I'm so frustrated with where we live.

[Carol in Cal.]

Usually I'm a count your blessings kind of person, but I'm worn down for some reason.

 

And the trigger was, there were several burglaries on our block two nights ago. Someone intruded into houses that were either unoccupied or where they could get in and get out quickly, and took computers and jewelry and little things like that And the police wouldn't even come out and look; it has gotten so common that they don't try to solve the crimes.

 

Which is reasonable, in a way, because there has been a horrible flare up of gang violence as well. There are two gangs that are always simmering here, and when times are tough, they get extremely violent. That would be now.

 

We have so many vacant houses locally that are not being monitored in any way. One of them is next door to us. The city inspectors will cite owners for not keeping up their property i.e. keeping the weeds down and preventing a build up of visible trash. But they won't cite owners for not keeping the homes secure. So if someone breaks into a house like that and starts squatting there, it can get pretty weird. The utilities are off at these homes, so the sanitary and health issues are significant. And there is just not a critical mass of people in neighborhoods keeping an eye out for each other.

 

And then there is my DH, a man who gets angry if he has to remember to lock doors. And then fails to do so.

 

This is not a good situation at all.

 

We already lived in a hot, dusty city with no kids on the block. It's not safe for DD, 12, to walk up to the little downtown part of our neighborhood. She is responsible, but no one does this at this age so she would be a target. And I can't leave her alone in the house because of breakins which have been so common. I can't have packages sent to our home for fear of theft. The air quality is poor here. Lots of allergens, too. I don't want to raise my DD this way. But I am.

 

And our home has two serious things wrong with it that prevent us from selling it and moving. We do not have the bandwidth or money to address them at this point--one is quite large. DH is working 1 1/2 jobs and I work fulltime and homeschool. We do church volunteer work as well.

 

Usually I kind of skate on all this and rise above it, but the burglaries in our block have taken me down into the mire.

 

Thanks for listening, I'm sure I will be fine by tomorrow.

[Love2Smile]

I'm in Calif too, wish I could leave the State! LOL what part are you in?

[Carol in Cal.]

have been here for a long time now.

 

This place is wearing me down these days.

 

Where are you?

[Colleen in NS]

Usually I'm a count your blessings kind of person, but I'm worn down for some reason.

 

Thanks for listening, I'm sure I will be fine by tomorrow.

 

:grouphug:

 

While hangin' out with you that day in the airports and on the plane, I could tell you were a pretty upbeat person with a pretty solid faith. Hopefully some sleep will help.

 

I was just telling a friend of mine today about the conf. and hanging out with one of the ladies all day in airports and in flight! Remember the flight attendant who jazzed up her safety demonstration for us and made us laugh? That day is a good memory for me.

 

Hang in there!

[KrissiK]

We'd leave California, too, in a heartbeat, if we didn't have so much family here. My parents are getting up there in age and I'm the only one who's able to take care of them if/when they need it. There's no way they'd leave, so we're stuck here.

[Carol in Cal.]

[quote=Colleen in NS;960794

I was just telling a friend of mine today about the conf. and hanging out with one of the ladies all day in airports and in flight! Remember the flight attendant who jazzed up her safety demonstration for us and made us laugh? That day is a good memory for me.

 

 

It's a great memory for me, too. That Flight Attendant was a kick, wasn't she? She just made her days great.

 

I appreciate your note and you.

 

Tomorrow will be better, I can tell already!

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

 

I face similar difficulties in my rough neighborhood. We chose to be here, but it's still hard to face sometimes.

 

I was just on the road for two weeks and had a lovely vacation. It's hard to be back. I am glad to be home, with my life and my things, but it's hard to be back among the garbage and the street noise.

[JudoMom]

:grouphug:, Carol.

[Denise in IN]

Carol, this sounds so difficult. I admire you for being able to stay upbeat about it most of the time! I hope tomorrow things look better, and I'm praying that God will protect and provide for you and your family. :grouphug:

[Ohdanigirl]

:grouphug: I grew up in Ca. and I understand how you feel. It seemed like things might improve in the state, but things have begin going down hill again. Times getting tough is not an excuse for throwing morals out the window and robbing people. it is to bad you are going through this.

