Thank you Thank you Thank you for clearing that up for me!! You guys are the best

Okay, so this is where I am confused ...... I am trying to figure out some details on my divorce settlement. I would like to say that my husband makes X% more than me, but somehow saying he makes 567% more than me doesn't seem to make sense? I also wanted to use that figure to divide up debt, so if he makes 75% more than me he should take on 75% of the debt. That type of thing.

I am trying to figure out the how much more one number is from another, in percentage. So, if I want to know how much more 300,000 is than 45,000 in percentage, what is the answer? I keep getting all kinds of weird numbers and I know I am doing it wrong! I am having a bad hormone day and I just cannot get my mind to work. TIA!! 🙂

Sorry, didn't mean to be confusing. The school doesn't provide the limos, but are paid by the students individually. They usually pitch in. The last prom my daughter went to was held in a venue about 45 minutes from the school and yes, they put them on school buses! If you did not get off a bus you could not get into prom. Then the buses would come back for the overnight party at the school. Again, you could not get into the overnight party unless you were on the bus.

Mine is a play on the word homeschool. Glance at it quickly and it just say Homeschool, but if you look closer the little apostrophe makes the word into "Home's cool"!

Can they take a limo? I am surprised that driving themselves is even an option. Most schools now require that they either go on buses that the school provides or use limos to cut down on drinking. Maybe they could Uber?

When I put my two daughters back in school (10th grade and 8th grade) it turned out really well for us. There is a bit of an adjustment period when the school picks the level of classes the student should be in, or when you realize you have no idea what they are working on, and a bunch of other things that you used to have to micromanage. But high school is a good time to put them back in. Once they start doing AP classes, etc, it is harder to find resources as a homeschool parent to teach at that level (at least that is what I found). Looking back now I feel like it was a nice way to round out their education. Good luck! 🙂

So we went to court (again) yesterday for a combined contempt hearing and status hearing. We were supposed to do a 4-way meeting for about an hour and then go before the judge. My STBX showed up with his newest (4th) lawyer. She was actually very nice and brought a nice energy to the proceedings. Finally he hired a lawyer who seems down to earth and not apt to play a lot of ridiculous power games. We start off the 4-way, and then the attorneys had to leave to room to confer. So, for the first time in 3 years I was alone with my STBX. I knew that if anything was going to be accomplished I would have to talk him down from Stubborn Mountain. Slowly but surely I got him to talk a bit, got him to back down from his arrogance (although it probably won't last.) We were in conference for over 2 hours. His position is that he has been covering all the expenses and cannot afford the alimony payments (he is 28 weeks behind). He actually wanted me to pay for half the utilities cost for the time he was living in our home by himself. I told him only if he paid half of my utilities during that time when I was living elsewhere. Stupid stuff like that. Most of the reason he is so far in debt is because he owes $70,000 to various prior lawyers. However, over the past year he has received almost $100K in bonuses on top of his salary going up by 25%. So it was a lot of round and round stupid stuff. But at least we were able to talk to each other. The interesting part was after it was over my lawyer complimented me on how I handled him. She asked if it was a special approach I had developed. Her comment surprised me because I never realized how much I had to "handle" him when having a conversation, it was just something I learned to do to try and keep the peace. When I told her that she said that it must have been exhausting to live that way. I guess I never realized it because it just happened but, yes, I had learned how to circle around and around him and it was exhausting! Hence the tattoo on my arm that says "She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom" from the Scarlet Letter. I always make sure that tattoo is visible to him when we go to court haha. My offer to him is the same as it has always been - straight alimony only. No percentage of his bonuses, etc. I don't want to have to chase him. He seemed ok with the idea so now it may just be a case of coming up with a good alimony number and figuring out the split of some marital debt we have. I just want to be free from him but I am not about to give in and short change myself. So I am asking for a good alimony amount. When we then went before the judge he did indicate that my STBX's bonuses would be considered part of the settlement. I hope that motivates my STBX. I am actually offering him a better deal but he is just too stupid to realize it. Now we are supposed to exchange a bunch more paperwork over the next two weeks and then see where we stand. I see maybe a tiny glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel -- let's hope it's not just the shine off my STBX's bald head!

