I'm not exactly sure why I'm posting except it popped into my mind. A pretty good friend of mine's husband works at/runs a cadaver farm not too far from here. Lots of people sign up to donate their bodies there. It really can make for interesting book club chit chat. Fascinating. I don't think I could spend so much time in the company of dead bodies, especially those in varying stages of decay. It really does take all kinds.

I have made peace with my name. It is very unique, and I have never, ever, ever met anyone with my name. When I was younger, this really bothered me, but now I appreciate it. It is actually phonetically correct, but people always mispronounce it at first glance. This used to irritate me to no end, but these days, I guess I have grown accustomed to it. If anyone comes into a waiting room with the "deer in headlights" look, I assume they want me and help them out, LOL. A creative name isn't just a name; it's a lifestyle.

I'm not sure about the right thing to do in your situation. I'm black and that word is highly offensive to me. We don't use it in my home at all. At all. Now I do hear it in movies or comedy shows, and I know it's used as a term of endearment, so it doesn't really bother me. If I'm watching the kind of movie with the n-word in it, it's got a whole bunch of other stuff in it that should be offensive as well, LOL. My spouse is Hispanic and some of her brothers and uncles (all with lily-white skin) in her family have taken to using that word amongst themselves and their black friends. I don't understand it. It's so weird. I really don't like it, but I don't know if that's the old lady in me or what. I have let them know in no uncertain terms that I find it offensive and do not appreciate it. I know they still speak that way to each other, but not in my presence. That's the best I can do. And I curse like a sailor, but I do put that word in a totally different category. We don't use racial slurs in my home. The times they are a-changing.

Have you tried a bra with a full back instead of a traditional low back? I know someone who had old fashioned open heart surgery and every since has only worn full back bras. It puts the support work on the back and keeps it off her chest and shoulders. It also really improved her posture. She has an extremely full bOOkshelf. I'm sorry, I don't remember the brands, but she does go to a professional bra shop.

I always have a little chuckle when people want to flee to Texas for the "freedom."

Don't look directly at me. I have big hair and I wear WAY too much makeup. Old habits die hard.

Where I live the daytime curfews seem to be enforced more harshly on specific demographics. Also Travis County has a very long history of severe punishment regarding their arbitrary truancy laws. And that's about all I have to say about that.

If you're in the downtown/nightclub district, there's a phlebotomist in the police van that they use to round up "suspected drunks." If you are pulled over and refuse a breathalyzer, they arrest you and take you to the police station where there is a phlebotomist onsite.

I've lived in Texas a very long time. We mostly live in Central Texas, but do spend a good portion of the year in the Rio Grande Valley and on South Padre Island. It's hot here. We have bugs here. The Valley is nice. Very close to the beach. Of course, the Island is actually on the beach. If you don't mind hot, humid, water-bugs, and mosquitos, you should be fine. I don't know what secret freedoms we have. I guess I've been here so long that I just take them for granted. I'm one of those hairy liberals someone mentioned up-thread, so I may not be your demographic. As far as those low alcohol control laws, careful. If you are suspected of being intoxicated and refuse a breathalyzer, your blood can be drawn right on site without your authorization. I'm not sure how free that makes you.

I enjoyed it. It wasn't what I was expecting, but that's the way SNL goes.

I still use it with my parents, grandparents, customer service reps, grocery store clerks, or any other adults. It's how adults in a professional setting address each other here. My son was required to address me as m'am when he was growing up. I didn't think too much of it. My parents were pretty authoritarian southern parents and I guess I am too. I just felt it was consistent, since it is very much expected with other adults in public. My son doesn't really "ma'am" me any more. He's really feeling his wild oats these days, but he'll settle down as he gets a little older. I did.

I have a terribly kre8tive name as my mom was 16, black, rural, and very loosely educated as the eldest of seven. It really is no big deal. I always say my name and then immediately spell it. Whenever I'm in a waiting room and some poor soul looks like a deer in headlights, I speak right on up. If people feel that my parents were impoverished and uneducated, they have been gracious in keeping those nasty thoughts to themselves. I am neither impoverished nor uneducated, and even if I was, I deserve to be treated with dignity. Remember, I didn't name myself. I can't just change my name. It's who I am. It would hurt my mother's feelings immensely. She still thinks it's a beautiful name, even all of these decades later. I did curse her to no end as a child. I often had to stay inside during recess and practice writing my name because I didn't really concern myself with spelling it correctly. And this was at a private religious school. Hilarious.

You know, it's funny. Somehow I've managed to find a *very* wealthy group of friends, who don't flash their money at all. In fact, under their influence I've become much, much, MUCH less materialistic. I used to try to live beyond my means. No more. These people easily make 4 to 5 times what we make. They live in homes as large as my block, but unless you actually went to their house, you could never guess. And I know for a fact that one of my girlfriends' multi-million $$ home is fully paid for, no mortgage. But we all wear very regular clothes, not necessarily name brand. We all use coupons. We all go to events on free admission days. We go to restaurants and share appetizers to save money, etc . . . We all live a very frugal lifestyle. Now they do travel out of the country for vacations, but what can I possibly say about that, they can afford it. I can't. My deal, not theirs. The thing is, our day-to-day lives are terribly similar. We relate as people, and that's what matters. You really need friends who value the same life experience as you, not who are in the same tax bracket as you. I'm sorry you're struggling though, I know how hard it is.

I am a very negligent shaver, so it's possible this could be an option for me, LOL.

Honestly, I'm not sure. That was the point of my post. I want to know where/how we can have real discussion in a manner that does not ascribe "misogynist" and "slut shamer" and "disgusting" to those of us who have real questions to ask. As for myself, it is lot to ask that every time an accusation is made, it's legit. That is not true. I have seen it with my own eyes. Also I am not ignorant on this topic. I attend a major university. I work in a research lab with young women and we are doing related work with women (not on this specific topic, but tangentially related) every day. I spend a LOT of time with young ladies ages 18 to 25. A whole lot of time. I still am not convinced that every outcry is legit. I'm sorry, I'm just not. Maybe me and people like me are exactly what's wrong with the world today. I don't know. It's possible. What I am trying to say is that I. Don't. Know. Even when I follow the evidence, I am still not sure. I feel one false allegation is one too many. One man's reputation falsely ruined is one too many. I feel one woman afraid to come forward or disbelieved is one too many. It's a tragedy in every way. I know the world is not a perfect place, but . . . not sure what else to say here.

I have to admit to being very conflicted about Bill Cosby. I must be crazy because when I see a bunch of women with the same story, I think "mob mentality." It is very easy to hear someone's story and go "me too." I don't know if that is the case here, but that's where my mind went first. Not necessarily about Mr. Cosby, but in general I am confused by this thread. There seems to be the assumption that if any woman says she was sexually abused/assaulted, then the accused is guilty. There ARE false allegations. There ARE mistakes made under the influence of drugs/alcohol by both men and women. These things DO exist. What protection do we offer men in our country if the woman has to be believed all the time. Who believes the men? I guess because we are mostly female on this forum, we are required to side with the women always. Some women here have expressed concern/uncertainty and that is ok. We don't need to all agree or be called disgusting and/or unbelievable. In my opinion this issue is not black and white, it has gray all over it. There are people who understand the devastation that sexual impropriety causes a man and will use that to their advantage. I do think that women should come forward, but I don't feel uncomfortable with the burden of proof being very high. It should be a high burden of proof to essentially end someone's life: incarceration, sex offender registration, little to no chance at employment forever and ever. Those are devastating consequences, and they should be reserved for someone who has been PROVEN to be of danger to women and/or children, not simply suspected. I guess I wonder if there is a solution that offers balance. Women need to feel empowered and safe coming forward, but every man who is accused is not drug through the mud without real cause/evidence. If women aren't expected to come forward with the evidence when it can be preserved, then what exactly is the expectation? What should we do to protect men from false accusations? I'm not for slut shaming, but I am also not going to act like there aren't some women out there intentionally making false allegations. There are also women who are "talked into" believing they were sexually assaulted, even if they didn't originally think they were. Again, sometimes correct, sometimes not. That's my point. I'm worried about this pendulum swinging too far the other direction. I am honestly and sincerely confused and distressed. I don't want to see falsely accused nor do I want to see sexual predictors running free. What is the answer? Where can we find balance? I also don't want to be made to feel like I hate women because I jump on the "women don't make false allegations" bandwagon. I just can't ride that train. I have seen with my own eyes that there are women who use threats of rape and sexual assault/harassment as dangerous weapons. I just don't know.

I'm in the south. Texas. When my family has foody get togethers, everyone usually brings some Tupperware/storage containers with them. After the meal, everyone takes home a little bit of everything that way we all get the day off from cooking the next day or so. I don't want to bring home a whole bunch of just what I made. Boring. We have a few complicated family dishes that only get enjoyed once or twice a year. I want some of those! I want to bring home a meal. This is how it has always been. I haven't always lived in the south, but I am from the south, so that tradition has been going on in my family as long as I can remember. That's how we did it at my grandparents' house, and that's how we do it now whether I'm hosting or anyone else in the family hosts. We always remind everyone to bring their Tupperware for leftovers.

Basic means pedestrian, plain, boring, not special. Around here it's usually said with a snear and a flip of the hair "basic b!tches need not apply."

I don't think it was necessary to continually say "I disagree" when she was critiqued. I'm sure the panel has given critique to others that they disagreed with too. Accepting criticism graciously without feeling the need to "assert yourself" every second is a lesson in humility and growth. If she can't suck it up for one minute, how is she ever going to learn anything? She came across really arrogant to me. She is not perfect. There is always room for growth or even room for other opinions. The exchange was ugly and uncomfortable to watch, IMHO. Maybe it's just my southern ways, I don't like "back-talk," LOL. But the design was awful, so there wasn't much choice other than to send her home. It also hurt my mom-heart for them to critique the clothes in front of the little girls, but I guess that's how the show goes. They were quite gentle though. If Michael Kors had still been there, one of those poor girls would have run away crying. He is ruthless! It was a great episode.

I'm glad the person who went home did go. She was terribly disrespectful of her critique. I don't like her style at all. Kini (?) is my absolute favorite and I hope he wins it all. His sewing skills are amazing. I haven't seen skills like that since Christian Seriano. He's a BIG designer to the stars now.

My goodness. I'm so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

I'm sorry. Many gentle hugs for you and your mom.

I just saw her in concert literally two months ago. She was tearing across the stage for 2 whole hours by herself talking a mile-a-minute and she was AMAZING. So full of energy and life and, I know many people don't think so, but beautiful. I love a woman who dresses in old Hollywood feathers, sequins, and diamonds, but has the mouth of a sailor. We had to stretch our budget for those tickets. I'm so glad we did. The photos of her and Cooper's vacation this summer were just so much fun. I'm so glad he'll have those fantastic memories of time spent with his grandma. Poor baby. She will really be missed.

Don't even get me started. Last semester I took a class at UT almost entirely devoted to the extermination of black men by APD. I didn't need the class to know about the big cases, but the systematic aggression was a real eye-opener. It's a real disgrace. Even more so because Travis County masquerades as a liberal and tolerant county, but it is increasingly difficult to find minority justice here. Sorry. Off topic rant. Carry on.

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Many gentle hugs for you and your family.