THAT is hilarious! I am going to remember that description as we have a family member - sil- who fits this PERFECTLY. :lol:

:bigear:

Have you ever seen any great ideas for decor, program, music etc for a Missions Conference at your church? Would love to hear what you think works well !

Most definitely. My mother much prefers my middle sister (I'm the oldest) as their philosophy and politics line up. She calls me names to my sisters and ignores our children. It used to bother me more, but I've moved on and God has provided substitutes over the years. I also have a WONDERFUL hubby. It's actually HER loss- my kids are great and she doesn't know them.

I'm SO happy for you that your ped has been such a great doc. Glad to hear he is carefully assessing the facts and looking for the best remedy for your ds. While he may not agree with your approach, he is being respectful and working within your parameters. (If only MY family would think like that!) Blessings on you, swellmomma. You get a gold star for your perseverence and the love you have for your son.

I completely:iagree: with this. I should have counted how many times I sent certain children to their room and not come out until they had a smile on their face and were willing/able to speak respectfully to the rest of the family or me. It did wonders. Being told they weren't 'welcome' to interact with the rest of us until they did stopped them in their tracks. Not being wanted/welcome was a huge punishment for our kiddos. When they did emerge from their room, with a smile :D, they were welcomed with open arms and a hug.

I don't mean to be nosey- but your husband needs to lay down the LAW with his mother. She needs to keep her negative opinions to HERSELF. And he should draw some very clear lines and put consequences in place. She is WAY over the top. I'm sorry you're having to hear this drivel. He should insist on her respecting you.

THIS.... Yes, it can go back to what it was 'before'....depends on what 'before' was like, I suppose. We had some bumpy times with each of our 3 older sons- backtalking, surliness, disrespectful attitudes,restrictions, priveleges removed, LONNNGGGG wordy conversations (sometimes loud ones)- those are draining, apologies and forgiveness offered....somewhere around 20/21/22 they woke up and we've got those sweet young boys/men again.... It's not always fun. Just keep at it- be consistent, be on the same page with your dh (compromise is sometimes necessary) and ALWAYS keep praying for God's guidance. We now have an almost 14 yr old ds- already I can tell the coming years will be better as HE is a much better communicator than his older brothers. And he has wiser parents. :001_smile:

THIS is what I would be concerned about. After this current issue is resolved and blows over, I'd address this. Especially since you two have your own children. These issues will definitely appear again when yours get older, if they haven't already. You should be on the same page. Read a parenting book, take a class, do something to cultivate this conversation. I've known lots of men who take a lazy attitude about discipline and personal responsibility because they just frankly don't realize they are supposed to lead and train their children. Someone needs to explain to him the natural consequences of permissive parenting. It doesn't do children ANY favors. Believe me. (PS- there are lots of resources mentioned on this board that would be helpful) You're stradding a fence, being the step-mom, and I hope this young man realizes how fortunate he is that you care and want the best for him. Blessings on you! :grouphug:

I subbed today for our Precept Isaiah class..... I left my 14 ds home with his school list and some chores. He had done all of them by the time I got home and even asked how the class went!! I got several spontaneous hugs and kisses from him and we didn't have any meltdowns when we checked the algebra. That's a change for the better. Besides that, he's darn cute. He's my joy boy. :)

From Parrothead: That little exchange you described about school is IMO disrespectful mouthing off. It was nothing but a loosing situation for you from the moment your son questioned your authority. If it were me starting at the ages you are, I'd get tough. Structure, structure, structure. Every moment of the day occupied and scheduled. Up at 6am and lights out at 8pm. Lots of physical activity. Lots of mental activity. Everything out of the house that isn't a need - food, bed, clothing. Privileges and possessions have to be earned back. Your dh needs to step up and demand from the boys proper behavior toward his wife. You need to demand proper respect as their mother. Make it unpleasant to be mouthy. Stop asking or suggesting. Tell them to do what you want them to do and expect it to be done without arguing on their end. Divise appropriate consequences and follow through. They will fight you every step of the way. You'll have to find it in you to hold on until you get to the other side. Dh too. Don't back down, don't give up. This is too important. Check your family's diet. No sugar, no food dyes, no additives. Very basic of meals with as whole foods as you can manage. Lots of water, lots of apples, bananas and raisins for snacks. Go ahead and get it into your head that it will be exhausting to do this. Find a counselor not attached to your church. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Great advice here. I've enboldened the ones I've thought were especially good. I have found 2 great counselors by calling Focus on the Family and asking for referrals. Then, I called them and interviewed them on the phone BEFORE we went. You and your dh MUST be on the same page. When my dh told one of our sons that ds will not be disrespecting his wife, and if he did, the consequences would be very severe, our son woke up and took notice. And his behavior improved. Ask family/friends to PRAY for you about specific things. This is where little old ladies and prayer warriors from your church can make an investment in your family.

