So let's say at booking, the airline holds seat 21A (window seat) for the UM. Two hours before departure, John Doe checks in at the kiosk. It offers him a map to self-select his seat. He chooses 21C (aisle, with an empty middle next to 21A). What has been solved? If anything, it may be better to assign the UM's seat LAST. When the gate agent is assigning seats, the seat map that they are shown in the computer has asterisks and letters. These are codes for seats taken, seats available and at what fare level. The agent has to manually go in and search by seat number to pull up the personal information for a given passenger in a specific seat. So if (s)he wants to check row 21 before assigning seat 21A to the UM, (s)he would need to enter specific codes for seats 21B and 21C to pull up those passengers' PNR to determine their gender. Sometimes there is time to do this, especially if this is a (personal) priority action for the gate agent. Many times there is not time to do this, or it is not a personal priority action for the gate agent. (S)he does have a number of other passengers to factor in, and other people to be in contact with (the tower, the crew, the wheelchair aides, the ramp, etc.) to get the plane out on time. Until very recently, the gate agents at AA were non-union. It was a fire-able offense to have more than three delays on their record, whether this was three delays in three weeks, three years, or thirty years. (Delays within their control, not due to weather, etc.) Rare would be the agent who took a delay to re-accommodate a UM, perhaps especially one as old as 13.

I've noticed that they do that at my home airport, which is a larger airport that sees a lot of connecting traffic - especially when the kids are of similar age. I think it's nice for the kids and also helps the flight crew. Win-win! I'm curious if this would be acceptable to people like StephanieZ. If we're basing our seating preferences off of abuse statistics, are we just as cautious about seating a younger UM next to an unrelated 10-15 year old boy who is also a UM? Is the older UM also assumed to be a potential predator?

I understand why you feel the way you do. I agree with you, to an extent - that when and where possible, it's preferable to "profile" a fellow passenger when seating a UM. But it's not always possible at "no cost" to the airline or at "no harm" to that fellow passenger. And there's an entire legal department at each airline that is concerned by legal liabilities, so this moral imperative must be exercised at the airline employee's personal level - discreetly - and not at the corporate level. The cost an airline has to weigh is a lawsuit by a profiled passenger (more likely) - or worse, a "trial by social media" (highly likely) versus a lawsuit by an assaulted passenger (less likely, statistically). I think yours is a justifiably angry, but naïve, perspective - not only in the writing off of legal liabilities but also in understanding how the airline operation runs. In terms of assigning seats, many are self-selected by passengers. In some cases they pay a fee per segment, too, for the convenience of selecting their own seats (not unlike the fee per segment for the convenience of sending a minor unaccompanied). And, some flight attendants are male. Some crews are all male. Does the airline screen for that, too? It also neglects to account for the primary responsibilities of and the (time, manning) limitations faced by airline employees. From the outside it may seem to be a minor inconvenience, but it could be one of many facing an employee in that moment. Possibly, it gets relegated to the "if there's time" list, where it may - or may not ever - be addressed, depending on the employees' other, perhaps more pressing, duties. IMO $150/segment isn't very much for a convenience fee to ensure a minor child is supervised from gate to gate or signed over to an approved recipient, rather than left to find her way to the curb to be picked up by someone, anyone. The fee is for supervision, not caretaking, and it wouldn't begin to cover the staffing needed for that level of involvement. The parent is responsible for funding, or self-providing, that level of care should it be desired. I have flown twice in the past two weeks. There were multiple UMs on each flight - six alone on our return flight - which is common for summer (and also for winter holidays). It's not an "occasional" thing for the airline, however occasional it may be for the UM.

My mom thinks it's her spit. :scared: Two of my kids wear glasses, as do I, and she's always trying to clean them for us. With her spit. Like she's a dog or something with super clean saliva. Gross! I use just water and a microfiber cloth. For the 30 years I wore glasses before microfiber cloths were standard accessories, I used water and a dish towel. I've heard the microfiber is more gentle, especially with certain coatings on the lenses, so I keep one in the cupboard by the each of the sinks (plus one in the car). On the rare occasion our glasses are FILTHY and need something more, I use some spray I got free at Costco. Again, I heard that it's more gentle than dish soap. I bought it a few years ago, still have it, so we still use it. I don't know that I'd buy it. Before that I just used dish soap.

