You'll love it. :) Just plan to take it easy and your time will likely be *much* slower than a comparable paved/smooth surface run. Once you have 100 miles or so of trail running on your legs, your times might get a lot closer to your smooth surface paces, but if you try to run that fast right away, you'll be at high risk of twisting an ankle, falling, or otherwise getting hurt. Just get on some trails (where the race is or anywhere similar) and start doing some of your runs on trails. Take it easy, run "light and quick" to help keep your balance. You've got to watch your foot placement and run light enough that you can adapt to the uneven surface, a loose rock, etc. On longer trail races, people are likely to walk on the uphills or across creeks, etc, but on a 4 mile race, most folks will run the whole thing. Just don't run it for time. Don't look at your watch. :)

nm

Word! DD#1 has a National Merit Scholarship package from Univ of Alabama, including *5* yrs tuition (which will allow her to get her BS & MS), 1 year housing, and several thousands of "extras". Package well over 120k in value. Note, we are in a very high tax bracket with no educational deductions available, etc. That 120k+ would have been all after tax money. So, we'd have had to earn at least 220k to cover it. DS#2 got very high PSAT score this year, and so we are expecting another national merit scholar, with comparable (or better) scholarship package at the school he chooses. DD#3 is so smart I don't know what to do with her, and without doubt will follow in her siblings footsteps. I admit that my kids came into the world with genetic advantages and have had healthy environments. Many of these advantages would have been theirs even if I'd been working and they'd been in schools. But, I have to take *some* credit for educating them well. So, I expect that all three of my kids should get through college, probably all to out of state colleges for that classic college experience, pretty much paid for without much pinching around here and with no debt. That is profoundly incredible financially to us. So, if we round off to 600k of earnings that those three (assumed) scholarship packages replace . . . That's pretty significant for a non working parent. And what about the month long fall beach trips with the kids for the last decade . . . And the ability to play with Daddy during any/all convenient times that fit into his intense work schedule? He worked 80-100 hr/wk for several years while our business was getting settled/started, and I don't think the kids ever noticed an absence because he was able to spend quality time with them for a couple hours every evening and any/all times off during the week and weekends. If I'd been working and the kids in school, there would not have been a way for him to spend quality time with them during those years. So, since he is a good human being and loves his kids, he'd have had to make compromises at work . . . likely decreasing *his* earning power, which by far dwarfs mine. So, yes, my support at home allowed him to work his *ass* off for years while still maintaining an involved, active life with his kids, maximize the quality of his family time . . . maximize the quantity of family time by "making go away" the daily chores that could have sucked up his precious family hours . . . Life is complicated. I'm very happy with the choices we have made. I do not believe for a moment that me staying at home (primarily -- I have worked at times in our business to varying degrees) has made us poorer --- not financially, not relationally, not in any way.

Book keeping could actually be a pretty good PT gig if you can figure out how to get "in" with a company or two. Our small business (10-14 employees) *needed* a book keeper and I went through several trying to find a decent one before just accepting fate and doing it myself until I eventually self-trained an employee to do it. I've known other small business owners (think vets, dentists, lawyers, home repair companies, etc. Mom n Pop places with 5-20 employees.) that used a dedicated bookkeeper who came in and did the books only for 5-20 hr/wk per client. They set their own hours, came in and did the work, then left . . . The big upside of having an "outside" bookkeeper like this is that Mom n Pop businesses generally really don't want the rest of their staff to know their money business. And the bookkeeper has to see the 100k/mo cash flow and the 20k/mo to the owners . . . and the owners don't want their staff (who likely make much, much less) to see those numbers, have access to their tax returns, see payroll for ALL the staff, etc. So, it's really ideal to have an outside person who isn't involved with or friends with the rest of the staff. This means small business owners are willing to pay higher $$ for a good bookkeeper. I hired several shitty bookkeepers, then one good one (who was through our CPA firm that split up and then we lost him) . . . Bookkeeping for a small business isn't rocket science. You would have access to the business's CPA for tricky issues, and you'd do A/P, A/R, payroll prep (usually for an outside company), gather papers for the CPA at tax time, gather other papers/numbers for the CPA at various other times, etc. If you are good at organizing and handling household money, the get proficient at QB, maybe take a course or two to get some official certification, and start seeking jobs. We live in a modest COL area, and I'd have easily paid $25-40/hr for a competent, reliable, honest, discrete bookkeeper, (so 2-3x the hourly rate of our typical employees and higher than any other employee other than veterinarians) and we'd have had 8-16 hr/wk of year round work (amount depending on how much I could delegate to the bookkeeper). You could start with one client . . . Anyway, that's one idea. Oh, also, of course don't bother with this route if you have bad credit and/or any criminal history. No savvy business owner wants to hire someone to mess with their money that has anything other than stellar background and credit checks.