:iagree: This is VERY good advice. May I suggest two resources: The Young Peacemaker series:http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.958199/k.AFBE/Young_Peacemaker.htm We used these workbooks with two of our boys who were having difficulty getting along. Instructions in Righteousness:http://www.doorposts.com/details.aspx?id=15 This is my favorite book. I've given it at many a baby shower....it has proven itself invaluable to helping us define terms and set standards. I hope things get better for your family. :grouphug:

I'm so sorry you have gone through so much.....I agree with a pp- your dh is a strong and wise man. We also have had a break in family relationships - dysfunctional ways of interacting with each other. It's painful and one must grieve the loss of an ideal. Grieving takes TIME. Lots of TIME. And support from loved ones. Since my mother wanted NOTHING to do with being a grandmother, I had to get over it and find a substitute. Nothing will ever replace the ideal I had of her actually liking my children, caring about them and initiating relationships with them but what God provided was better than NOTHING. And I became grateful for what we did have. It became a sweet influence in their lives. Reconcilation is the rejoining of two changed people/parties. They are not like they used to be. This means they have to acknowledge the faults from before and change. It's hard and doesn't happen easily. Since my mother will never think she's done anything wrong or want to change, true reconciliation will never take place. Civil interaction is all I can expect. Have you heard of the Boundaries books? What about The Mom Factor? I'll bet your library has them. Mine does. They were both SO VERY helpful to me to cope with the loss and hurt. Here's a hug....hope you have someone you trust you can confide IRL. :grouphug:

I SO agree. :iagree: The National Anthem should be a set-aside piece that is not stylized or changed. Let it stand for what it is. Her interpretation is typical for the US music industry- "me, me me". I hope the NFL will do a better job finding someone to sing it next year. Something like this: :) or this: :)

Thank you for such a descriptive explanation. I understand it much better now.

She sounds immature and not experienced. I'd let it go from this point on- you've made your point. This is a topic I would NEVER discuss outside our own bedroom or with my doctor. If a couple was seeing a counselor, then it would be appropriate, as well. It would remain private as these kind of un-called for comments would inevitibly pop up. I would want to protect my relationship and show my dh the utmost respect. By the way, your dh sounds like a fine man. Mine is similar in that he makes sacrifices for me, too.

Completely :iagree: Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

:bigear:

Anybody watch "Spooks"? It's british, I think. Is it on Netflix?

This very issue was discussed on Challies.com this past summer in regards to Stonewall Jackson- very provocative discussion. Even the patriarchs stumbled/messed up. Some did horrible things - ie: Abraham's passing Sarai/his wife off as his sister to save his own skin, David commiting murder and adultery, Jacob deceiving his father etc.... As a previous poster noted- every man is need of a Redeemer- no matter what good he may contribute to society and his fellow man

Whining, complaining, grousing, etc....are grounds for removing priveleges at our house. Things are to be done with a cheerful attitude, regardless of how one feels. We memorized Philippians 2:14 -"Do everything without complaining and disputing (arguing) so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God". I think Steve Green had a memory CD for kids that we learned this as a song- easier for all of us to remember. Learning to control oneself is such an important skill. I wanted them to be PLEASANT to work with- both now at home and when they get into the work force. Who wants a spoiled brat to share office space with or be on a committee with? We talked about that kind of thing regularly, when the need arose. As they got older and were able to demonstrate that they could be pleasant, they were allowed to share their feelings more readily if they were RESPECTFUL. It usually was fine but there were times when that privelege was taken away as well for a short time while they were reminded that they CAN say what they think w/o being offensive. Certain words are not allowed, such as "I hate ________, he's a jerk, etc........ If they could say things politely, they could express themselves. Such as:"I prefer NOT to have eat that, instead of I hate ______________. They still had to have a bite of it, but there was no dessert afterwards. These are reasons that parenting is hard work, but you can do it! We're not doing them any favors by spoiling them.

