I don't think I would say anything to the coach. When my daughter played softball competitively her coach always, during practice and during a game, would point out how a botched play either advanced a runner or allowed the other team to score. It kept the girls constantly remembering that every play was important and that the whole team had to play together. If the coach ONLY calls out one player for missing a play, or does it in a very harsh way, then that is a different story.

I offered him a settlement of 35% of his current salary and not going after his future bonuses. If i can get 35% of his current salary I can live quite happily. Then I don't care if he makes a billion dollars -- I don't want the hassle of going after him every few years for an increase in his salary. Of course he ignored the offer.

Unfortunately, no. There were too many other things to bring up

I feel somewhat safe but am still hyper-vigilant of checking my surroundings. He has never been violent but these last 3 years have been a real lesson in "never say never"

This time we were there to (a) try and get my weekly alimony increased because he is making $100K more this year than last year and (b) to have the alimony taken directly out of his paycheck because for the last year and a half he has not personally sent one check. It all has come from his half of the profit of selling our house. It was a weird day. We did not have our usual judge, we had a new interim judge. She seemed a lot more engaged in the details so perhaps that will be good. My STBX met with his lawyer before we went into court, and I think that is when he told him that he has not paid alimony in the last 5 weeks because his share of the profits have been depleted. I think that is also when his attorney realized my STBX owes him close to $30,000 for legal fees and has not paid yet. His attorney seemed all flustered and uptight. He did a terrible job presenting their side. He had to say that he did not know my STBX has not paid me for 5 weeks - that just makes him look bad in front of the judge. I would not be surprised if this lawyer fired my STBX. His last lawyer fired him for not doing what the court ordered and for not paying her. One of their more stupid and unkind arguments is that my STBX has only been making this level of salary for the last 10 years or so, but for the majority of the marriage he was not making so much and that I should not benefit from his continued hard work. REALLY?!?! I just can't even believe in this day and age that argument is still being used. I finally had an opportunity to speak though! One of their arguments is that my STBX paid the college tuition for our younger daughter and that I was supposed to pay half of that and didn't and therefore owe him $18,000. The judge pointed at me and said "I want to hear about this $18,000." I stood up and said "Yes, he paid the tuition, but I paid her monthly rent at $540 a month, her utilities, all her uninsured health costs and once she graduated she lived with me for 6 months and I paid all the expenses. It totals well over $15,000 and I have the documentation to prove all of it." When you tell the truth there really is no need to "prepare" an answer or be ready for tricks. The truth is the truth and can be explained plainly. I did find out where his is living -- he has a beautiful apartment in the city, close to his job, with tons of windows and two balconies. But when I got home last night I looked around my small but cozy home, with my sister living next door and my cat snoozing on the couch, and know that I am so much happier and at peace than he is. He just reminds me of the term "failure to thrive". He looks gray and pinched and very, very angry. So now we wait for her ruling. It could be a week, it could be six weeks. But she did admonish us for this case taking so long. She made a point of saying it has dragged on for too long. Perhaps, maybe, just possibly this will have an effect and we could wrap things up? I don't know...... narcissists do not give up until everything is ruined. I heard a beautiful quote over the weekend that I kept repeating while I was sitting in court. I am not doing the quote justice because I don't remember it verbatim, but I went something like "God knows you are out of strength, He knows you are weary and cannot continue the fight. He is not asking you to be strong. He is asking you to be still. To be still and know that He is God." Update: The interim judge denied everything (the increased alimony and garnishing his wages so I can get a weekly alimony check.) I think she just rubber-stamped it through because it is such a balled-up mess. I am not so concerned about the increase in alimony because this is still just temporary order stuff, but I was really hoping she would request that the alimony be taken directly out of his paycheck. Now I don't know when I will get a check. I guess now I have to take him back to court AGAIN and ask for contempt charges. The interim judge did order us to participate in mediation with a retired judge, but I don't know if that is a "have to". I worry that a new judge will make a stupid decision. I just can't believe he has gotten away with not personally paying alimony for so long. Update #2: just received notice that his 3rd lawyer has now dumped him. I don't know if it is because he owes the lawyer $40,000 or because he refuses to listen to and follow the lawyer's professional advice. I don't know how this will affect everything except for just causing more delays. ?

