you're not around? Of course he says he wont do it while driving.....but, you know.

 

My dd has her learner's permit. She likes to text quite a bit, but while she practices driving she practices not talking on the phone or texting while driving. It's not a problem- she's paying attention to the road. She also has her phone on vibrate, and it's in her purse behind the seat so she can't even hear it.

 

I plan to let dd get her license at 16. It will be a huge help to me to have another driver in the house. In Colorado, teens have to have their permit for a year and drive 50 hours before they get their license. Then they can't have non-family pasengers for 6 months. Then only one passenger for another 6 months.

[skaterbabs]

yes, but is it a comparable increase, or a reduced one?

 

 

Unfortunately, it's a comperable increase. Basically, what happens is that the average 16 yo has less-than-stellar decision-making skills and reflexes, but has a LOT more adult supervision. The 18-yo has slightly better decision-making skills, but usually no (or very limited) adult supervision AND is more likely to have friends in that 21+ age group who are drinking.

[Danestress]

 

As for the 18 yo vs 16 yo driving thing? Well, the reality is that delaying that is not helpful in preventing crashes. Instead of a 16 yo who has to report to mom & dad, you have the 18 yo reporting to no one.

 

My 18 year old was working, but he didn't suddenly have a job sufficient to provide a full living including a car, repairs, and insurance. I guess if an 18 year old moves out and gets his own apartment and pays all his automobile expenses, he's answering to no one except an insurance company that, if he's not on his parents insurance, is going to be charging A LOT.

 

More typically, a kid is listed on his parents insurance for several years after he's 18. Mine is 21 and is still on my insurance until he finishes college. Even if he pays his own share of the insurance, he answers to us for his driving because he's a liability for us.

 

But of course my son answers to us on how he drives. Chances are good that an American parent is helping an 18 year old in some ways. My attitude is that if you rely on us for economic support, you rely on us for (very very limited) wisdom. When my kids were your age, I sort of imagined that they would be "adults" at 18 and wouldn't answer to me and wouldn't rely on me. As it turns out, *for us* that's not what we have chosen. He works hard and pays a lot of his own bills, but we help him with college and still are mentors to him at this age. And he answers in a limited way, to us for how he drives because we share some liability. Of course, my friend's 20 year old had a car wreck and killed someone. My friend and her husband lost so much economically when they were sued personally. It makes me take these things seriously.

 

Incidentally, my son didn't drive until he was 17 1/2 and I think his brain changes A LOT between the ages of 16 and 18.

Edited May 23, 2009 by Danestress

[Pamela H in Texas]

if you don't trust your child to drive then don't let them.

 

This seems so easy. Why on earth are teens that are getting in trouble, don't respect authority, are taking inappropriate risks, etc getting driver's licenses? Because their parents are IDIOTS putting their children's lives and the lives fo the rest of us at risk.

 

I just don't get it but I see it over and over and over. The majority of 16yos I've seen do not have any business with the privilege and responsibility of driving.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Each family has to make decisions for their own families. My philosophy is that I want my children to have a couple years worth of driving experience under our supervision and our rules before heading off on their own (to college or whatever.) That is why I want my kids to get their licenses at 16 or 17. I do recognize that there are significant brain changes that take place between 16 and 18. That is why I will not be turning over the keys and letting them unlimited use of the car.

 

But I also recognize the value of experience in preventing accidents. When I was working in the city, our company moved out to the suburbs. Several of the employees had lived in the city all their lives and, having used public transportation, never learned to drive. So there were about 10 employees (of differing ages) who learned to drive so that they could commute to new location. Within a month of the move, three of these new drivers (all over 21) had accidents.

 

We have graduated licensing here in IL, which restricts the hours on the road and number of passengers. I also plan to adjust my rules based upon the personality/temperment of the child. None of our kids has a thrill-seeking personality. They have a small circle of mostly homeschooled friends who are good kids.

