I don't want everyone to think that the boyfriend leaning over to talk only to her is the only issue I saw. I was just using that as an example. I could lay out more, and they all could probably be listed under him being shy or awkward or intimidated. But I don't think it is just that. There is a vibe around him that makes me uncomfortable. I guess that is just the best way to describe it.

and all the news reports lately of missing children being found? For example, the authorities just rescued 72 missing children across 3 states and 39 missing children were found in Georgia. I wonder if she is giving up some information to cover herself. Horrible to think that she would be involved in something like that, but a miracle that now these children are being rescued.

To tell the truth I really can't remember what we were talking about. Nothing too controversial .... I actually think it was something about her doing her taxes and what she could claim, etc. Pretty boring stuff. But when he leaned over and whispered "that's not true" I wasn't bothered so much by the rudeness of it, that I could chalk up to just being awkward. It was the fact that he seems to keep himself completely separated from the rest of us. It's almost like he does not want to engage with anyone and not just in a "shy" way, As far as my gut feelings, I have learned over the years to rely on them more and more. The older I get the more I realize that with some people in my life I just knew something was wrong but never listened to myself. I know everyone has different personalities and different approaches but you come to expect a certain level of interaction ... a certain level of normal-ness. I've seen quirky, I've seen shy, I've seen awkward. This is not that. I have also seen life coming at me with it's pants down and I didn't take the necessary steps to not get screwed. Any time I have tried to chalk things up to "that's just the way they are" when red flags are up it has always turned out to be that the person was bad news, not just different.

haha No, my daughter is not an heiress so I know he is not after her money. I am trying to not let past experiences with people cloud my judgement. I also worry that the divorce and all the horrible results of that may have affected who my daughter picked to get involved with. I will apply some of the advice here if and when I do speak with her. I will try to keep it as general as possible. I want to be clear; I'm not bashing him because he is quiet or shy. That I can deal with. I just get a bad vibe from this guy. I think he would be very happy if my daughter split from the family and never spoke to us again.

Disclaimer: I do not work for the company, I do not make any money promoting the company. This is just my experience I tried Stitch Fix and love it! I HATE clothes shopping. There are a lot of reasons, the fluorescent lights in the fitting room only being one, but I truly hate clothes shopping. And now that I am older I have a harder time finding things. I have a long torso and am tall so most things fit "short" on me. Plus, what I used to not mind being emphasized, like my butt or boobs or hips, I now mind! When I signed up I filled out a general questionnaire like height, weight etc. I loved that I didn't have to drag out a tape measure, they just asked proportions like "Bottom = curvey, Arms = average, Torso = long". Then they asked about colors (I hate greens), fabric (no animal prints please!) etc. Then they had a bunch of pictures for different styles of clothes and you indicated a like or dislike for the styles. My work is pretty casual so I went in that direction. I also have plenty of jeans so I made a note to the stylist not to send any jeans. You can indicate a price range, from "The cheaper the better" to $$$ I got my first box and loved, I mean LOVED, every piece in there. There was a really cute cap sleeve blouse, a nice button down blouse, a cardigan and a pair of capri pants. The amazing thing is they all fit! They even sent earrings as an accessory. I almost never can find pants that fit. And a button down blouse that will fit over my chest but not look like a huge tent! The way it works is this: You pick your subscription (Once a month, once every two months, or you can sign in and ask for a box only when you want one) and indicate a general idea of how much you would like to spend. They charge you a $20 fee for picking out the clothes, etc., and if you buy any item from the box they will apply the $20 to that item. If you purchase the whole box you will get %25 off the whole purchase. I decided to keep the whole box. The prices were about $40 - $50 each for the tops, and the capris were $80. Some people will think $80 for pants is a lot but I have learned that if I find a pair of pants that fit, BUY THEM! The whole box total cost me $170. I have wasted more money than that on tops that I just never felt right in, or pants that were 1" too short. I am just really please with their quality and how much they nailed my style! I am planning a vacation in December .... I can't wait to get a box for that. I will send the stylist a note that I am going away and looking for fun, casual clothes and see what she comes up with!

