In fact, it (the teenager) is a concept that came around at about the same time as the shift in authority - one need only go back to the turn of the century to see. IMO the root of authority within the family is explicitly tied to the concepts of what adulthood and agency are. And the problem is a modern one in the sense that - as you say - in times past, these concepts were defined much differently than what we see today. It's a fascinating thing to study and discuss!

I have some teenage boys. They have a code that I finally cracked. Any objection they present ("I don't know how," "I'll do it after ...," "I didn't hear you ask me," "I thought you were asking someone else," "Huh?" or flat out ignoring the request) really means I DON'T WANT TO AND I DON'T SEE THE POINT OF [it]. Which, fine, okay. You don't have to want to nor do you need to see the point of it. That describes a good half of my responsibilities as a mother and as a homeschooler! And yet stupid, mundane, seemingly pointless things still need to get done. So buck up, boys. What has helped us is to have an equivalent in THEIR world - for most of my boys that is sports, but some also do scouts and one has done a co-op. They've all been in a group situation where someone didn't pull his or her weight. They've all been in a class, camp out or travel tournament with someone who is a slob or smelly. For awhile, my third son was that smelly kid LOL despite my best efforts and weak gag reflex assuring him (it took social pressure). So even if they still think chores are stupid, boring, pointless, or worse - FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO DO - they know really and truly that life doesn't function that way. For me this didn't result in insta-cooperation, but it did re-frame things in their minds which helped overall. Is there a parallel in your kids' lives you can draw them to? What else has helped is for me to present two options, and I'm 100% serious about enforcing them (which is why it's effective). I can do everything around the house by myself, but that leaves no time to chauffeur, to homeschool, or to do the extras I do. Or we can do the many hands makes light work thing and still maintain life as they know it. This was effective because of their extracurricular activities, and become MORE effective as they got older. Why? Because as they each got to driving age, I'd make them chauffeur younger siblings so I'd have time to do ALL THE CHORES myself. It became more desirable to load the dishes while I ran Younger Sib to lacrosse than to take Younger Sib to lacrosse and waste 90 minutes waiting for it to end - missing some social opportunities and even some extracurricular activities of their own. I'm of the passive-aggressive mindset that if you don't know how to do basic common sense actions, you must need extra practice at exercising your common sense. You really "don't know how to" put TP under the sink? Great, that saves me six hours a week of sitting at your baseball practice because surely you can't be quick enough to play the game. Although it's also worth evaluating if you have such specific standards that they've adopted a "why bother?" attitude knowing they'll be corrected or told they're doing it wrong. That's my natural personality so I've had to learn to let little things go - how the TP is stacked, how the towels are folded, etc. Easy to say, harder to do!

I think it's partially tied to the last half-century. We shifted from one model to another, as a society. We're currently operating (in large part, not in totality!) on a model that has transferred authority from the parent to the child. To simplify greatly, for generations children were made to do things they didn't want to do. They weren't asked to do things. They weren't asked their opinions on doing things. It was considered playing one's part and it was a time where it was understood that family needs were collectively met. People would say, "That's just how it was" in accepting their part, however they felt about it. The last half-century or so, children have been granted more empowerment. They're often asked if they'd like to do things. They're opinions are solicited and given great consideration. It's considered acceptable for every person in the family to express displeasure (etc.) even if playing one's part in meeting the family's needs. Add to that a relative secure economy, and people have the LUXURY of hyper-focusing on the wrongs of their childhood - regardless of their personal income, we're not under duress of famine, war, etc. This newer model has pros and cons, both. However you consider it, though, I think it's clear that the transfer of authority has given rise to a confidence and freedom in claiming, owning, and expressing one's honest feelings. And as you say, some never emotionally mature beyond that childish phase of blaming the parents. It truly sums up the trite expression: First World Problem!

I'm still friends with some the exes of my teens. I'm still friends with the high school girlfriend of my 38 year old brother :lol: In my family, we get attached to people. We bring you into the fold from the beginning and it takes something big for us to push you out. We try to be respectful of time and emotions, but ultimately we feel free to maintain a relationship outside of the one that brought us together (if that makes sense? And obviously with the usual disclaimers that it'd be different in cases of abuse, etc.) I think you can, but it'll take some commitment to overcome any initial weirdness as your kids process the break-up and move on to new relationships. It sounds like you're prepared for that, and I hope you guys make it through this hump! Great friends are hard to come by!

