She is going to be a junior in college. She is renting a house with 4 other girls. Their lease started in June so they moved all their stuff in and spent the weekend decorating it. They lucked out because someone had a really nice sectional couch and I was able to give them my stepfather's nice dining room set with upholstered chairs that he wasn't using anymore. I bought my daughter a new bed and all new bedding. No one is really living there right now because it is summer, but one of the girls was in the area last night and went to check the house. She walked in and found one homeless guy sleeping on the couch and one homeless woman sleeping in my daughter's bed. They had eaten all the food in the house and made a mess of the kitchen. The dining room chairs have some type of gross spillage on them. All their stuff was rifled through. The roommate actually woke up the sleeping man (!!) and he was so drugged out he didn't even know what was going on. She called the police and they took them away. Now the poor girls are all freaked out. They are going to call the landlord - they have a legal right to break the lease because they house was not secure enough but it will be hard for them to find another place to rent at this point. I am hoping the landlord will respond correctly and secure the doors and windows adequately, install motion sensor lights and have a cleaning company come in.

NVM I guess it pushed the boundaries of the forum rules

Thank you again, everyone, for your posts. I had a very dysfunctional childhood so I don't know the correct reaction to a normal childhood. I can't really tell if I should be validating their resentment (which was something my mother never did - she always told me I was either (a) making things up or (b) should just get over it.) I don't really have any clue between normal criticism of parenting styles and trying to address a real issue that should be acknowledged. For me, every issue that I experienced in my childhood was a result of really bad parenting so my experience now is kind of skewed!

WOW! I didn't realize that this was a thing that kids do! I really thought that they would hate me for the rest of their lives haha. Reading your responses has made me feel a LOT better. I love love love this line: " Thank you all for making me feel so much better!

If there is one thing being a mother taught me, it is to never say never!

My kids resent how they were raised. (Sorry, this post got long and there is no real point to it other than to acknowledge that something I thought would not happen to me, did.) My daughters are now 19 and 21. I homeschooled them until high school. When they were young, about 8 and 10, a friend's mother said to me "Children always end up resenting you for things you cannot even imagine." At the time I thought "Nah, not me! My kids are happy, well-behaved, and I literally follow through with all the best intentions for them!" So, yeah. They now have all sorts of gripes about how they were raised. I realize that we all try to compensate for what we did not have as a child. For me, it was ANY type of support or encouragement. Any lesson I did take, like piano or horseback riding, were sporadic at best and quickly dropped. There was no oversight of our homework. Getting a 'C' in a class was perfectly acceptable. I wanted to be more supportive for my kids to help them feel like they reached their full potential. I look back at my childhood and think "maybe I could've been smarter/better/more successful if someone just supported my interests!" and I didn't want that for them. Some examples: We had both girls take piano lessons. Our approach was that whatever lessons they took we would get them the best instructors we could find. We did start out with the little old lady in the neighborhood, but after almost one year and them still plinking away with barely two hands and getting bored we upped it. I found them an instructor at a local music conservatory. Campaigned to get them the best instructor. She was tough, but they loved her. They both started to compete. Their playing became phenomenal and they started winning all sorts of awards. My oldest was told at age 14 that she should apply to Julliard. Every year I would tell them that they did NOT have to play at this level. They did not have to compete. It was up to them. They could've kept the same teacher and not compete, but they both wanted to continue because, at the time, they loved the accolades. Every day they practiced for an hour, and when competition time came they would spend a week practicing for about 5 hours a day. Now they say they are astounded I made them practice that much. That the pressure they were under was too much and how could I have done that to them? When I remind them I always gave them a choice they say that they were too young to know. My youngest played softball. She played on the town team and on a club team. She had a natural talent for it and loved it. There was one season, around age 12, she got a really lousy coach. The guy was a real piece of work (he ended up being arrested for trying to solicit a prostitute.) We went to high school together and we disliked each other immensely in high school and now, 30 years later, he is being a real jerk to my daughter. He never played her. He would put her in the batting cage and crank up the machine so she would strike out and then say she couldn't bat. When he did put her up she was only allowed to bunt. She decided she didn't like softball anymore and wanted to quit. I told her she could quit once she was back on top. I said that if she quit when her confidence was down and because she had a jerk coach she would always wonder how far she could've gone with softball. My husband and I worked with her on the weekends with fielding and batting skills, and I took on the coach regarding her playing time. When she was ready we told her, no matter what he signaled her, she was not to bunt but to hit away. Once she started having some great hits he had to play her more. We worked with her on how to ask him to put her back on 3rd base again and not always put her in right field. He did and she did awesome. Once the season was over she did not have to play for this moron again and went to play all through high school and during the summer with a club team. She made the varsity high school team as a freshman, and was on the starting team for club. She loved all her team members and has memories of playing at Cooperstown and Disney. But now she says the pressure was immense and that we pushed too much. My husband was an assistant coach on her club team and the practices were hard, but it was an 'A" level team! She earned a spot on the team and you could not have dragged her off it if you tried. She loved all the girls on the team. Traveling on the weekends and staying over at hotels was blast for them. They were all very close. But now all she remembers is the pressure. I know no matter how thin the pancake there are always two sides, but I am really surprised at the level of their resentment. They say they loved being homeschooled and don't regret that one bit, but it's the extra stuff we were too hard on. I guess my friend's mother was right. At the time they loved doing so well at piano, my youngest loved being known as a fierce softball player, but now they've turned it all around.