I know if I talk to her about it it could be like walking through a minefield. The last thing I want is to alienate her so if I did speak with her I would probably take a roundabout approach. I am going to try to spend more time with him to see if I can get him to warm up a bit. It was just the gut feeling that I had. Not like a "boy, he is quiet I wish he would talk more" but more like "Something just isn't right here".

I have really tried to like my daughter's boyfriend but I just don't. They have been dating for over 2 years now. I don't see him all that often because she has her own apartment about an hour from me, and when she comes to visit she does not always bring him. On the surface he seems nice, maybe just a bit quiet. But then after a while I realized he is not just quiet, he literally does not engage at all in any conversation! My family can be rambunctious and loud so maybe that intimidates him, but even when it is a quiet, small group he doesn't engage. I do notice, though, that sometimes when I am talking about something to my daughter if he does not agree with what I am saying he will lean over to her and quietly say "that's not true" or something like that, but never to the person talking. The last time she visited with him was 2 weekends ago. She had period cramps really bad and was basically on the couch with a heating pad and ibuprofen the whole time. And he was quite attentive to her by rubbing her back, etc. But as I was watching him rubbing her back I am thinking "I should be happy that this guy is being so nice and attentive to her when she is uncomfortable but instead there is just something off about the whole thing." I don't think he is weird in any perverted way ... I'm not saying that. I just don't trust his motivations. My gut doesn't get a good feeling. My daughter has had a tumultuous couple of years with our divorce and I feel like if she was completely mentally healthy and strong she would not be with this guy. I worry that he keeps her weak. My stepfather was extremely controlling to my mother. Every morning he would lay out a banana and vitamins for her to take, he would handle all difficult things around the house, he was always in charge. On the surface it seemed like it was all done in a caring way, but eventually it turned into complete control. I am worried that is what this guy is like. They are planning on moving across country next year. If nothing changes I may sit down with her before the move just to express my concerns but I worry that will blow up. Ugh

Sending good vibes that he aces the interview!

Hereafter with Matt Damon. It was the first movie I have ever fallen asleep in. So bad! The only movie I ever walked out on was Purple Rain.

I don't know WHY this is so large but I can't make it any smaller! I don't have a good picture with my daughters so they get their own separate pic!

sweetsndchance: thank you for your heartfelt post. It took me a long time to realize that he was constantly trying to convince me that black was white. And for a long time I went along with it either to keep the peace or because I had been browbeaten enough to be convinced he was right. That's what they do, 24/7. It's like breathing to them. Thankfully our children are grown and they choose to have nothing to do with him.

Bingo! This is exactly it! One time when we were in counseling my ex was trying to impress the counselor with all the things he does and plans to do and she flat out told him he would never be happy because he set this standard of "nothing is ever good enough". Of course he just ignored her advice. I was just thinking this morning how much I wanted to avoid any unpleasantness because deep down inside I knew he was going to be a very nasty adversary. And at the time, I thought that would be the worst thing to go through. It turned out that I had to go through it anyways and it was worse than I could imagine. But I made it through with LOTS of help from my family. I cannot believe how close this whole process has brought me to my sister and my two daughters. It has been such a blessing in disguise. Last week was hopefully the last time I have to see him or talk to him for a long while. When I think of all the times I cried into my poor cat's fur at night ..... he definitely earned all the treats and toy mouses I get for him!