The turn this thread has taken fascinates my inner sociologist. I have zero emotional attachment to the idea of outsourcing certain tasks, such as housework. I'd feel no guilt, nor any sense of altruism, in hiring a housecleaner. It's interesting to read how people's backgrounds come into play in shaping our adult perceptions. We grew up in an area where it was common to have maids - even people working class by current standards. But we moved to where it was more of a middle- or upper-class thing, so we didn't have one anymore. We lived with extended family and everyone had a role - some were earners, some were caregivers, some took on maintenance (and cleaning). Maybe that's why it's neutral for me. My mom comes to clean my house every week. She enjoys housework, it relaxes her and she likes having something to show for her efforts. She also collects, washes, and irons the laundry, and returns it to our closets and drawers like some kind of Laundry Fairy. I don't pay her except in LOVE :001_wub: . Fortunately it pays well from her perspective, and the price is right from mine!

It really is sad. And when I think of how hard it was for people to bring it to my attention, I felt horrible for all those people I must've hurt who just drifted into the background because they felt I didn't value them as my friends. I guess the best consolation for all of us is that however painful, we've grown from these experiences. And while we can't get back what we've lost, hopefully we can hold onto the friendships we enjoy now when similar misunderstandings arise.

I hope this is what happened, OP! It seems a natural flow to the conversation for your friend to have mentioned to the other mom that she has had two prior attempts to attend GWL that fell through - since you were present, it'd seem plausible that she mention these attempts had been planned with your family. Is the Other Mom a stronger or more direct personality type? Like, she assumed you were invited based on your prior attempts with Friend ... so she asked Sheila directly because Sheila was 100% new to the idea of a GWL trip? And so Other Mom assumed you knew you were invited or that Friend would continue talks with you about setting it up? Or that you'd chime in then if a given date didn't work for you? Is Friend a more easy-going type who could have interpreted Other Mom's direct invitation to Sheila as a slight to you that she (Friend) isn't assertive enough to correct - and so she's following what she perceives to be the lead of Other Mom in excluding you? (Like, is it possible she's ... not intimidated, but maybe less confrontational even in small, harmless situations ... so she's riding back seat to Other Mom's planning? I'm guessing a personality more similar to yours, based on how you handled this situation in the moment. If so, at least her role is more understandable, though still hurtful, and the friendship can heal because intent is eliminated.) I'm a stronger personality. It's easy for me to assert (or insert!) myself into a situation or conversation. It's taken me years to appreciate that not everyone is like this. Along the way I've inadvertently hurt people's feelings because I'd have assumed you would've jumped in if you were interested. These days I make a point to directly ask people who are quiet in a setting like this - but it's taken some hurt feelings and honest conversations for me to get here. It's easy to forget that not everyone is like 'us' ... whatever our personality type is. We tend to assume people are like us and we act accordingly. Someone who would've jumped in will ask (when confronted), "Why didn't you say something then??" because it's foreign to us that someone wouldn't. Someone like you who thought it might be rude to assume or insert herself into plans will feel as you did - that you weren't directly invited, and therefore not invited. I hope it's just a miscommunication chalked up to different personality types. :grouphug:

My brothers coached my sons' teams until they went competitive, and now two of my sons coach their little sister's team. I've also spent more than ten years on the boards of both our local soccer and baseball leagues. In that collective experience, we've come up with some unofficial rules for ourselves - including when to reply to a parent's complaint. We advise our coaches to sit on an email for 48 hours; while I'm sure yours was carefully worded and "nice," so many of them are not. Now, as a board we also have parents sign a form at the beginning of each contractual year (for select) or season (for rec) stating they won't confront a coach about playing time until 48 hours following a game ... but when emotions run high, that's often overlooked. This waiting period has helped calmer heads prevail, on both sides. Now as a parent, I get what you're saying. All of my boys play competitive sports, and three of them traveled across the country for a tournament this weekend. One of my boys is in a slump and his confidence is taking a hit. He's always been a great athlete but he's sometimes lacked the discipline to train on his own (he's always relied on his natural talent). Now the stakes are higher, and he has competition within his team for his position - he went from starting and playing an entire game to being subbed out mid-game by a more disciplined player. The blow to his confidence sometimes shows in subtle ways while he's playing, so in critical moments (or even games) he's sits sideline more than he plays. Perhaps your son's confidence issue is also spilling into his attitude or playing in ways the coach notices? And I don't mean attitude as in your son is throwing fits or being mad, I mean more like ... he's making good plays but isn't as aggressive or creative in his playing because he's increasingly unsure of his abilities. (It's a vicious cycle, isn't it?) I was a competitive athlete and I'm a huge fan of team sports. I think they're so important and they've been a life blood for my kids - my sons especially (the youngest is 14). But I forbid them from playing competitively until they were 11-13, depending on the kid. This was very much against the grain for where I live. People here start specializing their kids at age 6 and fork over tons of money for competitive leagues for the under-10 set. I think that's a mistake for many reasons, one being what you're experiencing now -- the life lessons that come from competitive play aren't always appropriate for that age group. They certainly aren't necessary IMO. At 9-10 I let some of my sons guest play in tournaments because they did require a level of competition not being met at the rec level. Only the ones who I knew could handle it emotionally. It gave them a taste of what was to come, and what to work for. I even let two of them train with a tournament team but I didn't let them play games. That made me super popular as a mom and parent LOL. But I didn't care, I had been a child athlete and I based my decisions from that - not peer pressure from armchair athlete moms/dads/coaches. Don't let this experience sour you on team sports; it's not an issue of team sports so much as it is an issue of your son's maturity or team fit. Also, what Bluegoat mentioned about goals of the team - this being a tournament team, winning is going to take priority over development (at a tournament especially). Maybe write this off as a learning lesson, step down a level of play, and try again in a few years if your son wants to and is more ready for it. I hope you hear back from the coach soon. Waiting is the worst, I know. My stomach is in knots just thinking about it, I can only imagine how yours feels. :grouphug:

I was a military wife for almost 20 years, and it was the life most of my kids grew up in. We'll be in CO this weekend, too! Only one of my boys has expressed an interest in going that route, but all of them have spent at least one summer at a marine military camp in south Texas. The son who is pursuing a military career has attended multiple times. They get a taste of the life, and everything you mentioned - marching, obstacle course, and getting yelled at :D - plus more (set sleep/awake times, scheduled meals, the beauty and the ugly of rank hierarchy, etc.) Even those who were hesitant to attend came back glad to have had the experience. All came back taller, way more fit, and making their beds LOL (something I don't personally do and have never required of them). The son who wants to join the military almost attended public high school for the JROTC program. It was a tough call, and one he made on his own, but I'd have been fine to send him for that experience. I'd have sent him for sports, too. Either way he knew I'd do some after schooling with him to keep atop my educational goals for him. There are other military camps, but you have to weed out those designed for 'at-risk' youth because it'll be a slightly different experience. We went with the Texas camp because of others we know who have sent their boys there. I wish there was an equivalent for girls, but I've yet to find one.

When I read the thread initially, my mind went straight to my 38 year old brother. We still call him Whiny Hiney because he never did outgrow his whining or his being a butt. But I didn't want to discourage the OP :lol: Then I saw your post and thought I'd holler out an AMEN!

Look, I have three times more kids than you do and I live on a fixed income because I am a divorcee who retired a few years ago. I'm not first in line at the safari park by the stretch of ANYONE's imagination, so I get your point on the affordability and accessibility of zoos (regardless of how I feel about zoos personally). But this isn't about that, it's about defining ELITISM - a word introduced and repeated by you throughout the conversation. Is it not also elitist to believe that the middle class or "most American families" require access to any given experience? Excluding basic human rights, of course.

I think demographics matter. Not everyone is on the college track, and it's not uncommon IME for 18-19 year olds to move out into their own places after graduating high school. Jobs that can support that are hard to come by, so it's often with one or several roommates.