:iagree: I try to convince myself that I'm privileged with so many "mini-vacations" throughout the year! I worked until just a few years ago, and my job required me to stay in hotels for several nights each month. I really, really, REALLY miss that. Frankly, so do my kids. Apparently absence made ALL of our hearts grow, and stay, fonder! We're still trying to figure out how to balance this whole being around each other 24/7/352 thing. For now I ship them all off for one week during summer and one week during winter. Then I stay home and binge on Netflix, eat stuff I don't want them eating, and on the last day I make it look like I spent all week deep cleaning or homeschool planning. This works because I can relax at home; I'm very skilled at ignoring the many things I "should" be doing instead. I know not everyone can LOL. Bless them. Since retiring I've done a few one-on-one trip with my kids, which has been nice. Last summer I took my daughter to see Mt. Rushmore and the Ingalls homestead at her request (yawn!) and my son to an away MLB game across the country. My other son wants to go to a rodeo in Calgary later this week, so if I can find an open flight and reasonable hotel room at such late notice, we'll go. If not, he knows to plan ahead better for next year, and instead I'll take my daughter on her next request: the FBI museum in D.C. We do just short 1-2 day trips. We fly, stay in hotels, and eat out so it's definitely a "vacation" for me even if I'm super uninterested in wherever they chose for us to go. I mostly go for the company. And to avoid housework and other stuff I'm tired of doing. But mostly it's the company. :tongue_smilie:

I like to slice radishes super thin and fry them like crisps. Yum!

All of the time. I used to take my middle boys to the dollar movie JUST SO I could take a nap! I don't nap at home during movies, though; only at theaters. I can sleep pretty much anywhere. Noise doesn't bother me. I grew up in a big, loud family LOL.

I'm an ethnic minority living in an affluent semi-rural town in the Bible Belt. According to the town website, our population is just shy of 23K. Of that, 95% are White. 2.5% are Black/African-American. 1.5% are "Other" - Native American, Asian/Pacific Islander, Other Races, and Multiple Races. Hispanic or Latino of any race were > 1%. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Well, you're DIFFERENT" (intended to be a positive thing, in that I'm some kind of exception to these people's stereotypes of what someone of my culture should be, do, and look like.) I don't think a club like yours would work here. I wouldn't be offended in the least bit because I know several people in my community who share your desire to burst the bubble a bit and introduce some diversity to their kids' lives. I know it's coming from a good place. I can see how it may come across as a "white privilege" thing. I don't believe that's the intended purpose, but to me it does feel ... I don't know, forced? Coerced? Neither of those is the correct word, they're too harsh I think, but I'm blank on how else to describe it from my POV (as one minority person). As a minority living where I do, I would not bring my children to this type of club. If your town is less predominantly White, you may have better luck? I'm already the token minority in everyday interactions; the friend people use to show others how open-minded they are. (I know this is not your purpose, I'm just trying to offer why a minority person may be too jaded to participate. It's already our life.) What's weird is how this plays out in my own family. All of my children are mixed-race (White & Asian). Most of them look mixed-race Asian, but I have one that looks full-on Asian and one that looks full-on White (blonde hair, blue eyes, freckles, the whole bit). The White child noticed from an early age that he was treated differently. I worry about him growing up in this town, that he also lacks exposure to diversity - which is silly because his entire family is diverse and we're steeped heavily in my ethnic culture (the food he eats, the customs we have, etc.) I worry more just because of how he looks and how his looks are received by the larger community. I can't explain why. I just share this to let you know that I understand where you're coming from and that I have the same concerns and desires. I don't know how to address those, and I admire you wanting to act on yours. I just don't think it's something we'd participate in or have an interest in. I like the idea others have of creating more organic interactions. Our parish hosts a "feast day" on the feast day of the saint we're named for. For the past few years we've served our ethnic food there. It's not something most people around here are familiar with and it's definitely not something that's easy to find in our region! The first year wasn't great, but by the third year we ran out of food because we didn't anticipate how popular the food would be. This led to our also introducing traditional dance to the feast day activities - a show and a short lesson. It feels like a more casual way to introduce people to our community and what we're about. I don't know how you'd approach that on such a wide scale (gender/sexual, racial, religious, economic, etc.) the way a club would. You may do better to focus on one area and work from there?

