I think it depends on the team. My daughter played on both AAU soccer and softball teams, and both were very competitive and hard to get on. If she declined her spot I am sure they wouldn't have any problem replacing her with someone else from the list, but I have a feeling the coach would be a bit miffed. It could prevent your kid from being considered at a later time. I'm not saying that you should force them to play if it isn't a good fit, just that it may have repercussions down the road. Some of these AAU teams are a bit rabid about commitment.

My oldest daughter graduated in May with her degree in Biology. She always said she wanted to work in a job that impacted people individually and not just be a cog in a big wheel. Oh, and travel. That was something she wanted too. I'm thinking - Ok, that's fine, but you will probably start at an entry level job, probably in a boring lab somewhere, and have to be a cog for a while and then work your way up to a job that you love. Nope! A headhunter contacted her through her LinkedIn account, set up interviews, and last week she just started working for a company that is on the cutting edge of cancer research. They take the cells from stage 4 cancer patients, extract their specific DNA, and work with the Oncologist to create a custom medical treatment plan. They have been able to extend patients lives by years. It's kinda like Magic Johnson who has not had his HIV cured, but has a medical plan that has extended his life. Her job is to extract the DNA. She is absolutely thrilled with the work and loves the company philosophy and atmosphere, etc. They also have multiple locations such as California and overseas like Greece and Hong Kong. So there could be opportunities for her to work for them in other places. At least I feel like I can check that box next to her name off!

I think he did not ask for more because it would have been way too awkward - she only microwaved 2 packages for about 15 people. Seeing him sitting there with a big plate and a small scoop of corn was quite sad! I still, to this day, have no idea why she would agree to host Christmas dinner and then what happened that made her so mad that she would punish all 15 of us! Like I said though, she was the queen of passive-aggressive behavior.

Dear MIL ~ I still get peeved every time I think about my first Christmas married, and how I wanted to host Christmas Eve, and you basically pouted and cried the whole time because YOU like to have all the holidays and they always have to be at YOUR house. That was a really bitchy thing to do to a new bride. Dear SIL ~ Thanks for the one Christmas that you hosted but were obviously pissed over something (one never knows because you are so passive aggressive) so you decided to make a roast beef and microwave corn ..... and nothing else. No gravy. No bread. No other sides. No appetizers. Just beef and corn. And for making us all balance our plates on our laps because you wouldn't clear off your dining room table. I still remember trying to pass the roast beef to your BIL and having him say that he was a vegetarian and watching him eat one scoop of microwave corn for Christmas dinner. Oh, and having the only choice of drink being either water or your kid's Juicy Juice was a nice touch too.

My sister and I are looking for games we can play for just two, like cribbage. We play the usual card games like rummy, etc., but any new and fun ones out there? Can mahjong be played with two?

When we purchased our first house the previous owner was so attached to it he turned into a complete weirdo about it. First, he didn't want to sell it to us because our last name is Italian and "you know Italians, they like to cement over everything and I have some beautiful landscaping!" Uhh, no, the landscaping consisted of various wildflower gardens that were just overgrown weed centers. And Italians like to cement over everything? I think he was afraid we would be burying bodies and cementing over them. After he rejected our first offer he came back a month later and was willing to sell us the house - he had no other offers, the house had already sat for a year. He followed us home after the closing under the guise of showing us how to run the pool filter, etc. He pulled his car into the garage to park and proceeded to make himself right at home. He even asked if he could sleep over that night as he came in from out of town and would rather stay in the house than with friends! I had to finally be forceful and tell him that it was time for him to pull his car out of our garage and leave! He called a few times after that to check in but we never answered his calls and finally he went away.

