Welcome to the Dialectic Stage. It has it's good parts- but my 13 yr old ds does this same thing. There are days when I could auction him off for just some peace and quiet. Hmmm mmm. But I love him to pieces.

We live in No VA and my dh works at the Capitol. We just went to the spy Museum for the first time last week. It's actually in DC- about 3 blocks from Metro Center (subway stop). We really liked it- especially the extra little 'tour' where you can be a spy and do stuff. It's a bit expensive- $20/person approx. but well worth it. Considering that almost all the other museums are free in town, I'd go if I was a visitor. The Capitol Visitors Center is great. There are now hardly any lines to get into the Capitol and the tour is great! My husband just LOVES the building as it's so historical. Try to see the Library of Congress- absolutely beautiful building. You can arrange with your rep to get tickets for a White House tour. Quite fun and there is now a WH Visitors center. The air and space museum near Dulles is a great experience if you like planes and such. Free entrance but the parking is $12. If I had the time, I wouldn't miss Mt. Vernon or even Monticello- Monticello would be a day trip to Charlottesville, VA. Gorgeous drive . There is NOTHING like VA in the Spring time. There are usually serveral concerts going on around- free. check the websites for the military bands. In the summer, there are 3 or 4 a week at the various monuments. I hear the new Newseum is amazing. You can spend a whole day there. It has an entrance fee. It's downtown near Constitution or Independence Ave. Don't miss the WWII, Vietnam, Korean War and Roosevelt memorials. They're close to each other and you can walk- but it IS some walking. It's fun to go to those at night. The tour buses and Duck tours are good for an all-around overview of the city. Don't miss Arlington Cemetary, Ford's Theater and Folger Theater (Shakespeare- if that would be of interest. It's near the Supreme Court so you can see it while you're on the Hill) If you come during cherry blossom time, you'll have to take Metro. The place is packed down by the Tidal Basin. One time when I couldn't drive around because of the traffic, we scooted up Mass. Ave (Embassy Row) and saw cherry blossoms at the National Cathedral. The grounds there are beautiful and the tour is great. Check out the Herb cottage shop on the grounds. Getting a kids book about the city is fun and I've learned new things from those. There is just SO much to do. We've been here 15 years and still haven't seen it all. I hope you enjoy it. You could make it the highlight of your American Government study! That's what I've done when we've traveled- make it teaching focus. Blessings on you.

You don't need to feel guilty about needing time for yourself. Since we're with our kiddos 24/7, it becomes more precious to us than the mom who sends hers out the door in the morning to the schoolbus. For my mental health (and for their benefit, as well), no one was allowed to leave their rooms in the morning until 8 AM- unless they had to run to the potty. AND then go back to their room. :001_smile: In the afternoons, when the little ones needed naps, the older ones had quiet time. It usually went somewhere between 1 and 3 PM. I needed time to veg/read/nap/get things done. They could only come to me if there was an emergency - I like the 'blood or smoke' reference! I told mine the same thing. :001_smile:There were times when I worked with the older two (twins) on some schoolwork during that afternoon 'quiet time'. I appreciate that my wonderful hubby knew that I needed quiet, uninterrupted, alone time. He didn't shy away from diapers, meal prep, reading to them, playing with them (actually he did this more than I did), putting them to bed.....etc so, I didn't feel like all the kid duty/care was on my shoulders. He could tell what needed to be done and just did it. He didn't need an invitation! When the twins were little, we started the habit that I'd go OUT for several hours on Saturday mornings- usually garage sale-ing! He got to make breakfast and have fun with them. He missed them during the week. I still go out on Sat. mornings occaisionally and it's a great break even with older kids. You can set up a schedule/parameters that work for your family. The hard thing is making everyone comply with it. Set up clear expectations and consequences for potential violations. A line my dh still uses is: "We only ask you to do loving and reasonable things." It's not beyond their capabilities. Get your husband on your team and call a family meeting and tell the kids that there are going to be a few changes. They can handle it. Sorry I rambled on so long. Blessings on you.

