That's not been my experience. I am well aware there is a group of people who believe and act on this, definitely. But there is also a large group for whom no sex means nothing more than kissing. Most of my waiting-until-marriage friends would not touch breasts/allow their breasts to be touched. I would like to think the 'no sex means anal' crowd is a minority, one I intend to speak to my kids about directly.

I know it wasn't directed at me, but just wanted to say, I know a 28yo male virgin, I know a woman who was a virgin until she married at 32 and I know a 40 year old virgin who will likely never marry. I have a lot of respect for them, that's a hard road! lol. My comment was more aimed that, I think a large portion of kids, if expected to wait until 30 or 40 for sex, would fail. A lot of people don't have that self control, so it would be a hard pair of beliefs to encourage together and expect frequent success with. Some successes, definitely, they're out there and they're highly admirable! But it's a very, very high standard to be held to. In biblical times, where the 'wait until marriage' part comes from, people married far younger, it would be strange to be single at 25. Even until fairly recently, more people married before 25 than after. Marrying late in life is a more modern concept that, merged with not having sex, is pretty tricky.

It's nice to see someone hold that opinion in a not-creepy-patriarchal way! I would probably consider allowing dating at 16 but that's partly influenced by the fact I was engaged at 17 myself, and have no regrets. But even then, I think family interaction and group dynamics are just as important as the one-on-one time, and possibly moreso. It's in a group that you'll see how your potential spouse actually acts. I remember many, many family lunches with my DH when we were dating, and going out ice skating as a group. We got our alone time too, he always drove me home, and we had some one-on-one dates like movies and a bushwalk we did, it wasn't strict, but the group setting was also emphasized and many of my best memories of that time was in groups. The purpose of dating is to find a spouse, we don't believe in casual dating for fun. If you have no intentions of marrying them you should end the relationship, for lots of reasons, in my personal opinion. I don't see anything healthy in going through lots of boyfriends/girlfriends for the sake of it. Obviously, though, this is a hugely divisive topic and my family is pretty counter cultural here.

I'm amused by the not marrying before 30 thing lol. I suppose if you're wanting to delay marriage that long, it makes a lot of sense that many people would not want to delay sex that long. Encouraging late marriage AND no sex would be hard. As for me, I married at 18 and had my first baby at 19 lol! (and sex had nothing to do with it, I wasn't a virgin, though my husband and I did not have sex between us until our wedding night and he was a virgin, but he was quite happy to remain that way many years longer if need be.) I have no regrets at all, though young marriages do have some unique challenges and I think a large portion of them fail simply because of unrealistic and immature expectations, they also have some unique benefits in my personal opinion. I wouldn't dissuade my kids from marrying young, but I would also talk very seriously about expectations and maturity and knowing fully what they're getting into, but that's the kind of thing I hope to talk to them about all through adolescence, what relationships truly look like.

Yeah.... speak to an attorney now, not in 72 hours. If the ex comes through, well, great, it wont hurt anything to get a comsult and the cost may be worth it to calm the stress your DH will apparently have, if there's even a cost, but these sorts of services are often free consult. And if he doesn't come through, well, you started the ball rolling. I agree, it sounds like 2011 and 2014 added up, it is 'within a 5 year period' not 'per 5 years'

being a qualified teacher yourself helps. I know it's illegal to homeschool other peoples children in a lot of places, but as a teacher yourself it may come under private tutoring. What state are you in? That probably makes a lot of difference.

I don't do co-op, I knew right from the beginning it is just not. for. me. I don't have patience for other peoples kids. I have even less patience for other parents. Only a small portion of families in many co-ops take it seriously. Just... ugh. Nightmare. As a homeschooled child myself, let me give a little advice. We don't need homeschooling friends, we just need friends, any friends. My best friend and closest circle of friends growing up all went to high school together, it was fine. Also, there are homeschool groups that don't involve academic classes still around in many areas aren't there? And finally, once they're a little older, there are lots and lots of awesome homeschoolers on the internet. The internet opened up a whole new world for us, I have close friends who I met through online classes, and I actually met my homeschooled husband totally randomly through a story and poetry publishing website, no class, just people posting their writing for others to comment on. There's lots of options if co-op doesn't work.