I know that my state is an "equitable division" state but I don't know their record for alimony. I did find this on an attorney's website: There is no statutory formula for the amount of alimony, but Nissenbaum notes that, since "revisions to the (my state's) alimony law went into effect in 2013, alimony is presumptively valid if the amount ordered is between 30 and 35 percent of the difference in the parties' incomes. Because the law is new, there are several cases winding their way through the probate and appellate courts to get the highest (my state's) court to rule whether the presumption, of itself, is enough to support the award or if the recipient must still prove his or her need for whatever amount of alimony is ordered. Before this new law went into effect, the amount of alimony was left to the discretion of the judge. However, most judges informally used the 30-35 percent range now formalized in the new statute." In trying to translate the legal gobbledygook it looks like my state does give alimony to try to equal out salaries. Nothing is certain though until I get before an actual judge with my specific case.

This is what I am hoping for too. I cannot imagine a judge looking at 28 years of marriage and such a difference in our salaries and not coming up with something a little more fair. I just hate hate hate that we have to spend the money to fight all this out. What a waste

When we first married we had NOTHING. He had a construction company that made very little, and when it went under we went from very little to nothing. Over the years he slowly built his career and I always supported him in that. He needed to travel extensively and I always stayed home and took care of the house and kids. He needed to relocate twice and we all went with him. At certain points throughout the years he was almost transferred to Ireland and then once to Singapore. Both times I was willing to go with him, and he was able turn our willingness to move internationally into promotions for him. I've earned my keep.

I have tried for the last 9 months to be fair. HE is the one who asked for the divorce, HE is the one who had an affair for 1.5 years. His relationship with our daughters is tenuous at best due to all this. And when I try to explain that his willingness to finish up this divorce quickly and fairly affects how his future relationship with the girls go, he completely disagrees. They have personally told him that if he doesn't respect me and treat me fairly that they will write him out of their lives. And still, he does not think one relates to another. It was my worst fear that our daughters would come out of this with no relationship with their father but after months of trying to work with him and explain all that to him, I give up. He can sink or swim at this point. See you in court Satan.

Just in case anyone is following my saga ..... and a saga it is turning out to be :huh: We just cannot seem to agree on anything and now probably have to go to court. There are not a lot of moving parts to our situation, but he just doesn't want to give me anything! My budget has two things on it that he is fighting: Savings and Rent Savings : At my age I can contribute $6500 to a retirement fund, so I budgeted $540 a month towards this. He does not think this should be part of living expenses that he is held accountable for. Rent: I don't actually "pay" rent because I live with my sister in and in-law apartment, but the money I was budgeting for was to be put in a household account monthly so that I can help out with anything with the house: roof, septic, whatever. His position is I am not actually paying rent and therefore should not be part of any budget he is accountable for. He basically is taking advantage of my sister's good heart and using that as an out not to pay me. I got so mad I told him that I would either move out and then he would have to take into account rent, or that once the house is sold he has to move in with family to free up more money for me. His lawyer said this was a child support case and not an alimony case. My youngest is 19. He wants to pay child support at some ridiculously low cost for two years and then nothing else. Anything I ask for he categorizes as me acting "entitled". We were married for 28 years. He makes close to $200K a year. I make $45K. My lawyer is just astounded at the position he is taking. I am hoping a judge sees it closer to what I am asking for. If we do go to court I am asking for a lot more things than I am asking for now. Right now I only am asking for half his 401K and a percentage of his salary. If we go to court I am going to ask for those things, a percentage of his bonuses, and a percentage of his parent's house that has his name on the deed. Let him chew on all of that.

My daughter had a teacher in high school who told the class that McDonalds made their hamburgers with ground up worms. He insisted it was true because he had worked there for years when he was younger. My daughter freaked out and I had to show her the Snopes articles and other sources saying that this was in no way true (it would actually be more expensive for McDonalds to do that instead of using meat). I was just so angry that this teacher would tell such a stupid story, and emphatically back it up saying that he saw it with his own eyes, to his students. Seriously, what is wrong with people?