I'd qualify it to add the prepositional phrase the pm asked for: No le pegues en la cara.

Wow- you've been busy and I'm impressed. I used to do this when ALL our kids were in the elementary/middle school ages and we ran to soccer/music practice a lot. It sure saves time, doesn't it? Did you find the BPA-free bags at the grocery store? I'll have to hunt for them.

Your description is hilarious. As a musician, too, we've encountered a few bad performances here and there. :tongue_smilie: Since she identifies herself as a 'Christian' rocker, you could say they were making a 'joyful noise' and God knows their heart. No need to comment on the technical aspects. Ugghhhh- it sounds awful and I admire you for staying as long as you did!

He is a KEEPER ! So glad for you.

My dh was the class clown and 3 of our 4 boys git the job description, too. Fun, fun, fun BUT tiring when you're trying to drill or teach a new concept. I look at it that there could be WORSE things.

See if your sister will read and take this Mosaic Assessment test. It might open her eyes. https://www.mosaicmethod.com/

I haven't read all the responses you've received but this is my suggestion as well. He already MADE the choice to be a husband and father and now he needs to follow through. Reassure him that he's not the only guy to feel this way and you're not asking him to deny himself EVERYTHING he likes/wants to do, just that he can't detach himself and go back on his commitment. Is there an older man in his life that can mentor/encourage him. Is he around other young fathers at all?

Just tell them straight ON what you've decided. You are adults, it's YOUR family and YOUR budget. It's their choice if they get their nose out of whack. I'm sure you've expressed your appreciation through the years for their generousity but it's just not the same situation for you all (we're in the same boat and don't spend lots on Christmas presents). You can reassure your parents that you're not being disrespectful or mean, you're just living within your means. I admire you for tackling this in August and letting everyone get used to the idea. :grouphug:

I didn't read the other replies but...... with a houseful of kiddos, it takes constant vigilence- like every other day. I assigned the kids to takes turns. I put a 3X5 card on the inside of the vanity door and wrote down the 'jobs'....what exactly constituted a clean bathroom....and I inspected it. Sometimes the bathroom cleaner had to return and re-do. It's a LOT of oversight at FIRST, but once they get it and you enforce what CLEAN means, it will get easier. And yes, there were consequences for not completing the task properly- after a decent learning curve. I know it's easier to do it yourself, at first, but they need to learn and contribute. I hope it gets better.

How reassuring ! You are to be commended for the long haul you've already made and the diligence with which you've helped your children grow and learn. I really admire you. Hearing those words from the ped must have been wonderful. Happy for you. Keep at it. God knows what little gems you're raising and He put them with the perfect Momma!

My middle boys are 23 mths apart. I had weaned the older one 6 wks before the due date as it was just getting HARD to nurse a toddler around a BIG belly. I didn't really experience any pain nursing during the pg. As soon as we brought the baby home, our older son clamored to nurse again and was jealous of the baby. So, I jumped in and we did this for 3 months when the older one naturally weaned himself again. Because the new baby was voracious and large (and rarely satisfied- thus nursing a LOT), I limited the toddler to naptime and bedtime and he always nursed on the same side. I HAD to depend on a steady supply for the baby while the toddler learned to repeat after Mommy- "You're a big boy now and you can drink cold milk from the refridgerator". We knew the emotional need was great for him when the new baby showed up and were willing to go as long as he needed the comfort. My dh was VERY supportive and helpful. He's amazing.

How great that you can train them at the same time! My twins are B/G and were ready at different times. Waaayyyyyy different times! :) Get lots of sleep tonight but otherwise you sound good to go! Hope it all goes well.

We'd LOVE to go to your church!

:grouphug: We've had a season of challenges like you. I'm sorry. It's NO fun. The best remedy for me is the old-fashioned "Count your Blessings one by one" - that old song. There have even been times when I've written down all that God has done for us- for the general revealed blessings (salvation, His constant presence, etc....) to the personal blessings (wonderful dh, 5 children, employment, the fact that the septic issue didn't turn out to be a $5K repair but only a minor, but VERY frustrating repair and a church where we can fellowship and learn at, etc...) It doesn't make the hard stuff go away but it helps me to keep an eye on the 'big' picture , as God sees it all, and I'm able to rest in His sovereignty. Hope it will get better for all of you. Blessings to you.

