My oldest ds finally started a job he was offered a year ago as a senior in college but because of everything just now started. It is a good job with benefits and he is getting started with his 401K and HSA immediately. No one in my family has ever gone straight through school and been settled in a good job before getting tied up with marriage and babies...it is shocking to see my 22 yo actually doing things in an easier way than the rest of us ever chose 😂 My second ds has been struggling mightily trying to finish his degree and get graduated in December as planned. After his first round of tests he has As and Bs. Seriously shocked. He might make it. We will be holding our breath until the diploma is in hand but today it is good news. My third ds got elected president of our state 4-H. He has been working towards this goal since middle school. They would have normally met over the summer and elected officers but because of Covid that was cancelled and they finally held a virtual election. It remains to be seen if he will actually get to do anything (in a normal year he would be traveling the state and beyond as the top student officer in 4-H and attending events and speaking and rubbing elbows with the important people). But even if he doesn't actually get to carry out official duties he is very happy to at least have been chosen by his peers and i'm sure he will preside over and attend some online events. Last week everyone seemed down but this past week was good. Life has been such a roller coaster lately.

It did used to be recommended in October but it has been pushed earlier and earlier over the years. We usually see it advertised at the pharmacies in August. If you can't get into the doctor we have had good luck with grocery store pharmacies just walking in. I remember one year we made appointments at the CVS Minute Clinic early in the day for later that day. It seems all the urgent care and in store clinics are often easier and faster to get into than the regular doctors offices around here.

We got our a month ago I think. The pediatrician I had for my oldest ds (22 years ago) strongly pushed the flu vaccine and as a young mom who hadn't yet been exposed to the anti vaccine messages, I agreed to it without much thought. When my oldest was about five there were multiple flu deaths in the preschool age set in our city and that scared me. We have gotten it most years though might have skipped it when we were without insurance. We never had any side effects and even if the flu wouldn't have killed us, I never wanted to deal with it going through the house if it could be avoided. Once my kids got to be older teens I didn't want them to get the flu and miss weeks of dual enrollment or work or sports or whatever. I always harass my college kids about getting it. I figure they get so run down and they just don't need the stress of missing class or getting behind in their studies. This year I thought it was more important than ever. I just don't want anyone to get sick with anything right now. FYI- if you live near a Publix you can get a $10 gift card for getting a flu shot there. So you can take your family in and then go get Pub Subs for dinner or let your kid reluctant about a shot pick out a treat or something. It makes getting the shot less annoying if you come out with $40-$50 in gift cards like we have.

I think it must be the same personality traits that make people in power think they can get away with crazy affairs and other behavior. And they often do and money makes a lot of problems go away. Maybe it is just ego and they have always been able to be untouched by things regular folks would get hammered by. And they are just SO important they can’t miss a meeting or ceremony or photo op. I don’t understand so much about the world the privileged operate in.

I am not a fan of the president and while I would consider myself a moderate on covid restrictions/masking/etc, I have been frustrated by the cavalier attitude of the president and his party when it comes to covid. I, personally, think there is some middle ground on restrictions and openings and that people can act relatively safely and with common sense without isolating themselves all the time. While I am okay with other people going about their business as they see fit, even if I would not participate, it is different for those in power. If I go on a mom's night out and get covid it is not a matter of national security. So the standard there is different. (Now, I am not ignorant to the effect of community spread on the whole so I don't need to be preached at for saying someone can go on a mom's night out if they feel like it.) But, the moms that get together with their kids at the park are not going to throw the world into chaos if they get sick. What on earth were all these people in power thinking ?!?!?! All that said, I feel nothing but concern and compassion for the president and his family and the whole country. No sense of poetic justice at all. In fact, I think this is the first time I have seen him as a felow human and not some caricature or comic book villain. So, I'm just really sad and concerned. And- I am completely befuddled at how Mike Pence is not effectively the boy in the bubble right now.

