Sorry, went off on a tangent there! I'd say there's room here to do a few things: Bring your daughter aware of how her actions are perceived - by multiple families. Walk her through what she can do to change those perceptions. Decide if she cares enough to do so. If so, mentor her through those steps. What can she do without losing her own sense of self? If not, reduce park days by half and plan more one-on-one play dates. (This is what we did, to balance needs of siblings.) The son I mentioned in my post above is almost done with high school. He's been homeschooled since he was six. He has managed to find a good middle ground where he's still who he is .. but he's sensitive to the feelings of others and to how his actions are perceived. He used to be the king of "I didn't do it on purpose!" and "That's not what I meant!" so this is significant progress LOL. I never forced him to include others, I only required that he hear me out on explaining their perception of him. It was up to him if he cared (or not) about how he was being perceived. And it varied from person to person and situation to situation - sometimes it meant a lot, sometimes it meant zero. I also had to have some uncomfortable conversations with parents that I wasn't going to make my kid play with everyone else there. If there was obvious exclusion going on, I'd address it ... but kids pairing up and getting feelings hurt because your DD has other friends? That's hard. That's life. Your DD should exercise sensitivity but in fairness to her she may do what she does because different groups of kids make her feel pulled between them when everyone's playing together. Her needs are no less important because she's figured out how to handle it (one-on-one play). You may need to say as much to the other parents, they may not realize it either! I generally assume good intent for all parents involved and try to address it from that POV. Sounds like you're doing the same. :grouphug:

I started to hate park days for this kind of thing. My oldest homeschooler is very extroverted. He'll gather a group and facilitate some game and he's great with a crowd BUT ... he tends to forget about the shy kids on the sidelines who are either intimidated by or flat out turned off by his forwardness. Sometimes parents feel he's leaving people out, and I can see where they think so. But he's a "hey, I put it out there, come if you want" kind of person. He's not going to roll out a carpet for everyone in the park group. My youngest homeschooler is super sensitive. She's been that kid on the outskirts who can't find a way in, or is intimidated by a crowd so she makes a direct effort to reach out to everyone at the park. Sometimes parents feel like she's causing problems by creating a dynamic among kids who would otherwise avoid each other. They wish she'd let groups form organically rather than round up everyone. I can see where they think so because it means an inevitable clash between kids who don't get along. She's not going to leave anyone out, though, and the kids always respond to her invitation for a group game. So neither of my kids can win; some parent is always unhappy. And I'm pretty hands off unless someone is blatantly being hurtful. If my kids feel excluded I tell them to move on (and we discuss at length at home but I don't bring it up with another parent. I coach my kid on how to navigate life with people who don't like you back - or at all - and help them through the process. I assure them it will happen all through their lives, long after I'm around to step in.) But both of these kids have had to be coached on how to see/understand where the parents are coming from. I'm very much a "you don't have to change what you do" mom but I do feel a responsibility to make them aware of how their actions are perceived. Especially when it's been brought to my attention by a parent or kid. Then we discern whether it's an overprotective parent or if the parent has valid concerns that the child can address. It's a great opportunity to teach my kids self-awareness, how to identify (and accept) constructive criticism, and how to discern (and respectfully address) non-constructive criticism. These are things that will happen all through their lives, too. It helps that we have a big family and the kids are familiar with a variety of personality types. It makes them more aware to have a related face to put to the same personality a park day parent or kid has. They "get" it on a different level and seem to want to be more pro-active in their role in the situation. Because everyone is someone's ________ (little sister, crazy auntie, overprotective granny, crybaby sister, shy cousin, whiny nephew, etc) and we aim to treat them the way we want others to treat our ________ (little sister, crazy auntie, overprotective granny, crybaby sister, shy cousin, whiny nephew, etc)!