 

My 15 year old son has his learners' permit. He is almost finished with our state-required drivers' ed program and is working on his 50 hours of parental supervised driving. Where we live, driving is a necessity. There is very limited public transportation. While subdivisions in our town can be pedestrian friendly and bike friendly, between subdivisions is NOT (as in responsible adults have been killed crossing some of these streets.) While I could wait until he is 18 and , in the mean time, just drive him everywhere he needs to go, it would mean a ton of time in the car - karate, jobs, outside classes, visiting friends (all of which are not within walking or biking distance.)

 

We do have a cell phone for my oldest son. He really doesn't care to have it, but I want him to have it for safety reasons. Between volunteering at the library, karate, and boy scouts, it helps us keep tabs on him. We have pretty strict rules on its use, but it has not been a problem. He often forgets to take it. I was very opposed to texting until my friend (who is very strict with her children) told me how convenient it is for her kids to keep tabs without having to interrupt. She says that she hears more now from her kids since they got unlimited texting. We plan on adding it in a year or so. I am also bugged by rude cell phone manners and my kids get an earful when I have to deal with it from others. So they are fully aware of the consequences of inappropriate phone usage.

[skaterbabs]

More typically, a kid is listed on his parents insurance for several years after he's 18. Mine is 21 and is still on my insurance until he finishes college. Even if he pays his own share of the insurance, he answers to us for his driving because he's a liability for us.

 

But of course my son answers to us on how he drives. Chances are good that an American parent is helping an 18 year old in some ways.

 

 

I had responded to this earlier and had internet issues. :glare:

 

Anyway, while YOU keep tabs on your 18 yo, and many other families do as well, LEGALLY you have no control over them, and cannot just take the keys to the car unless it's in your name. Even then, you cannot legally revoke driving privileges because the child is a legal adult.

[mcconnellboys]

I just remind constantly! And if I'm out and going to be crossing paths with him when he's driving, I make sure to try to notice if I see him doing something inappropriate. Also, I sometimes call or text him at that time to see if he answers....

[RedHen6]

Please understand I am not trying to be inflammatory, or gruesome, or any such thing--but last fall I was hit head-on by a texting teenager while I was at a complete stop, waiting to make a turn. It shattered my right wrist, and I will never recover full use of my wrist or hand. If it would help your discussions with your teenager to see pictures of an actual injury caused by another teenager being distracted "just for a few seconds" to make a text, PM me and I will e-mail them to you.

 

~Korrie

 

 

My son will be 16 in July, so naturally he will be driving! Anyway, my big concern is the importance with teenagers in texting all the time. He doesnst do it alot, but prefers that over answering his phone. Do any of you have ideas or things you do to discourage this when you're not around? Of course he says he wont do it while driving.....but, you know.:driving:

 

Thanks!

 

Gail Lambert

 

www/heartsease-calls.com

[Peek a Boo]

 

Anyway, while YOU keep tabs on your 18 yo, and many other families do as well, LEGALLY you have no control over them, and cannot just take the keys to the car unless it's in your name. Even then, you cannot legally revoke driving privileges because the child is a legal adult.

 

do you have a link for those comparable increase statistics?

i found this, but it doesn't list hard stats, just opinion

http://www.nowpublic.com/environment/accident-statistics-teens-way-down-past-ten-years

 

This Colorado site claims 16yo are at higher risk than ANY age:http://www.rmiia.org/Auto/Teens/Teen_Driving_Statistics.htm

and

Graduated drivers license programs appear to be making a difference. Fatal crashes involving 15- to 20-year olds in 2005 were down 6.5 percent from 7,979 in 1995, to the lowest level in ten years.

The most common statistics show repeatedly that after 19 the risk goes down substantially --which every insurance agency knows. :D

 

here's a lot of info for anyone to look at:

http://www.cdc.gov/MotorVehicleSafety/Teen_Drivers/teendrivers_factsheet.html

 

i gotta admit, if the increase is comparable, then it still increases the safety for each child by a couple years to follow a graduated program.

