Past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. The bartender looks at him and replies, "For you? No charge."

Oh, thanks. I'm sure that iced coffee will clean right off my pants. :) Noooo! Don't stop...your jokes are great!

Heisenberg and Schrödinger are out for a drive when they get stopped by the police. The policeman asks Heisenberg, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?†and Heisenberg says, “No, but I know where I am!â€. Confused, the officer says, “Sir, you were doing 80 mphâ€, and Heisenberg throws his hands in the air and huffs, “Great, now I don’t know where I am anymore!â€. The policeman thinks something is going on, and orders the pair out of the car so that he can search it for contraband. He looks under the seats, in the glove compartment, in the back, and then walks around the car and opens the boot. He stares into it for a moment, turns to Schrödinger and says, “Sir, did you know there’s a dead cat in here?!â€, so Schrödinger rolls his eyes and snorts. “Yeah, we do now!â€.

And that's one of the reasons I didn't last long at a particular law firm. Firm culture was such that associates like that were celebrated for being "ambitious" and "assertive" when really they were just jerks. Oddly, most of the partners were polite and respectful to everybody; it was the lower-level lawyers who were subtly encouraged to be tools.

What a beautiful rattie! May she have a full and uneventful recovery. When my college roommate's grass snake got sick, we had a bake sale in the student center. We raised so much we were able to pay Sullivan's vet bills with quite a lot left over to donate to the animal shelter. So you're not alone in thinking all pets are important.

That the JCP jumpsuit is on clearance gives me some hope for humanity.

This all reminds me of the Hyperbole and a Half blog in which the author relates giving her dog an intelligence test (and cheating so the dog doesn't get the worst possible score). And not to say my cats aren't smart, but my great aunt's colorful phrase involving "both hands and a flashlight" does come to mind...

I lived in Chicago twenty-some years ago, and I still remember the radio commercial for Indiana Beach (there's more than cooooooorn in Indiana,...). Topic? Somebody I know went to Indianapolis a few years ago and visited Benjamin Harrison's house. She said the tour was considerably more interesting that she'd expected and the house itself was beautiful.

There is nothing more smug than a self-satisfied cat. :) And while his opening the door is fantastic, the shutting it once the dog left elevates the whole thing to art.

I agree that you're being very reasonable and pleasant. Just listening to your neighbor's concerns and not responding with some version of "too bad" is neighborly. Sounds like you're really making an effort to remedy the situation (and as the neighbor of an adorable but mouthy beagle, I thank you!). Somebody make me feel better and tell me I wasn't the only one who initially thought this was referring to the neighbor.

The model looks lovely. I'd look like I had to escape a burning building and hadn't time to put on trousers.

Agreed. I quite liked it. I did have to laugh at my 20-year-old acquaintance's assessment: "Eeew! Aren't Claire and Jamie, like, in their 60s? Old people don't really act like that, do they?"

It is a great nickname, though. Well done, Nando.

I liked stirrup pants. Yes, I did. If they came back in, I'd be sorely tempted.

Hug a puffin for us!

Interesting...I've never seen "only" on a check. I've just seen the Andamilliondollars Line (that squiggly line after the amount that prevents anyone from adding "and a million dollars").

I'll bump for you by saying I used to live in WNY (proof? I can pronounce Scajaquada!).

I'm from the US and do not include the "and." I attribute this largely to my Grade 6 teacher who hated the "and" with a burning, all-consuming passion. He would impose penalties for using it (wearing his fishing hat for an hour, having to dance to the lunchroom, writing a haiku about proper math terminology...). Most of us learned quickly. And heaven help the kid who used "minus" or "times" as verbs.

It can be a useful screening device, at least. My friend's given name is Giovanni, but he goes by Fred. His secretary knows that anybody who claims to be a close, personal friend of Giovanni (or Gio, or Van) doesn't get put through. The only people who call him by his given name are his parents and sister. One of these days, I should ask him how he got Fred from Giovanni.

I read in one magazine or another that once we hit 40 or so, we should be choosing lengthening rather than thickening/volumizing mascara. I have no idea whether that has any validity, but I thought I'd put it out there. And why do the guys so often get the long, lush lashes? My husband was just complaining that his lashes are so long they smear the insides of his glasses. Oh, boo hoo.

I'm just delighted by the idea that chess was the Angry Birds of its day.

Same here. We share a well with two other houses. We pay for our share of maintenance (which was unusually high this year because we needed a new generator; worth it, though, as it's nice to have at least cold water when the power is out for a few days), but not by usage.

Agreed. Your graciousness (and their sticky fingers) didn't go unnoticed, I'm sure. And it's just sad how excited I was to see that you'd updated. I didn't realize how emotionally invested I'd become in your KCups. :)

Oh, man...Gaiman's Snow, Glass, Apples scarred me for life (in that good, startlingly disturbing literature kind of way). I thought of this thread just the other day. I was sitting in Starbucks when two big truckers took the table next to me. Guy 1: What's up this weekend? Guy 2: Going to see Maleficent. Guy 1 (sounding a little puzzled): You got kids? Guy 2: Nope!