My totally random thought . . . If you'd prefer to stay at home, then consider what is "in it for dh" . . . I wonder if you made a focused effort to do things with your "extra" time that pleased dh, made his life easier and more fun . . . that maybe he'd be more supportive of you staying home. When my mom died last summer, and I was then relieved of my major time commitment of caring for her, one of the first things I did after the dust settled . . . was to ask my dh "what can I do with my spare hours each week to make your life happier and easier?"

Awww, well, I don't know that this is fair. It may be much more of, "I think it's a stupid idea (like I think lots of your ideas were, and that's probably something to do with why we are exes) . . . My reasons are x/y/z. But, I'm caving to your whim because I'm trying to be a good guy and let you have your way. That said, I don't plan to pay for your stupid idea, so it's on you." He may be an ass, but he may also just be trying to defer to his kid's mom while setting some boundaries as to how much he has to pay for her choices.

Sounds to me like he agreed in that letter. However, that agreement isn't binding permanently. If he now (or later) changes his mind, that will matter. So, if he's really on board, then, cool, write back, telling him that you do and will assume all financial responsibility for the private school. Your lawyer surely has someone who can/will take care of this for you while s/he is away, OR (and) his/her secretary can and will get hold of him/her to answer your issues. My mom was a lawyer, and so I knew plenty of lawyers. Trust me when I say NONE of them can ever be away from their jobs w/o back up and/or being on call. It's just part of the ethical duty. I'd definitely want to get the lawyer's instruction if there is any chance your ex will have a change of heart later. So, my advice is to get hold of your lawyer. Period.

FWIW, we have the best private insurance plan available in our state. It's the "highest" plan they offer. $1800+ per month for our family. Every provider I've tried in our region participates, and I can go to ANY doctor ANYwhere. And, we have a fully funded HSA with over $5000 available in it, and "I have cash". . .. Nonetheless, we recently had 6 week wait for an initial mental health appointment (would have been 10 weeks if I hadn't made clear we'd take any cancellation at any time/day, which then we did get in after 6 weeks, with 24 hours notice of the new appointment time, and NO input on when it would be). I've heard much worse stories for trying to find a psychiatrist in MANY regions. (Some regions have few if ANY psychiatrists that accept insurance -- cash pay only.) I've spent hours trying to get an urgent CT appointment for my mom (which, when done, found a massive life threatening brain bleed.) Multiple times, including for Mom's CT, I've told people, "We have the best possible insurance. I have cash, and I will bring ANY amount in cash that you want, just give me a rough number, and I'll bring all the had green cash you want . . . I just want it now . . ." Nonetheless, we've waited, because the red tape is so lengthy. Sometimes, like with Mom's CT, a few hours screaming at MANY people have resulted in getting the care I wanted at least that same day. (Sure hope someone somewhere learned something from that, when they saw the CT and wanted to immediately take her to the ICU and bring in the neurosurgeons for the imminently life threatening brain bleed . . . which they had wanted to wait another 24 hours to image . . . ) So, anyway, my point is just that even with the best possible insurance and deep pocket, our current system does not always allow us to get what we want when we need it. I'm all for universal health insurance. Every system has its weak spots, but I'd much rather that a non-profit entity with the best-interests-of-all as their driving force be the gatekeepers than our current system where the gatekeepers are, by definition (as private for-profit corporations), in it for the profit. Period.