I originally took recommendations from women friends and acquaintances - who they used, who they liked. When I looked for my second lawyer, I took a different approach. I started asking who people had gone up against, especially those who were bitter about how their divorces were handled. I searched online, too, for lawyers and divorce in my metro area and found a gold mine of people complaining and warning others about certain judges and lawyers. I used that information in reverse, to CHOOSE my lawyer. I retired from work at about the same time my divorce was taking place. I had committed to a (work) separation date before we began divorce proceedings and it was irreversible. I thought I was screwed but the second lawyer explained that it couldn't be held against me because my husband had been involved in the decision while we were still married. And then he went to bat for me. The first lawyer just told me that I'd have to return to work and figure it out. I worry about women who are emotionally fragile or dealing with outside factors (alcoholism, abuse) and just accept that kind of advice at its word. :sad:

Best wishes to your friend and her children. :grouphug: I was told that at 18 the child is a legal adult and free to chose contact, independent of child support. I was also counseled that there have been some cases where the child was able to speak to the judge and legally break contact earlier - but that it was rare, and not preferable, even in situations with some documented abuse or neglect (the default was supervised visits). If my older kids never saw their dad again, they'd be unaffected. They don't even care enough to hate him, he just ... is a piece of furniture in their lives. He spent years neglecting those relationships and he has reaped what he sowed. The kids will spend the occasional meal with him, and I force them to go with him to amusement parks/fairs a few times each year (mostly to be with their sister and to give me a day off) but they've all unofficially agreed on having this type of relationship. If his family is in town he'll show up to their games, but he's largely uninterested in what is happening with them and in their lives. I do require a minimum level of respect towards the parent-child hierarchy that I enforce (not just the boys, ex-DH also) because they need to exist civilly for the sake of me, his parents and our daughter. We have lots of years and family events left together. But I don't force visitation or a relationship, and fortunately neither does my ex-husband. It'd be futile. It's the complete opposite with our daughter, the youngest. He attends all of her matches and makes a point to see her 3-4 days a week for a few hours. She has a bedroom at his house but only wants to spend the night when his parents or sister are in town visiting. She knows a completely different side to their dad, and feels a fierce loyalty to him. That's another reason why I require my boys to spend small snippets of time with her and their dad; I don't want her to feel the weight of ex-DH's loneliness and empty life. She leans that way by nature (very sensitive, very forgiving) and I want to avoid a codependent relationship between them. She shouldn't, but does and will, absorb the consequences of his choices and the resulting "non"-relationships with her brothers. My kids will get support through college or trade school, per our decree. It's not automatic or otherwise recognized by my state. My first lawyer didn't want to add it in and actively discouraged me by saying it wasn't done here. She said the same for him funding my retirement. I found another lawyer who didn't mind blazing a little trail "here" to get us what we deserved, even if it seemed like a long shot. And it was worth it because I got everything I asked for, including college support and a funded retirement.

:lol: That's funny! I've told mine that all the stress they put me through is going to kill me young, and all they'll have left is each other - for better or worse! I like your line better LOL.

If it's something like pencil-tapping or whistling indoors - things that are annoying to be around but aren't aimed directly at the sibling - I expect a few respectful, kind requests to stop. And if the offending party doesn't stop after a few request, all bets are off. You were warned, you reap what you sow. (But I have a lot of boys close in age and this is how they would handle it anyhow.) Usually the annoyed kid will grab the pencil and put it away, or put a hand over the whistler's mouth. If it's something like poking the sibling or going into their closet without asking - something directly affecting and aimed at the sibling - I sometimes step in. I'll ask the offender what they hope to accomplish (trick question, 98% of the time they don't hope to accomplish anything specific) and then shoo them away with threat of "mandatory fun" if they don't find something else (constructive!) to do. Mandatory fun is painful for the children. It's forced, cooperative play or work. My favorite go-to is for them to wash and rub my feet. Mandatory for them, fun for me. My feet are so gnarly that I had one who used to request a lecture instead LOL. But really I tell them that they need to be respectful of each other. I don't care if they like each other, or not, that's between them ... but respect and civility affect the entire household, so that's the expectation I have. And they can choose to do it on their terms, or default to doing it on mine. They know I enjoy creative solutions (it was my paid job for most of their lives!) so they're usually motivated to do it on their terms. Usually! Because the unknown of what I'll come up with is just too scary for them to gamble on. :D

I learned to be fluent in English by watching tv and movies. I used all sorts of swear words without knowing it, until someone would correct me. :leaving: I probably still use some words that might be rude, especially slang and curse words, but I don't know unless someone tells me. I wish I had thought to be more selective about what I was watching LOL.