Believe me, this has been a topic of conversation in my house! I met my ex when I was 18 and he was 20 in college. He always had an arrogance about him, but he was a "good guy". He was loved by my family and, when our daughters were young and before they developed their own opinions, was very hands on with the children. He was never very generous with gifts but he was smart and grounded and made me feel safe. But he always had a touch of feeling nothing was good enough and always was the type to push himself hard. I think a girl with more confidence and a stronger background would never have put up with some of the stuff that happened when we were dating, but I was insecure and in love. Basically, he was an arrogant guy who could be a real a**hole but he had more good points than bad and proved himself enough of a stand-up guy that we all loved him. Then ... somewhere along the way he got lost. We moved to an affluent town and he started moving up the corporate ladder. All of a sudden he was very concerned with what type of car we drove, how we dressed, who we hung out with. My youngest daughter was very good at softball but hated soccer, yet my ex made her cry numerous times because he kept pushing her to play soccer. Why? Because, according to my ex, families who are involved with soccer are in a higher social status that people who are involved in softball. This from a guy who used lived in jeans and flannel shirts and drove a beat up pick-up truck and didn't care what anyone thought. All of a sudden we weren't good enough. I wasn't doing enough. Our weekends were to be filled with ADVENTURE!! No longer were bike rides along the local bike path good enough, we should all be training for a 100 mile bike race. Driving an hour to go skiing wasn't good enough, we should be renting a condo in Colorado for a month (never mind that we couldn't afford that!) I was planning a trip to NYC with my sister for the weekend and he made it quite clear that I should be going to somewhere like Paris for the weekend and my plans were lame. Watching tv on a Friday night was a waste of time. We couldn't go to dinner at any chain restaurants. All these things now had to be implemented or I would get lectured that I wasn't doing enough, that the walls were closing in on my life. Spending time with our daughters was not a priority because it broke into his bike time, his workout time, his socializing time. My college roommate who has known my ex since college (35 years now! Ugh) once asked me seriously, "Do you think he could have some kind of brain injury that is changing his personality so much?" I think he hit mid-life and decided he wanted MORE of everything. More free time. More activity. More sex. More success. And even if he had all that ... he would say "See? We achieved that, now we can set the bar even higher." It's so obnoxious because he thinks all this "stuff" is impressive; his $4000 a month condo in the city, his BMW, his bragging about his stupid bike races ...... those of us that truly know him know what a sad, empty life he now has compared to what he did have. But he just stopped valuing the family life and wanted to live what he thinks is now a cool, successful life.

I will definitely NOT be going. I am going to try and find a moving company that will just deal with him, or make some other type of arrangements. But, no, I will not be there.

I hesitate to post sometimes, especially on this topic, because it seems to always be a post with me bitching. But then I think, maybe someone else is dealing with a narcissist or just a really bad spouse and this may help in some way. But my apologies if you are sick and tired of my drama. I don't blame you .... I am sick and tired of it too! 🤣 So we had to go back to court for contempt because, even though we have a final court order of divorce, my ex still won't do anything the court has ordered. He was supposed to transfer the title of the car to me, start to process to transfer half his 401K, and give me back the grandfather clock he has in storage. We sit with the mediator and he says we will start with the easiest thing .... the grandfather clock. My ex then says "She can pick it up any weekday she wants, but not the weekends." Um, I work full time, live an hour away from where the storage facility is, and would have to take a vacation day to get it and I only get two weeks vacation time. I remind my ex that there are 52 (!) weekends in a year .... isn't there just one Saturday or Sunday that he can free up an hour to meet me and stand there while I load the clock? Nope. He isn't budging. The mediator tells him he is being difficult, and my ex actually says "I am offering 5 days out of 7 that she can get the clock and I'm the jerk?" Yes, yes you are. His big declaration during the divorce is that he is not taking shit from anyone and not having anyone dictate his time. So I guess this falls under me dictating his time (eye roll). The mediator finally tells him that if he does not pick a weekend date the judge will pick it for him. So, after 20 useless minutes we got that decided and I will pick up the clock on a Sunday. Then we start arguing about the credit card debt. The court order stated I had to pay off all the credit cards in my name, which I did. But my ex decided he paid the minimums on my credit cards for two months while I was working on paying them off, and he wanted to be reimbursed for those payments. Nope, he can't do that because that was not mentioned in the divorce decree. So then he says he wants to be reimbursed for the interest on those payments. It worked out the be about $500. I finally just agreed because by now we had been at this for two hours and we weren't even half way through stuff yet. But I said to him "Really?? You want $500 from me when I have the exact same amount of debt I have to pay off as you, only you make 5x as much as me! You make over $400,000 a year and you are dogging me for $500??" His answer? "Good job playing the victim." And on and on it went. Finally we managed to agree on everything. I had to give him a check then and there for a relatively large amount of money. We left the courthouse at 2:00 pm and somehow he managed to scurry his way to a bank and cash my check immediately. He plays this game where he assumes everyone is lying and manipulating and he is just so smart he won't be caught unawares. But in reality, he is the only one playing dirty. Everyone else just wants to move on. And with all the little details finally hammered out this should be the end of it. In the past I always said that I could handle seeing him and dealing with him, but after yesterday's experience I never want to see him again. And not in a petulant way, I just can't do it. I feel like a hollowed out pumpkin. By the time we went before the judge to say we had agreed on everything I was a wrung out mess from crying and being stuck in a conference room for 4 hours with Satan. I won't ever put myself through that again.