 

I have told my husband I would loike to live in a smaller less populated state when we move back to the US, but he has his heart set on N. coastal San Diego. I'll keep trying.

 

Danielle

 

:grouphug: Hope you feel better soon.

[Sharon H in IL]

That sounds awfully rough, Carol. I'm so sorry.

 

You've helped so many people here on the boards; I wish there was more we could do for your situation. I don't suppose pretending to plan a move to Foiltown next year would help?

[Love2Smile]

have been here for a long time now.

 

This place is wearing me down these days.

 

Where are you?

 

 

Wow! I grew up in Redwood City (San Mateo) county. We are in South San Fran now...

[tex-mex]

I'm sorry to hear what you are going thru. :grouphug:

 

Have you considered setting up an outdoor light that is triggered by motion? Or a dog? A dog's bark will deter any type of burgulary. Would a neighborhood watch of whomever is left in the neighborhood work? I don't know what to say about letting your daughter walk around without supervision... that doesn't sound too safe. Hang in there!

[creekland]

I've been wondering why we've seemed to have a bunch of folks from CA move to our area of PA lately (near Gettysburg)... I think your post might help explain it - that and the difference in housing costs and unemployment rates, etc.

 

I feel for you and hope things improve.

[Ellie]

have been here for a long time now.

 

This place is wearing me down these days.

 

Where are you?

 

:grouphug:

Aw, Carol...to think we used to live in the same county and never knew it!! I lived in Blossom Valley (south San Jose, near IBM).

 

We left there almost 5 years ago, but not because we hated it.

 

Hope you're feeling better today, and that by some miraculous work things will improve.

[Amber in SJ]

like the old real estate adage says; location, location, location....The funny thing is we live in almost the same location. I am also in Santa Clara County. South San Jose (Branham & Snell) and my daughters walk to the shopping center, the library, the parks without me all the time.

 

That being said, we have lived all over San Jose; downtown, eastside and Willow Glen, and some of those places we felt safe and some we didn't.

 

I think in every state or every town/ city there are areas that feel safer than others. For example; my parents live in one of those sweet looking small towns and there are still areas that are not safe to be in after dark.

 

anyway, :grouphug: to you and I hope that you are feeling more optimistic about your situation soon.

 

Amber in SJ

[Carol in Cal.]

:grouphug:

 

I face similar difficulties in my rough neighborhood. We chose to be here, but it's still hard to face sometimes.

 

I was just on the road for two weeks and had a lovely vacation. It's hard to be back. I am glad to be home, with my life and my things, but it's hard to be back among the garbage and the street noise.

 

I'm really embarrassed to complain in front of you. My situation is not nearly as severe, nor my reasons for being here nearly as noble, as yours. Thank you so much for your gracious words. It really puts things in perspective.

[Carol in Cal.]

I'm sorry to hear what you are going thru. :grouphug:

 

Have you considered setting up an outdoor light that is triggered by motion? Or a dog? A dog's bark will deter any type of burgulary. Would a neighborhood watch of whomever is left in the neighborhood work? I don't know what to say about letting your daughter walk around without supervision... that doesn't sound too safe. Hang in there!

 

A motion light is a great idea, though! And DD does get to walk around without supervision from my office, which is in a safe neighborhood. I picked that spot partly so that she could have more freedom, and it really has worked out fairly well.

[Carol in Cal.]

:grouphug:

Aw, Carol...to think we used to live in the same county and never knew it!! I lived in Blossom Valley (south San Jose, near IBM).

 

We left there almost 5 years ago, but not because we hated it.

 

Hope you're feeling better today, and that by some miraculous work things will improve.

 

I know right where Blossom Valley is. BC I worked in that area, and I still use the Kaiser there. It's a pretty good area, lots of kids around all the time.

