He could be a real selfish jerk, but it was always towards people he worked with. My family loved him. He came across as a real stand-up guy who had a strong moral compass. He seemed to be a real great father too. Things started to fall apart when our two daughters got old enough to voice their own opinions and make their own decisions. Then, when the family wasn't falling in line, it all became my fault. So it's like the worst parts of his personality became exaggerated and the parts that made him a good guy got pushed away. Stuff like having a life insurance policy and paying for my health insurance is part of the offer. I consider those small things because they are required by law. He is fighting me on alimony because our state law says alimony 'should not exceed 35% or displayed need" and that is where he is trying to get me. He says I don't need alimony because, in his opinion, I am underemployed (I work full time and make over $40k a year) and if I need more money I should get a better job. I wish I could show the court that he doesn't need his whole $300K+ salary and that he should give me more!

I never thought he was like that, but looking back I realize he always had the attitude that the money he made was his, not ours. We always took the type of vacations he wanted, he would never agree to any big expenditures that I wanted, but would spend a lot on himself. It's so weird after over 30 years together realizing that I just don't know him anymore. When we met he wore jeans and flannel shirts and came from a town where cow tipping was considered the height of amusement. I came from a small, affluent coastal town. He used to tease me about what a snobby town I lived in. Then, through the years, as he worked his way up the corporate ladder, image became more and more important to him. He used to drive a beat up pick-up truck that he loved; now he drives a BMW. The jeans and flannel shirts have been replaced with cashmere coats and custom fitted shirts. I get that, as a Senior VP you have to dress nice, but it overtook his whole life. He is now living in a winter rental near the beach .... in the town I grew up in! This was once the town he HATED for it's snobbishness, and now he chooses to rent there. Talk about changing his personality!

Are you sick of me yet? Cuz it's going on THREE YEARS since we decided to split up! So the latest and greatest ..... I have, with my lawyer, crafted a settlement offer. I am asking for alimony and half of the retirement and investments. That's it. I will not go after his yearly bonuses, his stock options, or the value of his parent's house that he owns. This offer, though, will expire in 30 days. If he does not agree then all bets are off. There will be no more meditations (we've had 4 sessions with no movement), no more anything. I will just go radio silent, wait for us to go to trial and continue to collect the temporary alimony that the judge awarded me. If we go to trial we will have to wait until May 2019. This was the next available date for trial from the court. But at that time I will go after everything and I am pretty confident the judge will award me everything. It will cost me many thousands to go to trial though. My reasoning is this; the alimony I am asking for will be plenty for me to live on, and half the retirement fund will be plenty for me to retire on in the future. At this point I don't care if he goes on to be a bizillionaire, I just want to be able to live my life free from his drama. I don't want to be chasing him every year to see if he got a bonus, how much, etc. I found out at the last mediation that he made $150,000 MORE this year than last year due to a promotion and bonus, and he still says he cannot afford to send money to our youngest daughter who is finishing up senior year in college. Yet he sends her a text asking about the date for her graduation because, gee, he wouldn't even think of missing it. * If I was a betting woman I would bet that he will not take this offer and will force us to go to trial. Not because he thinks he will win, but because he hates the idea of giving me anything, and just will not see the big picture. So, tick tock - 30 days and counting.

..... some reason that is not health or bad in anyway but requires me to not work, stay home and knit all day! ..... to go on on a Caribbean vacation where the room is actually a hut over the water so I can just step out and jump into the ocean. ..... a job that involves petting cats all day. Any other realistic "wants" that people have? haha

Can I add a story where I was the inappropriate one? (Didn't mean to be inappropriate ... it just came out haha) I worked in a large department for a company. We had 3 men there who went by the name Dick. One day someone called and asked to speak with Dick. I said "Do you know his last name? We have a lot of Dicks that work here." Yeah. That was uncomfortable.

I read somewhere that if a woman feels unsafe at home but isn't ready to leave for some reason, she can set up a system with neighbors to let them know when she is in trouble. For example, a back porch light that, when turned on, means "call the police". Perhaps she could do something like that while she is still there.