 

and yes, there are many ways outside the law to encourage/discourage car/driving issues, especially if the parents are the ones providing room and board and covering most costs. I'd have no qualms about helping an irresponsible driver lose their keys --my kid, another adult, or someone else's kid.

 

It sounds like those statistics may be skewed on how much parental involvement is included in the adult child's life, but that's to be expected.

[skaterbabs]

The info I have isn't on this computer, but it's based on studies done in Europe where the driving age is often 18 or 21. Basically, for about five years after receiving a licence EVERYONE, regardless of age, is at a higher risk simply due to inexperience. The risk is about the same whether the driver is 16, 18 or 21. Graduated liscencing only works with the under-18 crowd because legally an 18 yo is an adult, but it is very effective with 16 yos.

[SonshineLearner]

You can tell if someone's texting by looking at the bill and seeing when the phone is used...calls....texting...it's there...

I like what you all are saying about phones in the backseat, that way it's not tempting. Our first (my step) daughter has her permit. She's just not ready to drive...at least with me. I told her to let me know when her mom is letting her drive. She'll be 17 in a couple of weeks, she's just so focused....on things like....signs...I can see her reading a billboard and crashing into the back of someone's car...or worse.

My second (step) daughter will want to drive the first day she legally can....(and her mom will take her) ....but we won't fully participate...

My bio daughter will be allowed to have a driver's license when she shows maturity.... perhaps permit at 16....and license at 17.

I read a Reader's Digest article about children driving. They recommended no radio, or adjusting anything while driving. That's what I think, too. You just get too distracted.

My mom signed me up for driver's permit before I even asked... I've been careful...made a few mistakes...but only one accident that was my fault. (I was trying to park....and instead of parallel parking...which I'm actually decent at...since I drove in NY city...I tried to cheat and just pull in....only $350 worth of damage...lucky me!)

Carrie

[Peek a Boo]

The info I have isn't on this computer, but it's based on studies done in Europe where the driving age is often 18 or 21. Basically, for about five years after receiving a licence EVERYONE, regardless of age, is at a higher risk simply due to inexperience. The risk is about the same whether the driver is 16, 18 or 21. Graduated liscencing only works with the under-18 crowd because legally an 18 yo is an adult, but it is very effective with 16 yos.

 

see, i can agree that experience is a key factor, but I'd be interested in seeing where the "risk is about the same" for those ages. especially when you throw in GDL for a few years before being turned loose.

 

are you saying that in Europe you can't even get a learner's permit till you're an adult?

[skaterbabs]

Yes, in some countries you must be 18 or 21. Graduated licensing is a great idea (that I support, btw), but works best for 16/17 yos simply because they are not legally adults.

[Peek a Boo]

Yes, in some countries you must be 18 or 21. Graduated licensing is a great idea (that I support, btw), but works best for 16/17 yos simply because they are not legally adults.

 

Graduated licensing could work for adults too. We already have several places in society where an adult needs to be trained alongside another duly licensed adult that has proper experience for a few years before they can do something on their own. It's not that radical a concept. ;)

[unsinkable]

ayup.

My ds will be getting a learner's permit and practicing for a couple years, but not turned loose w/ his own license for quite some time.

 

In dh's family, his dad took the kids for learner's permits on their 16th birthdays and signed up that day for the driving test. All the kids were driving (legally) at 16.

 

(Some of the sibs would take older sibs licenses and drive illegally :blink:)

 

The rules have changed so this isn't possible any more.

[unsinkable]

Please understand I am not trying to be inflammatory, or gruesome, or any such thing--but last fall I was hit head-on by a texting teenager while I was at a complete stop, waiting to make a turn. It shattered my right wrist, and I will never recover full use of my wrist or hand. If it would help your discussions with your teenager to see pictures of an actual injury caused by another teenager being distracted "just for a few seconds" to make a text, PM me and I will e-mail them to you.

 

~Korrie

 

:grouphug:

 

Oh, Korrie! I am so sorry!