Are you getting the SQL server error? That seems to appear around the same time every day (middle of the night in the US so I assume it's some form of maintenance, but early evening usually Australian time) and killed many long replies until I realized that, if you don't touch anything at all, and keep hitting refresh, the post is actually still saved in the browser and will submit if you keep refreshing every 5 minutes until the error passes.

I don't know about the happiness/drug correlation. People on drugs know they're not happy. But, regarding happiness. Being happy all the time is silly, and impossible. I have a book on my to-read shelf called The Happiness Trap - http://www.bookdepository.com/book/9781845298258?redirected=true&selectCurrency=AUD&w=AF45AU9631SFN4A8Z3U2&gclid=CLmnoZ6EnssCFRRvvAod4wMF2w- which deals with exactly this issue. I think being joyful all the time is a virtue. But joyful is not the same as happy. Joyful is making the best of your situation, is laughing sometimes even in darkness, is seeing the bright side, or seeing/creating beauty even in adversity. Joyful is retaining a positive attitude and continuing to have a passion for life/people even in bad times. Happiness, however, is fleeting, it comes and it goes, and that's the normal cycle of life.

We're a wait until marriage family, I hope my children will and I'll teach them about why we believe it's important to wait and how we believe God designed marriage and sex. (but, for the record, sex before marriage is NOT the most heinous sin in existence, and if one did have sex before marriage we would still love, accept and support them, while disapproving of that choice. I've seen some wait-until-marriage families who act as if sex before marriage is the ultimate sin and destroys you for life, forever. *rolls eyes* ).

I dunno.... one of mine couldn't put two words into a sentence until almost three, and her primary form of language was 'eh, eh, EEEEHHHHH' with lots of pointing at 2.5. If anything she's a little above average. And DH's family didn't walk until 15-18 months. They sound a little on the later end, but, at a 'talk to the doctor' level, not 'go get evaluations done now' level. The doctor discussed it with them and they actually answered the initial autism screening questions so they're not avoiding, they've also spoken to a second doctor who sounds like some sort of family friend. They're not ignorant, they know the kids are behind the curve somewhat. I'm not of the opinion that every single difference from 'average' should be diagnosed into something. They sound a little behind the curve, there could be lots of reasons for that, keep seeing the doctor, keep making sure the child is making general progress in some sort of correlation to the milestones, but I wouldn't be panicking with what you've said. What's more important to me is, is the child curious? Does the child engage with it's environment? Does it make eye contact? Does it show interest in things happening around it? Does it try to work out how things work or try to open things? Does it respond in a normal way emotionally to people interacting with it? Those are signs of what's happening inside it's head, and a whole lot more important than whether it's walking or putting it's thoughts into our language IMHO. I'm far more concerned about the baby who is walking on time and babbling on time, but sits in it's stroller or on the floor staring into space for prolonged periods, or doesn't engage with people as often/energeticly, than I am about a curious and engaging non-talker.

So many people have unsupportive family with homeschooling, so be grateful and let her know you're grateful. If you are the 'wishlist' kind of family, perhaps create a wishlist of fun school supplies for the future. As for the kit, I wouldn't treat it as 'school' but I'd make an effort to dedicate an afternoon to it. If it's a subscription I'm guessing it comes once a month? So once a month I'd try to put aside a saturday afternoon to play with it, and then let the kids have free play with it after that. You might find you like it, it's not forever, and it might motivate you to try some hands on stuff you usually wouldn't, but don't make it a weekly 'school' thing, just an occasional project for awhile.