Ever since I was little my family has played an Italian card game. My grandparents brought it over from Italy and it has been played by all of us, from ages 10 to my grandmother's age when she passed at age 101. It is easy to learn and goes fast and is a lot of fun. It is for 4 players and you play in teams. The closest I can come to finding the game online is a card game called Briscola. We have always called it "Marianna" but I am sure that is because the different dialects in Italy make it hard to get an exact title. The reason I bring it up is because last night my 24 year old DD came over for dinner and immediately asked if we could play a few hands after dinner. My 27 year old nephew was there and he wanted to play too. It struck me that this is a game I played when I was young, then taught to my children when they were young and we STILL play it as a family. When my 60 year old brother comes around we always have to play a few hands. We play with a regular deck of cards, but if you buy the Briscola game it comes with special cards. If you have never tried it you should check it out. It really is a great family card game.

We did try mediation in the beginning. It was such a joke. His offer at that time was basically .... nothing. No alimony. I was in shock. When I said "I need more money to live" his answer was for me to get a better job. We are going back to court this coming Monday. My attorney is asking for my temporary alimony to be increased because he is making a lot more this year than last year. This ought to really make his head explode! I am VERY hopeful though because he is making so much more now, he is no longer paying for the house or any expenses relating to it and both our daughters are now supporting themselves. The best argument, though, is that he was able to move to a place closer to his work, which happens to be in the city. So I am sure he has a better commute and is probably paying a good chunk of change to live in the city. I have not been able to move (not that I want to, I love living with my sister) so I still commute one hour each way to work. Not equitable at all! Right now every penny he makes goes into his pocket and he makes 5x the amount I make. Since the judge ordered temporary alimony over a year ago he has not paid ONE payment out of his pocket. All the payments came from his share of the sale of our house. But now his share has been depleted. So we will be asking that the alimony be taken directly out of his paycheck. Plus we get to tell the judge how he showed up at my attorney's office and made a real ass out of himself.

This happened to me a while ago. I was baking and needed "half of 2/3rds" of something. I completely blanked. I then asked my daughter, who just graduated with a degree in architecture, what half of 2/3rds was. She started doing a bunch of division in her head. Then we got silly because we couldn't figure it out, so we called my other daughter who has a degree in biology. She also started doing all sorts of "you divide 3 into 2......" It was only when we asked my sister did we get the answer. I think it was so simple that we immediately thought it had to be more difficult, and once your brain starts down the wrong path it tends to keep going the wrong way. We still giggle about it today.

I figured this out after sitting 3 times with a mediator. We would talk and wrangle with terms and then, at the end of the meeting, I would realize that NOTHING was really accomplished and anything we had decided on (like paying off the credit cards) would never get done because he would never provide the paperwork. He is really, really good with talking a lot but not ever really saying anything of substance.

Seriously, all of your kind words and support (and offers of violence) are so greatly appreciated. I have been on this board since the very beginning and I just love the support that can be found here. You are all so wonderful! (insert happy crying face!)

I did feel safe until he showed up at my attorney's office last week demanding to see her and refused to leave. That was a new level of irrational for him. Now I am much more aware of my surroundings when I leave work. I really could not even begin to predict what he may do next.

I will definitely ask about this. I just worry about changing judges because the judge we have now has been so good to me, but maybe this could be a good way to speed things up.

I know, that's what all my friends say. HE is the one who cheated. HE is the one who initiated the divorce. He just wants it all.

Going to look into this right now!

This sounds like the direction he is going in. It's just scary to be in a struggle with someone who has this mentality. I really thought that the loss of his relationship with his daughters would keep him from losing it completely but even that hasn't stopped him. It's just scary all the way around.

Seriously, if you guys are all getting sick of my saga just let me know. I helps me to type things out and your words of support definitely bolster me, but I don't want to wear out my welcome, KWIM? So anyways, I FINALLY received my STBX's settlement offer. He has supposedly been working on this since June. My lawyer received it on Friday but actually held it over the weekend because she was "horrified by the contents" --> that's a direct quote from her email. His "offer" includes: Me paying him $35,000 for half the "sweat equity" he put into the house. (What?!?!) Me paying him back for the overpayments he feels he has been making in my alimony, even though the judge awarded it and denied his appeal. This is about $40,000 He will take out a $700,000 life insurance on himself with me as the beneficiary but reduce it by $70,000 every year until it's worth nothing Me paying him back half of the mortgage payments for the 12 months he lived in the house alone. Like I could have lived there with his crazy mistress peeking in windows and stalking the house! He also wants half of all the utilities he paid during that time. Me paying for half the college tuition for our youngest daughter's senior year. Never mind that she lived with me and I paid all her expenses. Reducing my current alimony payment by almost half. And a bunch of other completely punitive charges. These charges add up to well over $200,000 which I don't have. So he offered to take it out of my half of the 401K, leaving me with a pittance in the retirement account, I have been doing a lot of reading about divorcing a narcissist and it is like he is following a playbook. "Do not expect a reasonable offer that you can work with" and "the narcissist will take a 'scorched earth' approach to negotiations". According to the offer I have 2 weeks to decide, and I have to either accept the whole offer or nothing, otherwise we will go to trial in 2019. So I have turned it down (don't really need 2 weeks to think about it) and am just settling in for the long haul.

