I'm glad they fixed that weird glitch! It was one of those things where we constantly asked ourselves, "Why do they make it this way!" LOL

I totally understand the economic issues the author is talking about. A couple thoughts I have . . . + The economic plight of the author is largely attributable to his poor choices. Living in NYC (as an author of long books? How can that be necessary?) Private schools for his girls. Wife not re-entering the workforce. Paying for pricey colleges and weddings. That's nuts, especially asking his elderly folks to pay . . . (didn't sound like they were wildly wealthy either). + Some regions have the "keeping up with the Jones" issues on steroids. In the DC suburbs of VA, I saw this constantly. People just spend, spend, spend. There, having a 100k family income is barely enough to be a poor, young family. Move to WV, even with the same housing expense and basic costs of living (insurance, food, etc), and that same income goes FAR here. People here just do NOT spend like those in NoVA. In NoVA, "everyone" (obviously not everyone, but most folks with decent jobs) went out to pricey dinners (say 80/family) if they didn't feel like cooking. Everyone signed up for multiple pricey extracurriculars for their little kids. Spending 2k/yr for ballet for a 6 yo was routine! New clothes, fancy vacations, etc. Expectations were just very high. Once we moved to WV, we found that even among families with similar earnings, people just don't spend the way they do in NoVA. It makes it easy to feel financially well off and to remain financially well off. Obviously, the NYC area is like NoVA. :) + The author really should have moved out of NYC early on, IMHO. He and his family could have had a very good existence somewhere else. + These things usually come down to choices. NYC or pay for college. Wife at home FT or pay for weddings. Etc. Some of those choices are so expensive as to close all the other doors completely. + College costs are insane. I'm glad we never got on the "go anywhere you want" college train, because if we had, we, too, could have been bankrupted by college costs. + I really need to make financial literacy a more formal part of my kids' educations. I do a lot informally, but I need to formalize things ASAP. These financial choices we make control a lot of our destiny!

Oh, gosh, I forgot about the battery draining thing! Ours (similar year) did that, too, and it was terrible! Happened to me so often -- at least dozens of times -- that we bought a plug-in battery charger thing. A single interior light could drain that thing, and they didn't turn themselves off. So, anytime a kid or I left any door (even the back) open for more than an hour, boom, you had a dead battery. I have no idea what stupid thing they did wiring those vans. Neither our Ford nor our Kia (or any of our other cars) have done that!

We had a Sienna, bought in mid-2005, so probably a 2006. We enjoyed it, but it didn't give us the reliability or longevity we'd hoped for. We dumped it in about 2011 for the Kia Sedona we have now (and are handing down to our college girl, as it has about 155k miles on it, and she needs wheels next year.) Anyway, the most irritating problem was that the automatic sliding back doors had issues. After about 3-4 years, one went totally kaput, a little cable that is exposed outside to the elements busted. To replace it was over $2k!! Per door!! It could NOT be repaired without replacing the entire motor assembly, which was over 1k each for this tiny thing. And it really didn't work to just use it manually. It seemed unsafe as it didn't work right either way. It made me pretty mad! The second sliding door cable was also showing signs of wear . . . Meanwhile, all those years, sometimes the doors would freeze shut if it was icy/snowy/gross weather. It drove me nuts. I absolutely would NOT buy another van with automatic doors when we went shopping for a replacement, lol. "Not even if they are free." was what I said when the Kia dealership tried to upsell me to the model with automatic sliding doors. :) Other irritant was the vans then had "run flat" tires, which sounds great until you find that they wear "unevenly" no matter how many rotatations you do, and run flat tires are very expensive. It was $1000 every 20k miles to get a new set. Made me crazy. We live in hilly, snowy, WV, so tons of folks have the Siennas since they are the only AWD minivan . . . Most of the families I knew replaced the run flats with regular (cheap) tires after the first set, and either just had a spare entire wheel/tire in the back of the van all the time or left the spare at home and planned to call the spouse for a rescue if they had a flat! Not ideal, lol, but after replacing those 1000 tires at least 4-5 times in 130k miles or so, I can totally understand it. I would NOT buy a vehicle with run flats again, having lived with one. So, anyway, we got rid of it, and got the Kia. We've been very happy with it. 150-160k miles so far in just over 5 years, no problems at all. Not one. Tires last a reasonable length of time (30k-40k miles, but not certain since we switch out snow tires with regular tires seasonally). No mechanical or other problems. We've only done routine maintenance. For us, a new Toyota minivan would have been about 40k vs 25k for the Kia, and we knew we'd be doing LOTS of miles (as we did, lol) on it, so we didn't want to invest in another Toyota after our disappointing experience with the first one. Surprisingly, our Kia has been our most reliable minivan of the 3 we've bought (Ford Windstar 2000, Toyota Sienna 2005, Kia Sedona 2011, all bought new) . . . We never got past 110k /5 years with the first two pricier vans before major problems happened . . . And we're at 155k-ish miles and 5 years problem free with the Kia so far, so we're happy with it. One silver lining on our Toyota was that MAN it held it's value! We traded it in on the Kia and got like 11k for it, even though both doors needed fixed (4k-ish) and there was 1500 in new body damage AND the TV/DVD thing was kaput (1500) . . . and it had serious mileage, too, probably 120k. Anyway, that is good for trade in value. We were so shocked when the Kia dealership told us the trade in value that we were like RUN and SELL IT before they change their minds. :)