I have one leaving for college this year, and my youngest sister is returning to college. I love this idea and I plan to use it. :hurray: I think it's safe to assume they'd want me to thank you!

I would have rather had that than the crossword puzzles my mom sent :lol:

:lol: My mom was of the pre-Pinterest days, but she puts that entire website to shame. When we were in college she'd send weekly cards with grocery store "gift cards" (they were pre-paid paper things), a newspaper clipping, and the crossword puzzle. She's the crazy Asian lady who collects recyclables so she always had enough for all of us. Each month we'd receive a box of food, things from "home" that we couldn't buy locally like dried shrimp and decent noodles. My dad says he spent as much on postage as he did on tuition. But to be fair, we were all on scholarships LOL. I had friends who didn't receive anything, ever, not in four years.

The thing is, the flight attendants have no power or backing (company or otherwise) to make him move. Had they been pro-active in insisting he move based on nothing but a hunch or a stereotype, he'd have grounds for his own lawsuit. Could they have moved the girl? Absolutely. I wonder why they didn't. But I don't think that makes them liable for what happened. For all we know, the flight attendant asked the man if he'd like to move and he declined. She may have then asked the girl if she was okay, and if the girl nodded or said "yes" then the flight attendant moved on to tend to her other pre-flight duties. Maybe the girl said so out of fear, but maybe at that point she really did feel okay with the man sitting there. Maybe the flight attendant offered to re-seat the girl, and she declined - again, maybe out of fear or because she didn't anticipate any problems. We just don't know yet. Also, in response to an attorney's question, "So you were concerned enough to ask him to move, but then didn't enforce it ..." the easy and very likely true response is this: "On an open flight I ask all passengers if they'd like to spread out." The flight attendant's question to the abuser could have been very much rooted in inquiring about his comfort rather than out of any concern he may do something. And the flight attendant union's response would be, "It's not in our job description or in the UM contract of carriage that we are responsible for the seating or re-seating of UMs." And legally, that's a leg to stand on.

I think this is one of those things that we as parents have on our radar. But it's not on everyone's. If my ex-husband had been the gate agent in the years before we had kids, it would never have occurred to him to pay that close attention to where a teenager sat - especially if she looked older or acted older than her age. He's just not good at gauging these things, and may have mistaken her for older. The UM's age is stated *ON* her physical paperwork, but it's possible that the UM-escort signed the UM over directly to the flight attendant - bypassing the gate agent entirely. (At AA, everyone who handles the UM is required to sign a piece of paper accepting "receipt" of the UM. The UM is supposed to wear a huge plastic lanyard around her neck in which this paperwork is housed. Most older and "regular UM" kids refuse to wear the lanyard, and just carry it.) The UM's age is also stated *IN* her flight record, but in my experience the agents don't always make note of it. I've stood by for full flights with very young children and once had an agent offer me a seat in 18 rows away from a 2 year old and 16 rows away from a 3 year old. He saw "names on the standby list" and didn't check the ages. I've learned to proactively let the agent know that Passengers X and Y are under five and we need to be seated together or we'll just wait for our scheduled flight. Since having kids, especially daughters, my ex-husband's perspective is SO DIFFERENT. He's aware now. His life experiences prior to having kids didn't give him any need to question the character of any man, not even a male stranger seated next to a female child.

I thought it was "ketty corner" ...? I learned most of my English from watching television. I don't know where I learned to say that word, though. Now that I know there are two other ways to say it, I'll have to ponder on which I'd like to begin to correctly use!