Betsy-Tacy series are written to age with the reader (they get more advanced as the reader and characters age). Wrinkle in Time series? Re-iterating the suggestions for the Warrior Cats and Redwall series. My 10 year old likes Lloyd Alexander's books and the Alchemiyst series, but I haven't read those to know if they meet your parameters and she's not here for me to ask. I love the suggestion for Agatha Christie, I'm going to look into those for my daughter! :thumbup1:

Some Catholic funerals are a full blown MASS with a priest and communion (only Catholics should partake). They take a little over an hour. Other funerals are a shorter funeral liturgy service (no priest, no communion) and run shorter. The use of incense is common to both. Eulogies and memories aren't usually given at a Catholic funeral. They're more typically delivered at the wake/vigil prior to the funeral service. All of your clothing options are appropriate. I lean toward the more traditional dark colors only (for adults) but I think Sunday Best is very common (especially if you're not immediate family). I have to believe that the family would rather people come in anything they own, than to skip the service. It's perfectly normal and acceptable for kids to wear their Sunday Best - I might even say it's expected - even if it doesn't fit within the traditional parameters of funeral attire. Just one note - Catholic parishes vary tremendously. Historically, and now more traditionally, there was a modesty code. If you've ever visited European chapels, it's much the same as those - no bare shoulders, knee-length skirts/dresses or longer, etc. Nobody would turn you away for not knowing, but it may make you uncomfortable. Just do a quick Google for the parish holding the funeral. You should be able to tell by the website which kind of parish it is, just by looking at the pictures LOL but these days most of the very traditional dress-code parishes are clear and upfront about it on their website. In this case just bring a shawl for your outfit and maybe find a longer skirt for your daughter.

Remember: the photograph comes from the photographer - not the camera (s)he uses. A good photographer can work successfully with any equipment; conversely, a great camera can't rescue an inexperienced photographer. To that end, pour most of your resources into education. You already own your camera, but it will be tempting to upgrade or to continue adding pricey lenses. Many talented photographers are innately artistic. If this describes you and you also have the basics down, educate yourself in the business side (marketing, packaging), in photo-editing, and in going deeper (beyond basic photography). What type of equipment you truly NEED will depend on what type of photography you'll be doing. Many moms-turned-PT-photographers start with natural lighting portraits, usually child or family, which is less of a financial investment (but also more limiting in terms of time and locations). What area of photography most interests you? Know what you're entering a trade that is very saturated in many areas. Again, depending upon your area of photography, the more (financially) successful photographer will be the one who has the best business practices and not the best product or talent! Niche photographers also do well, is there an untapped niche - pets? sports action shots? home interiors for realtors? People say they value quality, but the majority will always CHOOSE the cheaper option. It's challenging to earn one's worth in a saturated market. This is where some business education helps. It may also mean a higher time commitment - what sets you apart from the competition? Is it availability? Or a stronger skill set that can go beyond what most other PT MomPhotogs are offering? Digital editing takes a lot of time. Bonus: it's flexible time, not like going to an office job or being on-site at a photo shoot. It takes more time if you're learning as you go. Invest that time on the front-end! Many people seem more interested in digital prints they can share on social media, rather than hard copies. I know many PT MomPhotogs who advertise mostly on FB or IG but I've seen a lot of unsolicited traffic going towards those who also have blogs. That will take some time, too, to set up and to maintain. If a blog is too much, a site like Smugmug will work. It still takes time to set-up, but not as much to maintain. A side benefit to Smugmug is that it is designed for the working photographer. It's not just a photo storage site for your average photo taker. Good luck as (if?) you move forward. It's a flexible way to earn PT income, and like most self-promotion jobs your success will depend more on your ability to sell yourself and your product than it will any skills or talent.

This is the norm for my culture (at least until marrying, but sometimes even after marriage). I always thought it made the most financial sense, so I'm not surprised by the number of US families who choose this option now (given student loans, high COL, etc.)

If that doesn't work, at the boarding door she can ask the FA if there is room in "the closet" for her instrument.