I fully expect the local private U my senior does de at to be mostly in person. They actually moved more classes from hybrid/online to fully in person during the first few weeks of fall as they worked out protocols. They have kept cases under control and have, from what we have seen, good compliance with safety measures. The classes that have remained online have been the introductory lectures with 100+ students that they just don't have rooms big enough to distance them. So even if, at registration, it isn't clear what will be in person or online, we can make pretty good guesses based on what we saw remain online this fall.

We cosigned on a car loan (would only do this if kid was very responsible and if I was ready to absorb the payments if needed). It's not for everyone but it was good for us. He got a better rate than he could have on his own, too. We put ours as authorized users on our main credit card and that helps. Can he get a card somewhere he won't overspend? A gas station? Of course he still could go in and buy food and junk on impulse but it isn't as tempting as a VISA. They also usually have a low limit so how much trouble he could get himself in is minimized. I know there are secured cards where you put some money down (like in escrow I guess) and that is to guarantee the card. These are easier to get and one way to start.

Yes, and such people act as though the fact that someone else caused the damage (a kid, a dog, a rainstorm, a dh) they can't possibly be responsible for it. I know someone who always blames someone else in her household, as though she is not responsible if her kid colored in it. It's the kid's fault! I am continually amazed at how self centered people are 😞

Our day to day finances are always stressful but we do have a chunk saved and I like to look at that from time to time for comfort 🙂 I like playing around with online calculators. I'm not saavy enough to always recognize what are good assumptions to make in all the fields. Does anyone here have any online tools they like? Thanks.

Probably not even though I think it is totally OK for you to ask. The conditions we would probably ask would be 1) if we truly couldn't afford it and they could (if everyone was strapped we would take the expense and not further burden the kid) 2) the kid just needed to be more considerate, grow up, etc. I can see how some young adults need that lesson and some don't. If neither of those two conditions existed I would probably take the opportunity to spoil the child. I say that as someone whose two adult dc went away to college and never even returned during summers. They don't come home for extended stays and we don't see them often. We aren't big gift givers, not effusive with affection, etc. and if I have the chance to spoil my adult children and remind them I'm still their mom and always have their back I'll do it. But as soon as the kid became annoying, acting entitled, not contributing, etc. I would go ask because otherwise I would get resentful.

I think with a forecast of 52 and cold rain I would throw the idea of dress clothes out the window! I'm thinking any kind of long skirt/dress/ pants with a sweater and a jacket. Surely no one would expect you to be all dressy in those conditions? Is the reception inside or the whole thing is outside? I think I'd dress however I would to go to a corn maze or pumpkin patch at Halloween 🙂

Thanks. That’s very confusing. We do have a high deductible plan with an HSA for our family. We haven’t claimed him as a dependent since 2018 so that isn’t complicated.

I can see how our family insurance would not allow him to use it for a primary if he had other insurance. That makes sense. We’ll call and make sure. I now remember that every year our family insurance makes me verify that I don’t have any other insurance that should be my primary. I wouldn’t be surprised to start needing to verify that for adult kids at some point too. I’m fine with him using ours as secondary. I am just trying to think through the scenario and figure out what questions he even needs to ask.

Yeah I think it would be worth the hassle. I just can’t see removing him from our plan if it isn’t costing anything for him to be on it, and it is legal.

He is going to fully fund his HSA regardless. Are you saying he couldn’t do that if he had our family as primary?