I'd bring cash in $20 increments, and I'd try/offer to pay enough to cover my family's bill, rounded up. If the parents of the gf insist, then I'd let them pay the entire bill.

Wow. Super ugly!

I paid $5000 (twice blue book value) for a 20 year old truck from a relative. I knew the history, loved the old truck, and wanted it. I was (very) busy and distracted and didn't take the time to get it looked over. I think I also didn't want to look cheap or like I didn't trust the relative. (And, no, I don't think he did anything wrong or was trying to scam me. The truck had sat for a long time, and I don't think he knew it had major problems. My bad.) After spending about $1500 over 6 months trying (and failing) to keep it running, I gave up and sold it for $1500. $5000 loss. Ouch. I'm just not meant to buy used vehicles. Never again.

What does "less than desirable views on homosexuality" mean? I'm assuming you mean that your friend's daughter is a bigot, and, if that's the case, then I'd definitely express sympathy for your friend, who is presumably devastated by the fact that her daughter has such a horrifying character flaw. I can't imagine how heartbroken your friend would be, and probably very guilty as well that she failed her child in such a tragic way. One can only hope that her daughter finds her inner goodness and lets go of the evil that is clutching her at this moment. Hopefully, she's just going through a very ugly growing pain and will grow into a loving, balanced, centered person that your friend hopes for her to be. Or, perhaps the girl has some sort of psychiatric disorder? In any case, certainly the girl would benefit from counseling, as probably would her family as well given the pain they are experiencing. Surely, if I were experiencing such a devastating disappointment about my own child, I would be overwhelmed with grief and guilt. To think that a child who I'd birthed, loved, and raised could grow up into a bigot really shatters me just imagining such a thing. I'm not sure why your friend would think that such a large portion of girls are lesbian or bisexual, but I wouldn't get distracted by that odd error. I'd just focus on the important thing of supporting and loving your friend while she is experiencing such a devastating disappointment in her child. Presumably, once the girl and her family address the mental issues underlying the development of the girl's bigotry, they won't continue to have those sorts of hyperbolic beliefs.

I agree your brother is not being upfront or nice about this. Sounds like he's got lots of issues. However, I would also not want anything to do with the money. It is stolen, in a roundabout way, and I'd be concerned you could either be accused of a crime for keeping it or later be required to return it to the gov't, which would really suck if you spent it on something and couldn't easily get it back. (I won't get into the fact that it sucks that families have to be destitute to be eligible for Medicaid, but FWIW, MediCARE covers hospice services 100%, so even if he wasn't on Medicaid, then Medicare would have covered hospice . . . Anyway, I think this sucks and that everyone should have a right to medical care. However, our laws are our laws, and I have a healthy fear of the government, so I wouldn't want to be involved with the money.) All that said, it is grueling and heart breaking to take care of an ill loved one. And, hospice doesn't cover food, etc, so that $700/mo was presumably at least partially used to cover food, utilities, eyeglasses, etc. and transportation costs. (Hospice does NOT cover those sorts of routine things at all.) Having taken care of my mom in her final years, with extensive paid help and with no direct financial burden to me, I can't begin to put a number on the dollars those years/months cost me and my children and spouse. There is no amount of money that could compensate us for what we did or un-do the toll it took on us on every level. 6k, 12k, 50k, 100k . . . I'd not quibble about it for one moment. Did you know that care-taking (as your brother and his wife did) takes *years* off a person's life expectancy? It's no joke. I've seen it in my own health and that of my kids. We're recovering now, but it is a process, and the damages are significant. In fact, I think if I were advising someone in your shoes at the time of your dad's final months or weeks, I'd have suggested very early on telling your brother, "Thanks to you and your wife's sacrifices of time, love, money, and energy, our dad's last months were more bearable and more beautiful than they would have been without you. I couldn't do what you did, and I am so thankful you guys stepped up to do it. I know Dad didn't have much, but please know that anything he had is yours now. I wish I could do more myself for Dad and to thank you, but please take whatever he had, like any cash buried in the yard, his guns, whatever he had, and make your life a little easier. I know Dad would have wanted that, and it's absolutely what I want." THAT would be gracious, IMHO.