I fall in between. I don't think every city or county needs its own zoo. I'm in favor of fewer but larger centers that are more geared towards conservation and sanctuary, knowing that a good portion of awareness and support for those missions come from the public's support and interest. These places would have an eye toward natural habitat and education and research, rather than cages and entertainment. They'd serve a larger region, rather than be individual to cities - even big cities. I actually think it's more elitist to put our desires (as opposed to our needs) ahead of our responsibility towards the species entrusted to our care.

Some people are so despicable. :sad: My ex-husband is required per our decree to keep me as his primary beneficiary. It's always been my plan to cover his funeral with the insurance money, especially while his parents are still alive. That's the last thing they should have to deal with! My brother sold my ex the policy, so I know it's enough to amply cover a funeral befitting his parents' expectations and wishes. For me, yes I could afford to bury an adult child. I lost an adult sibling following an accident; she had just graduated and was in a six week lull between college and employment. She had no health insurance, much less life insurance. We were hit by medical bills and burial costs. We're a large family with supportive ethnic and church communities, so there were fundraisers (unsolicited by us, and before online ones existed) which ended up covering all of her expenses. It was an eye-opener for our family. My brother ended up in the insurance business, in large part because of what he saw happen with that situation. He makes sure we're all covered, always.

Can he find an old computer monitor (like, OLD old) and break the screen out? He can use the inside as a staging area for [ideas to follow]. It'd be a small enough staging space that it won't look empty and desperate, just "minimalist" .... plus it's a bulky enough item to take up decent table space. It could stand out as being different-in-a-good-way in a sea of garden variety, nearly identical tables. He could even spray paint the outside red :D . Ideas for the monitor - he can make a scroll, like that old school kids' toy? It can be a timeline of sorts. Since he's a private person it can be basic blackline of world history, of art history, of computer history, of anything that interests him. He can pepper it with a few dates of his own relevance - things they probably know anyhow, but maybe don't and that he won't mind them knowing. E.g., if he chose a timeline for the History of Pokémon (or whatever online characters, sorry I'm way out of the loop LOL) he could have 10-20 important dates (introduction of specific characters, intro to the US, founder's birth day, etc.) with his own things thrown in where appropriate (his bday, his first Pokémon card, etc.) Or he can do the same for the history of computers (first mainframe, his first laptop, first computer he built, first bank he hacked, etc.) Or, even if he doesn't love the idea it's better than an empty table - he can use the hollowed out monitor as a place to display his interests - a diorama of origami, an art display of various computer bits and parts, or a generic graduation themed diorama. Hopefully someone else has ideas for the monitor. It only occurred to me because I have one waiting to be turned into a nesting box for my sister's hen LOL. I know he doesn't care to introduce his origami now, but maybe if he did something subtle? He could do 2-0-1-6 or "UTD" to display. We put some candy on my son's table, which was a hit. Like your son, we're sarcastic and cynical people so we skipped the clever sayings "Smarty Pants" for Smarties candies, etc. and just left out the candy LOL. We had a few different kinds. Against my son's wishes I did put out his senior picture in an 8x10 frame. Half-way through the party one of my kids, they won't come clean, drew a mustache and eyebrows on the glass with a wet erase marker. It horrified some of the other adults there, but we're used to being THATFAMILY. If you and he are more socially aware and adept than we are, skip this suggestion. But it was funny. My son's friend had a white tee-shirt and Sharpie marker on his table - what he didn't have was cardboard inside of it - but other people signed and commented on the shirt. There were several tables with similar ideas - canvases, photo frame mattes, etc. I doubt your son would care for it, but he can toss it later or you can hold on to it. Maturity is knowing when to play the game, you know? Since he's private, what about something involves other people sharing THEIR info so he doesn't have to share so much of his ... like a map or globe with a sign that asks where his peers are off to? A small bulletin board or science project foam board with a map and some map pins (or if laminated, a wet erase marker). Let other grads pin or write the schools and cities they're headed off to. Trash it when you get home, since he doesn't care anyhow. As for a sayings, here are some I've seen: - Success isn't the result of spontaneous combustion; you must set yourself on fire. - It doesn't matter HOW you graduated, only that you DID. Or maybe a parody of Oh The Places You'll Go ... I'm sure there are tons! I guess my best bit of advice would be to convince him that something he'd rather not introduce now is going to better than having nothing or not much at all. And to work around the privacy issue by realizing most people are the opposite and LOVE to talk/share about themselves, so to use that to his advantage.