We have never had access to more than one insurance plan so I'm not clear on how this works. Ds, 22 yo, is starting his first professional job with benefits. He can, as far as I understand, stay on dh's company family policy until age 26 regardless of whether ds company offers him insurance. We just pay a flat family rate so it doesn't cost us anything to keep ds on ours. Ds has access to a very inexpensive plan (like $9 per biweekly pay period). He is very healthy and hasn't had any medical care in the last few years. I think that we should keep ds on ours and he can access the vision and dental without adding those to his own basic plan. But he will still have his own medical in case dh loses his job, etc. Plus, with the low cost plan through his employer, ds can make use of saving in an HSA which he wants to do. Am I misunderstanding something about the law or regulations about keeping ds on our insurance? And, how does that work for ds? He will have coverage through two different insurance plans. Does he pick one to be a primary and one to be a secondary? Does it matter which from a legal perspective? My thought is that he should keep our family insurance as the primary because we as a family will likely meet the deductible before he meets his individually. I'm not sure I'm completely understanding how this works. Anyone with experience with this?

My dh teaches online and it has just gotten progressively worse over 15 years. The number of students who see due dates as mild suggestions and expect to hand in ten labs and all the homeworks and all the quizzes the last week of class is absolutley staggering. It is so many that approach it this way, it has to fly in high school or other online classes. It never crossed my mind as a student that the due date wasn't really the due date. Just a helpful suggestion to stay on track? My dh actually accepts late work (or else everyone would always fail and he would not have a job). His late work penalty is that he just gives a grade and doesn't provide helpful feedback. Just a number grade. He explains this multiple times. He had a student hand in a late lab and he just gave a grade with no feedback. She wrote him a nasty email accusing him of "ganging up on her" and not supporting her success and copied his boss. I'm hung up on the use of the word "ganging" and wondering who she thinks my dh is colluding with to orchestrate her failure. He continually gets demands to send students copies of the pages in the textbook because they don't own it. He gets complaints to his superiors that he penalized students for missing homework they couldn't do because they didn't buy the book. I just don't know when things like due dates and required book purchases became optional and things only the superstar overachievers did. So that rant isn't really related to the writing issues. My kids, who never considered themselves fantastic writers, definitely got to college and realized that whatever we did in homeschool was far superior to what their peers had.

If I borrowed anything I would be over the top about replacing it and then some if something happened. But I won’t borrow stuff. So it is probably true that the people that would be most responsible for returning things are the same people who will just avoid borrowing altogether. My borrowing go wrong story. I had a friend who was kind of OCD about a lot of things and overspending was one of them. And she was kind of flighty. So she “lent” me tons of maternity clothes. I want to say like three or four big garbage bags full. She told me she didn’t want them back and to pass them on when I was done. She had had her tubes tied and was positive she was done and didn’t want them back. She was decluttering and acted relieved I was taking them off her hands. So...I passed them on. I donated them to a crisis pregnancy center that was a favorite cause of this friend who “loaned” the clothes. And, yep, a couple years later she was preparing to sell a bunch of baby stuff in a big consignment sale. She wanted the clothes back. She insisted she never told me to pass them on. I’m positive I wouldn’t dream of getting rid of them if she hadn’t said to, and I’m positive I verified before donation. But she never did believe she had told me she wouldn’t want them back. So it was just a big misunderstanding even though neither party had any ill intent or irresponsibility. I’ve been extremely careful ever since then. We do have some people in our life that we will loan things to with the idea we likely won’t get them back but it is the cost of the relationship and people over things. But, my dh buys only bottom of the line yard tools and equipment for this reason 🙁

I'm sorry about what happened, I would be highly irritated and frustrated all the way around.

Ethnic diversity, ethnic foods and culture, ability to talk a walk on a summer night for an ice cream