FWIW, I just bought an investment/rental single family house for my college girl. I spent a few weeks browsing on line, then one of dd's roomie's parents were willing to go look at places for me (out of state) one Saturday, so I sent them links to 5 places to look at, with a favorite already identified. They had a relator take them to those 5 and maybe one more that the realtor identified. We wrote a contract that night, sight unseen. My point is that excellent staging and photographs make a HUGE difference in today's internet based market. Even 7 years ago, we found the house we now live in online on realtor.com, and really just hired a realtor to write the offer for us (again, we knew from the pictures online and knowing the neighborhood, etc, that we wanted this house). So, based on my limited experience, I'd suggest super-duper clean (fresh paint, tidy yard, etc.) and professional photographs online.

This happens in low to moderate income families with lots of Federal deductions because many states are less "progressive" than the federal tax code is. Fact is, lower income families often pay no Federal taxes at all. The states mostly like to get you for taxes even if you are lower income.

I don't wash gross rags with any other stuff that isn't also gross. I have a *lot* of cleaning rags, dog towels, bath mats that live under cat boxes, and other gross things that I wash . . . And I have a dedicated hamper in the laundry room closet. :) That hamper gets a few other random things thrown in, especially kitchen towels, but I sort them out before washing and I do my best to avoid contamination at all. We have way too much cat poop and dog vomit and other grossness in our lives to mix it all up on purpose, lol. Once a week or so, I gather my pile of nasty cleaning rags out of that hamper, add in dog towels from the floor of the garage, kitty-litter-strewn bath mats (after shaking them out) and wash all that nasty stuff on its own. Now, occasionally a few kitchen cleaning rags might get thrown in with a load of kitchen linens, but, the really gross stuff always gets it's own load. And, I wash on hot, with bleach. With a pre-wash if there is obvious gross factor (read, poop). With an extra rinse. ICK. I know all that stuff comes out clean, and it'd probably be fine to mix it all up, but, no, I won't do it. Too gross.

General rule of thumb . . . If someone is willing to not pay the tax agencies . . . they are a very bad credit risk. I mean, who are you more afraid of stiffing? The government that can *put you in jail* and/or seize your assets, your bank that has fleets of lawyers and money to go after you . . . or your friends/acquaintances . . . Personally, I'd honor a debt to a family member or friend no matter what (and before any other debt). BUT, then again, I wouldn't stiff the government either . . . because I pay my bills. Period. 17k for state taxes is VERY high. For instance, in WV, the state tax rate is 3 to 6.5%. Googling a bit told me that that's about typical for state income taxes. So, to get to 17k in state income taxes, you're likely talking 350k or more of income . . . Whoa, baby. If they earn that much in a couple years, it's certainly enough not to be looking for money from friends OR stiffing the government. If they're not earning 6 figure incomes, then that tax bill is not from just 2 years of state taxes, IMHO. I'd stay way out of it. There are a handful of people I'd lend money to. But, I'd never lend money to anyone in the particular circumstance you describe. "No, sorry, can't do it." repeat . . . If they don't take no easily, they aren't actually your friends at all. IMHO. Oh, also, from what I've heard from my CPA friend who does a lot of "tax problem" accounting, states (and Feds?) can and do place liens even if the person is on a payment plan. The payment plan is not the ideal for the government . . . They want actual cash paid now. Typically there is some time that if you pay the taxes off in a short period (months?) there is no lien placed, but for a 2-5 year payment plan, you can bet there'll be liens placed in many cases, even if the payment plan is being followed. I've known a county that'd garnish accounts and place liens at the drop of a hat.

