I am very up front about it. I don't build my husband up in my childrens' eyes- I call a spade a spade. If he's being a ***, I teach them not to take it personally, to accept him how he is. And I also support and encourage and point out the more positive side at times to balance when we have had a bad patch. I wold rather they see him as he is, than a distorted view. It will serve them better in the long run, I feel. And ditto for me. In my situaiton, I decided it was important that my children felt empowered to trust their own eyes and ears, and not to give up their power to an authority which was not behaving as an appropriate role model (at times- more rarely now than in the past). They are allowed to speak their truth. They are not allowed to be disrespectful. However, when it comes to day to day attitudes about things- I dont think you can do much about them other than dont underestimate your own power, and express your attitudes freely. If they are exposed to your values and attitudes, they can draw from that. Its ok that parents have different attitudes. It frees kids up to work things out for themselves. In our house, I am the environmentalist. The other day dh sprayed pesticide on the kitchen benches to get rid of ants. I just about flipped. He will use toxic pesticide to kill weeds. I wont. I love to go camping, to the bush, spend time in nature. He doesnt. What to do? he was made like that, I was made like this- but it is important to me that my kids know about organic methods of farming, of alternatives to toxic sprays etc. That's just one example. I think the best thing is to just be yourself- the kids will get a lot out of that- and they will find their own way, and it gives them permission to be themselves, to think for themselves.

I would love to, but its too soon for the kids, they would be most unhappy, so they will stay up till after New Year.

I know several pre-diabetic people, including my father and two friends, who manage their blood sugar with diet, staying away from sugar, white flour etc and eating a diet with good protein and complex carbs- to different extents, depending on how high their blood sugar actually is (my dad is a bit of sugar addict and I know he cheats, but he is fighting off cancer and isn't concerned with the diabetes, though he probably should be. One friend is pretty loose with it all, because her levels are not high but all her close family are diabetic. Another friend is very strict with his diet. Another friend, our music teacher, is very diabetic already and with diet, manages to limit how much insulin she needs daily. Your FIL is just being a stubborn old fool and he should know better before spouting off mis information that can have such a dramatic affect on your son's wellbeing.

Hits: Dh bought me a small moped for zipping up to the shops. Yay! (He rides bikes. Big bikes.This is about my style!) Mum handspun silk and kid mohair and hand dyed it and then wove it into a beautiful shawl for me- mauve. I just love it. I bought the kids Settlers of Catan (after reading Colleen's thread on it). We love it. Dd14 got an IPod, she is happy. Ds13 got a starter set for Warhammer, he is thrilled, except the transaction hasn't gone through on Ebay yet, so we don't really know if he will get it. I painted dh a t-shirt like I do every Christmas and b'day- he loves it. I can't think of any bummers at all, actually. Its the first christmas we didnt buy much "stuff" for the kids at all, just a few good things- it feels better to us and they are old enough not to need "stuff" anymore (if they ever did!). To give as gifts to extended family, I photocopied two of dd's beautiful botanical artworks and put them on simple coloured card backgrounds- everyone who received one or both is absolutely thrilled. I didnthave much energy for christmas this year, or buying gifts for all and sundry, but somehow it just all worked out well. Glad its over though.

Agreeing with the others....my mother has been through a very hard path with my grandmother who finally consented to a nursing home...where she is very quickly deteriorating but actually happy at last because her medications are controlled, she is fed proper meals and is surrounded by people (she was living alone and had said her whole life she would never go to a nursing home, but she was a danger to herself). Granma became obnoxious and belligerent and paranoid before passing through that phase and becoming a sweet old lady, which she is now. I spoke to her just now and she was having a completely different conversation with me than I was having with her! I don't know your legal situation since I am in Australia. It got bad here, but fortunately just before granma deteriotated badly she assigned mum as in charge of her legal papers in the case of her decline or death- granma got paranoid and tried to change that but mum had a lot of evidence by then. She got to the point she was writing down the details of every meeting with granma so that she had evidence in court of why she was behaving as she was- apparently trying to control granma, but really just trying to get her help. The sooner you can get her evaluated and possibly on medications, the better.

