All the Mini Wheats must be turned frosting side up and arranged with military precision across the bottom of the cereal bowl.

Okay, I'm assuming you're posting to get different points of view. From mine, "He would HATE going to a class like that (he's pretty introverted)" and "I do a horrible job" and Over-the-top reactions to little, inexplicable things are absolutely characteristic of my dds who are on and right-next-to the spectrum. They both have a lot of anxiety over things that seem simple and obvious to me. But I wouldn't have ever understood what I was seeing in one dd if I hadn't experienced the same behavior, expressed more obviously, from the other. So, my perspective probably has nothing to do with yours. But I'd at least take seriously the possibility that for whatever reason this may really not be easy for him. How are his coordination and motor planning in general?

I love this idea! Lovely and distinctive, with a family connection.

Sorry; that's pretty grim. This thread is reminding me of some very difficult times. Honestly, though, maybe that knowledge can be of some service to your family. Your FIL will need help. I know this is not really under your control, but I hope you can persuade BIL and FIL.

You may already be aware of this, but frequently normal circadian rhythm vanishes at some point in the course of dementia. So another thing to point out to FIL would be that just because she's down for the night doesn't mean that she's staying down. I think one of the very hardest things for us was the fact that Mom slept only in catnaps. Other people can't cope without several hours of solid sleep. Think of having a newborn, who can walk and turn on the stove. And who has terrifying delusions which cause them to want to escape.

Check out Temple Grandin's new book, The Loving Push. It's all about getting kids and young adults on the spectrum launched.

There are some visiting physician practices for the elderly and /or disabled. They can be a godsend in this situation. It's worth looking around.

I've been wracking my brain for the title of a very practical and helpful book I once read. It was written by a woman who had been deeply involved with an English home for seniors with dementia, and talked about a lot of small coping and management techniques. One was targeted at the spouse-who-isn't-allowed-to-get-away syndrome. She suggested identifying a signal or word or phrase which would explain the absence in a very familiar, accepted way. Just what this was might vary with the individuals, but I remember she mentioned one man who had always carried the newspaper off to the bathroom with him. So, when he needed to leave, he'd pick up the paper, wave it in a suggestive way at his wife, and head off, and she'd be comfortable in the assumption that nothing threatening was connected with his absence from the room. I wish I could remember the name or author of the book. It was older, maybe eighties or even seventies, and not medically focused at all, but had a wealth of compassionate wisdom on handling the daily difficulties. The author had gotten her start in this area by looking after her own mother, I think. Maybe someone else knows it.

As a quick solution to finding someone, Comfort Keepers or similar companies were what we used. Longer term, we advertised, checked references, etc. Our best luck was with word-of-mouth recommendations. Be really, really careful about anyone off Craigslist. Despite checking all references, we had a couple of dicey experiences.

Regarding the gradual change, I think that can be very helpful. The "system" I mentioned had started as weekly help with cleaning, and progressed to several times per week help with personal care by the time we had the conversation about live-in care.

I think, if there is a suitable person, this is a good suggestion. With my own parents, there came a point when I simply said "I took Mom to the doctor today, Dad, and Dr. Whatsit said this isn't working anymore. X is getting worse, and nothing we are able to do under the present system can change that. Is it going to be a nursing home or live-in help?" But my father was a realist. It's never easy. Hugs.

((Hugs)) Could you help him pursue a diagnosis?

So, when he asks for financial help... Are you giving it? This is hard. I mean, we talk about kids, and ask what their "currency" is when we try to decide how to motivate them. He sounds like he is willing to accept homelessness rather than working as, say, a cook, or in any of these other boring but useful jobs he's had. So, is he having to accept that those decisions lead to homelessness, (presumably) no video game access, and other assorted discomforts? Or are you (understandably) having a hard time letting his decisions lead inevitably in that direction, and coming through with financial help? I'm currently reading Temple Grandin's new book. The Loving Push, which is about nudging teens and young adults who are on the spectrum toward independence. It might be worth a look for you. There is a chapter on the tendency aspie guys have toward video game addiction. I wonder if CBT might be useful in helping him recognize the errors in his patterns of thought. Hugs. What a tough spot. Editing to add that I hope the above doesn't sound too heartless, or like I don't understand what a very difficult spot you are in, whether or not you help support him.