Exactly! When dh decided to be a vet. . . He was already almost 30. He applied to vet school and worked for the year waiting until his class began (year 1), then 4 years of school (year 5), then 3 years of working for someone else (year 8), then he bought a practice and we worked *really* hard to grow it and nourish it and pay for it until it was paid off (year 20) . . . So, now, we're 20 years into his plan . . . We just paid it off the practice loan. *Now* we're golden, lol. 20 years to get here . . . Now 15-20 more years to coast & fund our retirement . . . until a cushy retirement. 2-3 years investment into a long term career is nothing in my book, lol. I've always been a big picture gal, but, really I think you need to be. If you aren't desperate for cash flow right now, why wouldn't you use this time to prepare yourself for a more lucrative career for the rest of your working years?

Go for the high pay. You can always work PT and volunteer for stuff you want to do . . .

Since it isn't an urgent need right now, I'd definitely go for the better paying career.

FWIW, I have hired household cleaners for 10-14/hr many times in my moderate-cost-of-living area. Cleaners working for services or regular janitorial staff earn minimum wage to maybe 9-10/hr, so 10-14/hr as part of a regular job is considered very competitive. Paying 12-14/hr to adult experienced housekeepers was so competitive that I kept the same people for many years . . . So, IMHO, 10/hr to a teen is good and fair. The problem is the communication, IMHO. Yes, I'd pay a service 50-100% more hourly than that 10-14/hr. BUT, the cleaners sure don't get that. And the taxes, liability, and hassles of hiring directly are significant . . . And, adult experienced cleaners are MUCH more efficient and effective than the vast majority of teens. In fact, a couple years ago, a teen FaceBook friend was lamenting not being able to find a job, and I offered her cleaning at my house for the time being while she was hunting for a job. She jumped at it, and cleaned at 10/hr . . . Multiple Saturdays . . . Another teen later similarly volunteered, and I took her up on it too. Both times, 10/hr was considered very fair. The teen who was searching for a job eventually got a job at the grocery earning minimum wage . . . Working for me, she earned about 40% MORE since I paid more and the income was tax free. So, living in the real world, and knowing that my business can hire excellent adults for any hours, any job, at wages in that range, I think 10/hr would be great for my teens, and I'd encourage them to do the very best job they can. I want my kids to learn to be good, hard workers and to value not only the $ they earn but also the work they and others do that keeps the world running. Those are more important skills/ideas than many things I teach them. There is no shame in cleaning, IMHO.

Nope, not light cleaning. Give me a break. I've hired lots of cleaning help. And I've hired lots of kid help. What your dd was asked to do is routine serious weekly cleaning. Not light cleaning. Personally, I'd be fine with doing that stuff, and I'm sure it's good for a kid to learn to do it .. . So long as she's being paid well!! IMHO, if my teen were being paid at least minimum wage, I'd encourage them to embrace the work and do it. If she's getting less than minimum wage (not rare for babysitting), then I think she's being taken advantage of. It's not light cleaning, IMHO. I think the kitchen counters, bathroom sink, and vacuuming can count as light cleaning. The rest of it, heavy serious cleaning (the kind of stuff you have to pay a LOT higher rate than babysitting for!)

tidy up after the kid(s) wash some dishes do a bit of laundry run a vacuum in a room or two wipe up the kitchen counters/table

I agree, although I haven't been around public schooling in decades, so I had no idea that was an issue in schools! I've seen it in (conservative Christian) homeschooling circles, so I'd thought it was more of a problem with that circle! I never ran into that (obvious) academic sexism while I was in school in the 70s & 80s. I certainly saw it about sports in my own family, but that's not as big a big deal to me since I don't put a lot of value on sports. That said, in my own family, I do consider gender issues when discussing career trajectories with my kids. I do think it is more critical that my son be able to fully financially support a family, whereas I think it is critical that my daughters have careers that can support them (and a family in a pinch) . . . With all my kids, I discuss the value of having a career that has some geographic flexibility as well as life-time-scheduling flexibility. I.e., the ability to go PT or even take some years off is critical if you want to be with your own kids nearly every day nearly all day your own self (vs FT child care vs your spouse doing it) . . . So, I do think it makes sense, on a personal and individual level, to discuss gender and family issues with my kids when it comes to career. I also discuss the "spouse goes crazy and runs off with a hussy" or "spouse is disabled" possibilities when career planning . . . And we discuss the complications of 2 career families (i.e., an academic career means you go where the job is. Period. Very little choices. . . but dentists or ER docs or computer scientists have lots of choices on where to live) . . . . And human medicine is generally hard to do PT (except in a few specialties, maybe) and nearly impossible to take several years completely off . . . So, anyway, I think gender and family issues are significant in career choices, but I do NOT think it is the place for schools or society or even parents to make those choices for their kids, even though I do think it's helpful for loving parents to help their kids identify the issues that are relevant to them . . .