My d14 is just full of spunk and life and humour, and has the most gorgeous botticelli curls I love to look at. Ds13 is just. plain. handsome. And sometimes, even though he has his dad's looks, he has my fair hair and small nose and I just get a shock when I see myself in him. ETA he doesnt have fair hair in the photo below because he died his hair black last January- it took months for it to grow out.

I've been off sugar for a while now apart from agave syrup which is low GI and sweet (and I only have it in tea, so i am not having a lot). Just going off sugar has balanced my moods, my food cravings, and stopped me eating a lot of different junk foods. If I crave sweetness, I eat fruit.

My son is like that too. I don't think you can change a child's basic way of processing things, but we try a lot to get our son to have empathy and see the world from other people's perspectives. Its an ongoing thing and generally, he can be very self centred. Our daughter is not like that. I think you just gotta love them as they come and work at it. Sounds to me like your husband needs some down time, and to connect with you, after being out all day. I would find a way to honour that without expecting him to be available for everyone immediately.

Sure, we get lots of mail, most of it junk. I walk from the mail box to the outside bin and dump most of it in there on the may back inside. What gets into the house (my family love to read advertising brochures and sneak them past my eagle eyes!) is dumped as soon as I notice it. Mail is opened immediately and bills are pinned to a cork board above my desk, things I need or want to read are put on my desk, my husband's mail is left in a small pile on the table for him to deal with- but really we are lucky to get one relevant thing any given day, and several junky things that need to be binned immediately. I think that's the key- sort it out daily, as you walk in the door with it. Just like many things- the Do It Now principle.

Well, you didn't give the obligatory "other" option so I couldn't vote. The hardest year for homeschooling was the first and it gets easier as time goes on, even though the kids get older, because I am gaining experience. It doesn't seem too related to the level of difficulty of the work- as the work gets harder, the kids get older and able to do it- so it doesn't seem to matter too much. I am kinda glad school taught my kids to read though- I think I would have found that tedious, although very rewarding.

The breast soreness was bad at first with the cream, and apparently that is a common symptom at first- but it did pass and I don't generally get it any more at all, unless I go off the cream for too long and then start it again. I would put up with the sore breasts though for the sake of the soothing of the PMS. Weight gain- yes, I would find that a challenge, if it wasnt diet related. If a better diet and supplements worked for me, I wouldn't use the cream, but I tried everything and the cream has been the one thing that really works.

I'd focus on the positive and the work she did do- then, only if it feels appropriate in the moment, light heartedly ask her to finish off. Only focusing on what she didn't do is not balanced either. Part of chore training here is to get more and more complete and detailed with cleaning the kitchen. My kids-both teens now- do alternate weeks on kitchen duty and they are learning- still learning mind you, not yet automatic or experts- to do a good job, remembering to wipe down counters and check around for pans on the stone that need washing etc.

I think you are very normal, and different kids have different levels of "neediness". My son wanted to attach to me 24/7 for many years. I read a book called Parachutes for Parents many years back and something stuck in my mind from it. Kids pick up whether you have boundaries against them- when you are withdrawn, walled off. They are sensitive and know- and it makes them needy when you are not energetically available most of the time. When I read that I realised it was true and it helped me be more available when I was actually with them- because I remembered how distant my own mother was even when she was right there with me. So I tried to, and try to, be as present to my kids as I can, even though I may be doing three other things at once. Then, I feel a lot less guilty when I need to go to my room and shut teh door and read a book for some alone time. But being present to them only means including them, chatting with them, letting them be around while you do what you need to do- it doesnt mean giving them 100% attention of sitting down playing with them all the time- particlarly if they have siblings. The Continuum Concept taught me that and it was also very freeing to me. Having them help me do what I needed to do- cook, clean, drive places- is more important than playing Barbies with them, although I know many parents who actually enjoy playing Barbies with their kids.