Thank you, that's very helpful. I guess I'll need to find someone who knows the system.

Ouch-- hadn't thought of APs. She definitely wants them.

Yes, she's hoping to do that with math.

I don't think we'd typically have eight subjects per year in the traditional system, though. I remember it as pretty much four years of English, math, history, science, and a foreign language: 4 x 5. Though some kids would only take three years of math, or two or three of a foreign language, and those "spaces" left room for electives.

Okay, thanks, I'm glad to hear that. My biggest concern is just skills not being taught for, essentially, 2/3 of the year. I can see handling content subjects this way more easily, somehow. But I'm glad this can work well.

Any experiences you want to share? Dd14 has just had her orientation for 9th grade at public school. We apparently didn't fully understand what they meant by block scheduling when we registered her last spring. They do four courses per semester, each meeting for ninety minutes each day, Monday through Friday. But this means that, once gym and electives are added into the mix, core subjects like math and English aren't taught to each student each semester. Even with foreign languages, there seems to be no guarantee that a student will receive two consecutive semesters of instruction, though the teacher said they try to do that. So dd has no English in her schedule. Second semester courses won't be assigned until much later, so she can't tell if she'll be able to have math all year, or just the first semester. She also can't tell if she'll be able to have any science, or if she'll be able to continue her foreign language. I know college courses only run for a semester, so maybe this will be fine. But I'm worried that, in this model, skills like writing and math end up only being taught for one semester out of the entire year. Is this adequate? I mean, obviously, some students will do fine and others will really need year-round instruction. But it seems inadequate to me. I think, in high school, those skills are still being learned, and the needs are fundamentally different from college students' needs. How do they have enough time to cover a year's worth of material, and enough practice to really cement skills? Can one really cover, say, as much English lit in one semester as one can in a year? Can one really write as many papers? Or retain as much math if they only have math from September through December, and then not any more until next September? Please tell me this is really going to work. :-( (Actually, please just tell me what you think and have experienced.)

Yes, we're doing it with an 11 year old dd. It has been very helpful.

You might want to move on to Freckles, and check out Gene Stratton-Porter's other books. I went through a long phase of hunting out her books. :-)

In my own experience, once the shutdown happens, we pretty much need to wait it out. Here it's a reaction to stress. It's a physiological response, not volitional. So the key is avoiding it to begin with, and it sounds like you're on the right track there. The best answer I've found is to make sure my dd experiences success early and often. Talking a lot about how mistakes are part of learning and to be expected is a longer-term strategy. I try to talk out loud about my own mistakes, the fact that they can be frustrating, but also demonstrating that they aren't the end of the world. It sounds like you're volunteering in a classroom, rather than the parent of this child? I hope he's had full evaluations. It's possible to address this more systematically, but might involve behavioral therapy or medication to help lower the anxiety. I hate to think of a kid continuing to experience failure across all his classes in the way you describe.

The Gregor Demarkian mystery series tends to be focused on specific seasons.

She sounds like a fantastic kid with lots of strong skills. When I asked about her interests for the future, I guess I was following the same thought process I have with my own dd. There are so many choices about where to put time and energy, and it's impossible to do all the therapy, all the academic work, all the social skills training that I'd like. So I'm constantly making choices which are grounded on an understanding of what she's most likely to need. And I'm second-guessing myself constantly. So questions like "does she need to be on a college-prep path, or is vocational school going to be more appropriate?" are very much in the forefront of my mind, and they inform my decisions about whether to spend time on, say, writing history papers, or on volunteering in a work setting connected to her special interest instead. You don't need to provide that sort of information here, but that's the thought process I'd follow in trying to decide whether to keep on struggling with spelling. I'd also probably be wanting a firm diagnosis if there was any chance of getting it and if it might open doors to help. Many, many hugs and best wishes.

...poof... As for ABA, I don't know about qualifying for it without a firm diagnosis-- that does add a wrinkle. But have you tried googling your location with "ABA", or asking your pediatrician for a referral? (Forgive me if I'm stating the obvious and you've done all this; it's just how we got connected). We made contact with the ABA provider first, and they were very familiar with the FAPT system for securing funding. No one else had mentioned FAPT to me. I'm sure there are variations by county, but it might be worth a try.