We have a very large house that was added on/remodeled with multi-generations in mind (my mom was moving in with us and would be having FT or near FT home health aides around as well as her). We have multitudes (7?) of living spaces in addition to the bedrooms. Yes, it is a monstrosity, lol. Now that Mom has passed on, it is definitely more space than we need, lol A rec room in the basement is great teen space -- allows them to have noisy Xbox/pingpong/air hockey/etc gatherings and stay up all night without disturbing others. Highly recommended if you can make it happen. Put the biggest TV there along with a full out couch and any gaming things . . . and life for teens is good, lol. A finished "bed room" or "office" in the basement (basements often have a large finished rec room and a smaller bedroom/office) with a locking door could be the teen-project room, with the locking door to keep wandering littles out. A pull out futon or sofa in there would even allow for overnight guests on occasion. Most larger houses have at least 2 living spaces on the main floor. The largest family space on the main floor would be for general purpose for the entire family -- couches, TV, contained games. If I had babies, then a basket of infant toys would be in a corner, but other than that, toys live elsewhere (but can come visiting on occasion, lol) A separate living or family room on the main floor would be the main playroom for littles -- for easy supervision when you are in the kitchen/etc. If you have a 3rd main floor living space, or a home office on another floor, that space would be for a school room for general purpose (all ages) but would be little-safe in general. We have a (very) large house as we added on/redesigned when my mom moved in with us. Having many living spaces is/was awesome when we have lots of generations in the house all the time. If you can afford the space, I think you *need* at least 3 living spaces (little play room, general family space, school room) ideally in your shoes. A large basement rec room for teens/games/media would also make it much more comfortable long term, IME. If needed, you can make project spaces in the bigs' bedrooms. (Loft beds with desk space underneath might work well.)

LOL, indeed, I do!

LOL, FYI, I've had 30 years of periods, and I haven't predicted a single one except for the few years when I was on hormonal birth control pills. Not all women are "periodic" or "predictable". No matter how well I know my body, each and every time is a "surprise". Cycles range from 26-100+ days all 30 years, never two periods the same length in a row . . . No signs that it's "coming" (and I tracked cervical mucous for years when trying to conceive, so I'm not squeamish and am in good touch with my body) . . . Even when I tracked my temperature, that never helped predict periods, only ovulation . . .

I share your pain. I have no idea how my kids have not absorbed any of dh & I's work ethic, but they are slobs. One recent thing I've done with my teens is that after dinner, we ALL clean the kitchen/dishes/counters/etc together. Both of us parents plus the kids. Until it's all perfect and clean! It generally takes about 15 min. This has been the best thing I've ever done, and I can't believe I never did it before now. It's about 6-8 weeks since we started, and life is much better. Even the kids admit it has been a great change. Previously, various kids had assigned "kitchen jobs" but getting them to do it, and having an actually clean kitchen at any point in time unless dh &/or I did it, was never happening. Also, over the weeks, I've graduated from me doing routine kitchen chores alongside the kids to me doing the "deeper cleaning" stuff like wiping down the cabinets, pulling out the vacuum, scrubbing the sinks, cleaning the appliances, etc, while the kids are handling the stuff they can "see" like the counters and dishes. Dh can sort mail, put away leftovers, etc . . . So, it's no MORE work for me or dh, as the kids are still doing all their old jobs (and more), but because we are all working together, things just go much smoother and it all gets DONE. So, anyway, that's my late-in-parenthood lesson. Chores done simultaneously are the way to go. If I could start over, I'd have had "cleaning times" throughout the day/week, and we'd have all worked together . . .