I burn motors by not cleaning out my vacuum cleaner regularly, leaving my hairs wrapped around the rollers. But I just buy the inexpensive $50 vacuums and replace every 1-2 years as needed. It's less than $5 a month to do it this way, and definitely more preferable to the time it takes me to clean the rollers after every vacuum!

I need advice. How do you teach this when many families don't support the class and send their kids prepared? I'm taking over for a friend who has struggled to teach this elementary/middle school class for a two years and is too frustrated to continue to try. I made a deal with her that I would, if she'd stay with the co-op LOL. It hasn't worked TEACHING the lesson in class because she was only allotted 30 minutes - and by the second month, kids who weren't doing the work at home were too far behind to keep up with the new lessons. They'd interrupt her already short time to ask review questions and for clarification on homework. The kids seemed interested and liked her class, but the parents weren't or didn't want to reinforce the lessons at home. So she switched to REVIEWING the lesson in class, thinking that the families who want to keep up would do so - and the kids who didn't want to, or fell behind, on doing the work at home wouldn't hold back the other kids as much. They worked off of the weekly quiz and played games to review vocab, etc. She figured if nothing else the kids not doing the work at home would get vocabulary and derivatives exposure and review. But even that wasn't ideal because everyone was at a different place and she couldn't prepare a class that would apply to everyone. All but one family is returning next year. The time is fixed at 30 minutes. The material is fixed (Memoria Press). The instruction is to "keep it fun." Class size is 10-12 kids. 2-3 don't do Latin at all outside of class. A sibling set of 4 does the work but tends to fall behind a few weeks at a time. The other 3-4 are her kids and the co-op leader's, who I know will do the work at home. I have no idea how to teach her class! I've been teaching high school, and my kids work independently at home. Parent support isn't as integral to my success as it is - and will be - at the lower levels. There is no perfect solution, but what is the best way to teach this class?

I'll be teaching three of mine and two of their friends. We'll meet twice monthly - one week to read and write, one week to come together to discuss and debate what we've read and written. We'll do a lot of reading on our own time - primary sources on the history of political system, how the government works, political philosophies. I have one who took this class at public school and only covered how the government works and the election process. I have two now who are very interested in today's political environment. Problem is, I'm not eligible to vote so I don't know or follow these things. :blushing: I don't know where to look for information and materials relevant to today - things like today's issues, candidates, election, politics. What suggestions do you have? I'm thinking we can argue some Supreme Court cases, but what else? What kind of projects are good? I promised I'd come up with one before I realized how hard it'd be LOL. I'd love something to do with propaganda but am drawing a blank. I'm open to anything. I have two that love projects, the more hands-on and crafty the better.

I have one that was awarded a full 4-year Engineering scholarship to Alabama. He chose a different school, but still - he never had the perfect STEM-oriented path. He took Algebra 1 in 8th but didn't do well. He repeated it for 9th, under protest. I was mostly concerned that he know the math well enough for high school science and PSAT/SAT/ACT testing. He wasn't STEM-focused at this point, but even if he had been - as your son is - my thought is that being behind on the right path is not at all beneficial. Without a solid base and understanding of pre-Algebra and Algebra, his understanding of higher math and the sciences would be compromised. I figure colleges care more about grades than they do timing of classes. My son hit his (math) stride in 10th grade. It clicked. I hope a strong foundation helped that. And you know what? He knows a few kids who are also going into engineering and even though they took Calculus in high school they're being required to re-take it at college! I'm sure they'll have an easier time of it than mine will, by virtue of having a year of it already under their belts, but technically his being 'behind' a year in high school didn't really matter in the end! Good luck to your son, it's exciting (and stressful!) when they start figuring out what fields they'd like to go into.