Here are a list of some of the books I recommend when I do this (above) talk at MOPS: For Instructions in Righteousness: http://www.doorposts.com/details.aspx?id=15 Shepharding a Child's Heart: http://www.amazon.com/Shepherding-Childs-Heart-Tedd-Tripp/dp/0966378601/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1296429927&sr=1-1 401 Ways to Get your Kids to Work at Home http://www.amazon.com/Ways-Your-Kids-Work-Home/dp/0312299931/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1296429764&sr=1-1 Hope this is helpful. :)

You've gotten wonderful advice! These things helped us: -EVERYTHING has a place. If there is no more shelf space/cubbyspace etc....no more can be purchased. Same thing with clothing. -EVERYTHING goes back in its place. No TV, videos, computer time until the room is clean. -I'd rotate toys....put some away for a few months and then bring them back out later. Since you don't have much storage, ask someone with a basement to store a box or two for you. We've done that for friends. -Make him do chores and start knowing the value of work. He's old enough to do several things regularly - empty the DW, collect the trash, set the table, put his dishes in the sink, feed the dog, sweep the front porch, clean the bathroom. My 3 yr olds could collect trash and set the table, with help. Our chore charts had pictures on them for years for the kiddos not quite reading. They learned we ALL have to contribute to make things work smoothly and respectfully. There were morning chores, after lunch chores and evening chores....not many, but spaced through the day. School started after chores were completed and inspected. I also had a set amount of time for those chores....dawdling people had to learn how to be efficient. -If you go to church, help him learn about tithing and giving. If you don't , make donating a regular part of his week. There are lots of resources available to teach children about money. We always gave allowance and part of it went to tithing. There are even cute little banks where different portions can be allocated. -If necessary (I needed to do this w/ a stubborn child), make a list of responsibilities/priveleges. If he isn't reading yet, draw pictures. I did. If the resp. weren't taken care of, priveleges were taken away: such as the toys, computer time, legos - whatever is your child's 'currency'. What motivates him? Gratitude is a difficult concept to learn- especially in our entitlement-oriented society. Since I grew up in latin america, I was always aware of poverty and how fortunate I was. My kids didn't have that perspective so I've had to teach it to them. It's easy for kids to 'expect' things. Time to erase THAT idea! Be firm with family if that is where a lot of the junk is coming from. Make sure you and your dh are on the same page, hold your ground and insist on your standards. If they won't, they are disrespecting you. Boundaries. I hope you can see some positive changes soon in your son. He's a blessed little guy that his momma loves him so much that she wants him to be the best he can. You can do it! :)

We built our home 15 years ago. Things we did that we LOVE: A separate schoolroom (bonus room above the garage) Laundry chutes to the main floor Mudroom/Laundry/Sewing room- it's large with a big sunny window - I love it A sink in the garage LOTS of BIG drawers in the kitchen- I hate cabinets and having to crawl in the back of them to retrieve large items Extra windows for a sunny house 3 car+ garage Gas stovetop in kitchen Gas fireplace Double ovens 2-zone heating/cooling system for main floor and upstairs Crown molding in LR and DR Kitchen desk area w/ computer (couldn't live w/o it!) Being able to see the back yard from the kitchen window- I could watch the kids play House is wired for 2 phone lines and computer access- now we have wi-fi Skylights in the schoolroom double sinks in the kids' bathroom and master bath Jucuzzi tub in master bath Entry closet French doors off kitchen eating area to deck Double doors to den from main entry hallway Things we'd do differently: Put the master bedroom on the main floor Finish the basement

LOVE this song....and yes, marriage is a WHOLE lot of work. But, well worth it. We're at 32 years and counting and he's still the best man I know.