I actually had a mouse drop from a recessed light in our ceiling. I was siting watching tv and all of a sudden ...... PLOP! Right in front of me! If I was two feet further up it would have landed right on my head. The poor mouse was stunned by his fall and just laid there. It took me (and my cat) a minute to figure out what happened and by that point the mouse got up and ran away. I was completely skeeved out and now eye all recessed lights warily!

He waffled between not telling them at all (I think the relationship is dying a slow, dysfunctional death) or telling them but keeping the details light. Like, telling them he has been in a relationship with someone but not telling them for how long. One of the first questions my daughter asked when I said that their father was in another relationship was "For how long?" Was I supposed to just say "never mind that!" My position was that we were telling the girls because we wanted to be honest with them. Well, you can't be half-honest. That is like being sorta pregnant!

As some of you might know I am going through a divorce. I found out 4 months ago that my husband has been having an affair for the last year and a half. We (mostly I) decided we would tell our daughters (ages 19 and 21) about it after their school year was over. The woman my husband has been having the affair with lives only two towns over, she has been posting all over facebook about the two of them, and my husband has told some close family friends about the affair. I was worried our daughters would find out about it through some type of gossip or somebody seeing them together. We told the girls last night and they are devastated. They are furious with my husband that he lied for so long to all of us. Their whole perception of him has changed. My husband is not one to do well when told he is wrong about something, so he is not being the most gracious during conversations with them. He will revert to sarcasm or trying to spread the blame around. He also is now mad at me that we told them, saying that he thought it was a bad idea all along. Our family is in such crisis right now. Any good thoughts or prayers would be appreciated!

My daughter dated a guy who I could tell was bad news. I didn't forbid it because (a) that would have made him even more desirable and (b) she would not have grown from the situation. I just kept a close eye on the whole situation .... driving them to the movies, inviting him over to hang at our house instead of them going out some where. Very quickly he cheated on her, she found out and dumped him. A LOT of tears and hurt, but she learned to get over it and move on. And she was stronger in picking a guy to get into a relationship the next time. YMMV