Also, he needs to be sued for harassment because that is what this is, plain and simple. Hoping you get the most no-nonsense judge on the planet to put an end to this ridiculousness. Hmmmmm this is an option I have not thought of. I have been trying to keep him accountable by taking him to court over and over, but don't want to fall too much into his game. He would love it if he could have something new to fight because it would just delay things again. I always knew he could be a huge procrastinator, and had the ability to literally block out what he doesn't want to face, but this is getting ridiculous. He will literally pull everyone down with him while he pouts about having to pay alimony. His big point is that the money is HIS money that he earns. HE is the one who flies to Rwanda for business, HE is the one who has put together deals, etc. His first attorney took a kind of "just sign the paperwork, this is very fair" approach in which he offered me nothing. His second attorney was a shark type who went after me and fed into the family drama, his third lawyer took the approach of "Your Honor, the wife is doing just great, we are so proud of her! She has a wonderful job, with great benefits! She doesn't need any help from my client!" I am interested in what approach this 4th lawyer will take. Next Wednesday cannot come fast enough

I too wonder how he gets lawyers to take him on. I think he calls them, does a brief synopsis over the phone (leaving out all his evil deeds) and then, once they sign him up, they get all his files and see what a mess he is. Right now he owes about $30,000 to one lawyer, $40,000 to another. Both have liens on the case for his assets. My attorney also made sure to tell his new attorney about the time he showed up to her office, demanding to see her, and wouldn't leave. We go back to court next Wednesday so I will post an update after that. I am hoping to either leave the courthouse with a check for back alimony, or he leaves in handcuffs. Keep in mind, all of this is all just crap relating to the temporary order. We have not even begun to discuss a final offer. I am hoping, though, that that is straight forward. The house has been sold, we have no other properties, the kids are grown, so it should be an easy deal of deciding who pays what debt and how much alimony etc. He just manages to bog down the whole thing because he requests ridiculous things like me giving him $35,000 for the sweat equity he put into our house, or me paying for half the utilities when he was living in the marital house after I moved out. He makes close to 350K, I make 42K. We were married for 28 years. Think again, pal. He hasn't seen his daughters in over 2 years. Every now and then he will text them but they refuse to speak with him. It's all just so horrible and unnecessary.

My divorce saga continues .... My STBX has now hired his 4TH attorney. We are going back to court (again) next Wednesday for contempt as he has not paid any of the temporary alimony in 6 months. His attorney indicated that they will be sending out a letter and a chart of credits. I have no idea what a chart of credits is. I just know that the letter will be as upsetting as all his other correspondence. He makes the most asinine, disrespectful offers and it always upsets me because it just reminds me how awful he is and how hard he is going to continually make this until the final decree. I literally woke up with hives this morning. It just keeps hanging over my head...... It helps to type it out and put it our there in black and white. Anxiety can only live in the dark so thank you for reading/listening 🙂

Many moons ago, when I worked for a big corporation and traveled a lot, I was scheduled to go down to North Carolina. I always called the hotel to get directions from the airport. This time I got a woman who told me to exit the airport and look for signs that said "Booly Gran" highway. I asked her twice what it was called. Each time she said "Booly Gran" highway. I was going to ask her to spell it but she was becoming exasperated by me so I didn't. When I got to the airport I started driving and kept a lookout for this weirdly named highway. Then I saw a sign for the "Billy Graham" highway. I took my chances that was it and thank goodness it was, otherwise I'd still be searching for Booly Gran! Another time (this really isn't a story about getting directions so much as getting lost) when I was a teenager I was driving with my stepfather into the city. My mother was following us in her car with my brother and sister. My mother was notoriously clueless about driving anywhere, so driving into the city was a big deal for her. So we are on the highway and all of a sudden my stepfather says "Watch this!" and speeds up, loses my mother, and quickly takes an exit off the highway. He then went down and around a bunch of side streets he knew and got back on the highway coming up behind my mother. I knew it was my mother because her hazards were on and was going about 35 mph in the right lane. We could see lots of yelling and hand gesturing and general freaking out in the car, which my stepfather found hilarious (ok, I did too haha). When we pulled along side my mother she rolled down her window and started cussing and flipping my stepfather off. We still laugh at that today. She never did see the humor in it all!

I once worked with a woman whose 9 year old daughter had been abducted and her remain were not found for 10 years. She told me that people get all balled up when they try to offer "comfort" to her. They would sometimes say the wrong thing, all well intentioned for sure, but it would only add to her pain. Her advice to me was "Just listen, and the only thing your should really say is 'I'm so sorry for your loss.'" For some situations there really are no words that will make the person feel better, or turn their attitude around, or make things easier. But just being there, and listening and saying "I'm so sorry" cannot really steer you too wrong.

