I don't either. I'm always told my BP is fine, 120-something/80-something. That's not "fine" for me, it's significantly elevated. My BP falls a little in the shocky range normally. Our automatic on at work is the same way. For the reason, I try to remember to take my stethoscope with me when I do wellness consultations, so I can take a proper BP.

Well... I'm a personal trainer, so I put together plans for people all the time. But plans are for target goals, not body type. Weight training doesn't address where/how your body stores fat. What are you looking to gain?

That's what I was thinking, too. I'd rather know what someone's issue with me is, and decide whether to do something about it, than just wonder. It seems like they're sending a clear message with their actions, I would just want to know what's behind it. :grouphug: That really stinks, though.

I kept my maiden name as my middle (I don't have a middle at all) the first time I married. After practically needing an act of Congress to get my name back when I divorced, I chose to keep my name when I married the second time.

This. I have no issue with sugars in general, but have a preference for the least amount of processing possible, so go (generally speaking) with sucanat, maple syrup, or honey. For goods where corn syrup (not HFCS, just plain old Karo) is used to prevent other sugars from forming crystals (marshmallows, homemade chocolate syrup), I might be inclined to use agave or brown rice syrup, just because it's not corn, but overall, I would go with "no".

Please join us as we celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary with a renewal of vows? Dinner and refreshments will be served? I don't think you need to add the rest in, just the regular invitation info.

Yup. I went through a few months of craving palak paneer so badly once, I ended up taking my eldest daughter into a head shop, looking for paneer. It came up as an Indian grocery, but was a head shop, run by a red-eyed (and very confused by the lady with the kid looking for cheese) Rastafarian. :lol: But yes, I totally get a wild hair about food I want, and will not be happy til I get it. And it has to be "right" because I can taste it as part of the craving. If it doesn't match up, it's not right, and the craving continues.

Yeah, I think you're going to have to make some rules regarding assessment of others' participation and effort. You know, like with 5 year olds: YOU worry about YOU. We do have guidelines for helping (4x per year is the expectation), but nobody has every really complained about the people who are unable to help because of their work hours or because they have infants and toddlers or whatever. We've even discussed the "cash cow" role of people who have no interest other than ordering, which keeps our running total up, which keeps our discount in place, unpublished sales, etc. I do think guidelines need to be in place in any group, so everyone operates with the same assumptions, and we have them, but I don't think we ever enforce them. (our coordinator also gets 10% - or $10, for orders over $100 - that is added to each individual invoice)

Oh, so many things! I am constantly second guessing and rolling things around in my head. Do I think/do this because of her? Do I think/do this as an opposite reaction to her? What kind of message am I sending my children if I say/do X? What I've learned is that I mostly overthink things, the kids are comfortable and secure in our family relationship, and they are comfortable in speaking up. They don't internalize off the cuff remarks because they know we're kidding, or because they know it's ok to have "flaws" and be constantly correcting them. Yesterday, I was admiring the new down vest I bought at the thrift shop and commented that I think it's super cute. My daughter looked up and said "well not over your nightgown, it's not". So I told her she has no fashion sense. She eyeballed me for a moment more, went back to her book and said "do you really think that's true?" with a smirk. She is completely secure in her knowledge that her mother is a lunatic. :lol:

No. There was repressed, cat butt face, seething anger, quiet cuts... Yelling is beneath her. She tolerates pets. Well, not exactly. She has a cat. I think she enjoys having someone completely dependent on her, but who she can bother with as little or as much as she wants. On the other hand, a dog needs too much. Like supervision, and daily interaction. And, of course, her cat has a dramatic back story (as did her other cat, who passed away a few years ago).

Isn't that how they all learn? Mine did. It's more fun to raspberry yor supper all over Mom. :D

Yeah, if I ever refer to my husband as "lover", it's followed by a Nigel Thornberry laugh. I would think it odd. Of course, one of the main draws for us to get married was because I was feeling weird about saying "boyfriend" when we'd lived together for a few years, and the alternatives all sounded so... Lingo-y. (getting married didn't change our relationship or daily lives)

Right. And you you have that same stressor, just a different aspect of it. And you know that RSD makes no distinction between stressors... So, Wolf can either go incommunicado (even for a short, specific period of time), or run interference, but the stress that CAN be taken away from you needs to be. And right now, the only controllable variable is MIL. Otherwise, he's going to end up with job stress, mother stress and the stress of completely running a homeschooling household with an invalid wife.

No, honey, I don't think so. :grouphug: The only way you're going to cut her out and not have him feel abandoned (and I think that is the correct word), is if he is on board, knows the escalation that will result, and is willing to take the hit. It's hard. And I don't think (as all things N related) there is a good answer as long as she has an inroad.

Yes (it will be wilty). Yes (it may separate; shake after thawing). And yes (it may separate; stir back together after thawing). Completely off topic: I am sitting here with a bottle of my beloved Moxie next to me, while I knit and read the boards. Yum.

Entirely true. However... None of the herbalists I know (myself included) ever advocate taking herbs as drugs. They should be taken in tea, tincture or food form* as a means of supporting the body's natural processes that have gone awry. That much valerian, as a standardized dose, is a lot. A tea with valerian, hops, and passionflower should have virtually no side effects, other than a potential for allergy, which is true for any natural substance. *I do recommend turmeric in capsule form because, in order to get anti-inflammatory levels of it, yor teeth would turn orange from eating it in food (turmeric is an excellent dye).