FWIW, I am all about not having my kids go into debt for schooling. However, there's no way I'd be footing the bill for med school unless I already had my own retirement very well funded (as in 2-3 million cash on hand). Loans for med school are readily available. Medicine is lucrative. Kids shouldn't go into a field requiring that huge investment unless they plan to work in the field enough to pay the loans back. (I.e., no, you can't take 10 years off full time to have babies . . . So plan to work PT to pay back the loans even if you have babies. . . Medicine isn't a good field to take a complete time out from anyway.) So, anyway, dh and I have a set dollar amount we have committed to providing to each kid for undergrad +/- anything that is leftover can be used to offset grad school. And, if one chooses to go to med/grad school in our university town, we can even offer nice free housing. (A 1000 sf deluxe inlaw apartment or a 1100 sf 3BR trailer of their own that wouldn't even be near our home but would be within 15 min of the hospital). So, those are things we can do and will do to help . . . But, med school full funding isn't going to be happening. It's totally reasonable to pay back 200-300k on a 200+/yr salary. Just saying . . . I wouldn't sweat the med school budget. I'd leave that to my adult child to figure out. I might offer to pay for a couple hours with a financial planner while s/he was in the decision making phase!

A friend's husband went to med school in the Caribbean. Then he did his internship in the US. Then some sort of surgical residency. Then he wanted to be a neurosurgeon. He had to do at least 2-3 years of some sort of quasi-post-doc-waiting-extra-time-thing (at very low pay) trying and trying to get his neuro residency. By the time I met them, he was in his neuro residency. Now he's making $$$$$ as a neurosurgeon. SO, he got where he wanted to get, but it took a couple extra years, presumably in part due to the fact that he went to a less-than med school so had to work harder and longer to get into the very competetive residency he wanted. Note, that assuming he missed 2 years of earning 400-500k/yr (as he did his first year in practice), that's 1mil lower lifetime earnings. So, take that into account when looking at cost differences. :) In general, ppl go to the Caribbean schools who can't get into US schools. That's just the truth. If it were my kid, and it was human medicine (high enough likely salary to pay the debts), I'd encourage them to get into a US school and go there, and go to the one that was less expensive than most, and to live frugally. Then I'd just hold my breath until they were out of school and repaying those huge debts.

I did a 6 week cross country road trip with the kids in 2011. It was awesome. We saw Dh around days 3-6 when we met him at a conference he was attending and then for 8-9 days around week 5 for our "family part" of the trip. Of course, we missed being with dh. Other than that, though, it was awesome. I did a 3.5 week road trip (not quite x-country, but from WV to MT, so pretty far) last summer, which was planned so tight because at the time I planned it, my mom was living with us and I couldn't leave her for too long, and it was do-able but tight. Really only enough time to drive straight both ways in 4-5 days each way and then have the 2 week MT vacation. I'd suggest more like 5 weeks if you can possibly manage it. 500 miles/day driving means no time to do anything other than drive. If you can get your drive days down to 300 (on average) it allows MUCH more time to sight see and have fun on the way.

Pretty much all the brands make HE detergents now. In fact, most of the "regular" detergents are labeled HE now! Check what you already have. It might already be HE! NOTE: most important thing is Do NOT use too much!! You need MUCH less than with a top loader.

I have found some relief by having LOTS of storage space. They can "keep" their crap so long as it's crated and out of my sight! Basement space, lots of rubbermaid totes, tons of shelving, tons of closets, cabinetry, etc. Out of sight makes it a lot less stressful for me. But keeping it makes it less stressful for them (and to a lesser extent me, too).