I have been struggling with heartburn lately. Sometimes it is so bad! Someone suggested that I keep a food log to see what triggers it. I think I found the trigger; my office cafeteria. I work in the town hall and we have a small cafeteria that just does cold sandwiches. The woman that runs it has the food delivered by Stop & Shop and all her ingredients are the same ones I would use at home. But if I have one of her sandwiches I suffer for the rest of the day. I don't know how that could be! It's not my job .... my job is the furthest thing from stressful. I also noticed this with my stbx husband. When we were first married we lived close to his parents so his mother was always either sending food over or we would be over their house for dinner. My stbx husband had the worst gas problems all the time! I just thought it was how he was made. We moved away after a few years and his gas problem all but cleared up. Sometime later we went to visit his mother, had dinner there and BAM! His gas problems were back. She would cook regular food, nothing weirdly ethnic or anything. How can it be that WHERE you eat causes indigestion problems vs WHAT you eat? I am glad I finally found out how to control my heartburn but it just seems so weird.. ...

My oldest is graduating May 6th with a B.S. in Biology. I can remember dropping her off 4 years ago for the start of college like it was yesterday! She did an Outward Bound program a few years ago and has kept in touch with the organization ever since, and now she may be taking a job with them! Time flies by so FAST when they are in college.

I work for the Board of Health in my town and we have the final say on what is a bedroom and what isn't. We consider a room a bedroom if it: - is at least 70 sq. feet - has two exits - has electricity - has privacy Closets do not matter, nor does it matter what "you" use it for. If it meets those criteria its a bedroom. When people want to add a room that they want to use as a study and not have it be considered a bedroom the easiest thing to do is to widen the door opening so that a standard door will not fit it.

I was moving out of the house on Tuesday due to my upcoming divorce. I decided to take my car to the car wash to clean it out (it has always been the go-to car for the dogs and trash, etc., and was disgusting) on the Saturday prior to my move. I must have spent about an hour cleaning and vacuuming the inside, and then ran it through the car wash. It was sparkling! I even had bought a little air freshner to put in the vent. I pulled out of the car wash and started to drive the 5 miles to my house. I was literally driving and thinking "This car cleaned up nice! I should really just drive it until it dies its so reliable!" Not even a minute later it started to run funny, then just completely not run at all. I pulled into a side street with a smoking hood and some kind of fluid pouring out of the bottom. My transmission blew! Silver lining: I knew I would need a new car eventually. My soon-to-be-ex was always the one to research and decide which car to buy and take care of all the paperwork, etc. I wasn't sure how I would do it on my own or where to even start. But since we aren't officially divorced yet I called him, we went on Craigslist, found a really good deal on a wonderful SUV that I love, and he has spent the last 5 days doing all the loan and insurance paperwork. So my move into my new place coincided with my new vehicle and I have one more worry off my mind!

I saw a card, it had a person on the front on the phone saying "Hello, Youth? When do you think you'll be coming back?" I laughed, then realized I laughed because it related to me .... cuz I was old! That, and the fact that I used to be able to just get out of the car. Now I have to turn, put my feet on the pavement, and hoist myself out. I am just not limber anymore :(

I remember that episode! I thought it was very well done. I think that was also the same series that had an episode about the Boogeyman. A boy discovers the Boogeyman is living under his bed, but every night when the Boogeyman rises up he says "I am the Boogeyman and I will never harm the child under whose bed I live" before he floats out the window to cause havoc. This boy starts being bullied at school and decides to get revenge. He tells the bully to meet him at the playground at midnight. When the Boogeyman rises up from underneath his bed and says "I am the Boogeyman and I will never harm the child under whose bed I live" the boy tells him to go to the playground and harm his bully. Then he follows the Boogeyman and watches from the bushes while the Boogeyman kills the bully. The boy then turns to leave, but there looms the Boogeyman. The Boogeyman starts to strangle him and the boy yells "But you said you would never harm the child under whose bed you live! You live under my bed!" And the Boogeyman says "No, I am the Boogeyman who lives under another child's bed!" I remember watching and gasping "Oooooo there is more than one Boogeyman!!" They really had some good stories on that series.