In my state this meeting is a required step before you go before the judge. So 3 days after the meeting we will go to court and either have a settlement hammered out, or be close enough to a settlement that the judge can split the difference, or have to go to trial. I cannot imagine a trial helping because we have such a straight forward divorce -- grown kids, one house that has been sold, etc., but my STBX is just stupid and stubborn enough that he may make us go that route. Ours was going to be the friendliest divorce in history. We were going to set an example with our friendly-ness. Yeah nope. Didn't happen. Maybe some people can do it - we couldn't. My STBX became a completely different person.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is heart wrenching. My stomach has been a mess .... sometimes I cannot even eat. But ..... IT DOES GET BETTER! A few weekends ago I got a tattoo that says "She had not know the weight until she felt the freedom" (from the Scarlet Letter) Unhappy marriages have a way of sneaking up on you until you are living a unhappy daily existence. Being free from that has it's advantages. Now you can focus on YOU. What do YOU want to do on the weekends that makes you happy? I love to knit and watch movies .... my husband used to think that was lazy and I never felt truly relaxed doing it. He also felt TV was a waste of time. Now I knit all freakin weekend if I want and watch whatever I want! How do YOU want to decorate your new space? I have a tiny bedroom now, just enough room for a full size bed and nightstand, but I love it! I have tapestries on the walls (my husband hated tapestries ... too hippy for him) and lots of fluffy pillows and best of all, the cat gets to sleep with me (animals on the bed were a no-no for my husband.) It is my little sanctuary. Right now you feel like you are being forced out of your old life but you need to look at it as entering your new life. Make it what you want and give yourself lots of love, space and time. It does get better.

This is my plan and I hope I can carry it off. My STBX can be a real cold fish when he wants and he would LOVE to see me cry. I will practice being haughty!

My attorney will be there. I just want to make sure I have everything laid out because (a) I am a control freak :laugh: and (b) I'm the one that will live with whatever settlement we get. I want to make sure we don't miss anything. She hasn't been living it -- I have.

My divorce saga continues, but perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. We are scheduled this Monday for the mandatory 4-way meeting between all parties before we go to court on 3/29/18. I am not sure what to expect seeing as though the last time we sat together his offer was to give me nothing. What a guy. IF we could actually agree on things I could get a divorce agreement next Thursday. I am pessimistic but hopeful at the same time, which is wreaking havoc on my stomach! So, any advice? I plan on having all my facts, like how many times he bounced temporary support checks, how many times he just stopped paying temporary alimony, how many times he has been in contempt, how much money I have spent supporting our children while he refused to send money, etc.

I have never seen a crocheted ceiling before! Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder!

To me it is messy and would give me anxiety being in it. Now, if my kids were young and in the middle of playing some game that required stuff being strewn around, then fine. But I would be moving the jacket hanging on the door and definitely putting away anything that is not being used right at the moment. And the rug ... its pushed to far into the hearth. That would make my OCD start yelling haha. Although in the "neat" picture it has been removed so maybe it caused someone else too much anxiety too :laugh: I cannot sit and relax in a messy room.

I saw this article online. A woman posted a picture of her living room and asked if people thought it was messy or not. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5507145/Do-think-living-rooms-messy.html What do you think?

Thank you for all the replies. When I am in my home I am very happy and secure. But, driving around can be depressing. Unless I am right downtown everything just looks so ..... rundown I guess. The past few towns I lived in looked so nice when driving around, whether it be nice open space or people who really cared about their houses and landscaping, etc. I guess this would be more of a blue collar town. People are busy working and don't have as much money to throw into pretty trees for their front lawns. Ah, well, if my history has taught me anything its that I will be moving again in a few years. And after being so rudely uprooted (haha) I have learned that family and security mean much more than rolling green lawns.

I have been living in my current town for about 2 years. It is a nice town, with a very historic and picturesque downtown. But, overall the town is just "okay". When you drive along the main streets there doesn't seem to be a lot of upkeep. Like most towns, it has it's share of problems but some seem to go beyond what I think a normal town would have. Some (rumored) prostitution, lots of drugs, etc. The neighborhood I live in is nice, quiet, etc., but there are a few foreclosed homes in there. When thinking long term, my experience with the town has been fine and I could see myself settling there. But when I take a wider look I wonder if I need to be concerned. Do you care about the overall town as long as you feel safe in your house and neighborhood? Or do you want the whole town to feel like it cares about itself aesthetically?

