OhElizabeth, thanks, yes we absolutely need ABA, but we already know they never provide it. I personally do not have high hopes for what we'll get, but dh wants to try, and he may turn out to be right, who knows. AFA speech goes, we'll just have to see what they say. And, of course, see what dd says! Because if the problem's not just a slight speech impediment, but a refusal to speak based on social anxieties and ASD, that's a bit different. And mentioning the interventions we have done-- thank you! Yes, you're right, that is something I can show.

That's helpful, thanks. Yes, we've been working our way through Wrightslaw. Somehow we'd missed the bit about RTI, though. Clearly we have a lot to learn.

Thanks, texasmama and OneStep. I'll spend some time reading that link.

We're in Virginia, and we have made the request in writing. Reading more, it sounds like they do have the right to do the RTI first, and they probably want the grades because they want some sort of baseline to see if the interventions are making a difference. I still don't understand the request to talk to the ped. Yeah, I'm getting the strong feeling that all this will be more trouble than it's worth, but if we can get them to provide speech therapy it could potentially be a significant help. That's a very big "if" right now. Twice before she's simply refused to speak enough to get evaluated accurately... that may be the intersection between autism and speech issues.

We've got a meeting Friday morning with the team from the school dd10 used to attend. After getting her ASD diagnosis we've been exploring all options for therapy and possibly re-enrollment, so talking to the school and seeing what they could or would provide seemed like an obvious step. One thing we know she needs is speech therapy, for example, and we'd like them to do a general evaluation with the goal of seeing what therapy they would provide and what accommodations they'd make. I've given them exhaustive information on the testing she's already been through and the autism evaluation. They say they want us to sign a release so they can talk to her pediatrician. I can't figure out why they'd need to do so. They responded, vaguely, about "standard questions." On the one hand, we've got no reason they shouldn't talk to the ped, so I could sign. On the other hand, it just sounds like overstepping. They've already got her diagnosis report, an educational psych report from the year before, a report from an SLP, two years of standardized testing, and copies of her schoolwork. So, questions: 1. Is asking to talk to a pediatrician standard? Any idea what they might want? 2. They also claim they do not have to do an evaluation based just on our request for one, which we have given them in writing. They say the team will decide with us, and they may want to try interventions first. I'm not even sure how they could do interventions on a homeschooled student, but I guess we'll see. The phrase used is RTI, or "response to intervention." Is this right? 3. Finally, they want me to provide them with her grades. I told them I haven't kept track of grades. It isn't required here, I know her strengths and weaknesses very well, and the last thing my anxious perfectionist dd needs is to know I'm grading her work. So, is this a standard requirement, and will the fact that I don't have any record of grades cause trouble? This school thing is sounding like more trouble than it's worth, and we haven't even started yet... :glare: Teaching this kid myself hasn't been easy, but I'm beginning to remember why I've been doing it. But finding out if they can help seems like the responsible thing to do... I think. :sad:

Isabel, that shopping list idea is brilliant! :lol: That's one I'm going to steal. eta: Here, I wouldn't say "I won't buy it unless...", I'd just say "If you write what you want on the list I can remember to get it." But that's with my kid. :001_smile:

I will agree with Jilly and bluedarling that if a kid is entrenched in the writing battle, dropping it for a bit might be the right approach. We actually did that with reading for a while (not long-- a couple of months over a summer) because engaging in a battle of wills was not productive with this kid. After a summer off, and resuming with material which was rewarding for her, she became and remains my eager reader. And a lot depends on what the kid actually can do. In our case, I knew she could write, it was just difficult and unpleasant for her. So we did a lot of copywork, a very little bit at a time (and I really do mean very little: I'd give a reward for one word if this is a major issue), and just now when she is ten are we starting to have her write her own ideas. I do not anticipate that she's going to love writing, but at this point she isn't melting down over handwriting mistakes, and at seven she absolutely was.

I don't want to derail your thread, but I'm confused. Our neuropsych told us to apply for disability for our dd with ASD, but when I talked to the SSI people on the phone they said our assets (home, some investments, not really that much) meant she would not be eligible. Does SSI actually "declare" kids are disabled without providing any assistance in these cases? Is this something that varies from state to state? And might that designation get her some non-monetary help?