Seconding that you are safe to travel back/forth from Reston Town Center to the airport because it is located along the "Dulles Access Road" aka 267/Toll Road. (There is no tolls if you are coming/going from the airport, and those lanes are separate from the tolled road that is for general use. So, there are nearly NEVER delays on the access road.) RTC is less than 5 min/1 mile off the Dulles Access/toll road, just a few lights, not more than 5 min in any traffic unless there is a bizarre accident, in which case you can re-route easily to another exit. I've driven Reston to Dulles hundreds of times in all times of day/traffic. We allow 30 min if we're getting on a plane. 20 min for any other purpose. I've never had a traffic delay, ever, on the Dulles Access Road. That's why it exists. :) All those DC politicians don't want to miss their flights, lol. And, yes, Great Falls will run risks with traffic if it is near a rush hour. (6:30A-9A or 3:30P-7P to be safe). If you're worried about missing a flight, don't go to Great Falls. If the world won't end if you run 30 min late, then Great Falls is alright.

Not Herndon. It's just a little suburban town (used to be hicksville, now it's a nice suburban town). I graduated from Herndon High. :) Reston Town Center is a lovely outside "mall" very upscale with great restaurants, a movie theater, shopping. Reston is much nicer than Herndon. (15 min from Dulles) (I grew up in Reston, and spent lots of time there ever since as my mom lived there until recent years.) Dulles Town Center is not far from Dulles -- it's similar to Reston Town Center, but maybe not as cool as Reston, but it's a bit closer to the airport. The Hazy Air & Space Museum there near the airport is inside, but very, very cool. It's really large, so plenty of space to get the wiggles out. If weather is sketchy, definitely go there! There's a very cool space-craft simulator ride (maybe two), an IMAX theater, and just lots of cool stuff to look at. Great Falls Park (VA side!) is not too far from Dulles, and it would be a great place to do a little hiking and enjoy the outdoors. Reston Town Center is pretty much on your way from Dulles to Great Falls Park. You could stop at RTC for a meal if you have time.

New dentist. For sure. No doubt.

I am 99% sure that if that were me, I'd have marched up to the front desk in my exam gown . . . clutching the gaping gown together with one hand . . . in bare socks or feet, waving my credit card around . . . I wouldn't want to make it easy or pleasant for the office have such an asinine process.

There are GOBS of stretches you can do while waiting around. When I was running high mileage, I typically stretched whenever I was waiting around for anything -- it just became a habit, as my muscles were always *talking* to me, reminding me they needed stretching, lol. There's no magic in stretching, IME. It's just a matter of learning some moves and then incorporating them into your life. The ones I do the most are the ones I learned by having problems . . . If hamstrings were causing me trouble, I'd google up hamstring stretches, choose a couple to learn (5 min), then start doing them . . . FWIW, the most important time to stretch is AFTER exercise. Stretching before is actually rather controversial and many coaches/athletes say that's actually bad for you to stretch "cold" muscles. So, stretch after workouts . . . and, then, IME, incorporate stretches into your waiting around time. Just look for ones that can be done standing, as those are the easiest to do nearly anywhere. I won't list specific stretches, as I think you'd be better off learning them from websites that show pictures and give more detail than I can. Just remember to move SLOWLY and stretch GENTLY. Most experts say to hold stretches a long time, say 60 seconds. I'm not that patient, but I count breaths and aim for at least 20-30 seconds per move, and I move slowly and I know my body, so I don't hurt myself. Also, repeat each stretch at lest 2-3 times because you get a LOT better result on the 2nd/3rd stretch than the first, so if you're aiming to improve, those additional repetitions are very helpful.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Be gentle on yourself for the months to come. Losing a parent is very hard, and when you lose the second parent, leaving you an orphan . . . it really is the end of an era, as you say. You have to recreate yourself in some ways, and that is very hard. (((Hugs)))