[Carol in Cal.]

like the old real estate adage says; location, location, location....The funny thing is we live in almost the same location. I am also in Santa Clara County. South San Jose (Branham & Snell) and my daughters walk to the shopping center, the library, the parks without me all the time.

 

That being said, we have lived all over San Jose; downtown, eastside and Willow Glen, and some of those places we felt safe and some we didn't.

 

I think in every state or every town/ city there are areas that feel safer than others. For example; my parents live in one of those sweet looking small towns and there are still areas that are not safe to be in after dark.

 

anyway, :grouphug: to you and I hope that you are feeling more optimistic about your situation soon.

 

Amber in SJ

 

I would say that Branham and Snell is a great walking area. You all have everything within about 1/2 a mile, I'll bet. I used to live over that way years ago.

[Liz CA]

I'm in Calif too, wish I could leave the State! LOL what part are you in?

 

CA can be trying these days. Have you talked to a realtor to see how much you would have to shave off the selling price if you left the house in the condition it is in and sold it?

 

Is this amount ridiculous or something you could consider?

 

Can you rent it out and move to a better area - even if you had to rent too? Would this be worth the trouble to you and your family?

You must be living near "Kay in Cal" whose washer and dryer were stolen out of her sideyard!

Edited May 23, 2009 by Liz CA

[TraceyS/FL]

:grouphug:

 

3rd generation Californian here.... i don't miss it. We've been gone almost 5.5 years. I couldn't go back - i think my STBXH could though.

[Carol in Cal.]

Really, the strange thing is the variation here. I live in a neighborhood that is in the 'inter-tidal zone' between a very good neighborhood and a pretty dangerous one. The tides go back and forth, and so sometimes I feel as if we are in the very good part and sometimes in the dangerous one. Like a lot of older towns/neighborhoods/cities here in CA, the distance between the two is really short (maybe 3/4 of a mile at the most) and the difference between the two is really sharp.

 

When we bought, I didn't really understand this. I thought that we were on the cheaper outskirts of the very good part, but solidly inside it. But that's not proven to be the case.

 

The truth is, it's fine here most of the time. There are no drive-by shootings or lurking drug dealers. There is some burglary and car theft, and a certain lack of personal security. There is a random violence aspect that is alarming, but it's certainly not chronic like in a serious gang or drug turf; it's not far enough away for real comfort, but there have only been a few really bad incidents that are close by in the last few years. Really, I can't complain.

 

I would still like to move, though. If we just moved a mile to the west, I would not worry about any of this stuff. It is so strange how much difference such a short distance can make.

 

And I really feel for those who are in the middle of the real mess. The East side and the Delmas areas are really having a rough time right now.

 

Anyway, I so appreciate your support and prayers, and really, I think I was just having a pity party when I originally posted. I am feeling kind of sheepish now. Thank you again, very much.

[Carol in Cal.]

CA can be trying these days. Have you talked to a realtor to see how much you would have to shave off the selling price if you left the house in the condition it is in and sold it?

 

Is this amount ridiculous or something you could consider?

 

Can you rent it out and move to a better area - even if you had to rent too? Would this be worth the trouble to you and your family?

You must be living near "Kay in Cal" whose washer and dryer were stolen out of her sideyard!

 

 

He has a great job that he just loves, and he is holding onto it for dear life. He is positive that this is the last job he will ever get. So if any moving happens, it has to be in cruising range of his job or he won't go.

 

I have actually thought about the renting it out thing. Rents are pretty high right now, so it would probably be a wash.

 

Really, though, we should move to where we can retire later. CA has this weird property tax structure that makes it very unattractive to sell a home that you have had for a long time and buy another one, even a smaller one. So it creates a big artificial hurdle when you contemplate selling your home and moving, and makes it very hard to justify moving within the same area.

 

I have not talked with a realtor because of that. But I have seriously started watching for good rental houses.

[Carol in Cal.]

I don't suppose pretending to plan a move to Foiltown next year would help?

 

Naturally we will need a lot of really, really great soap. Oh, we do have that covered!