I taught high school Latin at co-op this past year. Half of the class was brand new to Latin, the others had a background of 2-4 years with various curricula. We used Henle. Several of the families were MP families so we went with the MP lesson plans. It was a solid review, if a bit slow initially, for the experienced kids and it seemed to be a gentle enough start for the new-to-Latin kids. I supplemented with Latin prayers and hymns because the kids were eager to get to "real" Latin (non-grammar). And because we're Catholic, so they were already somewhat familiar with some words and it kept even the more reluctant kids engaged.

We use consumables for math, Latin and logic. I check math and return for corrections. But I'm mean and only tell them how many they missed; they have to search for the mistakes themselves. It's made them more careful on the front end, which has saved ALL of us time. Latin we do together. Logic ... well, I do a light check every week or chapter or so LOL. I check a few answers to ensure we're on the right path, but frankly it's above my head and not all that interesting to me. I'm not great at keeping up with science and writing, so I outsource those. Writing is an online course. Science is through Homeschool Connections - we use a recorded class with teacher access (for an additional fee that is totally worth it to me). I just check in once a week or so to ensure we're running on schedule. Literature I give "participation" grade for. We're big readers and we just discuss - no formal analysis or anything that can be graded. I just make the writing grade their overall Language Arts/English grade. History and German/French are the only classes I actually GRADE myself. History we do a bunch of outlines (not graded) and open note tests (that's the incentive for good note taking). We also do a paper each chapter, which I grade. German and French I grade along side them because it's easier for me to explain it to them as I do. We'll probably use Homeschool Connection for elective-required classes like Government and Health. They come with teacher keys and I'm okay with them self-grading those classes.

Veggies, fruit, cheese and crackers. Usually just slice up a cucumber and a tomato, maybe some baby carrots and snap peas. Add some sliced apples, grapes, watermelon, Dice some cheese, throw out some crackers or chips or pretzels. Done LOL. Dessert is berries with cream and granola, or with ice cream. If we have friends over we'll add some sliced pepperoni or cold cuts or bread slices for sandwiches.

I was going to post the same! I only wash my hair a few times each week, for the same reason as Quill. But I do brush it each morning and each evening to distribute the oils and take out the tangles. I try to brush it at least once during the day just to get out the loose strands.

I flew my son to camp last week, and I don't know if it was his excitement or the fact that he and I were alone but he would not stop talking. It's like he finally had no siblings competing for my attention and couldn't stop the verbal train of thought. Walking through the airport, he'd tell me everything he saw (Look! I love that magazine. Oh, hey, want tacos? Wait - is that guy wearing a toupee?) as I'm trying to do a mental rundown of our trip (Did I bring my AAA card? Is the car reservation set? Why does our gate keep changing?) and field the 4 million texts from his dad about our itinerary (which had been emailed in detail). We were in line to check in and I finally grabbed my son by the shoulder and said, "Son, if you don't quit talking right this minute I'm going to rip your tongue out of your mouth and beat you with it. Every inch of every limb. Give me two minutes to THINK. In PEACE. PLEASE." I was firm, but calm. The lady behind us must have hurt her jaw when it hit the ground. She was about to say something when my son laughed, took our bags, and sat down in the boarding area. I had my time to process the trip details and gave him my full attention afterwards. He was totally fine, took it all in stride. She gave me the stink eye the whole flight. LOL

Can you share what that felt or looked like? I've heard it can happen, but haven't known anyone that it actually happened to. I try to make sure the kids eat something salty, but they're really water-only drinkers. Mine are teenagers in competitive sports. We live in what feels like the country's groin - humid, sticky, HOT. What do I need to be looking out for, or warn them to feel for?