Thank you! The link to ravelry was what I was looking for!

When I was in high school and college there was a sweater style that was very popular. It was a solid color sweater except for the yoke; that had a fair isle pattern and 3 little buttons that opened the sweater at the collar. It looks like the picture I attached only not a cardigan style. I would love to find the name because I would love to knit this sweater. I can't seem to find that style tho ?

No, they do not speak to him. He did text them, out of the blue, to tell them that he has been very sick, in and out of the hospital with MRI's, and has lost 30 pounds. They were all upset thinking that perhaps he is really sick, but then we saw on his Facebook page that he registered for a bike race. So, he can't be on his death bed just yet. I was so mad that he texted them that. What parent tries to scare their kids like that?!

My lawyer did say they now have a new procedure in place so that next time they will just call 911. They should name it after my STBX! I plan on making sure his actions get broadcasted loud and clear for the judge to know about.

I have been soooo tempted to hire a private investigator. Right now I do not know where he is living or what he is doing. I believe he is not with his girlfriend but who knows. If they did break up then he is back on the prowl for sure.

I'm thinking this may have been what made him freak out. When our marriage was struggling he did not want to go to counseling because he was worried it would show up on our insurance. But I just don't know what he thought my attorney would do or say. It is only because he has REFUSED to pay the court ordered alimony so what the heck does he think will happen?

So my divorce saga continues. .... We are scheduled to go back to court at the end of September. This time it is to ask for an increase in my temporary alimony because my STBX is making a lot more money this year than last year. Or maybe it's because we are entering into our 4TH YEAR of dealing with this so we have to make an adjustment because it has been so long! Because he has never, ever, cut me a check personally to pay alimony - he went six months without paying, then I got a lump sum when we sold the house, and then the rest of my weekly alimony payments came from his half of the profits of the house that the lawyer is holding - and now his half of the profits are gone. So my lawyer is going to petition to have the alimony taken directly out of his paycheck. They don't normally do that for the temporary order but nothing about this case is normal. His lawyer (his 3rd lawyer, the last two fired him because he refuses to do anything) said back in June that we would have a response to my settlement offer by the beginning of July. It is now almost September and I have received nothing. His lawyer says my STBX keeps "editing and editing and re-editing and re-editing." And now, for some reason, my STBX decided it was a great idea to storm into my lawyer's office on Thursday afternoon and demand to see her. My lawyer, per ethics, cannot speak to him, just like I cannot call his lawyer and speak with him. The poor receptionist tried to tell him that but he refused to leave. She was so scared she almost called 911. Finally they contacted his lawyer who called him and must have convinced him to leave. This worries me for so many reasons. He does not live or work anywhere near my lawyer so he had to drive at least an hour to get there. He has worked with enough lawyers to know that my lawyer is barred from speaking to him (he is an expert witness for his company and has testified in many cases) so I have no idea what he was expecting. He is a Senior Vice President and travels all over the world for business -- you would think he would act more professionally. I also do not know what exactly he wanted to speak to my lawyer about. It's all so irrational. I can't get a restraining order because he hasn't done anything to me directly. I do know that all of his stalling, all of his different lawyers, all of his contempt charges, and now this, will all look better for me in court. But I just worry that he may show up at my work or my home. Thank goodness my nephew lives with me and is a police officer ... at least I have that!

They are really bad. I am embarrassed to admit that years ago I got sucked into one of the MLM companies and it is just like you described. The initial excitement, not realizing that you are bother family and friends, such high hopes. I worked it so hard and got nowhere. The woman who recruited me is still in it 25 years later so I guess it works for some people. But I would never ever ever recommend this type of endeavor to a friend.

When I first moved in with her I could not afford rent. And it was preferable to be around family at that time. Now, two years in, I am glad I have not spent all that money on rent. Our oral agreement (which will soon be written) is that when the house is sold she and I will share the proceeds. We are planning on sharing everything. Right now she has the home and resources to help me out. Once my divorce is final, I will have the resources to set us up somewhere where we can retire in peace and keep each other company.