My dd with ASD hates writing, too, and she's also a very stubborn perfectionist. With her, what has helped are: very consistent expectations that she will write *something*; minimal initial expectations of *how much* she will write, with gradually increasing requirements; and consistently-delivered rewards for meeting expectations. When she has anxiety or perfectionism problems, I figure the hardest thing is getting her started and giving her some initial success and confidence. So I start her off with something ridiculously easy that I know she can do, and build up gradually. Sometimes it's a long journey before we get to what I consider age-appropriate work, but it's what she needs. Does he refuse to write anything at all for you, or is he refusing in specific situations? For example, would he do copy work if he doesn't have to think of things to say? And what motivates him? Can you use his special interest to provide subject matter or a reward?

Thank you. It's been a rough week.

Thanks, all. I'll talk to the funeral home about getting a room and some coffee and appetizers.

Deceased was not a churchgoer. Heck, I hadn't even thought about a gathering until someone suggested it. No doubt I should have. That means another drive, I guess, to figure this out.

Deceased lived in/near town A for many years, until health problems forced a move near adult child. His friends, many elderly, live in/around town A, and both children live within day-trip driving distance of it, though for one it's a stretch. The funeral will be held in A to accommodate friends. Would you expect some sort of reception after the funeral under these circumstances? Neither adult child lives close enough to host it, and while a restaurant is a possibility, one child needs to leave promptly for a long drive home. An in-law has suggested that a gathering is expected.

I would be beyond livid, and would definitely report the threat. How awful! :mad: It would also make me wonder if they've tried that line with anyone else. Some elderly folks, living alone, could be seriously frightened.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

How would he feel about "keeping it small-scale" with a group of like-minded people: i.e., a co-op?

Okay, thanks, I didn't know about DSW or that Crocs had that sort of style. I like the looks of those! I've been having a hard time reconciling her fashion needs with my good-foot-health concerns, but those are on the right track! :-)

Yeah, ballet flats may be what we do. We've looked at some of those places. I just still feel that "must take good care of their feet! Must have arch support!" Compulsion, and the ballet flats have none of that.

Dd 12 needs shoes, and we're having a hard time reaching agreement here. She's assembled a lovely and inexpensive wardrobe over the last few months shopping at thrift shops. She has used her own money, dresses tastefully and classically, and I've been surprised and delighted with her choices. But, she's not wearing jeans. She's usually wearing a skirt, knit top and sweater. This is relatively new for her. For shoes she's been wearing a pair of black pumps which were purchased for her to use in a character dance class. I never intended her to use them this much once the class ended, but she needed something in a hurry last summer for a funeral and they were the most appropriate ones she had. Now, with her new wardrobe, they look great, but they're getting too small, and I think the heels are a bit too high for everyday use (about1 1/2"). I'd like to replace them with something well-made, lower, with a good arch support, but not too expensive. She's going to outgrow new ones fairly soon at this rate. Where would you go for this? She's outgrown children's sizes. When I look at good adult shoes they're just so expensive. I guess I'd consider $40 reasonable, but I can't see spending $100. We've already tried the thrift shops without success.

We are in a similar position of considering what the school can offer after we got an ASD diagnosis. I don't have much to offer as advice but can say the school staff was perfectly welcoming when I called to ask about the process. One book I've just ordered is Wrightslaw: From Emotion to Advocacy (hope I've got the title right). It looked like it would have good information on working with the school and getting an appropriate IEP. I think I remember others here mentioning it. Are there any other good resources for this process?

No advice, but hoping it goes well!

I wish I knew how to help. :sad: I really appreciate the fact that you've set the group up, but I'm clueless. All I know is from the row a few months back, that people did expect that posts would be hidden to anyone outside the group and something happened so they weren't. But then I'd thought it had been fixed. Maybe something for Site News and Discussions? :grouphug: Anyway, thank you for starting the group! I'm sure we can work out bugs, and I am really looking forward to some discussions there.

Yes, what's up with this? I just deleted my recent post there because it seemed to be getting more views than it possibly could from the (only ten) members, and then I saw sbgrace's post above. When I am not signed in, I can't see the group, but clearly somehow it's possible. And it would be great if everyone dealing with this could join. I'd love to get some BTDT advice.

Agreeing that it's worth the drive, even if you have to do it repeatedly, to see a good neuropsych. Good luck!

Thanks!