It has actually regulated my periods (I had a long, irregular cycle) and I don't think it has caused weight gain. however I take a very, very small dose- about 1/4 of what is on the label. Any more and I am way too tired. But it works a miracle for taking the edge off PMS for me. I also only take it at night time- even though it supposedly only has a 12hour life in the body, that's not my experience. Did you get any hormonal testing beforehand? I didnt, and I am ok with that- but it may be worth it if it has done that for you- it may not be what you need, or you may need oestrogen to balance it.

I don't think it needs to be public, for sure. That would be embarrassing. But some sort of acknowledgment of her pathway into womanhood is a beautiful thing, I feel, even if its just a verbal acknowledgment or hug and buying some items for it together. Certainly gotta be better than the "gosh thats why youve been so grumpy lately" and sending ME up to the shop for supples, that my mum did for me! I had lots of big ideas for my dd, but she still hasn't started and she is 14.5- all her friends started years ago. She is happy about it, and her girlfriends all treat it very matter of factually and sometimes talk about it- so I feel when it happens she will be as ready as she can get, and I will play it by ear as to how I commemorate it- perhaps a shopping trip, maybe a piece of jewellery- I already have a lovely little bag for putting supplies in. I feel anything that takes any shame out of it and puts it in a positive light is a good thing- as long as it actually has that effect.

Naps. Seriously. Naps are just wonderful things.

Your post touched my heart and I can relate to it- I think your desire to do your best for your family will simply head you in the right direction, slowly slowly- but don't compare yourself to other mums. We all have our gifts and sometimes it's not obviously to us what they are. I hardly ever sat on the floor and played with my kids when they were little (or now) because that's just about torture to me, even though I see other parents do it and actually seem to enjoy it. However, I loved to take my kids for walks, to the beach, and teach them the names of wild flowers. And I love to read to them. I can't be all things to them, and when they were little I tried as much as I could to combine what nourished me, with what made them happy (like I would take them to a fenced in park and do my yoga or read a book while they played). Homemaking certainly hasn't come easy to me- it wasn't until I discovered Flylady that I lifted myself out of the space you are in, feeling inadequate and overwhelmed and not knowing the way through, into a positive space. Babysteps. If you can grasp the essence of the Flylady attitude and system, it can be really helpful- I joined before it was quite as commercial sounding as it is today- it was simpler- but the essence of the system is still there (and free) and it is great for loving and being kind on yourself while learning to be a good homemaker. Some of us are good with little kids- some of us are not so good with little kids but really enjoy our older kids, and some thrive on teens, and others just dont handle kids well at all, but we all do our best and we can't be different from how we are except by slow steps. Just keeping babies and toddlers alive is a huge thing! You are doing wonderfully. I think many of us grow into mothering and homemaking- its certinaly been a long journey for me. Having little kids is boring and lonely for many of us- but it does get easier. The lack of community support and even family support such as they get in traditional cultures where grandparents are very involved- there really is a deficit in our culture, and its very hard on young mums. I find I grow in different areas. I learned to just keep the kitchen clean, and that made me feel more like cooking. I go through stages of reading cook books. I might then get an urge to decorate a bedroom. I followed my interests and still do. I am on a health kick at the moment and everyone is on green smoothies (loaded with supplements like spirulina), sprouts and salads (it's summer here) and multivitamins. That hopefully somewhat compensates for not cooking a decent meal every night- my family are all so fussy, and in different ways, we probably only eat together 3-4 nights a week. Acknowledge what you are doing and giving already and then move forward from there, a little bit at a time.