 

OK, I will volunteer to start a very cool middle school book group. The children will study literary elements and read and discuss great Newbery and other young adult books in a guided, quiet learning style format.

 

And I'll teach chemistry as well, multi-level from 5th to 8th grades.

 

And help with organizing the middle school Lutheran Studies group.

 

I'm counting on someone else to teach evil math, in a non-evil way. I want them to make my DD feel too embarrassed not to try hard. I just know that once she really gets it, she will like it, or at least take pride in it. After all, that is what happened with reading, writing, grammar, and spelling!

[Carol in Cal.]

Usually I'm a count your blessings kind of person, but I'm worn down for some reason.

 

And the trigger was, there were several burglaries on our block two nights ago. Someone intruded into houses that were either unoccupied or where they could get in and get out quickly, and took computers and jewelry and little things like that And the police wouldn't even come out and look; it has gotten so common that they don't try to solve the crimes.

 

There have been so many burglaries lately that I'm sure they are getting overly confident and soon the police will catch them. They are GOING to trip up, I just know it!

 

Which is reasonable, in a way, because there has been a horrible flare up of gang violence as well. There are two gangs that are always simmering here, and when times are tough, they get extremely violent. That would be now.

 

This one still makes me sick. I have a SIL who is Hispanic, and her son needs a change of scenery. I really resent that I can't invite him to come live with us for a while because since he looks Hispanic he would not be safe here. I don't live in the worst of it, but a 14 year old boy was beaten and stabbed to death 5 blocks away a few years back, and down near the light rail station there occasionally are drive-by shootings (that is about 1/2 mile from our house). I feel so sorry for the people who are right in the middle of the worse of it. The strange thing is how insulated others are. I took DD to an authors' workshop in Menlo Park, an affluent town about 25 miles from us, and the author read from a book that takes place in the Mission District of San Francisco. The kids from MP really had no idea what she was talking about. Dude, even if you're not in it, you should know what is going on around you. I think that this should be the police's top priority. So I told my city council member that. I did what I could.

 

We have so many vacant houses locally that are not being monitored in any way. One of them is next door to us. The city inspectors will cite owners for not keeping up their property i.e. keeping the weeds down and preventing a build up of visible trash. But they won't cite owners for not keeping the homes secure. So if someone breaks into a house like that and starts squatting there, it can get pretty weird. The utilities are off at these homes, so the sanitary and health issues are significant. And there is just not a critical mass of people in neighborhoods keeping an eye out for each other.

 

I decided to approach some of my neighbors about the house next door. The back door is not secured, and we are going to try to block it off in such a way that we are not overstepping but the house is harder to get into.

 

And then there is my DH, a man who gets angry if he has to remember to lock doors. And then fails to do so.

 

I forwarded him the note about the burglaries, and he is taking this seriously now, for the first time since I have known him.

 

This is not a good situation at all.

 

We already lived in a hot, dusty city with no kids on the block. It's not safe for DD, 12, to walk up to the little downtown part of our neighborhood. She is responsible, but no one does this at this age so she would be a target. And I can't leave her alone in the house because of breakins which have been so common. I can't have packages sent to our home for fear of theft. The air quality is poor here. Lots of allergens, too. I don't want to raise my DD this way. But I am.

 

I have another place to have packages sent, my office. And my DD has more freedom there as well. I feel comfortable sending her to the grocery store or the pizza place from here from time to time. Our little downtown area is so nice and safe. I still wish that I lived just a few blocks in that direction, but I don't, but still, I have to say, we have a nice little house with hardwood floors and fertile soil and a lot of charm. The wood floors are pretty and help with the allergies. And once we are inside, I do feel reasonably safe. There have not been any home invasions in our neighborhood, and our house does not look 'fancy' enough to be a target. I do feel, however, that better fencing is going to be my next financial priority. And after that, AC or air purifiers. I am choosing to be grateful for these blessings and the new clarity of my priorities.