It is about 15 minutes from home vs 50 minutes now. I love the idea of the summer off but I have no idea how it would all work.

Well, I must not have insulted them too much ..... I have an interview next week! So, can anyone give any insight on working for a school system? This position is for the secretary at the main office in the middle school. In reading their handbook I had some questions: I think I will have to join a union? How much are dues usually? Under vacation it says that I will get 2 vacation days a year. The work year is 220 days. How does that work? Do I have the summer off and then 2 additional days? What don't I know .... fill me in. I have never worked in a union or for a school. Educate me!

I have been applying for jobs closer to home but have not had any results yet. I saw a job posting for a school secretary. I have the experience they are looking for and it would only be 15 minutes away instead of 45. Twice in the job listing it listed "sense of humor" in the requirements. It was definitely a prominent requirement. So when I was doing my cover letter I thought I would take a chance and inject some humor. In the opening paragraph of the cover letter I wrote this: "I am interested applying for the job of Office Secretary. I am very excited about this job opening as I believe my experience as an Administrative Assistant along with my personality make me a great fit for this job. At least, I think I am funny. My kids …. not so much!" I don't know...... I was feeling confident that day and thought that perhaps this would make me stand out for the other applicants. But so far I have not heard anything back. So now I am second-guessing myself. I come from the old--school teachings of how to format a cover letter and resume, but everything I have read talks about ramping it up with personality and how today's world is not so formal when applying for jobs. ugh. So much for trying to be hip haha

My sister suffers from Rheumatoid Arthritis and some nights she would be awake all night with the pain. I finally got her to try some marijuana and the relief has been immense for her. She says that knowing she will be going to bed and not have to deal with such pain is a miracle for her.

I have used Blue Apron for about a year now and absolutely love it. Their deliveries come on time, every time. Their meat is very high quality. It has definitely made me eat better/healthier than something I would throw together myself after work! My subscription is for two meals, three times a week. For that I pay about $60 per week ($10 per meal per person -- seems reasonable to me.) I get it for my sister and I and the portions are perfect. If someone was a big eater they may find there is not enough food. I like that you can put a hold on your subscription for however long your want (like over the holidays or if you are going on vacation.) The few times they have made a mistake and left an ingredient out they have immediately credited me money towards my next order. Just my .02!

