I also think ignoring it is fine. It's none of your family's business anymore. The girl dated your son; now she's not. There's no more to talk about. I don't get why one kid is asking your younger son what he (or your older son, or whomever) thinks about the new relationship. Why should he care? As far as people telling you that your son and the girl were never alone.. they may just want to reassure you that there is supervision/chaperoning and not kids sneaking off into dark corners together. That, or the girl has been known to sneak off into dark corners with boys.

I haven't specifically boycotted Penzey's because of his politics; they are simply not convenient for me anymore. But, I started rolling my eyes at his opinions years ago. This is an example of what annoys me (from the facebook posting Wabi Sabi posted above): You can get angry at everyone else for treating you like you just did the thing you just did, or you can take responsibility for your actions and begin to make amends. If you are lucky and younger family members are still coming over for Thanksgiving, before it's too late, take a moment and honestly think about how your actions must look through their eyes. Simply saying "I never thought he'd win" might be enough. But if you have the means, leaving a receipt from a sizable donation to the ACLU or the SPLC accidentally laying around where you carve the turkey, might go over even better. Bolding mine. Nothing like a bit of passive-aggressive virtue signalling to smooth over Thanksgiving dinner tensions, eh? The condescension is really off-putting.

Oh, I am so, so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug:

I don't get their emails but I used to get their catalog and the personal opinions there annoyed me. I used to buy from them when there was a store local to me but they moved into a very inconvenient (to me) location so I stopped. I find spices at World Market, Vitacost, and the grocery store. But now I'm curious and feel like looking them up.

My MIL is getting a hummingbird feeder, and my FIL a sweater. They won't like the gifts, but they'll pretend they do. They don't like anything we give them, but they also don't want to stop exchanging gifts.

I have also found this to be true, even when the benefactor tries very hard not to let it happen. Not quite the same as Quill's scenario, because it wasn't a friend relationship, but... Several years ago a church group I was involved with "adopted" a family. It was hard sometimes to go to their house and see their giant tv, the woman's freshly manicured / airbrushed nails, the high-end electronics. Logically, we all knew that we didn't have the complete picture of the family; for all we knew the tv was a gift, the manicures were done for free by a friend, and the electronics purchased before hard times hit. Or whatever reasons, kwim? We shoved the thoughts aside and focused on what we could help with. Eventually, though, the family became very demanding; asking for more and more money and finally, a car - a new one, not used, because why shouldn't they have a new car. Eventually the relationship was severed though I don't remember exactly how. We all felt a little scammed after that.

Yep. I have also helped anonymously and actually prefer to do so when I can. But, when it's not anonymous, the recipient should be able to give some word of thanks. As far as I can tell, that is the norm in US culture, or has been in every place I've lived, and I can't imagine why it would be controversial.

:grouphug: :grouphug:

I feel the same way you do. I also don't do things in order to be thanked, or to have people think well of me, or whatever bad motives are often attributed to people who feel hurt/slighted/whatever when gifts (of material good, money, or time) go unacknowledged. Still, I was raised that when someone gives you something, you thank them. I could imagine that the friends could feel awkward about the monetary gift and don't want to mention it. But still, they should say something.

Not a fan of creative spelling of names either, and definitely a fan of traditional names, but I feel the need to point out that I nearly always need to spell my name, which is traditional and spelled correctly (Margaret), for people, and I have seen some wild variations when people decide to wing it. Margrit Margrette Marget Etc.

My husband and I each have some music the other can't tolerate. Actually the whole family is that way. I listen to Joni Mitchell and Teena Marie when I am alone in the car or at home, or via headphones when convenient. My husband listens to Kate Bush and a few others the same way. On a road trip, the driver chooses the music. (Kids plug into music on their phones if they don't like what's playing.)

That seems so odd to me. My mind is running with the possibilities* of what trouble that could bring to the people who actually lived in the house. Meeting at a public place is easier and makes more sense. (*unlikely, to be sure, but possibilities nonetheless.)

Yeah, I thought of that after I went to bed. :-) Still don't think I would want to name Ann. I liked Tap's idea of not giving out any names.

So, was it delivered by hand and the only information about the recipient is the first name Ann? Was there a card with the young man's name on it? Must have been, or how would you know it was a young man? I guess if I was going to put something on the neighborhood facebook page it would be for the young man, for example: "Tom Smith, I received a package you intended for someone else. Please come pick it up at..." Or is there a public type place you can leave it for him? I don't think I would say "I have a package for Ann" because unless your neighborhood is very small, there is a good chance there is more than one Ann, right? So weird to deliver something which I assume is fairly personal and not have the right address... if it happened the way I'm imagining.

You know, that is probably why I assume the default is salted. That is when I was growing up, seeing my mother cook,taking Home Ec in school. Salted butter was the norm, unless we were using margarine. And, I have noticed that Martha Stewart's recipes always specify unsalted butter, which I'm sure added to that impression. Because, why would the recipe bother to specify, if unsalted was the standard? I've continued to cook this way all these years (assuming a recipe meant salted butter unless unsalted was specified) and things have always worked out, so I never had reason to think differently. Till this thread. Now I'm questioning everything I've ever known, or thought I've known, about cooking. :lol: :lol: ETA: I think I once knew what a number two can was, but I've since lost that bit of knowledge.

Is that true? I always thought recipes were written assuming salted butter. Generally if a recipe says "butter" I used salted; if it says "unsaltted butter," I follow that. But I've also seen a guideline for adjusting the amount of salt in a recipe. It's 1/4 teaspoon per stick/half cup of butter. So, if I use salted butter when unsalted is called for; I reduce by that amount. That's not perfect, because there's no way to know exactly how much salt is in the butter, but it's probably good enough. Butter keeps well in the freezer. I generally keep a few boxes of unsalted for baking. I once made toffee using unsalted instead of salted butter and didn't add any salt. Ugh, it tasted so flat. Never made that mistake again. :-)

I have had success making two kinds of chili - a vegetarian version with beans, and a meat version with no beans. Then I put them out and tell people to have whichever one they want, or mix them up. Vegetarians are happy, people who don't like beans are happy. People who like both are very happy. Here is our favorite vegetarian chili, from Martha Stewart. We don't have a particular favorite no-bean chili, but it's easy to find recipes online. Make them a day ahead. This does assume you have two large pots or cockpots for reheating and serving, though. Offer sour cream, shredded cheese, hot sauce, maybe some pickled jalapenos if you have them. Cornbread or even easier, chips and salsa. Salad or vegetable tray. Hope your dinner turns out beautifully!

Ugh. I hate that sort of thing. Fortunately I don't have that kind of thing (or people) in my life right now. But I have. I think it is great for churches (any house or worship) to do things for people. But sometimes they end up promising more than they can really deliver. Years ago my husband and I were in a situation in a church small group that almost caused the group to break up and people to leave the church. It had to do with an "adopted" family and the group leader's expectations about how much time and money we were all going to pour into them. It was awful. I'm so sorry. :grouphug:

Seconding Erik Larson. My son loved Isaac's Storm and then went on to read The Perfect Storm (by Sebastian Junger). In the Heart of the Sea is gripping but grim. It's the true story of a whaling ship destroyed by a whale; the inspiration for Moby-Dick. So interesting and well-written but... very disturbing in places. I would read others by the author, Nathanial Philbrick. My son has read a lot about World War II; he highly recommends The Winter Fortress by Neal Bascomb.

I would not pick for my kid. I would, and have, advised and strongly encouraged, but I wouldn't choose classes. For reference, I have a strong-willed yet surprisingly undecisive DE student. She dithered quite a bit choosing her classes. She finally did, after much discussion with her dad and me, and is happy with her choices. On the other hand, in my house, other than math, DE is optional. I'd still be happy to homeschool the rest. She would prefer to take English via DE , so that helped! Is there a DE advisor at the school who could help?

When I buy gas where there is an attendant, I roll the window all the way down. I never really thought about it before, but it's just the way I did it. Probably when my parents bought gas when I was a kid, I saw them do that. (Oregon and New Jersey are two states I know of that do not allow customers to pump their own gas. I have bought gas in both. New Jersey gasoline, BTW, is much cheaper than PA's! When I had occasion to go to NJ regularly, I always tried to work it out that the gas tank would be low so I could fill up there.)

Thanks for all the ideas! They all sound good. Not sure about doing something hot. I think it is a good idea, but I'm going to be at the dinner too, so I really need to have everything except coffee and tea pretty much ready to serve. I'll have to think about that. I would invite you all if I could. :-)

Yes, you can and in fact are encouraged to write to the child. They ask for 3 times a year. I guess we get 3-4 letters a year, plus always a thank-you letter for birthday and Christmas gift. Some people I know write monthly and I wish I could manage that, but I haven't been able to. In my experience the level of interaction varies. We have sponsored two children. One was a boy from Peru. He wrote long chatty letters full of questions. He answered our questions too. That was a lot of fun. Sadly for us, after a couple of years his family moved to another area where that program didn't operate, so that relationship was severed. We have been sponsoring a girl from Uganda for about 15 years. Her letters are much more rote. For a long time the letters were written by a translator, but then it became obvious the girl was learning English, so she wrote them herself. For a while the handwriting was almost illegible! That resolved, but still, it is a little harder to feel a connection with her. I do recall her telling us how she spent the money we sent for her 8th birthday: among some relatively inconsequential items was a goat for the family! That was exciting to us (my kids are 2 and 3 years younger). And it showed what an impact we could have. Don't get me wrong - we enjoy the letters and are happy to be involved in her life! But, just being honest here, it adds a lot when the child can really respond to the letters. When this child ages out (I think at age 22 which will be next year) I may take a break from sponsoring, though I will still donate $$ regularly.

We have been sponsoring a child through Compassion International for quite a few years not. It is fun to get letters and such, and see how the child is growing up. We've done one or two animal "adoptions" and that was kind of fun, but speaking only for myself I can't imagine bringing 12 stuffed animals into my home in a year. :-) ETA: we also donate throughout the year and don't focus on anything in particular for Christmas, other than that's the time there are coat/hat/mitten drives, and opportunities for special gift giving like Toys for Tots and giving trees.

:grouphug: :grouphug: I often feel like I am sitting on the sidelines of Christmas shopping, whether I need to or not. Some years have been very tight, and some years, not so much. But we have never bought lots of gifts for our kids or anyone else, really. There can be much more meaning in little things - like a handwritten postcard - than in big things. Well, there can be meaning in both. I know a family whose kids are delighted by things that my kids have always taken for granted. Like, hot cocoa. Marshmallows are such a treat! My kids don't see that as a treat - there is always hot cocoa makings available in our house. There is no delight anymore. I pray you will find a way to delight your family and yourself within your budget this year!