 

And our home has two serious things wrong with it that prevent us from selling it and moving. We do not have the bandwidth or money to address them at this point--one is quite large. DH is working 1 1/2 jobs and I work fulltime and homeschool. We do church volunteer work as well.

 

I have to wait on this one. It's a season. I can wait.

 

Usually I kind of skate on all this and rise above it, but the burglaries in our block have taken me down into the mire.

 

Why do I forget to pray for equilibrium??? Why, why, why?

 

Thanks for listening, I'm sure I will be fine by tomorrow.

 

I am fixing what I can, God is helping me to rise above what I can't change, and I'm very aware that I am better off than many and I should take comfort in my blessings and in His provision.

 

Thank you all, again, so much!

[Pip]

I don't know where you are, but I know of what you speak. We were there during the housing crash in the '90's. We were in Rosamond at the time. Unincorporated Kern County was the pits. Grafitti everywhere, cars on blocks. Now I hear people want to go there because Palmdale/Lancaster/Quartz Hill are getting so bad. Our neighborhood in QH is going downhill fast.

 

DH loved it there. I tolerated it until I had kids and drove around with thme during the day and wondered, is this what I want for them? Our Country Supervisor said between the prison and the parole board sending people our way so they could be in LA County and still be far away from their victims, there was really no hope (downside of the 3 strikes law).

 

I feel. feel. feel for you. Our salvation from the situation was dh getting transferred with a great relocation package. We'd still be there otherwise.

 

My nephew works for Google and lives in the Bay Area. Loves it. Amazing how making enough money can make you not see what the average joe see.s and lives with.

[Colleen in NS]

I am fixing what I can, God is helping me to rise above what I can't change, and I'm very aware that I am better off than many and I should take comfort in my blessings and in His provision.

 

Thank you all, again, so much!

 

:grouphug: You are so encouraging! I could learn from your attitude.

[Ellie]

I know right where Blossom Valley is. BC I worked in that area, and I still use the Kaiser there. It's a pretty good area, lots of kids around all the time.

::sniff:: I miss that Kaiser!

 

Yes, we enjoyed living in Blossom Valley (even though most people, including folks who live there, seem to be totally oblivious to the fact that it is called "Blossom Valley" and not "Blossom Hill" :D).

[st_claire]

Have you considered getting a big dog? Great way to prevent break ins, and you daughter can go anywhere she wants with him watching out for her.

[Carol in Cal.]

Have you considered getting a big dog? Great way to prevent break ins, and you daughter can go anywhere she wants with him watching out for her.

 

DD loves animals. But I am violently allergic to dogs, so we can't.

[laughing lioness]

:grouphug:We used to live in SoCA with lots of break-ins and transients looking through our windows. I'm so sorry you are feeling the pressure of where you are living!

We now live in the wilds of Dakota territory on a lovely 10 acres and it's so isolated and wind-blown I could go mad. Sometimes I look back on our SoCA days with longing!! lol!!

I hope that the stress eases for you soon. All the best as you make the most of where you are at! :grouphug:

[Margo out of lurking]

Carol, glad you are feeling better right now. Interesting reading through the thread, as I grew up in San Jose, by Campbell and Westgate Mall. I moved, oh, I hate to count this high, in 1983...

[DawnM]

So sorry Carol.

 

We moved out of SoCal 4 years ago. I miss it so much but this is the sort of thing (like you are talking about) that DH keeps bringing up as to why he doesn't want to move back.

 

Dawn

[Carol in Cal.]

So sorry Carol.

 

We moved out of SoCal 4 years ago. I miss it so much but this is the sort of thing (like you are talking about) that DH keeps bringing up as to why he doesn't want to move back.

 

Dawn

 

I still am surprised sometimes by how close together the very good and very bad neighborhoods are. We are in the border between the two, although I had thought that we were at the edge of the very good when we purchased our home. We are neither poor nor rich, but I would say that we are decently well off, kind of medium. It makes me feel badly for complaining, because as a Christian I know how many people around here are far more poorly off than we are.