I don't have negative associations with the word, so if I were to ask this question it would be within the context of any other boss. Though I suppose "manager" might be a more accurate term. In that manner, I'd be asking who was the final decision maker or who directed decisions. And like in any other group or organization (of which a family is, however unromantic it sounds) there is always one. Most couples seem to take domains - he will be the boss/manager of [whatever] whereas she will be the boss/manager of [whatever]. In my marriage, my domain included: car purchases, household purchases, housing choices, finances, homeschool, etc. When it came down to two duty stations to choose from, all things being equal for him - I directed the decision that would work best for my career and my ease to care for our children. When we purchased new cars, I directed the decision about what the budget was and what we'd buy because I'd be the most affected by the choice. My ex-husband's domain included his car, his career path, his education, the garage LOL, and his family. When he fought with his family, and I disagreed that we should keep the kids from them .. he directed the decision to do so, anyway. When he wanted to outfit the garage like a prepper's dream warehouse, he directed the decision to outfit it the way he wanted. I think this is true of most couples, that there are specified or unspecified domains upon which each is 'boss' wherein decisions are discussed together, maybe even made together, but the most vested person has the final decision making responsibility. I do think there needs to be one. I think there's always a boss whether acknowledged, or not. It doesn't have to look like an obnoxious personality on the playground, forcefully calling every shot. It can be loving compromise. But at the end a boss is needed to direct a final decision when there are dissent - however amicable that dissent is. BUT. I think most people are asking: who's the highest ranking spouse? The final say so? The one 'wearing the pants'? The cheese? There are posts that describe socially obnoxious couple halves who are BOSSY - but that doesn't automatically equate to BOSS. These words are similar, but not the same - despite the common misperception that they are. One is a noun and inoculate enough; the other is an adverb derived from the verb. I do know couples where one is bossy. They often - but not always - look different from the ones where there is a defined BOSS (many of the latter couples follow what they consider to be a Biblical interpretation of marriage). They don't use the word boss, maybe because of its negative connotation, but it fits the actual definition of the word so it's the one I use (with due respect). I think most marriages have a boss, if by default to each spouse's natural domain, and that some marriages have BOSSY people. When someone asks this question, the context of a conversation will dictate whether it's intended to address the former or the latter!

The first thing we do upon boarding is to find their primary and secondary exits. These will be on the safety card, but a quick look around is always helpful. Doors are better than window exits - they move faster during an evacuation. We've had to evacuate before (no crash), so it's something we always look for. Once we identify our primary exit, we count the seat rows to it. The lights don't always work during an evacuation, and they can be hard to see if there's smoke. We're frequent fliers on a specific airline so we know the quirks of each airplane type, but if you guys aren't - you'll see the aircraft type on her reservation or boarding pass. Aircraft are updated at different phases, even within the same airline - some will have electronic outlets like the plugs at home, others will have ones like in a car. You'll want to send her with the correct charging equipment if she's using a laptop (or doesn't have a portable phone charger). We always bring a stainless steel water bottle through security (empty) and refill it at a water fountain on the secure side. Some airports have filling stations. Bring snacks. Even when they sell on board, there's not enough for everyone (unless you're on SWA who gives out small snacks to all). Most FAs will offer food to kids first, and for free, but not all do - especially when school is out and lots of kids are onboard. Transcons include a few beverage services, but she should know it's okay to go back and ask for a drink at any time. Some kids don't know or don't feel comfortable doing so, but it can be a long time between services - and depending on the crew, a long time between times you see them in the aisle. It's preferable to ringing the call light, if she's not trapped in a window or aisle seat. If she has a window seat, let her know that it's polite to close it - at least partially - if she's not looking out when there is a movie on, or if it's an all nighter and she's flying east into the sun. If her flight is more than 4 hours, have her get up and stretch at some point. And if she watches the movie, get up and pee real fast as soon as the credits roll. After that everyone goes to the lav and it gets gross and smelly LOL. Not all airlines are great about cleaning it mid-flight!