ps. In dogs, heart failure is treatable with a number of meds. Some are very cheap. One is pricier. The drugs recommended will vary with the exact stage/type/etc of your dog's disease (if he has heart failure at all). Treating earlier rather than later in many diseases can dramatically improve the chance of a good quality of life or, for that matter, any effective treatment. Think of it like walking on a "bum foot" for 1 mile vs 100 miles vs 1000 miles . . . That "bum foot" may well be a surgical candidate after 100 miles or completely crippled after 1000 miles, whereas might have just needed a splint or rest if you'd stopped walking and got it looked at after just 1 mile . . . Same goes for lots of pet diseases . . . Get it looked at sooner for a better outcome. When people wait until the bitter end to FINALLY take their pet in to the vet, they then find that "there was nothing for the vet to do" so they euthanize. Often time, there COULD have been something great (even easy! even cheap!) to do if the pet had come in earlier. Not many vets are harsh enough to point this out to the owner at the time their pet is dying, but I can assure you this happens all the time, and it drives vets mad with frustration because they know well how much that pet suffered for weeks/months/years before the owner FINALLY brought the poor thing in. Those owners generally leave the vet's never knowing that they really screwed up and tortured their poor pet. I'm not sure whether that is good or not, but I don't know of any better way for vets to handle it, as surely telling them off at the time of their pet's death is not the best course of action. Don't be one of those owners! Also, heart worm disease could be a possibility, too. That's treatable, too. And, of course, the actual veterinarian who will examine your dog may well find something completely different. I'm just wild-ass-guessing. :)

Of course take him to the vet. And, no, don't call for advice. They can't tell you squat without looking at him. There are plenty of things that can be treated reasonably to improve comfort and quality of life. Heart failure, for one (because of the out of breath thing). LOTS of things. Get him checked out by a good vet. Just because you take him in doesn't mean you have to spend unlimited funds or put him through a lot. Vets are used to working with a budget. That's totally fine. Everyone has a budget. Even the vet (for his own pets) . . . Just take it one step at a time, and be upfront and clear with your vet about your goals and limitations. Sometimes a simple (good) exam (say, $50-70) can get you enough information to know what to do. Those hands on your dog and those ears in the stethoscope and that brain analyzing the history and information you give in response to his/her queries . . . have about $400-500k in education behind them . . . They can figure out a lot with that exam. :) Or, there may well be more diagnostics suggested (x-rays, bloodwork, are basic starters). If you can comfortably budget $300-400 for an initial workup, it's likely you can get a lot of information with that. (That's about what an exam, full blood work, and chest or abdominal x-rays might run you at a typical cost-of-living area vet.) But, you can get started with "just" the good exam, and then take things one step at a time. My dh tends to do one thing at a time . . . exam, then either blood or x-rays, then . . . etc . . . to try to get to the answer with the least cost possible. Of course, not every practice is that way, but I'd wager that most are. Just be clear about your needs/budget and listen carefully to your options and the vet's treatment/diagnostic plan. But, it's not cool to just let him suffer, whether it's old age related illness or not. Figure out what it is, then get him comfortable whether or not it is something you can/will treat towards a cure. Palliative care is important. If you can't afford to treat it, and it's painful, then you can decide when it's time to let him go. But, letting a pet suffer and die "naturally" is really not cool IMHO. And, FWIW, it is generally really good for YOU to know what you're dealing with, have a plan, and be comfortable that you are doing right by your dog. And, FWIW, heart failure is relatively treatable in dogs. Plenty of them live many months or years in relative good health on fairly manageable medications, some of which are relatively cheap.

IME Target C9 stuff is pretty good for basic workout garb. It's well priced, reasonably well made, and I've liked the things I've gotten. Everything seems to hold up just fine. I'm not plus sized, but I am sure they carry the C9 (made by Champion) stuff in plus sizes. Check it out. Walmart's Danskin stuff isn't bad, either, but I think the C9 stuff is a bit nicer. I'd look at both places and see what you like.