When my teenagers were little, it was worth my while to sell at places like Once Upon A Child. Not only did they pay better, but you earned more if you accepted store credit. I like that because I had several close in age and could always find stuff to buy. I had mostly boys and earned more the older they got because boy clothes in great condition were in higher demand. But I stopped selling there with my youngest because they stopped paying as well and began raising their sale prices. I used to laugh when I saw Old Navy and Circo/Target brands in there USED for more than I know it cost NEW at the actual, real retailer. Lame! I used to shop for my boys at the once yearly consignment sale. It was called something like Just Between Friends, I think? I didn't sell there, though. Too lazy. I started donating them to my parish garage sale or giving them to friends. I earned more in a tax write-off and it felt just as good as selling. Maybe better because I would become unreasonably agitated by how little OUAC was willing to give me. Rationally I knew they were a business and needed to earn a profit but in the moment I'd just get annoyed at how little they thought my stuff was worth LOL. My boys don't outgrow stuff any more. My daughter still does. Anything the boys don't want, or that the girl outgrows, is "donated" to my son's annual garage sale.

I don't know that they would, though. Sadly, this isn't the first incident of this kind. Past incidents are probably why each airline currently words their individual policies the way that they do, though. The wording posted here is very precise in what the parent can expect (and should not expect). And it's working because the consensus here is that the airline isn't legally culpable. Time will tell what a judge/jury thinks. I think this is too big a money maker for them to eliminate the service completely. It may undergo some changes, but I'm not sure what further changes it can undergo without infringing upon the rights of its other passengers. For example, a gate agents PERSONAL policy of not seating a UM next to an unrelated male passenger might be acceptable (or overlooked by the company and passengers) but as a company-wide (or even industry-wide) policy this discrimination against an entire class of passengers (men) is unacceptable.

They don't taste like it to me! :lol: For instance, my friend's kids could eat an entire container of grapes in a single sitting. I can eat maybe 3-4 grapes total. But a frozen banana with dark chocolate tips and a little shredded coconut? That's good, I can eat that without issue. I think it's way less sweet than grapes. I like bananas that are green, once they're yellowing they're too mushy and sweet. Definitely more so than with a little chocolate. I don't eat many pears, but I like them for dessert sometimes. I buy Asian pears because they're the least sweet I can find. But they're a bit bland, so a dollop of whipped cream adds a bit of sweetness - but way less than a different type of pear would be (for me, at least!)

Goldberry, I agree. I don't fault them at all, I think they did what they could, when they could. My youngest is a girl. And shy. And would be worried about offending a stranger by being "rude" or upsetting an airline employee by asking to be moved. We fly a lot, every month so she is very familiar with the inflight experience. We have a regular route, so she even has a rapport with the flight attendants who are also regulars on that route because we see them every other week. As in they know her birthday, they bring her small gifts, etc. And still ... if she had been in that girl's seat, I don't know that she would have stood up to move, rung her call light, or otherwise called attention to the situation. I don't send her as a UM, ever. If I had no choice but to do so, I'd take advantage of the airline's policy allowing me to escort her to the gate and I'd talk to the gate agent myself about her seating. I know they usually try to seat the UMs in the front of main cabin where there is a lot of flight attendant traffic and both cabin crews can keep tabs on the child. But on an open flight, I may want her seated next to a galley instead - where she'd have eyes and ears on her during that climb and descent when most adults know the crew is not paying attention. On open flights, the attendants are less busy, too, and more apt to camp out in the last few rows of the cabin if the gate agent blocked them off (for the crew). What I wonder is where the nearest fellow passenger was seated. And I wonder if he was noticeably drunk (which would put AA in trouble as it's illegal to allow him to board).

Adding, I've seen adults - rational, seemingly intelligent, normal people - who are afraid to ring the call light or to stand up if the seatbelt sign is on. And many passengers have witnessed fellow passengers being chastised by less than kind flight attendants for trying to use the lav, or to get into the overhead bin, when the sign is on. It wouldn't surprise me at all that even the most assertive, confident young teenager would freeze in that situation - especially on an airplane, which is likely an irregular environment and experience (even if it happens a few times each year). It's not like being on your street with a creepy guy following you in a car where you're on familiar, home territory and at least have THAT on your side. It's you, a bunch of strangers, and an unfamiliar environment.

