Medication has been very helpful for my dh.

His therapist cannot talk to you about him/his treatment without his permission, but you can absolutely contact her and share information that would be good for her to know (such as his inappropriate efforts to impose OCD-triggered restrictions on family members). I have found it usually works best for me to attend my spouse's therapy sessions, but that won't work for every couple/situation dynamic.

Girlfriend does make me more suspicious--I wouldn't trust a romantic partner as a corroborative witness. And it highlights probable relationship strains.

My 13 year old still enjoys Prodigy. Prodigygame.com

Thank you for the new thread.

Congratulations to your son Ruth!

LOL yeah exceptionally monkeyish two year olds do exist. Perhaps the rope could end too far above the ground for the two year old?

Your husband's behavior is abusive towards his children. Not because he wants to abuse them, but because he (and you if you allow this) are letting his OCD make the decisions and OCD doesn't know how to treat family members. I know this is hard. I've walked a similar path. You are going to have to stand up to the OCD and, if you can, help him get the help he needs to stand up to it as well. I am so sorry he and you and your children are dealing with this.

Probably because he is not able to think about or discuss it rationally.

Does his therapist have experience in treating OCD? It can be a bit of a specialized field of practice and doesn't necessarily respond to generic therapy approaches.

Catering to OCD does not help anything and can, in my opinion, exacerbate the OCD. Letting OCD control other family members is not OK. You guys can follow normal doctor recommended hygiene procedures; for a cold, quarantine is not a standard recommendation. Have you studied OCD at all? There are lots of books out there, the first one I read when my dh was diagnosed was Brain Lock and it did give me some helpful insights. If your husband must cater to his illness he needs to do so in ways that primarily affect him, not someone else. He can quarantine himself or wear a mask. Hopefully his therapist will work with him on talking back to the OCD and using exposure to decrease the influence of his triggers.

For the loft--you could do a knotted climbing rope to get to it. The bigger kids would be able to climb it but the two year old wouldn't.

I have started keeping melatonin next to my bed; that way if I wake up during the night and can't fall back to sleep I can take it then.

Some PDF picture books here: http://pdfgratuits.blogspot.com/2017/10/13-livres-pour-enfant-gratuits-pdf.html?m=1 Note some are printed in cursive script as is common for books for young children in France.

I don't find the story unbelievable; it isn't hard to lose site of a kid running away in a crowded park, and drowning is unfortunately more common among ASD kids. https://m.huffingtonpost.ca/kathleen-oagrady/autism-drowning-deaths_b_17017768.html

Because God, who must be as perfect as a parent can be, has only perfectly behaved kids in all of us right?

That is hard for it all to be on your shoulders.

Yes. Sleep if you can. Take a sleep aid if you can't (benadryl works for me) because this is a marathon you are running and you need to do whatever you can to take care of yourself. How is the rest of your family?

With five bedrooms I would put the kids in two, third for you and dh, and knock down a wall between the remaining rooms to make a larger play room. Another option--do you have a garage? We converted ours into a play room.

Not negative, but remodeled or updated are terms I have seen more often.

I do have what may seem like a bit of an odd book recommendation, should you find yourself with time and desire to read at some point. The book is "Brave Girl Eating" and was written by the mother of a daughter with anorexia. It is of course not a how to book on coping with mental illness but when I read it I was struck by the descriptions of what life is like when trying to support and help a family member who is frequently irrational--who seems to be sometimes themself and sometimes some other being entirely. It's a reality I have lived with for years and have found very difficult to explain to those who have not experienced it. I also appreciated the family centered care model described in the book, a rarity in the world of mental health.

I don't really have any wisdom to offer, just prayers and virtual hugs. The road ahead is likely to be long and hard. I find it horrifying that health insurance plans are not required to cover mental health care.

Praying!

I was thinking thicker mattresses as well.

A flexible option: schools around here always need more substitutes and a degree is not required. They even need substitute crossing guards. You have to pass a background check and they put you on their list, if you get a call you can accept or turn it down for any given day. Not for everyone but worth considering if you don't think you would hate it.