How many siblings? My family doesn't nickel and dime the money, we figure it all comes out in the wash. If the single siblings were paying more for rent, we'd cover their food more or something to sort of even it out. Trying to be fair is honorable, but hard. Someone will feel shorted. It's no fun way to start a vacation. My family would just go. One person would pay and we'd all pay that person back; but we're all hyperaware of each other's finances and situations. I usually pay upfront and come up ahead. My ex-husband's family would get two houses - a kid house and a single house. It'd probably cost more in the long run but they'd rather pay that and keep the peace than pay the same to stay in the same house with someone feeling shorted. My family would cover someone rather than have them feeling shorted; it's just money and the point of a family vacation is - family. His family rarely takes family vacations, but when they do they're more like overlapping trips where everyone shows up to a location at around the same time but stays on their own.

One son had a coach who kept trying to push Gatorade on him. My kids were never given juice, so they can't stand the taste of Gatorade - it's too sweet and syrupy they say. I've never tried it myself because I don't like the sweetness of tea or juice and just the thought of a sugary drink sends my taste buds into retreat. They compromised on pickle juice. I guess it does the same thing, or something similar. It definitely helps with cramps. But my son only drank this as a very last resort because he's not crazy about pickle juice or pickles - it was the lesser of the two coach-approved evils. We've moved teams and now my son, all my kids actually, do fine with just water and something salty (seeds, crackers, pretzels). Interesting about the powder vs. liquid Gatorade!

I'll be 40 this year. It looks like I'm in great company! :party:

:grouphug: Sorry you're feeling so alone right now. Hopefully you take this community up on its offer to be your support system. Divorce is hard enough as it is, this is no time to be slogging through life feeling alone. If you set up a WTM group, post the link here.

We have one but I also know nothing about it. The son who bought it is camping this week, or I'd ask him about it.

This is definitely my family's brand of humor. But my former in-laws sound like the family in the OP who didn't get it. And they never particularly cared to. But I will say that they went from thinking horrible things about us to appreciating that we're just different in that regard. Now that my kids are older they see that the kids aren't permanently damaged from it, nor are any of our relationships. We know when to stop and we know how to keep it in good fun. I secretly think that they are a bit envious of how this type of humor has made my kids closer to my family than they are to theirs - for it to work you have to really know the other person (not just superficially know them), you have to have a level of respect for them (including their temperament and limits), and you learn to value the relationship over getting that last laugh. That last bit is something that used to worry them, but they come from a family culture of criticism rather than good-natured teasing.

This is what we do, too. Lots of letters and a small photo album of the rest of the family - usually silly pictures. We just made one for my son who is out on a white-water kayak trip. This son has a beloved pair of shoes, so we posed everyone wearing them. Then we took them for a photo shoot around town at the places my son usually hangs out. I included a note that no shoes were injured during the photo shoot. He'll think it's funny. He'll also inspect them carefully when he gets home to make sure they really didn't get blemished LOL. I try to include a disposable camera, too. My kids think they're hilarious 'relics of the past' but they love taking (then developing) the film. We include a "Flat [Family Member]" on a popsicle stick, too, to help pose for some of those pictures they take. Pets would be fun. We always try to send one of my grandmother because she makes funny faces for pictures and it's kind of a family joke. Our favorite birthday tradition is the Where In the World Did Grandma Go photo album. Whoever among us has traveled with Flat Granny contributes pictures. The kids like it the most and are always proud of their contributions. I can't wait to see 'her' white-water rafting with my son. :lol:

English isn't my first language, so whenever something looks off to me I re-word the entire sentence. It can get a bit formal sounding at times, but it's the best I can do! LOL So for your situation I'd write something like: "This is Gidge, mother to Elizabeth Jane LastName." My first name is an Asian name that 90% of America can't pronounce. I go by my Christian name Gertrude, or the nickname Gidge. So when I'm communicating with someone who doesn't know me, or this, I include all of my names in the order they expect them. So in your situation I'd write something like: "I'm writing on behalf of my daughter, (Elizabeth) Jane LastName." Or, more casually: "I'm Elizabeth LastName's mom. She prefers/goes by her middle name, Jane." And then do what you're already doing by using only the name Jane throughout the rest of the email.