No, of course not. If my kids were doing things that I found morally repulsive, then I'd cut off the money train, for sure -- before death and after death. If any of my kids "demanded" money from me for anything, I'd have cut off the money train. Demanding money is not cool. That's not how our family culture works. When I've had financial help as an adult from a parent, I respectfully and humbly asked for a loan with clear explanations of rationale and payback schedule, and always honored that debt and repaid in full, with interest, on time, as the first and most primary financial obligation I had. Times I gave money to an elder, the request was similarly respectful. I am quite sure that all financial transactions among other family members have been similarly respectful. Heck, my MINOR children know better than to demand money from their parents. They ask respectfully, and we oblige, or not. And they express appreciation. FWIW, I'm not as concerned about the legality of their expenses/lifestyle, but the morality, you bet. There are plenty of things that are illegal that I have no moral problem with (say homosexuality in many countries around the world or religious freedom in many places. There are plenty of legal things that I find morally repugnant (say, working for the KKK or working in advertising for big tobacco or raising their own children in a religion that I believe to be abusive, or an adult child neglecting or abandoning their own child). There are even a few things that although I have no moral objection to, I just find so personally horrifying and traumatizing (say military service) that if my kid chose to make his life doing that thing, I'd likely be angry enough to redirect their inheritance towards some other objective. And, certainly, if I had an heir who I *wanted* to help but didn't *trust* to respond responsibly to a large inheritance, then I'd have to figure out a way to deal with that. For our minor kids, that'll be in the form of a managed trust which would be managed by an independent adult/financial advisor. I've been struggling with deciding at what age the "kids" should have free access to their entire inheritance, should we die young and leave them very wealthy at an early age. Is 25 old enough to trust them not to squander it? Should you leave a portion until they are 40? Just when do you trust them to take care of themselves and their own children? I hope none of those negatives come into our family's life, but if they did, I'd then have to figure out how to deal with them. My response about not "getting" parents who don't plan to leave their wealth to their kids is more directed to the posters who mentioned parents/grands who appear to have loving relationships with their heirs but have expressed a plan not to leave substantial financial wealth to them. That's what I don't understand. I totally understand not trusting a kid with money and/or not liking a kid enough to want them to have it.

I miss Mom. I miss Dad. I miss Grandma. I miss playing with my brother.

OpenDNS. AND, you must lock down ALL admin accounts for all internet devices/computers. Kids must NOT have admin accounts. AND, any tablets/phones/etc need to have good parental controls in place. Honestly, I wish I'd hired a pro to help me with this stuff when my son hit 10 years old. It's been an arms race all along, and I'm at a handicap because he's much more motivated than I was . . . and he has more free time . . . and he's young and tech-savvy. Best bet, is NO internet capable devices for kids except a desktop in a public space. I wish I'd stuck with that for longer than I did. (And, that means no iPods, tablets, smart phones, etc . . . )

I agree completely about the disgustingness of the entitled attitudes as well as how tragically common it is. That said, I plan to leave whatever we have to our kids +/- grandkids if we live long enough to know them. My parents did likewise, and so have everyone else in my family. Now, my mom was the first of my family to die leaving any substantial assets behind, so we're not a long line of wealth-accumulators, lol, but the general attitude of my extended family is that we take care of each other (up generations and down generations), and I can't imagine not wanting to leave my kids any wealth I can manage to accumulate before I drop. I mean, if I didn't think wealth mattered, then I'd give it away now, right? So, I accumulate it and hold on to it into my old age . . . but then I don't think I should leave it to my kids? Why not? Why wouldn't I want to make their lives a bit easier? To allow them to slow down a bit sooner than I could . . . to allow them to spoil their own grandkids a bit more than I could . . . I guess it's hard for me to understand that mentality. Now, if we were talking many millions of dollars, then, sure I could see contributing much of it to charity or spreading the wealth in other ways, but if we're talking about a more modest family estate . . . I sure would prefer to think that I could make my adult kids' lives a bit easier than not.