I learned about the incident when it first came out - it was a week or so ago, I think? I held the top tier elite status on this airline for more than a decade when I worked (100K miles per year) and have maintained second tier (50K+/miles per year) in the 3 years since I retired. I'm very familiar with their inflight procedures. It's my understanding that the flight attendant caught the man at the start of the beverage service. This airline's policy is to begin the beverage service at 10K feet altitude (which is when you hear the first ding), but most flight attendants wait until cruising altitude (~30K feet) in the interest of their safety. I've been told the beverage cart can weigh up to 300lbs when fully stocked, and that's no easy feat to push at an incline if the airplane is still ascending. On the aircraft in question, it's about 10 minutes from take-off to 10K feet. It can take another 10-15 to reach cruising altitude. Most people who fly know that you never see a flight attendant during this time - they're all in their jump seats. Some planes do have jump seats within the passenger section of the cabin, this one does not; it's jump seats are by the boarding door and at the very back of the plane. Add to that another 5-10 minutes for a flight attendant to set up the cart for the service and we're easily at 30 minutes before she's in the aisle to complete her service ... and able to notice something isn't right.

We eat a lot of vegetables - raw, cooked, any which way but canned. Well, we use canned tomatoes for meal bases (soups, chili, etc.) We eat a pretty traditional diet, which for "my people" consists of: lots of veggies, rice, some broth, and meat as an accent (rather than the main focus, if at all). The community I grew up was mostly vegetarian Buddhists. Meat was usually fish, with the occasional beef and sometimes chicken. What we don't eat so much of is fruit. I find much of it too sweet. If we eat fruit, it's usually hidden in something and it's usually not a dish I grew up with. I can eat berries if they're tossed into oatmeal or yogurt. I can eat pineapple if it's grilled. I can eat apples if they're buried in peanut butter, and pears if they're covered with whip cream and sliced almonds. Bananas I dip in chocolate and coat with coconut. I'll eat most tropical fruit plain, but I prefer them dried. I'll eat any fruit that's in a pastry! LOL About the only fruit I eat as-is would be watermelon. Yum!

I have some kids that have always been public-schooled and some kids that have always been homeschooled. Their lives are pretty much the same, so I don't know that homeschooling has been any great influence or difference in the lives of my homeschoolers. I also worked up until a few years ago, so I'm not sure that "full time parenting" has had any real effect, either, in that I've not really done much of it. But those aside LOL, ... I see each of my children thriving - not just surviving - in each of the school settings I've placed them in. For our family there hasn't been a single academic answer (be it homeschool or public school). I suppose it's been worth it in the sense that I met each child where (s)he was rather than to try and fit them into some one-size-fits-all idea of what "school" should look like for us. For this I'm glad about the choices I've made.

Hard decisions. :grouphug: I am saddened to read of the losses experienced by the women here, and the sometimes resulting uncertainty that follows in subsequent pregnancies. I'm relieved to know that with some prodding and pushing to get doctors on board, today's medicine can troubleshoot and eliminate or reduce some of the issues that lead to these losses. It blows my mind what we know now, and can do to save babies and mamas. OP, I don't know that there is ever a right answer. That makes it so much more difficult, doesn't it? Here's hoping you and DH can reach a decision together, and soon! Sometimes the indecision is harder to deal with than accepting a decision we're not fully on board with.

I like thank you notes, both as a sender and a receiver. Are they necessary? I don't know; is anything etiquette-related truly necessary? Are they a good idea? I believe so. I write them often, as do my children. Are they the end-all, be-all? I don't think so. I think it's a changing social expectation.

That must feel AMAZING! :party: I've never been able to do one, so I am in genuine awe. And great job setting a goal, and meeting it. It's so easy to miss a deadline and to give up instead ... or worse, to just not set a goal at all. What's next for you?