Can I do another one? I don't know if it falls under "weird" but it just always cracks me up when I think about it. My daughter played softball on a club team until she graduated from high school. Her coach was Curt Schilling, the pitcher for the Red Sox (remember the whole bloody sock thing and the 2004 World Series?) His daughter played on the team and he took over coaching. Needless to say these teenage girls drove the poor man crazy with their antics and their need, once they arrived to some random far-flung field in the middle of nowhere, to be driven to CVS because they just got their period and needed tampons. The girls were a really good team and played very competitively, but they were teenage girls and just couldn't help themselves. The funniest moment was when one of the girls created a new up-do for her bun. All the girls loved it and spent a lot of time oohing and aaaahhing over her. When the game started she took her place out in left field but kept fussing with her hair and touching the bun to make sure it was still in place. Finally Curt, who was getting more and more red faced, came out of the dugout and yelled at the top of his lungs "Kaylie, STOP TOUCHING YOUR HAIR!!" It just cracked me up to see this professional baseball player, famous for bringing us our first World Series win in over 86 years, reduced to yelling at a player because she was more interest in her hairstyle. It was also funny to see the reaction of all the parents from the other team because they just started to realize who our coach was and started to be super impressed but then saw him as he really was - a hen-pecked father and coach to 12 teenage girls!

I was at a small café and overheard this from the table next to mine. Woman #1 - "Did you hear Mr. Smith died?" Woman #2 - "Oh no! That's terrible!" Woman #1 - "Oh for pete's sake don't be upset. He came back to life!" Apparently the man had a heart attack and collapsed at a softball game. Someone performed CPR on him and revived him after he "died". Now every time we hear that someone died we always say to each other "Yeah, but did he come back to life?"

Yeah that's what I thought. Sigh. This hypothetical husband has a real hypothetical time taking 100% responsibility for everything. Anything that goes wrong is never just his fault, someone else has to be dragged into it too. Really glad this hypothetical wife will be moving out in 2 weeks and this all should be over soon - hypothetically :) !!

Let us assume a couple is getting divorced. They have decided that the reasons for the dissolution of the marriage are to be share 50/50 between spouses so no one spouse is more of a "bad guy" than the other. The couple is working towards the divorce by finding attorneys, etc., but the process takes time. In this time period they are still living together, still legally married, but are in full agreement that the marriage is over. The husband starts a relationship with another person. They are sleeping together. Is that "affair" partly the responsibility of the wife? As in, can everything that results from the marriage falling apart (ie, this affair) be attributed at least partly to the wife because she was partly responsible for the relationship being over, or does the husband own his actions completely on his own? Just interested in hearing what people think .....

The Good Morning Snore Solution! Sorry, I can't link the page because I am at work, but I snore terribly and this product works wonderful. I kind of looks like a pacifier, but it goes in front of the teeth instead of behind. It keeps your mouth basically shut so you are breathing in and out of your nose. It took me a while to get used to it. Put it in for 5-10 minutes at first, then up the time. Now I hardly notice it. It has been reported to me that my snoring has decreased or stopped nightly!

The "staying in the house for one more holiday period" was for the 2015 season. We are now done with that and are putting the house in the market in about 2 weeks.

Wow a lot of information to process! Thank you everyone who took time to respond to help me with this - I truly appreciate it. I have had some time to think about this all. I think I will have my husband tell our daughters once we both are settled. I feel like they are already dealing with too much uncertainty. I would like them to see what the divorce can look like on the other side. I understand all the concerns for protecting myself. Believe me, I am. I have been through all our financials - I know what we have and what we don't. I am moving out because I am moving into my sister's in-law addition rent free. Otherwise I would not be able to move - we need to sell the house before we can support other living situations. So him moving out now is not really an option. We have been in "divorce mode" since the end of the summer. We haven't moved forward with anything because we wanted the girls to have one last holiday season in the house. This was something we discussed as a family and decided on. The girls know that we are definitely getting divorced though and that there will be no reconciliation.

Update post #79

To those who think it is juvenile or possibly life-altering, how is it any different that alcohol? (Not trying to start an argument! Just interested in opinions :)