My parents did not talk about money with us. We did answer the phone and door when collectors came calling. That is pretty scary for a kid. One of my greatest achievements in life is that my kids have never had utilities cut off for nonpayment, or collectors calling and showing up at the door. So grateful that life hasn't put us in that position and proud we haven't put ourselves in it. My parents were not good with money. My dad made a decent amount but couldn't manage it. Like, he really enjoyed good food and electronics. But then we would get our lights cut off. He didn't even talk to my mom about money. I think she had a rough idea what he made but he did things like buy cars and houses as "surprises". Alot was for show. He didn't eat leftovers or food that came out of the freezer. To him those were things that poor people did. As an adult I am super frugal (use leftovers and the freezer!) When my dad has been around and he has witnessed that he says things like "don't feed your dh leftovers!" or "don't feed my grandkids food out of the freezer. I'll take you out to eat." Yet, when my family has had a major car expense or house repair he has been floored we could pay for it. There's just a disconnect there. Like we shouldn't eat leftovers but he can't believe we can absorb a $3000 expense. ?? Dh came from even worse. Total financial mismanagement with no concept of reality. We, in our mid forties, are doing better and have learned alot but we got married at 21 without no clue and no counsel. We made messes. We do talk to our kids about money. When we would get a medical bill or EOB I would open it and explain how it worked. We make sure they understand how the car insurance works. We have taken our teens with us when buying/financing cars and allow them to see the process and the numbers. My 22 yo ds starts his real job on Monday. Like real job with very signifcant income and retirement benefits, etc. He is consulting with me on all his options and what health insurance he takes etc etc. He's really smart and can learn on his own but why? Why not consult with someone who loves you and has alot of life experience? We have just never thought it necessary to be super private and we are all stronger with open communication about it.

I totally agree. I have wanted him to just slow down (and cut back hours at his job) but you know, when you are 20 a semester feels like forever. In good news the 66 he got in another class was actually an A with a curve. He was extremely excited and surprised because he had pretty much never had a professor curve grades at this school. He was so demoralized having studied really hard and then just done so poorly. Turns out he did better than the rest of the class. For now, he is still hanging in there are has a C or higher in all his classes with just a couple months left to go. I really think if he doesn’t pass everything it would only be one or two he doesn’t. I think he should just take those again in the spring. I think he would pass and if he didn’t he could make sure he was lined up for a general studies degree so he can move on. I’m totally comfortable with that outcome. Thanks, everyone for the brainstorming and sympathy. It is heartbreaking to see how demoralized he is at the thought that he has come so far and is so close but just can’t get it done. But the week ended up better than it started. So we will see.

I have three boys - -ages 22,20, and 17. Each of them would think a grown up room was neutral, masculine (plaid or stripe vs flowers) and minimalist. I would absolutely do the gray walls and red accents. It would suit him until he moved out, would be appropriate for a guest room, and would be simple and fun to update with whatever you choose to do in the future.

My little dog had a bad reaction to whatever shots she got at six months. We got her home and she just went beserk. Running full speed through the house (areas she had never been in before), jumped up on the back of the furniture she had never been on. Her eyes basically looked crazed. She would alternate between sprinting through the house to rolling around on the floor crying. It was really scary. We live close to the very so we took her right back and they gave her benadryl, I think. She calmed down but it was a couple days until she was back to herself. The vet said from now on she needs benadryl with any shots. I'm a new pet owner and not anti-vax for my humans so it wasn't on my radar to be worried about a reaction but we sure will be next time.

So far there doesn’t seem to be any flexibility on the course. But there has to be some way. You can’t get even a general business or management degree from this school without business calculus and two stats classes. There have to be other people who just can’t do it. In fact, when he took the advanced stats in the spring he told me half the class was retaking. I think the degree he can get is called something like General Studies with a business concentration. I need him to talk to his advisor for details but I didn’t want him to think I had given up on him passing. I have just been trying to encourage him to give it his best. He was close last semester- got a D+ and he needed a C- and the test that sank him was the second week of March when he was sick (possibly COVID) and he lost his job and everything was upside down. And he got no grace at all. He had a 68 in the class. So he thought he could find a way to pass. But then he started struggling in some other classes as well so he was just really discouraged earlier this week. But- he had the first of three Stats exams and passed with a 76. So he is not out yet. However, he got a 66 on an exam in another class. Did I mention nothing is ever easy with this kid? Ugh. Also ironic that my oldest ds got an accounting degree without stats or calculus required.