I remember being all excited for my kids to watch The Wizard of Oz and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I thought they would be a little scared of the witch and the Bumble like I was when I was little. Nope. Didn't even phase them. My daughter felt bad for the Bumble.

The other night I was looking for a good action movie to watch before I went to bed. I decided to re-watch Raiders of the Lost Ark. When I was a teenager I had a HUGE crush on Harrison Ford and saw the movie 15 times. At the time I thought it was an edge-of- the-seat movie. When I re-watched it I realized .... it is so cheeeeeesy! I couldn't even enjoy it -- the acting was bad, the action scenes comical, but at least Harrison Ford still looked dreamy. I tried to watch the second one and that was even worse! How did Kate Capshaw ever get that part?! Sigh. I guess I am just too old and crotchety. Any movies that you used to think were great and now realize they are meh?

Just wanted to let you know this caused me to make all sorts of "awww" noises while at work!

This happened to us a while back. My stepfather passed away. My mother went to a psychic soon after, who told her that an item that was used by my stepfather would be moved, and that would be a sign from him. My mother became convinced it would be his coffee cup, the one he used every morning and no one else touched because it was so old and stained. About 2 weeks later my brother and I hear my mother scream from the kitchen. We rush down to her telling us that ALL THE COFFEE CUPS ARE GONE! It was only me, my brother and my mother living there. We all swore we had no idea what happened, but sure enough, all the cups in all the cabinets had disappeared. About another 2 weeks goes by, and another scream from the kitchen. A few coffee cups had reappeared! And slowly, over the next week or so, the cups came back one or two at time until they were all replaced. Well, this became proof positive for my mother that her late husband had contacted us. They story was told at every holiday and every family gathering, always baffling everyone. Until one holiday...... years later.... when my brother finally confessed. He had been taking a cup of coffee to work with him every morning, and then putting it in the back seat of his car when done. Being a clueless slob, before he knew it he had about 20 coffee cups rolling around in his car and he had depleted the coffee cups in the house. When my mother freaked, he knew he would get yelled at for being such a slob, so he decided it would be a good idea to roll with the whole "a ghost took the cups" and then try to sneak them back in a few at a time. Perhaps the toothbrush incident will be solved eventually. Until then I would buy a new one cuz who knows what adventures the missing one had!

That poor father ..... I don't believe in vigilante justice but this situation makes me want to change my mind.

My niece passed away when she was 3 and my daughters were 6 and 8. I was very worried about how her death would affect them. A friend of mine gave me a great book that helped explain some things. It's called "Water bugs and Dragonflys: Explaining death to young children" by Doris Stickney. I highly recommend the book.

Speaking of M. Night, has anyone seen his movie Devil? It got panned by the critics but my family and I love the movie. Very suspenseful, good twists etc. When M. Night gets it right he does a really good job

I work in an office with 4 other people. I started about 2 years ago. It is a great job, nice people, good pay, blah blah blah. The only thing is this ...... my boss, who started 6 months ago, was just diagnosed with breast cancer 2 weeks ago. Now my co-worker was diagnosed with an breast abnormality this week. My old boss, who was here for about 25 years and just retired, developed cancer while he was working here, as did the previous clerical worker. So that means, in a small office, right now there are two out of four of us diagnosed with cancer, and two others who worked here developed cancer. It is an old building. It was a junior high school that was converted about 10 years ago into the Town Hall. In total there are about 100 people who work in the building and I have not heard a lot about cancer in general. It just seems to hit our department hard. Would you be concerned and look for another job? Or would you chalk it up to a statistical anomaly? Ironically enough, i work for the Board of Health!

I will definitely ask my attorney about this. After putting me through all of this I am going to try to ask for permanent support, but idk how that will work in my state. I think they just changed the laws about that but I do believe it can still be at the judge's discretion. My husband also gets bonuses as part of his salary. Sometimes they are $500, sometimes they upwards of $70,000, so I will be asking for a portion of his bonuses. I don't know if that will be affected if I try to go the non-modifiable route.