Yes, this is true. My mother would tell stories about me to other people all the time. She would take an offhanded comment that I made, or a small event, and turn it into a huge dramatic story. It would be so embarrassing when I found out! Other people must have thought I was a lunatic based on her stories. One time I had an minor argument with my husband because I was trying to talk to him about something important and he fell asleep. When I woke him up he said something about "being so tired it wasn't his fault cuz he could sleep through anything". So, to be a nudge, I turned on the radio because he hates noise when he sleeps. But that was it. I turned on the radio for about 5 minutes to make a point that some things he doesn't sleep through. When my mother told people the story, though, she had me turning on the radio, then turning on all the lights, then pulling off all the covers on the bed, and finally had me bringing in a full glass of water and throwing it on him! I was so embarrassed that people would think I would be that crazy! And I swear if you hooked her up to a lie detector machine she would pass. By the time the story was out of her mouth she believed it in full. Sigh. She was a narcissist so I don't know if that played into it.

Or is this a real psychological issue ..... people who make up stories that are just so over exaggerated and could not possibly be true. Ex: A co-worker of mine has a daughter who has dyslexia. She said when she first tried to work with the school they said not to say the word dyslexia because it was illegal to say the word. Ex: A woman I know told this story: she came down one morning and found some dishes in the sink. She sweetly asked if people were done with the dishes because she would start washing them. Her stepson became enraged and threw a punch at her face due to her question. Her husband managed to catch his son's fist only inches from her face. How they were all bunched around the sink at the same time, I don't know. Same woman told the story then when she was going through a divorce she had so little money she could not afford to feed herself. She would use her benefit of flying for free (her STBX was a pilot) just to get the free in-flight food. Never mind it would cost her gas money to drive to the airport, cost to park, and even family members who fly for free have to pay certain ticket charges. There are many, many examples of these types of stores that I have heard from various people in my life. These stories always make you say "What?? How can that be??" The person in the story is not always a victim, nor are they always a hero. Sometimes the story is just crazy. My mother used to do this. One time my brother had an infection on his finger. He went to the doctor, who said he would have to have it operated on otherwise the infection could get really bad and cause him future trouble, including losing his finger. My mother proceeded to call friends and say "The doctor said he has to have his finger operated on TOMORROW otherwise he is going to amputate it!!" What is the psychological reason for this? It makes me crazy.

Yes

So we met last night to try an hammer out a few of the details (nothing is signed yet) but what we seem to be coming close to is: My STBX will assume all the outstanding debt that we have for credit cards and loans for college. Selling the house may be enough to pay off the debt but probably not, so anything left over he will be responsible for. He will also be responsible for all future expenses for our two daughters. My youngest, who is a junior in college, will probably be going on to graduate school so he will pay that. He will continue to pay their car insurance and health insurance, etc., until they are self-sufficient. I will walk away with no current or future debt. The 401K will be split 50/50, but any bonuses my husband gets (averages about $30K a year but we have gone a few years without too - it's not guaranteed) will not be considered as part of his salary. We will work the alimony off his base salary only. This allows me to get a set amount every year that I know I can count on without worrying about future schooling or expenses for the girls. He will pay me alimony until he turns 67, which is 14 years from now. I am taking this to my lawyer for review. The other option would include his bonuses but would also include splitting the proceeds of the house down the middle, but also splitting the current and future debt down the middle. I don't want that.

I live in Massachusetts. I don't know if that helps clarify anything. Selling the house is something I agree with. I don't want to live there, it is too big and too costly for me. And using the proceeds to pay off our shared debts is something I am fine with. I want to start off debt free. The debts are various credit cards and loans we took out to pay for our two daughters college education. To not have any of that debt follow me into single life is fine with me. It was debt we both acquired, but are some of you saying that he should be paying off more of the debt from his "half" because he makes more? That might be a concept I would look into ....... Right now the deal on the table is that he would pay me alimony (after the child support was done) until he turns 67, which is about 14 years from now. I do plan on getting the 401K split 50/50.