Ah, yes, obviously im talking as a married person who enjoys both. As far as im concerned, if youve had anal youre not a virgin. Do people really, honestly still believe those sorts of things about not getting pregnant? I figure anyone having risky sex just doesnt care. How can anyone in this day in age honestly believe any of that stuff with all the education that happens. Even abstinence only education says youll get pregnant doesnt it? (Different country here)

Anal isn't just about the virginity loophole and pregnancy. A wide range of people actually enjoy it for a wide range of reasons, it's not just an alternative to sex when you can't have sex, some people find it genuinely enjoyable. Different strokes for different folks. It doesn't usually hurt once you and your body gets used to it (I was abused and forced into child prostitution, and have no modesty/shame on sexual topics, so, yeah, I've done it, both willingly and forced. I didn't know how taboo it was until much later, so the responses on this thread are a little weird to me lol, as I'm sure this post probably is to some of you. Totally different frames of 'normal' in our lives.) Plus, while it's not a part of every gay male couples sex life, it certainly happens between a large portion of gay male partners. The prostate provides sexual stimulation. I've posted an explanation of the anatomy of how it works below, in white. Highlight this post and you'll be able to read it, I put it in white so I don't make anyone uncomfortable with graphic descriptions. I tried to find a safe link instead but no one online on any safe sites seemed to care about the anatomy of it lol. For those afraid to google, the anal passage is very flexible and can stretch a lot more than people realize (or will ever need/want it to, lol), and contract back to size quickly, and really a penis isn't much larger than a regular bowel movement. A penis has a rounded tip obviously, so it can gradually stretch the opening, like pulling something down a cone, so it's not like trying to put a flat-ended thing in, but the penis isn't sharp, so it's not going to pierce through the tissue or anything either (I've heard of people who think this). There are some minor risks, but basic common sense, working up slowly so the body has time to adjust itself, and stopping if it hurts removes most of those. The muscular movements when you go to the bathroom aren't just an 'outward force'. They're unusual because in this case gently tensing your muscles doesn't cause a clenching movement like it does in most of the body, but along with the downward force are also a 'muscle relaxing' and 'opening' movement so they facilitate exit, as well as entry. And once you're in, your body adjusts and will remain 'stretched' for a short enough time that moving in and out isn't a big deal. It's quite safe in most cases.

I usually prefer handcopies, but I ended up with PDF miquon and it's great, I can print as needed, it's just a collection of worksheets anyway so I just print what worksheets I want that week. The hard copies are not in colour, to my knowledge.

To be very politically incorrect for a moment.... When I was a teenager (not that long ago, I'm a young-un 'round here) it was 'cool' to be gay. Very little of the bullying I hear about (this seems to be very area-based, I know lots of kids even in the US who had no big deal coming out at school, and where I lived it was definitely no big deal). Everyone I know tried it at least once, and I knew a few kids who openly identified as gay. As adults, they're now very happily straight. They were never actually gay in the first place (or, if you believe in fluid sexuality, they were gay and now they're straight. More and more people trying to defend that theory...). I asked two about it, one, he said he felt like it was a way to stand out and rebel and be different. It was also very much part of the Emo scene at the time, and it was kind of exciting. For the other, she had been abused by men, and was terrified of them, but still had sexual feelings, so channelled them into women. For older generations, I think, straight people would have a strong aversion, or strong negative reaction to they themselves doing a sexual act with someone of the same gender, even if they are totally ok with the idea of homosexuality. But for the younger generation, most of them aren't, at least in my area. Almost every under-30 woman I know has kissed another woman, and a good portion of the men have kissed men too. So, telling yourself you are gay because of abuse, or because it is 'cool and rebellious' isn't unrealistic. This is why I think over-representing homosexuality is as bad as under-representing it. I'd be willing to bet a large portion of the gay kids I knew growing up have decided they weren't gay, or have gone with the fluid sexuality thing, or have now decided they are bi. This isn't an anti-gay thing, I imagine it must have been really hard for the truly gay kids to be lumped in with all the rest of them, and even worse when, in their 20s, all their supposedly 'gay' friends started becoming straight after all, especially among the Emo crowd where this was a big deal and more people were gay/bi than they were straight. It's bad for both sides, and I feel sorry for the gay teens who thought they had a community that slowly began to disappear as everyone grew up and went straight. And for anyone who thinks this post is ridiculous, well, there must have been an AWFUL lot of kool-aid going around, because just in my social group of a dozen kids alone there were 3 gay kids and 2 bi kids, one of whom decided they were trans for a good two years, and if they were born 10 years later may have even been able to get hormone therapy (she, trans he, was very certain at the time). ALL of them are now in straight relationships, and this is not a bible-belt area, we have much less of the religious influence the US does, like I said, being gay was almost 'cool' in some circles. Being gay was definitely a 'phase' for the kids in my circle, a form of rebellion and being different and special. We all had low self esteem, many of us had been abused, so it was a way to stand out and be special and have a 'place' and a 'community' (since it didn't come with the bullying I hear about in the US)