I would be upset but there must be more to the story- and obviously you are not going to write pages here to explain the background when you want perspective on one incident- but the previous relationship with the BIL would certainly shed light- perhaps he sees you as overall too lenient with your son or your children? He may not handle tantrums well- and/or he may not think you handle them well. One incident can be taken out of context, or without context, and it might be possible to see the situation from a light which sheds compassion on the BIL's perspective as well. A while back my mother spent a week babysitting 3 of my brother's kids while he and his wife went for a business trip with the baby- the oldest child being quite a challenge since birth and now a feisty 12 or 13yo. I know the story from both my mother's perspective, and my brother and his wife's perspective- and my mother felt terribly invalidated in her dealing with her grandson's behaviour, when by phone the parents supported their child over my mother. I think it was an incident where he misbehaved, she withdrew a privilege, the parents decided over the phone she was being too hard, she felt they should have validated her in the circumstances since she is not generally a strict and hard woman and she was looking after the kids for a week and needed back up from the parents since the oldest child was being very difficult (and he can be VERY difficult), not complete undermining. From their perspective, they "knew" their quirky son and decided their way worked better and they supported him literally against her. From my mother's perspective, and she is not a controlling or interfering mother by any means, she was treated very badly and disrespectfully and it hurt her enough that it was a good year before she was willing to babysit again. Anyway, the point being, there are always two sides to a story and I just wonder what is going on in your BIL's mind. Understanding his perspective better may help build a bridge of understanding- obviously he felt hurt too, whether unreasonably or not.

:lol: I am still in denial about my sweet teenagers...but the signs are there! I hear it passes, thank goodness.

:iagree: We just read the Pyle version. Ds13 loves all things Robin Hood and did enjoy it, enough to read some chapters on his own, but it was only teh fact it was Robin Hood that got him through (he has his own bow and arrow and costume). Dd14 detested it. I personally found it dry and wordy as Calming Tea said. I wouldn't hand it to a 10 year old, although many kids, like my son, might enjoy it as a read aloud. The language is very archaic, without being what you might call "beautiful". Certainly not easy to read aloud, either.

One of our dogs is part Corgi, 4 years old- she is quite placid and I dont remember her being too bad from quite young- maybe 9 months? The other, a JR cross maltese, is only 5 months old and a wild thang so not sure there, however she has been trained to sit in a box inside at night and also during the day when no one wants to give her attention. Dogs can be trained from quite young, to be alone for times, to not jump up, to behave well- perhaps you need to focus on training now so that by January you have a dog who wont disrupt your school day too much. Our pup is incredibly frisky but is training up well. I dont mean to say she is particularly obedient yet, she isnt, but she does sit in her box overnight without complaint, and waits till dh gets her out in the morning, even though I am up first. When she digs holes in my new vegetable garden, she gets told off very severely and she seems to have stopped. When she barks, which isnt often because our other dog doesnt bark at all, we tell her off and she usually stops unless she is just beside herself. So keep going and set those boundaries now and enforce them- it will be so worth it later when you have a well behaved dog.

Although my kids are perfectly capable of reading most of their books alone, I find that one of the parts of homeschooling I like the best is reading aloud one or two books each week, and it is my kids' and my experience that we get a lot more out of spines when we do them together. History is definitely the centre of our curriculum in that way- it is the theme off which a lot hangs. So although I would say 4th grade is about the time kids are able to transition to more independent reading, for sure, do what is right for your family in terms of reading aloud. I dont see a problem with reading aloud and together certain books all the way through highschool- in terms of shared experience and discussion, nothing can beat it.

This is incorrect- wondering if you just mistyped. This is also incorrect- Singapore is not what is meant by a spiral program- it is mastery. In fact I don't think the whole explanation is correct. Spiralling, as in Saxon (at least the higher books), involves regular, daily revision of previous topics, and incremental learning of new topics. It is designed so that the child never forgets what they have learned, but the downside is that some kids need the bigger picture and dont handle tiny increments of new topics. Mastery is when one topic is gone into in depth- for example multiplying fractions- so that the child really "gets it" before moving onto another topic. It may or may not involve revision of past topics. In the program I use (an Australian one) each topic is covered each year but in greater depth, and there are regular tests which cover the last few topics. Basically, there is a spiral but it is a yearly one, not a daily covering of many topics. hth

I would add the Tao te Ching to Jill's list.

My son has excellent social skills (when he wants to), but then, so does dh. Not me though. Dd is just all round pretty rounded, self confident, loving, giving, very artistic, and just a nice person to be around (most of the time!). What a person should be, really :) By her age I was a mess, depressed, cut off from my parents and feeling very alone in the world. She is quite the opposite.