This is from a site stating the law in my state. This is where the "no alimony until the child support is done" comes from. I plan on addressing the 60/40 split of the 401K. Both mediators that we are using are lawyers. They are just working as mediators for our situation as there will be no litigation involved. The child support amount does seem trivial but then again I don't know how much my STBX will be responsible for. My 19 year old lives at college but when she is at home she stays with either one of us, depending on her schedule, etc. So we both are sharing the cost of her expenses, I am not shouldering all her costs. I believe he will be responsible for any future college expenses as she probably will be going for her master's degree.

Disclaimers: We are working with a mediator. I have hired an additional mediator to review things from my end, just to cover all of my bases, and will be running everything by her before I sign anything. So far we have been amicable with what we are splitting, etc., I will be meeting tomorrow night with the mediator and my STBX. Here are some of the details on the table as we stand now. We have two children, ages 22 and 19. The 19 year old is still considered a minor and will not be emancipated in the eyes of the law until age 21. Until that time, the law says that because our gross total income is less than $250,000, there will be no alimony, only child support. Our gross income is around $248,000 so we just miss the cutoff. But based on the calculations for child support, my STBX would pay me about $568 per week in child support, which brings my total salary per year to about $68,000 gross, while his would be $138,000 gross. That just seems like a very unfair balance. Once she becomes emancipated he will start paying me alimony anywhere from $700 - $1000 per week, depending on a lot of factors, and those figures seem to be more in line with "equaling out" our salaries. Right now we are discussing splitting the 401K 60%/40% in his favor, and the proceeds from the house are going to pay off all our debts so there is nothing there to split. Has anyone been there / done that with child support vs. alimony? I know that child support is not taxed, but I have figured that into my calculations and it still seems to be very uneven.

thank you! Some very good advice given :)

For a number of reasons I am thinking of selling my grandmothers silver utensil set. It is a serving set for eight with the usual forks, knives, spoons, etc., along with a couple of serving pieces. Where do I go? And how much can I expect to get?

So sorry you have to deal with this. That is such a hard age, especially if they feel like their friends and/or boys are letting them down. They want to naturally start to pull away from the family unit but without a friend group to start identifying with they can get "lost". I went through this a bit with my youngest. Freshman year in high school was so bad for her. Her two best friends turned on her. She spent a lot of time in the house. She got hooked on watching those teen drama shows like Pretty Little Liars. I put an end to her watching those shows because I swear they added to her teen angst. She really stomped around about that decision but I stuck to my guns. Maybe limit how much your daughter listens to that depressing music. My daughter eventually moved on to a new group of friends. That made a big difference. But while they are in the midst of all this it is hard to watch. Just keep offering hugs, support and love.

My (silly) vent: I HATE food shopping. Drive to the store, walk around putting items in the cart. Take items out of the cart and put on conveyor belt. Put items back in cart. Put items in car. Take items out of car and into house. Take items out of bags and put away. And the timing of it .... shop too soon in the week and you don't have enough to get you through the weekend. Wait too long and you end up shopping either Friday night or Saturday morning, times when I really don't want to go. This weekend both my girls are coming home, which I am super excited for, but I don't know exactly what time they will be here. And what they will want to eat. So as soon as they do arrive ..... jump into car and start the supermarket death march. I know, I know. First world problems! :)

I snore terribly! More poor family, even those in other rooms, are kept awake by it. And for me it's terrible ... I wake up at least once every 2 hours coughing with a sore throat. I now use the "Good Morning Snore Solution" and it really works well. You can buy it off the internet. It looks a little like a pacifier so it's not too intrusive. I absolutely swear by it. I now sleep for hours uninterrupted and my snoring is reduced by about 95%. I can't recommend this enough

Pharmacist. For some reason every pharmacist I see just seems so unhappy! And all day, under florescent lights, no windows, and filling pills. Ugh.