I am so, insanely jealous of your son right now. Can you indulge me in a little self pity for a moment? When I was 14 I scored a perfect score in what was, at the time, I think called the Australian Informatics Competition (it looks like it might now be what's called the CAT? at the time it was basically a test for programming aptitude using math, for kids who hadn't had the opportunity to learn actual programming to enter the AIO, I think I took it in it's inaugural year). I also scored high distinctions, top 1 or 2%, on the UNSW Mathematics competitions every year since I was, like, 8. Oh everyone was 'so proud', I was in the paper and got a fancy award from my school at the time. And then it was never spoken of again. My parents were very pleased with all these high test results, because they'd mean I could be an awesome accountant one day! They decided that must be the dream, because I 'liked numbers', and accounting was 'all about numbers', plus it paid well, much better than silly things like being a mathematician, which, to them, was like dreaming of being a rock star. A goal that could never go anywhere. My school wouldn't do anything further, they didn't have the facilities. Thank the Lord I rebelled and outright refused to study accounting in any form, much to my parents serious disappointment that they hold to this day. (if you'd studied accounting you could be doing bookkeeping from home or something even with the kids, you wasted your potential) After the test I ended up on the AIO forums, and met a whole heap of kids chatting about their awesome robotics classes and the programming camp they were going to. I told my parents I wanted to learn programming so I could enter the AIO the following year and maybe qualify for a camp. They spoke to the distance school I was going to by that point, and eventually convinced them to enroll me in the year 11 IPT course, despite being in year 10, where I spent an entire year learning Delphi Pascal (so not even real Pascal, let alone a 'real' language like one of the C variations). I learned it SO well that I could program a whole working program of the game Yahtzee by the end of the year using a million if-then statements! [/sarcasm]. Oh yes, and my mother 'taught' me HTML, by which I mean, I memorized the codes for bold, italics and underlines, and colour. I tried to learn C++ myself, more than once, but on top of my other course workloads and with no support whatsoever ("you already know how to program! This just looks like a harder way of doing what you already know") that fizzled pretty quickly, and I gave up on ever being able to take the AIO, let alone go to a camp, or take a robotics class. There's only so much you can do as a 15yo in either public, or home, school. The disappointment from that was a big part of the reason I dropped out in year 11, after discovering the IPT class would only teach SQL the next year, and my math teacher decided if I couldn't see well enough to read the graphs for trig (I'm legally blind) I should go back to consumer math. Anyway, the point of my little pity party here (thanks for indulging me) is to say, you're an awesome mum working through this process and supporting your kid through it. It's overwhelming, I've looked at it as an adult wondering if any of my own kids will get to do what I didn't, and it's just... wow, so big! lol. And that you're supporting him even when the test results aren't what he hoped is even better. I guess I wanted to encourage you that no matter how this works out you've given your son an opportunity that many kids will never have, and I hope he appreciates it when he's all grown up too.