I have an ex- coworker who I know from years back. We don't see each other much but every now and then she will call to catch up. But the conversation always goes like this: Me: "So, what's new?" Her: "Nothing much." Silence Me: "Oh, okay. Well then...." (I then to proceed to fill in the dead air space by blathering about stuff) Me: "How are your kids?" Her: "Fine." Silence Me: (Fills in some more space with blathering) ..... "Ok, well, I don't want to keep you. It has been so nice to catch up!" Her: "How is your job going?" Me: "Oh, well blah blah blah ......... Her: >crickets< Me : "Well, it's been so nice chatting!" Her : Brings up another subject And on and on it goes. I really like her, she is very nice, but why call if you aren't going to hold up your end of the conversation?! It just gets so awkward. I confess, I have been avoiding her calls lately ..... 😞

I have used CBD oil in the past and it has definitely helped with sleep and anxiety. It is expensive. A small bottle with a dropper is about $90 where I am. That will last about a month. I have moved on to recreational marijuana. I use a vape pen and a strain that is just for relaxing. I guess there are strains for feeling energetic but I just cant imagine that haha. For a deep sense of body relaxation, use Indica, for a more energetic response use Sativa. There are also blends. The cartridge for the vape pen is about $65 and that will last about 2 weeks depending on usage. It is expensive but I like it better than taking a prescription that has side effects. I also smile a bit to myself when everyone in work talks about going home and drinking a bottle of wine after a stressful day, or gift each other bottles of booze, but the thought of marijuana shocks them. I know there is a stigma around it being a "drug" but I find it no more harmful or effective than a glass of wine but without the calories or hangover the next day. My sister has a lot of pain with arthritis and I finally got her to try the vape pen and she says it makes a HUGE difference with the pain. Her joints would hurt so bad she used to wake up in the middle of the night practically crying. At first she too was horrified at the concept of "smoking pot" but now she takes one little puff before going to bed (she reacts very strongly to medicine so she only uses a little) and sleeps perfectly through the night. I think as marijuana starts to become legal in more states people will start to use it more for medical reasons. To me it's a win/win: I get relief from anxiety, sleep better, have no side effects and no groggy feeling the next day, and it makes watching Netflix in bed so much more fun!

JFK Jr. was just absolutely gorgeous. His candid pictures can stand up to any model or actor who has had stylists, makeup and lighting! It's too bad that his marriage was such a mess. He had his pick of women and I don't think his wife was a very stable person. I read that when he proposed to her she made him wait 2 weeks for her answer! I would have interrupted his proposal to scream "YES!" I also read that Jackie never wanted him to fly. She always told him she had a premonition/fear that he would die in a plane crash. Once Jackie passed away he started flying in earnest and unfortunately, that is how he met his end.

My nephew was in the Air National Guard. I'm not sure how much help I can offer, but I will say this ..... my other nephew was in the Army National Guard, and the Air Force one was so much better. Better organized, better run, better benefits, etc. He chose to be deployed. I say "chose" because my other nephew had no choice. He was shipped to Afghanistan. The Air Force nephew wanted the experience of being deployed and went to Qatar for six months. He did MP duty on the base there. He wants to be a fire fighter and his military experience helps put him at the top of the list for hiring.

I find this one a bit tricky... My youngest DD (age 22) has her first job working in the city. The other day she was walking the 2 blocks it takes her to get to work and on the way she passed an intersection where there is always a homeless man. He stands at the intersection with a sign asking for help. She says he never approaches vehicles or taps on windows anything like that. While she was crossing, a truck that was stopped at the intersection rolled down its windows and the guy inside started to verbally abuse the homeless man. He had two other guys in the truck with him so I think they were just showing off and being obnoxious, but they were yelling at him to "get the f**k out of here, get a job!" stuff like that. My daughter called out to the truck that he was being an a**h*le" and to knock it off. One the one hand, I am very proud of her. On the other hand, the world is such a crazy place and engaging with strangers can be very dangerous. She asked me what she was supposed to do in that situation. I said maybe a kind word to the homeless man? It just didn't seem enough. The other day I was waiting in line at a local coffee shop. It was me and about 7 burly construction type guys. I overheard one of them saying something like "I'd rather be a bigot than a n****r". I was shocked but did not say anything. My DD was upset with me. She said, and in some ways I think she is correct, that ignorance can be stopped best on an individual level and that we need to all do our part to call people out. I have no problem calling out people I know. I even yelled at my boss once for using a derogatory name for someone from the Middle East. How do you do handle strangers, though, in this day and age when that type of situation can easily turn into something violent or physical?

I have been doing a lot of reading on divorcing a narcissist, and he is fitting the pattern like a glove.This sums it up pretty well: “There are patterns to dealings with a narcissist in settlement negotiations. They make low ball offers or offers that are patently objectionable. They fail to respond to all aspects of the proposal so that there are always bargaining chips to be used to stall the negotiation or begin at the beginning again, and they fail to respond to the matters presented. Do not expect any good faith dealings. They lack the ability to negotiate towards a middle ground; they will likely keep stating the same position over and over again, even when the facts and circumstances have changed.” I have not asked my lawyer about going after him for pulling such stupid antics. I have, each and every time, filed a contempt order for non-payment of alimony but he always seems to squeak by. So far he has been able to settle the alimony debt by having it taken out of his half of the profits from the sale of the house, but now his half is gone. And I think if we had my regular judge, instead of the interim judge we had the last time, the court finally would have had the alimony taken directly out of his paycheck. The interim judge really dropped the ball ... I think she just saw a very tangled case and just pushed it off for the regular judge to handle. I have also debated hiring a PI just to see what he is up to, but since I know where he lives and works, etc., and do not care if he is dating, I'm not really sure what an investigator would be able to dig up without it getting really expensive on my part. It is my hope that in the end all of this will be laid out in front of the judge and it will be resolved. Our final date, if nothing can be resolved by then, is May 2019. I just worry because I cannot forsee a day when he will just pay what he is ordered to without being a pain in the butt. I am more than willing to have him spend some time in jail if he refuses court orders. I will email my attorney today, though, inquiring about having this newest development brought to the court's attention and see if we cannot speed things up a bit. I am now going into week 12 with no alimony. I work and get a paycheck every week but it is just enough to keep my head above water and every week gets harder and harder to do that.

I just received notice that his 3rd lawyer has now dumped him. I don't know if it is because he owes the lawyer $40,000 or because he refuses to listen to and follow the lawyer's professional advice. I don't know how this will affect everything except for just causing more delays. ?

When I was about 4 or 5 we were walking as a family down the street to get ice cream. We had the family dog, a golden retriever, with us. Try to picture this: I was walking and stiffly swinging my arms like I was in a parade. The dog was walking right in front of me. All of a sudden I got a little to enthusiastic with my arm swinging and my thumb went right into the dogs butt and then popped out again. And I do mean into his butt .... like the actual hole. The poor dog did a kinda hop-skip jump and then went right on with his walk. I was horrified because my thumb had been up the dogs butt, but I didn't want to tell my mother for fear she would yell at me and not let me get ice cream. So I kept it quiet and ate my cone without my thumb touching anything (yes, my thumb smelled bad!) That is a story that still makes my family cry with laughter no matter how many times I tell it.

I got the impression that the judge thought we were just being annoying with endless back and forth. I think if she had really read the paperwork she would have ruled differently on the garnishment issue, but maybe because she was the interim judge she just didn't take the time. It was a waste of time and money for sure. I cannot imagine where I would be if I didn't have my sister's home to live in! I would literally be out on the streets without the ability to pay rent anywhere. When all of this is all over I (should be) fine, but it just baffles me what courts think people do in this situation if they aren't as lucky as I am. My STBX keeps whining that he cannot afford anything but he just moved to a $4,000 a month condo in the city. He can't be too worried about money. But, this weekend both my girls will be home for a visit, so I will be surrounded by love, laughter and family and he will be alone in his fancy condo with his money. I wouldn't trade places for anything.

It makes no sense to me either. I think what happened is that this was an interim judge, she saw how much of a mess this is, and just got frustrated and ordered us to mediation. She seemed very frustrated by us when we were there, but on the other hand THIS IS HER JOB!. I am just so sick of this. Now I don't know when I will get another check from him, so while he is getting paid 5K a week, I am on financial lockdown. I am assuming (and hoping) that it will all catch up in the end but right now ..... it's scary ?

Update in first post ?

I don't think I would say anything to the coach. When my daughter played softball competitively her coach always, during practice and during a game, would point out how a botched play either advanced a runner or allowed the other team to score. It kept the girls constantly remembering that every play was important and that the whole team had to play together. If the coach ONLY calls out one player for missing a play, or does it in a very harsh way, then that is a different story.