 

I don't think it inflammatory or gruesome at all, BTW.

[skaterbabs]

Graduated licensing could work for adults too. We already have several places in society where an adult needs to be trained alongside another duly licensed adult that has proper experience for a few years before they can do something on their own. It's not that radical a concept. ;)

 

There are other problems with not licensing people until they're legal adults beyond the graduated licensing issues. It's not realistic, and it's not morally right IMO to take what is in our country a right of passage away from a group of people who have no legal say in the process. Senior citizens are just as dangerous as teenagers in terms of driving and causing crashes, but because they can VOTE, and have huge lobbies fighting for them, you don't hear anything about restricting their driving privileges.

 

Not to mention, I can tell you from personal experience that the accident statistics involving teens are not terribly accurate. In many places in the US, if a teen is involved in a crash the investigating police officer automatically assumes it's the teen's fault, and most teens don't know enough to fight the ticket. In cases where they do, judges ignore them because they're teens and OBVIOUSLY :glare: caused the crash.

 

This happened to me when I was a teen. I was in the back seat of a 16yo friend's car and a 30-something woman was speeding (45 + mph around a candy-cane turn with a speed limit of 25 mph). She hit the rear driver's side WHEEL of the car I was in, which by law meant she should have been considered at fault. (VA law says if you hit someone from behind it's *always* your fault, regardless of the actions of the other person.) The other driver lied to the police officer and told him my friend had run the stop sign. Despite the fact that we were 98% through the intersection and the other driver hit us from behind, the police officer agreed. When we went to court the judge ignored everyone except the police officer and the woman who hit us and judged my friend guilty. This crash permanently injured my back and my right knee (I still have bone fragments under the kneecap), and severely damaged my front teeth. Everyone in that small town knows that if you're a teen charged with _____ (fill in the blank) and you get Judge N., you will be found guilty.

Edited May 25, 2009 by skaterbabs

[Kathy in MD]

I have a new twist on cell phone usage. :tongue_smilie: We were walking on a bike/hiking path and we passed by a bicyclist talking on a hand held cell phone. As she wobbled down the path, I was sure she was going to hit the walker in front of us.

 

sheeesh! We're walking about 2-3 mph and cell phone usage is still a threat!

[OH_Homeschooler]

I wish I could find a link for you, but I just read about a new product that locks your cell phone, and it only unlocks with your ignition key. That way, you have to pull your car over to use it! You could google that if it sounds like something you're interested in. I'm not sure where I read about it, I'm guessing it was either Fitness or Self magazine.

[Peek a Boo]

There are other problems with not licensing people until they're legal adults beyond the graduated licensing issues. It's not realistic, and it's not morally right IMO to take what is in our country a right of passage away from a group of people who have no legal say in the process. Senior citizens are just as dangerous as teenagers in terms of driving and causing crashes, but because they can VOTE, and have huge lobbies fighting for them, you don't hear anything about restricting their driving privileges.

 

 

it's not?

 

we did that w/ the drinking age [probably more if i dig around a bit], and then you still have the argument about right vs privilege. You already have to have a license: privilege. The senior lobbies are about money, not rights.

 

Not to mention, I can tell you from personal experience that the accident statistics involving teens are not terribly accurate.

 

 

unfortunately, the statistics regarding teen deaths are actually pretty accurate --across the board, in every town. The number of teen drivers that die in accidents is higher, period, than other ages of drivers, regardless fault. It's not a matter of guilt/innocence, just sheer numbers. Your anecdotal evidence may be accurate, but it doesn't speak to the fatality numbers we have already.

[Peek a Boo]

I wish I could find a link for you, but I just read about a new product that locks your cell phone, and it only unlocks with your ignition key. That way, you have to pull your car over to use it! You could google that if it sounds like something you're interested in. I'm not sure where I read about it, I'm guessing it was either Fitness or Self magazine.

 

what's to keep someone from getting a second ignition key? :tongue_smilie: