I buy mine from an Ethiopian minimart. I also get injera and the spiced clarified butter there. We have attempted injera at home but I don’t have a large enough pan/burner and it’s just not as good as what I can buy super cheap.

I pushed back on an employer and asked for significantly more severance. That said, the subtext there was that they knew I had a pretty strong case against them if I chose to pursue it and they upped my severance and agreed to provide a strong reference because I wouldn’t sign the NDA or release of liability if they didn’t. The director was a nightmare of toxic narcissism. A decade after my departure, dude *finally* got fired. It was long overdue.

Large PNW city: It’s a paid holiday now for my mid sized non-profit employer. I also have a small business doing accounting for non-profits and it’s an holiday for all of them as well. Most of them added it in 2020 or 2021. I’ve seen some signage about it. There were a few community Juneteenth celebrations/events advertised. It is also as of this year a holiday at my husband’s employer (large, fairly old school Fortune 500 company).

A lot of kids in private school have grandparents footing the bill. A LOT. I know parents who are truly quite affluent where grandma or grandpa foots the bill either because they want to or they have the money and it’s advantageous for them to transfer it that way vs. after death. If it’s truly what is best for your kid and your parents are able and willing, I think it’s easier for your husband to swallow his pride/shift his perspective than it would be for either of your kids to proceed with schooling options which do not work for them. Could your husband learn to see it as a blessing or a way to let the grandparents feel good about themselves? Or that it’s a good estate planning tool since it’s a gift they can make tax free? Or perhaps that it’s just a well timed advance on your guy’s inheritance?

I’ll admit that one time at a work conference outing to a baseball game, two dudes insisted I was wrong that Omar Vizquel had started his career in Seattle and so I emailed them both a link to his Wikipedia page. I grew up watching him play and was super sad when he was traded so I felt compelled to correct them. In my defense, it was pre smart phones so we couldn’t just pull it up on the spot and I was a bit indignant they didn’t think I knew anything about baseball. I know a decent amount about baseball and basically everything there is to know about the Seattle Mariners in the 1990s. 🤣

He *almost* always drives. Sometimes I do but it’s like less than 3% of the time. I do not like driving. At all. His motivation is to take on a task that I dislike so I don’t consider it sexist. And if it were? I would not care, not one little bit. Because I vastly prefer having him drive. When we got together, I didn’t have a license. I only got one so I could drive our kid to appointments and stuff when he wasn’t available - that was like 5 years in so we were accustomed to him being the driver. That hasn’t changed.

We eat a lot of apples. Fuji is a go to. I find them more consistently acceptable and I prefer not paying $4/lb. We are in WA state and Cosmic Crisps are popular here.

I wish I could say that I thought calling the cops or CPS would be helpful and improve things but that doesn’t mesh with what I have seen at all in these types of situations. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t call, depending on the circumstances. But I wouldn’t have any real expectation of it making a positive impact on him or necessarily keeping your child safer. If there’s a program that might eat up a lot of of his free time and give him a sense of community, I would suggest that to his parents. Unfortunately it sounds like his behavior is such that he would be asked to leave a lot of extracurriculars.

I have always hated sour cream. Wouldn’t go near it. The other day I ordered a burrito with my usual NO sour cream but they included it anyways by accident. I ate it. I did not die. Not sure I will start ordering it BUT I learned I no longer have to worry if a bit of sour cream migrates to my side of the nachos at the baseball game or something.

Our old 2004 Sienna got to the point where one slider wouldn’t open from the outside and the other wouldn’t open from the inside. There were other issues. When it needed new tires, my husband decided that there was enough wonky stuff that we should just replace the van. I bought the 2004 Sienna for $2500, drove it for almost 3 years and sold it to a junker for $1050 so all in all, an economical endeavor. We replaced it with a newer Sienna.

This isn’t a left or right/liberal or conservative issue. I live in a very progressive state with nearly universal healthcare for kids. The resources are crap and we had to sue to get the support our younger son needed to be able to attend school. The few families I know who have been able to access out of home placement for very high needs kids have faced enormous barriers accessing and maintaining the services. One mom I know had no options for her son other than a group home that is a 4 hour drive from her home. We’ve had to beg for the tiny slivers of services we have been able to access and the quality is…not great. The best quality options are pay to play at prices that basically no one of average means can afford to pay. Kids with the most severe mental and behavioral health issues get parked in the ER here a lot because there’s quite often nowhere to send them.

In the states, it varies wildly by state but the short answer is: not as many options as people would think or hope.

Violence is violence and impact is real. At the same time, intent does matter. Sometimes violent behavior is bullying or behavior that is done with intent to hurt or control others. Sometimes violent behavior is a maladaptive reaction. Sometimes violent behavior is a sign that someone doesn’t have the skills to cope with the situation they are in. I didn’t say that violence towards parents is never abusive. It can be. I’ve seen people who abused their parents. But not all violence in families is coming from a place of intent to control or harm. Not everyone who harms another person is narcissistic or lacking in empathy. If I defined my sons by their worst behaviors, labelled them narcissistic abusers, not only would I be reinforcing and engendering the behavior, I would be releasing myself from my obligation, a steep one, to as their mother help them learn how to manage their emotions, navigate the world more functionally and to reach their potential. It also wouldn’t be an accurate label- neither of my sons is narcissistic; both have demonstrated a deep capacity to care about others. If someone can’t be in a situation safely, I don’t ask them to be in that situation. I don’t think that your son had any obligation to put up with violent or aggressive behavior from a peer. ASD or any other disabling condition is an explanation, it’s not a blank check.

If the child/adult has developmental disabilities and the aggressive incidents are related to that, I don’t think it’s helpful to call it abuse or classify the person as a narcissistic abuser. That’s a very different set of circumstances. My husband and I have two autistic sons. Both have had explosive behaviors and there have been times we have been hit, pushed, bit. On two occasions, one of our sons destroyed our living space, causing costly damages. We’ve also needed to lock up knives because one of our sons would try and get ahold of one to stab himself. We have had times we have contemplated group care and inpatient stays. At one point we contemplated us each living with one son in separate apartments because we were worried that that older son might harm the younger one. Even if we opted for group care at some point (which is mercifully not looking necessary anymore), I wouldn’t call it “going no contact” nor would I consider my responsibility to my children finished. Two things can be true at once- my kids have been aggressive and violent at times. They are also loving, kind, passionate about the world around them, talented in their own ways etc. They aren’t abusers- they needed a lot of help and support due to their developmental disability. I absolutely do not define my sons by their hardest or worst moments anymore than I would want to define myself by my hardest moments as a child or young adult. Our older son is almost 19 now. He’s just graduated from high school. He moves to the dorms in September. If he had unmanageable rages and posed a risk to his brother or us, we would probably look into some sort of housing for him. As it is, he seems to be able to live with us peacefully enough. There have been times that wasn’t a given. He receives therapy every week and is actively engaged in that process. He will be attending a school with a program that specifically supports autistic students. Also: do not underestimate just how difficult it is to access resources for out of home placement for teens and young adults with severe behavioral challenges. Some of the families I know have had to relinquish custody to the state because they couldn’t afford to pay for group home care for a teen or adult child who could no longer be safely cared for at home. Often times parents in that situation aren’t choosing between having their son or daughter live at home or live in a facility, the real choice is home or putting them out on the street. Most parents aren’t willing to do that.

Same, I was prescribed a stool softener and laxative when I was prescribed narcotic pain relief after my c-section.

The tops of regular electric ranges lift up for easy cleaning of any detritus that falls or drips through the drip pans. I was like 35 or so when I realized this and I only realized it when a house cleaner I hired did it. And I used to clean houses for money when I was in college.

I am quite certain that the last time I wore white shoes was my first communion when I was 7. White shoes and the related rules just aren’t things that factor in my life.

Same. I wear size 11 shoes and hated socks because they were all so tight. Come to find out they were just too small for my feet.

My husband. One of my siblings. A friend from childhood I am in regular contact with- we joke that we’d bury a body for the other, no questions asked. Also that friend’s wife. A close female friend from college. A couple my husband and I are close to that we met when our oldest kids were babies. So that adds up to seven. More than I guessed before I listed it out. Those are people who I can discuss anything personal with and vice versa. Those are the first people I text or call when something major happens and who I’ll tell more than the surface level information to. They are also the people with keys to our place and stuff like that.

The situations in which the courts will restrict parental rights are so limited and they often arrive at the wrong conclusions so I understand your trepidation. I have a friend whose ex was convicted of stalking and rape. After he was released from prison he was able to get an order for visitation no trouble at all despite the fact that there was a history of DV and one of his convictions was DV. She had to go to court to get his access limited- and that was when he was a convicted sex offender whose preferred targets were females the same age as her daughters were getting to be. Yet I see parents who are loving parents lose in court to controlling narcissist types, while the parental rights of clearly criminal or erratic people are so fiercely protected. It’s a messed up system for sure.

What time is she going to bed? 10-12 year old girls are often hitting puberty hard and growing like crazy (I hit 5’8 when I was 11 years old). So they need early bed times to have any reasonable way to get up and at the day before 9AM. Raising the blood sugar with some juice and light activity is also helpful.

Document all the times that your SIL and BIL have left their kids in your care. And every time they ask and you say no. That way, if they do later try to say you are unfit in a custody battle for your kids with your ex you have some evidence that they didn’t find you unfit enough to stop leaving their kids in your care. That blew up on my brothers ex- his friends lied for him but then my brother’s attorney was able to discredit them by asking them why, if they thought he was unfit, they had been relying on him for childcare for all these years for their own kids.

Old article, so disregard the amounts but these ideas really do work for small orgs. https://www.prometheusradio.org/sites/default/files/55 ways to raise 500 dollars.pdf If you want a deeper dive into effective fundraising, Kim Klein’s Fundraising for Social Change is the gold standard and the book can be found for a few bucks online. Any edition will do.

I would love to be a dog owner as I actually like dogs but between the allergies and the kids being quite certain that even the smallest dog was definitely going to kill them, it hasn’t been in the cards. 🙃 One thing about off leash dogs is that I was usually worried that the dogs reaction to my kids reaction to them could be dangerous and have negative repercussions for the dog, especially ones far from their owners. And of course there were owners who were completely puzzled by my kids reaction but it’s not like I had any time to explain WTF was happening when trying to help my sons calm down or exit as efficiently as possible.

My biggest pet peeve when my kids were terrified of dogs was the people who feel the leash laws in parks don’t apply to them. I don’t take my sons to the dog park, they can keep their dogs on a leash at the playgrounds built for kids. 🙃 We left parks, grocery stores and once school because of unexpected dogs. Most stores that are dog friendly aren’t places I needed to take my kids. I did need to take my kids to the grocery store. I spent a lot of time teaching them to keep it together when they saw a dog. To your last sentence, for a lot of years my sons were surprised to see anything out of its usual context. To the point that a kid from school waving to them at the grocery store seemed highly suspect to them (who is that?! Why do they know my name?!) so surprise is relative. Thankfully, they are older and more flexible about things now. And while my 13 year old walks around the block rather than encounter the house with the barkiest dog on his way home from the bus stop, he now pets his friends pets and doesn’t run away screaming like he’s about to be murdered in a horror movie anymore.