:iagree::iagree: Katherine has said it very articulately. Kudos!

:grouphug: to you....lots to be working through. So glad your dh is supportive, loving and aware. If you think the kids could be in danger w/o you supervising visits, the heat you'll get from her won't be anywhere near the heartache you'll experience if something goes awry when they're alone with her. Grieving- It's hard to face the fact that you may never have had or will have the kind of mother you needed. Grief is not a linear function- it goes in cycles. Give yourself time and space to experience it. Identifying - You can do some research and see if any of the Cluster B diagnoses mental disorders fit her. Try this:http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec07/ch105/ch105a.html Reading - You could probably (!) write a book, but may I suggest a few that really helped me? The Mom Factor by Townsend/Cloud Boundaries by Townsend/Cloud Blessings on you! :grouphug:

Why are they coming with their own 'rules'. Good grief- whose house is it anyway? Yours or theirs? and WHY are they coming when it's inconvenient for you? Boundary lines, my friend.

I sent you a PM.

I have a few letters that ought to be written to very difficult family members. Want to earn some extra $? I like your style!

We think we have an ideal situation. Our street has 2, 3 and 5 acre lots. So, you can 'have' neighbors as much as you want. We have great neighbors but there aren't that many kids. Just recently, though, two families moved in with 3/4 boys, respectively. They are great families and it provides someone for our ds to hang with when he wants. There are lots of tight, new neighborhoods a few miles away that I detest. You can easily see into each other's kitchen windows and cul-de-sacs are magnets for zillions of kids to play in. Not our cup of tea. We can see the farm across the street, hear the cows and yes- smell the manure. But, we wouldn't trade anywhere, even if we could.

I'm so happy for all of you that have good relationships with your mother. Mine doesn't like the way we live, holds grudges and is very negative. For my part, I made a choice a number of years ago that I would no longer tolerate her constant criticism of our choices (family size, faith, homeschooling, conservative views) and diminished contact. Thankfully, we live on opposite sides of the country. She has strengths, is intelligent but was badly damaged by an abusive father, my selfish father and has poor communication skills. Even though we have made herculean efforts to lure her into relationship with our family, her intense introverted personality and dislike of our lifestyle keeps her away. I make sure, through my two sisters, that she has what she needs. She's a retired ESL professor, active in her community and in fairly good health. My two college-aged sons visited her last week (while on vacation). I'll be curious to hear the details of their visit when they return. It has taught me to work diligently to maintain good communication with our adult children, try to understand their point of view and offer encouragement. They know we're on their 'team' and want them to experience success. I don't always like their choices but will NEVER reject them.

We were in a troop years ago that sounds like yours... we eventually DID leave and found one that had better leadership, a proven track record and committed families. All three of our older boys got their Eagles through this great troop. It's great that you are working with your son on his behaviour. He will sense your loyalty to him and know that you're on his team. But, it will be hard for him to stand 'alone' in those high standards. Will he have the fortitude to do that? Can he do the right thing if he's the only one? At 14, and looking back on our boys, it was hard for mine to do this. I would sit down with the scoutmaster(s) and analyze the troop culture, comparing it to the ideal scouting atmosphere. Are the leaders committed to whole-hearted change? Would parents back them up? Bring in a district leader to facilitate this. If you think it's a losing battle, then hunt for a better troop. I'm sure there's one somewhere nearby. All the while, emphasizing to your son that he's NOT off the hook and better behaviour is expected everywhere and at all times. Our youngest should be getting his Star soon and we talked over the summer that now he's one of the older 'guys' (at 13!-cracks me up but there is a huge group of 11 yr olds) and needs to set an example for them. I hope you find a solution soon. Scouting is worth the efforts you will make.