To be honest, when I was a homeschooled teen I did the same, and even now as an adult I do similar as well! I need to fidget, and I find a small distraction actually helps me to focus better on whatever I'm doing. Doodling or colouring might be a better option than flicking onto other websites. I used to chat to people on the old msn messenger during my classes. Maybe not so helpful.... lol

I've never heard of a program like that for victims. It sounds wonderful, I wish more children had access to it. I was working from my experience and the experiences of a bunch of other women in support groups I've been part of, and our experiences were nothing like that, at all, unfortunately. At the very least the OP should find out what is available to them before starting the process. Even I could see myself possibly consenting to a program like the one you've described. But I'm curious now how widespread that sort of thing is.

Quoting from that same paragraph "This came up when I asked the kids if anyone has ever touched them inappropriately before, and my oldest said only one person, this man. " So it wasn't a speaking up at the time, it came up because (I believe she said somewhere a book was read) and she asked directly. Obviously there's a huge difference between the memories of a 2yo and the memories of a 5yo.

This is where I've gotten the age 2/3 thing from, I assumed it occured while they were living together, which was age 2-3. And she referred to it happening on the couch.

My understanding is, they read the book at age 4, the incident recalled was age 2 or 3, a couple years prior This new roughhousing incident has never been mentioned by the child, was raised by the mother in law, and occurred at age 5, after the book

This isn't a statute of limitations issue, we have very generous statutes of limitations here and that bears no relevance to what I said. it's a 'can we trust the memories of a 2 year old' issue. My two year old claimed the cat pooped on the bed, and that there was a monster in her cupboard too, but that doesn't make them true. Now, if my two year old said they had been touched by a relative I would believe them, I have to as a parent and I would trust them, but, a court is pretty darn unlikely to. 2 year olds aren't exactly reliable witnesses from a LEGAL standpoint. a COURT has no more reason to believe the 2 year old was touched than they do to believe the 2 year old saw a monster. A parent does. A judge doesn't. And as someone who has been through police/court processes, and know others who have as well, I would never put a child through it unless I thought they had a good chance of actually getting somewhere with the claim. Those 'experts' and 'professionals' can do more damage than the perpetrator ever did (and then blame that further damage on the perpetrator), but people who haven't been through the process themselves rarely believe or understand that. Taking legal action against a sexual crime without good, solid evidence is often a traumatic and fruitless endeavour that only solidifies the fear and the guilt. Walking through a police station as a child, or speaking to people in a court situation who, by definition, are judging you, is in some cases more traumatic than being touched in a private place to begin with. So, no, I don't think it's up to experts and professionals to determine whether a child can make a worthwhile case in court with absolutely no evidence beyond a toddlers memories. (note, there are cases of people who abused toddlers pressing charges, but all the ones I've ever heard of had some other form of evidence, multiple victims, something other than memories of a toddler)

One page is a nice term because it scales for age. It means one page of age-appropriate writing. For my 1st grader that means 1 pages of primary ruled, large line paper in an A5 exercise book (I don't know the US paper scale... the half-size ones, like pieces of letter paper folded in half and made into a book.) Ends up being, perhaps, 30 or so words. I don't know how it works in the US but we have a large primary rule and a small primary rule, so grade 3 would be 1 page of the small one, maybe 60 words. For a 6th grader it would mean 1 page from a wide ruled A5 exercise book (again, the half-size type), maybe 120-150 words? For a 9th grader it would mean 1 page from a full A4 (letter) notebook, either wide or college depending on student I suppose, 250-350 I think. IME wide ruled is single spaced, college ruled is double spaced, so both pages end up with about the same words.

Re-read the post, the MIL brought up the roughbousing, the son has never mentioned it, and the OP is debating whether to ask the son about it. The incident the son has spoken about was an earlier one, at 2 or 3. People who want to get very passionate about what should and should not happen should at least be able to read the facts correctly. This thread is getting ridiculous.