Yes, a combination of valerian and hope has been concluded to be as effective as prescription sleep aids, but with no grogginess. Passionflower is really good to add to the mix for mind racing, too. Melatonin works more in the short term but, since it's a hormone, is probably best used only occasionally.

Yup. Mine can/will do any of those, depending on where she is in her engulf-ignore cycle. Her primary reaction is the martyr/smear campaign combo. It gets her lots of attention while discrediting me. Win-win! Oh my word! This is SO my mother. She is SO materialistic, it's absurd. Does anyone else have an NPDr that would drive around at night, looking in people's uncovered windows, just to make sure s/he was still ahead in decorating?

Mine waffles between engulfing and ignoring, as well. When she has urge to be involved, she tries to micromanaged every aspect your life, throws tantrums and plays the martyr when you don't go along with her plans for you, etc. As soon as you can't be managed, or your life is such that you actually may need some support, she is nowhere to be found. Some examples from my own (adult) life: When my (now) husband moved to the other side of the state, she sold her house and followed us, and told everyone - including us - that we begged her to (lie). (She was following my eldest daughter, who she had decided was "hers") She thus commenced trying to "fix" everything about our house and our lives, plan our wedding... After the wedding, she announces that I "have a new family now" so she'll just muddle through the holidays aaaaaaall alone (martyr). When I was pregnant with B, I had horrible back pain that kept me up all night. I was exhausted and strung out, and was still working full time. She wanted me to go doorknob shopping with her, an hour away. When I said no, I just needed to rest, she had a fit, called me later to see if I had "calmed down", then told me I'm bipolar. And she knows this because an aunt (by marriage) is bipolar (it runs in families, you know!) and part of it is thinking you don't need sleep, so... I need to get on some medication so I can be normal. A trip to the chiropractor got rid of the back pain so I could sleep, but she has spent the past several years telling people I'm mentally ill and unmedicated. She demanded, wheedled, cried to get me to let her watch the girls (A around 12, B around 2) on days where I had to work on site with a client and my husband was also working, so I would call her and she would be SO pleased, tell me her schedule was completely clear that day, yadda, yadda. The night before I dropped them off, she would call to tell me that she had to work in the afternoon, but she would go ahead and inconvenience the poor agent stuck on the desk for a few more hours, for me, but A would need to come directly to her house to collect B after school. Directly! She should not even drop her books at home! Aaaaaand then I would call to check in and no one would be home at my house, so I'd call her house and she and the girls would be having a "wonderful" time. What about her desk duty? Well, Sue would be fine. She might even get some leads ("you should see her... Looks so haggard... You'd never believe she's close to my age, looks SO much older..."). When I was pregnant with the boys and on bed rest while my OB and perinatologist tried to decide whether to take more aggressive measures to keep them in as long as possible (they did not, and the boys went full term), she demanded my husband take me out dancing for my birthday. I hate going dancing (the noise, the crowds, I don't dance) and, uh, we were trying to prevent our babies from being born before 24 weeks. Her answer: "well, surely they'll let her out for one night. It's her BIRTHDAY!" And since other people were controlling whether I could do things, she moved out of state, and had to take my eldest for a couple of weeks to help her set up her new house. (Because, really, how unfair was A's life that she should have to stay home and be Cinderella?) I occasionally have that "she's not that bad" thought (because, truly, on the scale of what others have been through, she is not), but I have now learned to squash it. She is bad enough and undermines, grooms and tears down my children, gaslights, and generally makes our lives miserable if I even so much crack the door open. So that door stays firmly shut. And, just in case my resolve falters, I recently received a letter from her, basically telling me to "be the bigger person", outlining what a big person she is for forgiving and looking past my grandmother being different from her, and caring for her in her last years. (My aunt - and later I, with my aunt - cared for her in her las weeks. My mother had to work, and had to take time for herself, as a caretaker.) My grandmother was very different from her, that is true. What she wasn't was guilty of devaluing and damaging everyone around her. Wow. That was quite a dump. I really only started out to agree with Imp. ;)

:spam: Wow. Twice in the same thread. Is that a record or something?

I :001_wub: my Doc Marten Mary Janes! And they're 20-odd years old. OP, if you're talking winter temps in the 40s, I think you would be fine with cropped leggings or regular tights, tall socks, and regular shoes.

Oh, lovely. So now the delightful narcissists will feel even more justified. <eyeroll> I really do think returning to the "character disorder" label would be preferable. In my dealings with my crazy mother, it is really the dearth of character that stand out.

Remember that most people exhibit traits here and there, situationally. That's a normal range of behavior. It's when these destructive traits become a way of being that they are pathological. Frequent hand washing while handling raw food or during cold and flu season is normal. Washing hundreds of times a day, despite the skin being raw, is pathological. Yes, it is. The delightful irony, though, is that narcissists don't seek professional help. They are above scrutiny. Everyone else has the problem.

:lol:

Me, too. I need reading glasses now, in my 40s, but that's pretty much it. My 11 yo read early and has terrible vision, but she inherited that from her dad, who was not an early reader, or much of a reader at all (he can read, just isn't "a reader").