I don't have to work because I have found other ways to sustain my standard of living. The plan was to work harder in my youth to afford flexibility in my middle age, and - the hope is - comfort in my old age. I'm in my 30s, am retired, and am a stay at home "ex" -wife. But my life wasn't cake served on a silver platter; like many people, I worked like a circus monkey to get to where I am and wanted to be - starting with academic focus towards scholarships and internships, followed by strategic choices in industry and companies. I never took the sexy or life's passion route, I made practical choices that fortunately paid off. I got my bachelors paid for by scholarships, and my masters paid for by the company I worked for. That was work I did, investing in my future. It was work to leverage my worth to strategize maximum benefit following each degree - that meant consecutive work as a top student, as a top employee, and as the primary investor in my own future (read: researching, planning, networking, strategizing). It also meant some sacrifices along the way. We all have choices. Some of us become aware of those earlier on, by virtue of childhood experiences. Others come from a more comfortable background where these things are taken for granted - until a situation arises, perhaps a recession or failed relationship or medical setback, etc. Do you want to know the secret? It's CREATIVE FINANCING on your climb up and PASSIVE INCOME once you hit your ceiling. My education was the best investment I made in myself, and it was financed by Not Me. And not via handouts but through my own (rewarded) efforts - first as a student, and then as a candidate (well versed in each company's policy on educational advancement prior to interviewing, and able to use it as leverage for a hiring package). It was the key to my professional success. And the beauty of a higher education is that it can happen at any age and stage in life; later has challenges, but they are not insurmountable. As a young married couple we bought our first home and quickly realized it wasn't compatible with our lifestyle - he was active duty and after 9/11 seemed to be gone more than he was home; when he left base, so did I to return home to my family. So we sold our home and put that money into a rental property - one unit for us, plus three units to rent out. Those three units covered more than the mortgage. It only took a few years to pay off that property, so we bought another and another. As we paid off a rental, we bought another. Every single one of our mortgages was paid for by Not Me. We still collect 100% profit on these properties, 15 years later. Passive income has many different faces. It doesn't have to be - and maybe in this market shouldn't be! - rentals. People tend to think of it in the context of get-rich-quick schemes, which is a mistake. It's still work, you just put it all in on the front end. I was able to retire early due to hard work as a student, employee, and later, a business owner. I am able to stay at home because I worked hard to fight for the status quo during my at-fault divorce. The key for me was to have a clear strategy so that when life turned dark and I got emotional (upset, discouraged), I still had a beacon guiding me to my goal rather than letting my feelings steer me off course. It's hard, maybe callous, but the ability to SEPARATE ONE FROM ONE'S EMOTIONS is probably the third part of the secret. I come from an immigrant family and absolutely value was tied to the contribution you were making to the family (literally, and in terms of bragging rights.) So to that extent I'm familiar with the mindset that work = value and worth. But I also come from a culture that values work for what it is - which is sometimes paid, sometimes not - including volunteering and expected family responsibilities. So to that end maybe my background was more forgiving than yours. It's hard to escape long-ingrained beliefs, especially ones we were exposed to as children. You can do this. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen if you work for it. And it's a bit of a paradigm shift because it's not necessarily the type of work you've been doing or are working towards. It starts with a different mindset. The best way I can think of to immerse yourself in this new way of thinking is to go to the library and read biographies and autobiographies of the people who define or who shaped the paradigm: CEOs, wizards of industry (especially finance), entrepreneurs of all ages and industries.

:thumbup: THANK YOU! This is a great resource, and sure beats my scraps of paper and highlighted catalogues. I appreciate you sharing your hard work.

I have some that attend public high school, who are in 3rd period before my face sees the light of day. I have some that do homeschool high school, who feed themselves and their younger sister. They're all up and eating around 8-9am, and all desire a heavy breakfast (omelet, veggies, rice). I roll out of bed closer to 9-10am. Sometimes my daughter brings me breakfast in bed. It's always a heavy breakfast, which is hard for me to choke down. I'm not hungry when I wake up. When it's cold I'll have a small bowl of soup and rice, when it's not cold I'll have rice and tea. That carries me until lunch, which we eat together.