Ok, I'm going to put this out there and then duck, cuz I know it will shock some people. You know what really really really bugs me? COFFEE!! Now, I don't like the taste of coffee and am a tea drinker, but that is not the extent of it. (BTW, I take my tea black. I love it with some lemon but would never just expect that to always be available.) A typical conversation with a coffee drinker at my house goes like this: "Would you like some coffee?" (because it has to be offered - even if no one in my house drinks it .... it HAS to be there for people) "What time is it" (because now the drinker has to decide between caffeinated and decaffeinated) "It's 3:00 pm" "Ok, I'll take caffeinated please" "Milk, cream, or half and half?" "Oh, cream please" "Sugar? Sweet-n-low?" And on and on it goes........ All that work for one freakin' drink! And if you have multiple people over, some want milk and sugar, some want cream and Sweet-n-Low, some want decaf only, some want iced. This SNL take on coffee captures some of my frustration ..... a typical New England morning at Dunkin Donuts My mother used to yell at me because I didn't always have all the ingredients needed when she came over. She always would say "You love ginger ale, so I make sure I have ginger ale for you, you should have coffee for me!" But, ginger ale is a drink in a glass. That's it. No multiple additives that make the 100's of combinations!! And then there are the people who HAVE TO have their coffee first thing in the morning. If you live with them or are on vacation with them a large chunk of the morning revolves around getting coffee, making sure it's hot (or iced or blended), making sure they have all the ingredients they need because nothing else can happen until they have their coffee. And there is also the "I only like coffee from ABC place, but Susie only likes it from XYZ" so we have to make multiple stops. If I am the one doing the driving and have to order for people at the drive-thru, it's all "A hot carmel mocha coffeeata with two creams and extra sugar, a double iced mocha with milk and extra extra sugar, and a cafe mocha with steamed milk" -- I feel like I have to learn a whole new language AND take a course on memorization because the orders are so convoluted! When I am driving to work I pass a bunch of coffee shops like Dunkin Donuts, and half the time the traffic is backed up into the street because the drive through line is so long, or there are so many people trying to pull back out while slurping their coffee that is too hot so they aren't paying attention. People literally cannot function or think or even muster up the will to live until they have their coffee. It Makes. Me. Crazy. My family bought me a t-shirt that says "F*ckin Go Nuts" in the same logo style as Dunkin Donuts" (Are you getting how much I hate coffee? Haha)

So i have been officially divorced for one month. For the last 5 years I kept saying "When will this be over?!" and now (most) of it is. It feels weird even though I haven't seen or spoken to my ex in months. It's still an odd concept to me that I am no longer his wife, no longer a part of the couple that started when I was 18. I also went through a tough time around November because, as much as I thought I was working through things, I was spending too much time saying I was okay, joking that I wasn't getting divorced but was just "between husbands" and declaring that I have never been happier. That last part is true, I have never felt free-er or happier, but I still had work to do. I still had to finish mourning the death of my marriage. Holding things in is like squeezing toothpaste with the cap on. Thank goodness I have a great therapist who showed me that the cracks that were showing was really just the hard shell I had put up finally cracking under the stress and beneath that shell I would find a more peaceful mind. Up until that point I thought any cracks just showed that I was collapsing under the pressure. Technically I am not yet out of the woods. My ex has been sending the alimony payments regularly, which has been a miracle. However, he hasn't done anything else that was directed in the divorce decree though. He was supposed to handle transferring the 401K money, coordinate delivery of a grandfather clock that should go to me, and transfer the title of my car and payment information so that I can take over paying the monthly car payment. He hasn't done anything towards that. I tried to text him, and my sister (who was very close to him) texted and called him but we got no response. So now I have to file a contempt charge again. At least this time I have the power of the divorce decree behind me. I am also trying to figure out what to do job wise. Right now I love my job but it's about an hour commute. I would love to go down to a part-time job close to home but then I lose the health insurance that my company helps pay for. I would love some been there/done that advice from people who get their health insurance privately. I can afford the monthly payment and live comfortably just on the alimony, but I don't know if giving up a group health insurance is a wise move. Our two daughters still do not speak with him. He texts them on Christmas or their birthdays but they aren't really interested in trying with him right now. He has SOOOOO much lying to answer for and so many bad decisions to take responsibility for that I don't know if they will ever get back on the same path. My co-workers keep encouraging me to start to date, but I cannot even imagine ever trusting anyone, or answering to anyone, again. Right now I live with my sister and we are very compatible so I have company to go to the movies, go out to eat, vacation, etc. So, 2020 is a new year for me in a lot of ways. Good ways. Life is too short to be married to Satan.

Blasphemy!! Haha if I was to list out my favorite books these would certainly be in the top 10! I used to devour anything Stephen King wrote. Lately though his books have been bad so I don't even read him anymore. But the other two are just heaven for me. I think it really is just different strokes for different folks. I tried reading Ahab's Wife when I was in a bookclub and I felt like I was being pranked. Everyone else RAVED about it and I found it so annoying I couldn't even get through 1/3 of it. It's just the way it goes sometimes!

Yup, that was me! But I am thinking a *quiet* vacation might not make me as anxious. One of the problems I have with traveling with someone is that I don't want to disappoint my travel companion if I decide to take a day slow.